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16 Jul 03 - 11:53 PM (#984878) Subject: BS: Subversive Cheese From: LadyJean A warning for those who may be travelling by air. I went to Kentucky, to visit my cousins last month. I brought along a couple of pounds of cheese for my cousin John. (They live in a small town, where good cheese is hard to come by. John is 89, and in better shape than I am. Cheese will not harm him.) I packed the cheese in my suitcase. Surprise number 1 came when I tried to check my bag. They X Ray them now. Surprise number 2 came when the nice lady put on a pair of surgical gloves, and told me she was going to have to search my bag. "There's a couple of blocks in there. We can't see what they are," she said. The potential bombs were 1 pound smoked cheddar, 1 pound port wine cheddar. At least she didn't unwrap the cheese, or stick her fingers into it. But do pack carefully, give yourself PLENTY of time at the airport, and beware of subversive cheese. |
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17 Jul 03 - 02:19 AM (#984940) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Bert Smart lady that. She thinks there may be a bomb in there but just opens up the bag anyway. |
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17 Jul 03 - 04:20 AM (#984974) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Liz the Squeak So if you want to smuggle a banjo across the border, wrap it in cheese first - you can even use the strings to slice it! LTS |
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17 Jul 03 - 04:34 AM (#984981) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Noreen Surprise number 1 came when I tried to check my bag. They X Ray them now... You've been on another planet since 9/11? |
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17 Jul 03 - 04:41 AM (#984985) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: John MacKenzie What a friend we have in cheeses. |
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17 Jul 03 - 05:01 AM (#984992) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Billy the Bus All our x-rayed grips to bare |
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17 Jul 03 - 06:10 AM (#985009) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: John MacKenzie But if you carry Gorgonzola There'll by no need for X-Rays there. |
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17 Jul 03 - 06:21 AM (#985018) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Billy the Bus You cheated Giok, using two lines... My punchline would have ended... grumble... burppp! OK.... mumble.... But if you carry Corgonzola, Tread softly with a Camambert... BURP |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:19 AM (#985048) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: curmudgeon Lady Jean is not the only person to encounter such absurdities; a story from Annanova can be found here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:34 AM (#985051) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Billy the Bus OK, so they both got let off with a cheesey grin? 'Twill get worse... Cheers - Sam, who has been as far as possible from that BS for a couple of decades. And, it's catching up with me... |
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17 Jul 03 - 08:38 AM (#985079) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: MC Fat I had a mate who was a chef at the local hospital, he had a girlfriend who lived in London and when who could get time off, which could be at short notice, he would fly down from Glasow to London. This was during the IRA bombings and security was tight. He got some time off unexpectedly and phoned his woman and asked if she would like anything she missed bringing down. She asked for some Lorne Sausage (it comes in a square block of about two pounds weight covered with wax paper get the similarity.....semtex). He used to travel light and bought the said sausage bunged it in shoulder bag went off to the airport. He just managed to catch a flight and was running down the corridor to board at the gate, before he could reah the gate a security man stepped out from behind a pillar. 'Can I look in your bag sir' at which point the security man unzipped the bag and put his hand into the bag to feel this waxy soft stuff. 'What have we got here sir ?' he said thinking promotion I've caught a bomber. 'Two pounds of sliced sausage' my mate replies. 'Sure thing sir' security guard says smugly as he picks up the block of sausage 'Bloody hell it is sausage' he shrieks. A true story. |
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17 Jul 03 - 08:55 AM (#985092) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Rapparee You can't bring knitting needles on board an aircraft either, 'cause you might knit an Afghan. Seriously though, you can be searched if any nitrates are detected on you or your baggage. Which means that if you've visited a farm (including "organic" ones), handled any fireworks, fired a rifle as a hunter or as a member of an Olympic shooting team, use nitroglycerin for angina, or, I suppose, squash a hot dog on yourself, you'll set off the detectors. There's a difference between "reasonable precautions" and "official paranoia." |
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17 Jul 03 - 09:35 AM (#985119) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Roger the Skiffler On our recent flights to Greece we've done the sensible things and kept scissors, corkscrew, swisscard etc in our main luggage not carryons. BUT Herself had to fly to Edinburgh on business this week, takes only carry-on bag and had her tiny manicure scissors confiscated but they let her steel tailcomb (with a potentially lethal 3" "tail") through. If she had wanted to attack the pilot, the comb would have been more dangerous than the scissors. Then on the plane, of course, they served wine in glass bottles! RtS |
