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Punch the Horse in September

02 Sep 03 - 04:21 AM (#1011030)
Subject: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

They are playing at
Sat 13th=Driffield Rugby Club
Sat20th=Durty Nellies, High Street, Hull
Fri 26th =Hope And Anchor South Ferriby.
Other local things =
tonight Session at Coach n Horses, Barton on Humber
, 1st Tuesday Folk Club at The Processed Pea, Etton.
Thursday=openining night of Folk Club at The Marlborough Club, Newstead Street, Hull, ALL welcome, starts at (pm.

There is loads of other local stuff happening, details will be posted soon, I think Cottingham Folk Club opens tomorow, after there summer break, anyone know for definet?

02 Sep 03 - 05:22 AM (#1011057)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Don't know jOhn, I think they have a website somewhere.

02 Sep 03 - 02:41 PM (#1011407)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa

Cottingham Live will be at the new venue, the Northern Foods Social Club, Millhouse Woods Lane, Cottingham, from Wednesday September 10th.

It's easy to find; travelling along Northgate from Endyke Lane/Cottingham road area cross over the level crossing and it's the second turning on the right. The club is at the end of the lane and there is free parking. Hope to see some of you there.

03 Sep 03 - 12:14 PM (#1012052)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Hey where is everyone its the 3rd this thread should have at least 100 posts by now!

WAKE UP!

03 Sep 03 - 12:53 PM (#1012069)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

What? Where am I?

03 Sep 03 - 02:01 PM (#1012117)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

I have developed rickets in my ear which is causing me to walk with a lisp. Can anyone help?

04 Sep 03 - 07:41 AM (#1012582)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Ayatolla

It is not well known that the Prophet was a rural type.

    Sayings of the Prophet:

                         No 3)"Nobody ever hunted sheep for fun".

                               A. Jay'bee.

04 Sep 03 - 11:24 AM (#1012661)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

Nice to see that you have all survived the recent Martian attack. So, what say we nip over to Durty Nellie's for a pint? Why does Oakley have that thing on his face?

05 Sep 03 - 07:42 AM (#1013246)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Is the lack of interest in this thread due in any part to the impending retirement from the band of Mr Peter Dean, or perhaps the relocation of the lovely Niknak to foreign climes has damped everyone's enthusiasm. Has the acorn lost his idiosyncrasy, (please God) (if anyone finds it bury it quick)or we all bored.
If music be the food of love why don't Rabbits sing

05 Sep 03 - 10:21 AM (#1013341)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Hello,

I'm sure I'll have something to contribute when I'm feeling better. Keep up the drivel.

05 Sep 03 - 05:30 PM (#1013561)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

I've just met Niknaks dad, what a top notch fellow!

06 Sep 03 - 05:20 AM (#1013809)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

Oh my, where is everyone....

Are musicians known to hybernate at this time of year or something...?

06 Sep 03 - 10:20 AM (#1013882)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: saulgoldie

If I may, please. Just what is "Punch the Horse?" I tried to figure it out from reading this and other threads, but I cannot.

06 Sep 03 - 06:23 PM (#1014049)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa

Hi Saul
Here they are http://www.mudcat.org/photos/photo_page.cfm?file_name_sent=oakley

07 Sep 03 - 06:24 AM (#1014258)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags

I will echo that smallpipes!What a smashing chap.He came to the gig in Beverley last night intending only to stop for an hour.He enjoyed himself that much he was last seen wandering round "Nellies" car park at 1.30 am singing "The leaving of liverpool" and asking were he could buy a Bhodran!!!!!!!

07 Sep 03 - 08:03 AM (#1014289)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: saulgoldie

Thanks, Willa.

07 Sep 03 - 04:23 PM (#1014490)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

Bloody hell, you lot are being awful quiet.

07 Sep 03 - 06:56 PM (#1014568)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Mum's the word

08 Sep 03 - 12:54 PM (#1014843)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

I've never got that saying..!! What excatly does it mean Raggy??? And why 'mum' anyway?

08 Sep 03 - 01:30 PM (#1014866)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa

mum: to act in a mime (like those in a mummers play)- so 'mum's the word' means say nothing.

08 Sep 03 - 01:34 PM (#1014869)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Mums the word is to keep what is told to you as a profound secret, possibly from Mumchance which was a game with dice in which silence was indispensable.

09 Sep 03 - 05:51 AM (#1015294)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Anyonegoing to the Barton session tonight?

09 Sep 03 - 06:05 AM (#1015298)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8

I'm trying to interest my husband, but he may be on a French trolleybus. I will be sporting my aerophone, and a curious bakelite ukelele.

09 Sep 03 - 07:04 AM (#1015321)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Ayatolla

Shall be at the Coach and horses, Barton for the last time tonight for a while - going on Hadj to Wales (Mecca's short for Mechunthleth so I'm told).

Sayings of the Prophet No. 4)"All oyster shells are different, but all oysters are the same". (you can substitute many things for oysters like cats, folk musicians or women)

A. Jay'bee.

09 Sep 03 - 07:39 AM (#1015340)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

We are SP, how did the move go?
May I take the opportunity to remind people that we're having a bash on 12th Sept. & to reassure them that we will not force people to stand outside all night on the new decking in the rain/cold just because we've worked hard all bloody summer. Just look at it & say 'that's absolutely wondeful, better than Groundforce could have done' then retreat inside for curry & some tunes!!

09 Sep 03 - 07:42 AM (#1015342)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8

Kazza, try stirring the Tunes into the curry, and you may have set upon a remedy for the common cold.

09 Sep 03 - 09:01 AM (#1015395)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

The move went ok .. if fact to look at the place you'd think she's been living there for a long time and it suits her. I think that she will be fine and happy there.

See you tonight folks

09 Sep 03 - 09:21 AM (#1015411)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

The Move ............didn't they do Goodbye Blackberry Way

09 Sep 03 - 09:45 AM (#1015425)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Probably but we're talking about Niknak's move north - tune name in there I think.

09 Sep 03 - 10:15 AM (#1015435)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

Well?

09 Sep 03 - 10:22 AM (#1015442)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Hello Little Hawk.

09 Sep 03 - 10:46 AM (#1015460)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

The level of drivel on this thread is disappointingly low. I have been away in deepest Whitby for a week, hence my non-contribution. And what a splendid time it was too, marred only by my attendance at a singaround on board the Grand Turk...

09 Sep 03 - 10:57 AM (#1015470)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Oh, and the written warning I found on my desk on monday morning. Welcome back, people!

09 Sep 03 - 11:12 AM (#1015484)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

What on earth do you mean welcome back, people! We haven't been away!

Well? yes I'm fine thank you little hawk and you?

KJ walking with a lithp is not good for you see oaklet for a fine example of.......... well nothing really just a fine example.

A written warning apertaining to phwat deanie?

09 Sep 03 - 11:30 AM (#1015506)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

SP desist sir in besmirching oaklet's character. He is a prime example, an example to us all. We should all follow Oaklets example & encourage the growth of fungoid life forms on various parts of our anatomy, bed all of the DGP & have furtive liasons with next-door neighbours. In fact Oaklet is God, we ought to bow down on our knees before him & adore him......shit what is this stuff I'm smoking?

09 Sep 03 - 11:41 AM (#1015518)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Fusileer Empire Agony Shag. A whole ounce.

09 Sep 03 - 12:55 PM (#1015572)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

Fusilier's did indeed shag merrily across the Empire & many suffered agonies as a result of picking up various disgusting infections. The Lancashire Fusilier's were the best I'm told.

09 Sep 03 - 12:57 PM (#1015576)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

PS. A Fusil is a light musket as opposed to a heavy one.

09 Sep 03 - 03:14 PM (#1015647)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

like I said KJ a fine example!

09 Sep 03 - 11:45 PM (#1016012)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

I say, chaps! If you want a good dollop of old BS just amble on over to the MOABS threads. Tweed is a regular there. He's absolutely mad. Seriously, mate, if it's drivel you want, the MOABS is the place to be.

Aside from Hull, that is...

- LH

10 Sep 03 - 12:05 AM (#1016030)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

heloo lickle hawk, waht you doibg awake? 9 its 5am in the morniing!

10 Sep 03 - 03:17 AM (#1016078)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST

hell o joh n

10 Sep 03 - 03:20 AM (#1016080)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

get lost guest, 9guest is bad.joihn

10 Sep 03 - 03:37 AM (#1016087)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST

sorry john did not mean to upset we will talk later

10 Sep 03 - 03:40 AM (#1016089)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

GUESt-are you local?
or do you know the words to Good year for the roses, if answer to them is no then get lost.john

10 Sep 03 - 03:52 AM (#1016095)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST

yeah john its countying corws.

What a good yer for the roses
Many blomes still linger there
The lawn could stand anoter mowin'
Funny I don't even care
As you turn to walk away
As the dore behind you closes
The only thing I have to say
It's been a good year for the roses

10 Sep 03 - 03:55 AM (#1016100)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

heers guest, and mooman aready sended the words, are you local?

10 Sep 03 - 03:57 AM (#1016101)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST

yeah

10 Sep 03 - 04:04 AM (#1016105)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

where you from then, which posty area? i;m in HU5
and did you got the words to Shipbuilding, biy elivis costello?

10 Sep 03 - 04:09 AM (#1016110)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST

cottingham Road by chanterlands we listen on the ferry.