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17 Jul 03 - 09:48 AM (#985125) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Kim C Yes, well, technically, you don't knit an afghan. A true afghan is made with an afghan stitch - some call it Tunisian stitch - which is made with a really long crochet hook. I realize, though, "afghan" has become a generic term for any knitted or crocheted coverlet. :-) From what I understand, they are letting people take knitting needles on board now. I mean, really, what are you going to do with a knitting needle? Put somebody's eye out, maybe. Does anyone know of a crime that's ever been perpetrated by a suspect wielding a knitting needle? Scissors, though, they still don't like that. I can see a prohibition against full-size scissors, but not the little embroidery scissors. Someone at the Nashville airport had nail clippers taken away from them not too long ago. And a friend of mine bought some powdered henna when she was overseas - they wouldn't let her take it on the plane. I guess you can hide cocaine in it, or something, but why would you want to ruin perfectly good henna? |
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17 Jul 03 - 09:52 AM (#985130) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: MC Fat ..maybe they should try basket weaving.... |
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17 Jul 03 - 10:17 AM (#985149) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Kim C No, you might be able to tie someone up with the oak splits. ;-) |
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17 Jul 03 - 05:53 PM (#985498) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Liz the Squeak Scissors and nail clippers can be used to cut important wires, knitting needles can kill if inserted into the right orifice and with the right amount of force, ditto steel nail files. When you have murderous tendancies, almost anything can be a lethal weapon..... LTS |
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17 Jul 03 - 06:01 PM (#985507) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Rapparee You're dead right, LtS, but leave out the word "almost." Hands, arms, feet and foreheads can be quite deadly. So can shoestrings, belts, pencils, ballpoint pens, laptops, cell phones, and, I suppose, pocket lint. A rolled up newspaper or magazine, and the airlines supply those. As I said, official paranoia. Frankly, the US should have followed the European model -- I actually felt safe at Heathrow, Gatwick, Shannon, and Dublin. |
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17 Jul 03 - 06:37 PM (#985532) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Folkiedave Back to cheese. Four of us visiting a friend in the States from Sheffield. We asked her if there was anything she missed from the UK and she said Wensleydale cheese. Unbeknown to us our friends had done the same. So my wife and I appraoched customs at Atlanta I declared about eight different types of Wensleydale cheese............the guy thought we were crackers (!!) and took a look at them all.. Next in line our friends. They declared exactly the same thing!! Dave |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:00 PM (#985540) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: michaelr Ah, Wensleydale... shades of Wallace and Gromit! |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:10 PM (#985551) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Red and White Rabbit No cheese Gromit - try raggys tent at Saddleworth festival this weekend |
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17 Jul 03 - 07:35 PM (#985564) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: GUEST Talk about lethal weapons: an acquaintance of mine keeps two toothbrushes and a length of dental floss in her carry-on bag. Instant garrote. Nobody's confiscated *them* yet... |
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18 Jul 03 - 03:34 AM (#985725) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: katlaughing Check these out: Knitting needles and murder (fictional) and this from Ananova: take those needles away! |
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18 Jul 03 - 09:04 AM (#985885) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: HuwG A friend of mine was doing some computer contract work in the Netherlands. A (British) friend of his who was already over there, asked him to bring some confectionary she was very fond of but could not obtain in the Netherlands, with him; namely, Cadbury's Cream Eggs. He also put his Walkman in the case. So, as he goes through the X-ray machines at the ferry terminal in the Hoek van Holland (sp), his suitcase contains a small box with circuitry, and 12 oval opaque objects, about the size of small hand-grenades (Cream Eggs are wrapped in foil). It was all sorted out in the end, though he had to eat one of the Eggs to prove it was innocuous. This apparently revolted the Dutch customs guys, even though they are supposed to remain unmoved at what people- and drug-mugglers can do. |
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18 Jul 03 - 09:14 AM (#985893) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Noreen LOL Huw! |
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18 Jul 03 - 11:03 AM (#985967) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: GUEST,Desdemona at work I have to say this is probably the most irresistible thread title I've yet seen...and it puts me in mind of the time my mother smuggled 14 frozen pork pies and a 5 lb double Gloucester home from England, nestled between her sweaters and nightgowns...! |
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18 Jul 03 - 03:17 PM (#986122) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Liz the Squeak But there's a border guard at Portbou who will never be the same again after a certain short fat hairy person with a penchant for kilt wearing offered to delcare the extra bottle of port he had stashed in his case. To protect it he'd wrapped it in his dirty laundry.... bearing in mind, this was the going home journey..... and the case had been sitting in the sun for a long time.... The zips were unfastened, the lid flipped open. The guard took a step backwards muttering words that you'll never find in any Spanish or French dictionary and waved him through without further charge. Strange how socks and Tshirts can resemble finest aged Gorgonzola with just a hint of rotten egg..... LTS |
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18 Jul 03 - 06:29 PM (#986249) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Bill D LOL!..wonderful! ...about airports: they have a routine at boarding gates in the US. Even after you have passed first security, they randomly select several passengers for 'extra' checks(a computer just spits out several numbers of boarding passes)...this gives the interesting scene at times of some little old lady and a paunchy businessman being asked to remove their shoes and empty their carry-on luggage, while swarthy young men with accents shuffle by un-impeded. (profiling, we KNOW is objectionable...*grin*) |
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18 Jul 03 - 06:48 PM (#986273) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: EBarnacle1 A year and a half ago, I was shepherding some kids on board the USS Constitution. The inspectors wanted to confiscate my keychain penknife. There seemed to be some fear that I would hijack this classic square rigged sailing ship and actually take her to sea for more than her annual turnaround. I wonder whether their fantasy or mine was greater. |
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19 Jul 03 - 12:39 AM (#986403) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: JennieG A lady I know was waiting to board a plane and as she is a quilter, had a small sewing case with her containing 2 or 3 needles, thread, etc. It was going to be confiscated. She then pointed out men who were waiting to board the same plane who had sharp pointed pins on their belt buckles and asked that the belts be confiscated if her sewing case was; also a lady wearing a brooch pinned to her lapel. After some hasty mumbling among themselves the guards waved her on - WITH her sewing case. And no, they didn't take the belts or brooch either. Cheers JennieG |
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19 Jul 03 - 03:06 AM (#986427) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Liz the Squeak There is a point where paranoia kicks in over common sense.... kneejerk reactions always end up being worse than the original problem. Of course, now everyone is looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction, sharp pointy objects and lethal cheeses, it means the bona fide smugglers are sneaking all sorts of other stuff in.... when you are only looking for one thing, you only ever see that one thing. LTS |
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19 Jul 03 - 05:24 AM (#986451) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: GUEST,Desdemona Yes, a colleague & I were returning home from a conference a few months ago, and had already had the return trip from hell--flight cancelled, terrible weather, had to drive 2 hours to another airport unless we wanted to sat another day (we didn't!), blah, blah, blah. SO---after finally arriving at our hotel (for which we were vexed enough to make the airline give us a voucher)at 12.30am, and a 3am wake-up call, we were the "randomly selected" passengers given the privilege of having our undergarments scanned, luggage (again--dirty laundry!) rifled through, gifts for our kids inspected, fee inspected, et al. At which point we were so exhausted that we just started laughing hysterically because things had gone so badly already that we really weren't even surprised...we just wondered what might be next! D. PS---Am just arrived in the beautiful UK (got off the plane at 6.30am local time) after a *totally* smooth & uneventful trip---saints be praised!!! |
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19 Jul 03 - 12:10 PM (#986586) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Mr Red Pack your bags Caerphilly no Red Leicesters under the beds either. |
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19 Jul 03 - 06:08 PM (#986704) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: KateG A generously proportioned friend of mine has taken to wearing pull-on sports bras whenever travelling. It seems that the hooks and underwires in her normal corsetry are enough to set off metal detectors, and she got tired of being groped (however politely) whenever she flew. |
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19 Jul 03 - 06:18 PM (#986709) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: McGrath of Harlow You could combine a cheese with a pretty good biological weapon, if you had the mind to. "...some little old lady and a paunchy businessman..." That is exactly the way any rational terrorist would be likely to dress, surely, instead of "swarthy young men with accents"? I've suggested that everyone flying on airlines or charter planes should have to hand in everything they've got, and everything they are wearing. Then travel wearing overalls or pyjamas issueed on the spot by the airline, and piuck up their stuff at the other end. If one result was to cut down the number of people who found it necessary to travel, all the better. |
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19 Jul 03 - 07:06 PM (#986738) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Gareth Oi ! leave off the criticism of Caerphilly. That, the Castle, and antics on Clapham Common are our only claim to public fame ! Gareth |