10 Sep 03 - 04:13 AM (#1016112)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Does anybody want to buy a photocopier? I need to sell some. NOW.

10 Sep 03 - 04:15 AM (#1016114)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST

what type and price?

10 Sep 03 - 04:18 AM (#1016115)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

anyway=it smells of dust in here, i just put my central heting on, and now theres a really dustry smell,
ps-if that next door neebour bloke doesent stop putting his rubbish imn my bin, i am going to burn his house down, so he;d better watch it, and the postman keeps putting bills here in my box, i told him before " i said "HOY, Dont put no bills in my box!, he give some shitty excuse, [my job or somesuch bullshit], so i put i sign on my dore, 2NO BILLS HERE", he still bloodt put them here, stupif!, i pay all my gas , leccyt and water, in by card each week, at post ofice, so all other post is rubbish, and i dont want it, i told him, "dont put no posts here", anyway i stood in front of the letter box one day, and i said " if you put any post here, i put it straight in back in your bag, he gave me a bad look, and said "shut up weirdo, and2 and he just threw it on the floor, i will report him next time.,
so he better watch it, they cant make you have post, if you dont want it, bloody rip off.if he starts making trubble, i will give him a slap.john

10 Sep 03 - 04:20 AM (#1016117)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Toshiba. From littlies to biggies.

10 Sep 03 - 04:21 AM (#1016118)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

and serves himright, the arseole, anyway, i will throw some stones at him from the kichen window, and serve him right, how do you spell kichen?

10 Sep 03 - 04:40 AM (#1016123)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

GUEST-Do you know who I am?
I'm the one with the Ozzy Osbourne haircut and glasssis.
demister-waht you on about-Toshiba, my video, is Toshiba, its crap, it dosent record no more, it plays ok, but not record, most telly is shit anyway, how do you record digical telly then?

10 Sep 03 - 05:16 AM (#1016130)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Hey chaps and chapesses, I think you should have a look at the thread entitled BS September 19th. Visit the website that is linked and seriously consider that we should take this on board whole hartedly.

10 Sep 03 - 05:40 AM (#1016140)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

Wahey,this is great, i'm on the net and sending an post in my lesson and not gettin told off for it...college is GREAT!!!!

10 Sep 03 - 06:09 AM (#1016147)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

get on with your work girl!

10 Sep 03 - 06:27 AM (#1016154)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

We'll start early!
Arrrrrr me hearties, weigh anchor on C & K's deck, Friday 12th 8 bells onwards, swashle your lasscut, buckle yor bodkins, flay the fiddlers, arrrr, arrrr, arrrr.....er!
Walking the plank optional, bear9hoi? served by comely buxom wenches?????
What is this stuff I'm smoking!!!!!

10 Sep 03 - 07:00 AM (#1016163)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

That was Colin Thompson.

10 Sep 03 - 07:13 AM (#1016167)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Thought I'd do a bit of research r.e the room we occupy on Tuesday nights. It's the formica altar, bent candles, flashing disco lights, game of Twister & big mallets that bother me.So here goes:
Antediluvian: Referring to the time before the flood????
Colloquially..utterly out of date!!

For Colin's benefit, our friends in the photos are not wearing envelopes within which are placed buffalo bollocks, they are indedd aprons. Originally they were a peice of animal skin fastened around the body & tied with two tapes which came to a bow in the front. Since the bow could become unfastened whilst working, a piece from the top of the apron was folded over to protect the bow, hence the resemblence to envelopes. Perfectly practical and logical.

The RAOB was created by the stage hands & theatre technicians of Drury Lane in 1822 as they were denied entry to the Order of the City of Lushington which consisted of artists and actors.

The purpose of the order is described as "the pursuit of Brotherhood".
The conception of Brotherhood is firmly based on the family principle, that the total power and strength of the family shall be available to the individual in accordance with his need, but the point must be made at once, that the degree to which needs can be met depends entirely on the loyalty to that principle of each member of the family.

I'm getting bored now.

10 Sep 03 - 07:16 AM (#1016169)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Oaklet that was me. Correction of spelling mistakes in previous posting. Indedd...read indeed & peice...read piece. There! I think I'll go and watch some paint dry otherwise I'm going to become really sad.

10 Sep 03 - 08:01 AM (#1016188)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

I have just picked all the blown vinyl bubbles off 2 square feet of wallpaper.

10 Sep 03 - 08:21 AM (#1016200)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Oaklet I really want to ask why but am terribly afraid of the response I may get.

Tip of the day

Get out more often.

(me herties arrrr)

10 Sep 03 - 08:23 AM (#1016201)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Mrs Drinkall from No 21 has just popped round to inform me that she has contracted with Potts Roofing and Property Repairs to renew the guttering at the back of her house and wanted to check if it is OK to join her new guttering onto mine. I wasn't falling for any of that brazen lewdness and was politely affirmative but firm. She might have not appreciated how firm I actually was, but that's another matter.