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19 Jul 03 - 07:10 PM (#986742) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: McGrath of Harlow You glide swiftly past Charlotte Church and Catherine Zeta-Jones, I note... |
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19 Jul 03 - 07:16 PM (#986747) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Donuel Our middle school had an earth science field trip to FL On the way back several students had water samples from the swamp that was to be tested later. Before a chaperone knew what was happening a security guard had forced a child to drink the swamp water. The child vomited on the plane but recovered in a couple days none the worse for suspicious subversive behior. |
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19 Jul 03 - 07:21 PM (#986751) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Strick When I flew through O'Hare right after last Christmas, I was warned not to be careful going through the security check point. The new gear for identifying explosives couldn't distiquish between C4 and fruitcake. Maybe it knows something we don't. |
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19 Jul 03 - 09:46 PM (#986805) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Bill D "That is exactly the way any rational terrorist would be likely to dress,....." ummmm...I suppose it would be handy to find someone like that willing to do the 'job'...but it is hardly likely. And 'rational terrorist' is rather a category error, if I may say so,(though I see your point). "...everyone flying on airlines or charter planes should have to hand in everything they've got..." etc...sure, then the terrorists will shrug and blow up a train or a bus (and probably on a bridge or in a tunnel). I suspect they are just as happy to be making us spend these hundreds of millions of $$$ searching ladies for knitting needles while they plan an attack on a power plant or reservoir. |
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19 Jul 03 - 10:33 PM (#986818) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: LadyJean My cousin lives in Burlington, Kentucky. When I visit, I fly to the Cincinnatti airport, which is just up the road, in Florence Kentucky. (Cinncinnatti is in Ohio, as some mudders may not know.) Since 9/11 my chief problem has been the 9 screws that hold my left arm together. (I had a collision with a basement floor some years ago.) I beep metal detectors. I check my luggage, with my knitting inside, at the gate. Until now, all they've done is asked if I've had it out of my sight, or if anyone gave me anything to carry onto the plane. Now, they x ray the thing, and inspect my cheese. I don't beep metal detectors anymore, though. Those cheese puns smelled worse than limburger. I appreciated them greatly. "Pack your bags Caerphilly!" |
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20 Jul 03 - 04:50 AM (#986901) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: John MacKenzie I notice Gareth also ignores the embarassing fact that the present prince of Wales is an Anglo/German/Greek, who talks to plants! Maybe that's what was happening on Clapham Common that night; yes that's the answer, he was talking to the trees. I talk to the trees That's why they put me away! La la lala la. No honestly I don't need a coat this weather. Giok |
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20 Jul 03 - 06:34 AM (#986924) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Gurney I've shared McGrath's opinion for some time, passengers in dressing-gowns, with the addition that the luggage should be towed behind the plane in a glider, with a pilot on danger-money and possibly el-cheapo all-care, no-responsibility seats... "This is a Hijack!!! I have swallowed explosive and if you do not surrender control I shall stick my finger in the light-socket!!" |
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20 Jul 03 - 08:45 AM (#986955) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: CapriUni All this is reason why I will not fly... I use a motorized wheelchair, and I just know, with its battery and wires and motor, that it would be taken apart and inspected by personel who don't know the first thing about wheelchairs. If / when they can't put it together again, I lose all my independence until I can get it fixed or replaced -- wouldn't even be able to go from side of the room to the other without help... I have greater fear of the secrurity people than I do of the terrorists, frankly. Which is why I've decided that all my traveling will be over Earth's surface from now on -- at least, that way, I have a reasonable expectation of having my chair in my posession for the whole journey. ... So, do cruise ships still go across the oceans, or are they just for trips along coasts, to the tropical islands? |
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20 Jul 03 - 10:19 AM (#986978) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: McGrath of Harlow I can't see why finding a terrorist who can look like a paunchy businessman would be a particular problem. If you aren't rational within the area what yiou are trying to do, you couldn't be very effective as a terrorist. Alright, what you are doing might be raving lunacy, but that's another matter. The same applies on a much larger scale for the people who operate nuclear missile systems, they're engaged in something conpletely insane, but they have to be rational while they are doing it. |
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21 Jul 03 - 09:11 AM (#987425) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Dave the Gnome On our first trip to the states (pre 9/11) we had all manner of foodstuffs in the luggage. I was a little worried when I saw the list of restricted items (including cheese!) some of which were in the cases. The very very nice man at Atlanta said 'English eh? First trip to the US?' 'Yes' replies I. 'Anything to declare?' he asks. Before I can reply he grins 'Just say tea and biscuits. It's what everyone brings.' 'OK', I say. 'tea and biscuits.' 'Next...' Very different now I guess. Anyroads. Whats wrong with us fat businessmesn being terrorists? I'll get the Gnome Liberation Army an you mate! Cheers Dave the Gnome |
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21 Jul 03 - 03:06 PM (#987616) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Mr Red Gareth Cosher Bailey's MP Ron, well he stop a while in Clapham Lost his car and job, though he still don't know what happen Was you ever saw, was you ever saw........................ Ya gotta smile or the bloody politicians will win. For a US translation think Chappaquidick without the loss of life and you get the idea - almost. |
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22 Jul 03 - 09:25 AM (#988071) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: catspaw49 LadyJean.......Ever since my bypass in '97 I have been tripping metal detectors (sternum stapled together). Then the addition of a St. Jude's mitral valve added a bit more metal inside with the bonus of the fact that under the right conditions you can hear the thing make a ticking noise as it opens and closes. Although the metal detectors are generally tripped, so far no one has noticed my chest is also ticking. With these days of suicide bombers I do get a bit nervous so I carry my St. Jude's registration card and a letter from my Doctor. And to be completely pedantic.......It's "Cincinnati" and you are far from alone in the doubling of letters mistake. Also the airport is in Erlanger, not Florence (as if it matters a ratshit). Spaw |
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22 Jul 03 - 01:30 PM (#988243) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie I guess because I'm not the murderous type, I have a hard time imagining a #2 bamboo knitting needle as a lethal weapon. ;-) |
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22 Jul 03 - 01:47 PM (#988255) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: GUEST,MMario I don't actually; but there are so *many* potentially lethal objects about people that to eliminate something like knitting needles or crochet hooks is silly - unless they are also going to eliminate pens, pencils, paper clips, ties, shoelaces, etc, etc, etc. |
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22 Jul 03 - 04:41 PM (#988360) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Liz the Squeak I dunno... remembering some of the stuff my mother knitted, they can be VERY offensive weapons! LTS |
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23 Jul 03 - 06:45 AM (#988671) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: nickp I gather that bars of chocolate can confuse the airport machines too - they look like blocks of explosive..... which is the effect they have on my waistline! |
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23 Jul 03 - 06:52 AM (#988677) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: nickp And as I hit the submit button I suddenly remembered... About 8 years ago our clogging team went to France (from the UK to put it in perspective) and on our way back stocked up the boot (trunk) of the car with garlic and local soft cheeses and other irrelevant souvenirs - to say nothing of sweaty socks and grubby costumes. OK so far, but this is a very very hot weekend, a long car journey and a long ferry trip... Guess who got stopped for a check at the customs on entry? Except that the officer who asked to see in the back of the car lifted the lid about 2 inches - and shut it again in a hurry! No further checks for contraband (not that there was any) but I have to say the cheese nearly made its own way home! |
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23 Jul 03 - 11:05 PM (#989303) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: LadyJean I went to Maryland with two friends, years ago. The one with the car decided to bring a bunch of Maryland crabs home to his mother. ( I think they were alive when we left.) He put them in the trunk/boot of his car. A week later, you could still smell them. |
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24 Jul 03 - 12:38 AM (#989353) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: JennyO Only a week? I've had forgotten things in cars that managed to leave a smell for months! |
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24 Jul 03 - 07:13 AM (#989382) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: HuwG It might be worse. Someone once ordered live lobsters for a British Army officers mess' in Northern Ireland. The delivery driver went to the kitchen door. Nobody answered when he knocked, so he left the parcel on the doorstep, with a note. Meanwhile, the angry lobsters were clicking their claws as they tried to get out and back to see. The first cook to see the parcel heard the clicking, and didn't care to read the note; he just alerted the entire camp that there was an IRA bomb by the officers' mess. So, a Wheelbarrow [a remote-controlled tracked vehicle, which holds lots of tools for bomb disposal at a safe distance] was deployed; it "disrupted" the parcel with a "controlled explosion". Translation; the unfortunate crustaceans were instantly reduced to sandwich spread. |
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25 Jul 03 - 03:57 AM (#990233) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: DMcG There's an article in today's Guardian about someone who tried to take uncooked puff pastry through customs and got their luggage blown up (suspected semtex) |
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25 Jul 03 - 01:13 PM (#990567) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: gnomad Also on BBC. subversive pastry? |
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25 Jul 03 - 03:00 PM (#990634) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Folkiedave best thread for ages..........refresh!! Dave |
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25 Jul 03 - 05:19 PM (#990736) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: McGrath of Harlow I'd have thought that it'd be quite possible to make a blend of Semtex and cheese that would still be explosive, but would still have all the appearance of cheese... The thing to remember though, is never ever make any kind of jokey remarks about any of the explosive potential contents of your baggage when you are going through custioms or security. People have been faced with really hefty jail sentences for that kind of thing. |
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26 Jul 03 - 09:03 AM (#991032) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: John MacKenzie I thought that some cheese slices actually were Semtex, they certainly don't taste much like cheese. Giok |
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26 Jul 03 - 09:59 AM (#991057) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Liz the Squeak Ah yes, not noted for jolly humour, those Customs and Excise people.... A merry quip and a sarcastic comment can have you probed quicker than you can say 'that's the red channel'. LTS |
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06 Dec 03 - 12:32 AM (#1066542) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: LadyJean Since cheese is a popular Christmas gift, I thought I'd revive this thread. |
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06 Dec 03 - 09:12 AM (#1066648) Subject: BLESSED ARE THE CHEESE MAKERS From: Donuel What a friend we have in cheeses Chedder munster and Guryere But what a hassle tis to carry past security at US Air. O what peace we often forfeit O what needless pain we bear All because we carried cheeses on board a flight of US Air. We were fondled and then X-rayed Because of troubles in the air The screener had trememdous courage to plunge their hands in underwear. Did we seem a fiend unfairhful who would bomb without a care Jesus is our cheese a weakness in security at US Air. Are we weak from ol bin Laden cumbered with a load of care. The guards ran to seek some refuge from tin wrapped cheese we had to share. Do the guards despise, forsake you? at air ports everywhere They are armed and may likely shoot you if they find some cheese in there. By the time this made the papers the head line was in gross error. Capture, praise and endless worship for the guards at US Air. by Don Hakman - because of you guys. |
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06 Dec 03 - 10:00 AM (#1066666) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Peg I missed this thread over the summer because I was away camping for a month... Once, flying from Logan to Florida (yes, THAT Logan airport), I had a four-inch Bowie knife in my carry-on. Two security guys had a pissing contest over what to do, I stayed mum. One w asnted to confiscate it, one just wanted to wrap it in duct tape and put it at the bottom of my bag and tape my bag shut. The tape won in the end. I could not even bring a book of matches through Logan security recently. They have spent a lot of money recently on international flag banners and new video monitors that unspool endless advice at the security checkpoint ("please remove your shows, please place laptops in the grey bins only"), which is ignored by everyone and ends up saving no time. At least they have finally gotten rid of the jack-booted thugs with machine guns patrolling the place after 9-11. re: henna; I am curious; was this confisacted by customs officials in the US? Because I got some in England that nearly was too. I got it at an open air market, it was wrapped in clear plastic, as opposed to the sealed packages one gets at the body Shop or Lush. One official thought it was some odd plant substance, but the other understood what henna was once I explained and said it was all right. I just wish there wasn't a law against bringing back English bacon...but no meat or dairy products are allowed. |
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06 Dec 03 - 11:09 AM (#1066704) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Cluin Cheese IS dangerous. You can use it to bind a person. |
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06 Dec 03 - 05:31 PM (#1066933) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: The Fooles Troupe And that can be A Real Tearer... :-) |
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07 Dec 03 - 03:29 PM (#1067372) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: GUEST,pdq The pasteurized stuff called "American cheese" can easily be confused with C4 plastic explosive, at least to the untrained eye. |
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08 Dec 03 - 10:37 AM (#1067787) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Dave Bryant I wonder if they'd notice a large bottle of marmite with a detonator in it - a mobile phone battery would set off the detonator with no trouble. I know somebody who caused a panic because they had two large slabs of marzipan in their bag. When they x-rayed my guitar case, they got upset about: my curly guitar lead, the internal pickup lead which looked like a big fishook, and the electronic tuner. |
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08 Dec 03 - 06:53 PM (#1068059) Subject: RE: BS: Subversive Cheese From: Dave the Gnome Is a big fishook a fishook that is big, a big hook for an average sized fish or a average sized hook for a big fish? Just want to know. :D |