Looking back, I think this would have made a splendid new thread called "Mrs Drinkall from no 21's new guttering". I should have ended it with a question about other Mudcatter's experiences of new guttering on non-detached properties.

Another missed opportunity to enliven a slightly slow day in South Ferriby Sluice.

10 Sep 03 - 08:27 AM (#1016204)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

And the big mallets are the badges-of-office of the Grand Buggermaster General. A bit scary, that lot.

10 Sep 03 - 08:43 AM (#1016213)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Our venus fly traps are small but they are eating daddy long legs. It's disgusting you can see the legs sticking out of the sides yeuch!!
Oaklet the mastering of buggery takes years & years I'm afraid you've still got a long way to go! I am now going to count the woodlice in the compost bin.

10 Sep 03 - 08:49 AM (#1016215)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

PS I've been listening to Cara's new CD, dunno what they're going to call it but it's very nice, very easy to listen to.Should be accompanied by an open fire, big fleecy rug, a bottle of chilled wine & good company, it's that sort of CD. Sorry to plug this on a PTH thread but I'm sure the guys won't mind!

10 Sep 03 - 09:08 AM (#1016221)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

You must have one of Oakley's mass produced bootleg copies then KJ, Because it isn't released untill sometime after now!

I believe PTH are going into the (or should I say a) studio in October to make a new CD as well. here are even rumours that they are practicing!!!!!!!!!!

10 Sep 03 - 09:37 AM (#1016232)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

The Notes in the Stones, KJ is what Cara's new CD is called. Glad you like the raw version - imagine how it'll sound with a picure of a castle on the front and a barcode on the back!

10 Sep 03 - 10:32 AM (#1016266)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Crenulated, it will definitely sound crenulated. I can hear those crenulations from here ............Wow !!!

10 Sep 03 - 10:34 AM (#1016267)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

KJ, did you roll this last ciggie ? Nope can't be that I forgot I don't smoke .................errrrrrrr?

10 Sep 03 - 10:39 AM (#1016269)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Avast me hearty, we pirates don' smoke nuttin but the auld bacca. Good clean livin' lads & lasses is what we are!!

10 Sep 03 - 10:40 AM (#1016272)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Does anybody want to buy a photocopier?

10 Sep 03 - 10:51 AM (#1016286)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

In the bowl of my meeshaum sits a plug of Fusileer Empire Agony Shag, burning steadily with an aromatic, heady tranquility. In the opposite corner of the drawing room is an exasperated Mrs O, noisily gagging and repeatedly thrusting open the french windows complaining bitterly about her inability to breathe. I suspect that this is more to do with the fact that my pipe has set fire to the carpet, than the aroma of the Fusileer.

10 Sep 03 - 11:09 AM (#1016301)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Okay, Okay....(sigh) why do you want to flog all of us photocopiers Mr Dean?
Oaklet if I was Mrs O, I would get you a shed, you obviously need one!

10 Sep 03 - 11:22 AM (#1016311)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

I have just this second come back from buying three huge photocopiers, each on an elaborate and extended maintenance contract. Sorry Peter, I forgot that you do this for a living as well. I should have spoken to you, shouldn't I?

KJ - I did have a shed but it caught fire shortly after the arrival of a pound of Nelson's Old Colonial Hard Bronchial Twist.

10 Sep 03 - 03:22 PM (#1016437)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Avast there me harties I am geet happy to see this thread has risen to the dizzying depths that I have come to know and love about PTH threads.

Keep the home fires burning oakly............... no not like that!!! I've just seen a squad of fire appliances heading across the Humber bridge at full tilt no doubt heading for that pall of smoke over South Ferribeeeee. Oh dear.

Put that out Raggy you don't smoke!

11 Sep 03 - 06:19 AM (#1016791)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Does anybody know of a device for removing Sales Managers from my office....?

11 Sep 03 - 06:29 AM (#1016792)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Hodkin and Tonks produce a teak Wheeled Executive Trolly and Fork combination. I personally prefer to poison them with my body products mixed into hot drinks, having smeared nitic acid on the loo seat. The burning and itching normally drives them away.

11 Sep 03 - 08:41 AM (#1016857)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Help!

My computer suffered a catastrophic failure last night and as a result I've lost my address book so will those of you who have my email address please email so that I can rebuild my address book.
Ta

11 Sep 03 - 12:21 PM (#1017011)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

smallpliers, you should have backed up your address book using your DeanMeister photocopier!

...what d'you mean, you haven't got one? All the Hull crowd have bought them is what he told me.

Oh.... I see..... but it is always advisable to buy two at a time, like kittens, isn't it, otherwise they pine?

11 Sep 03 - 03:46 PM (#1017126)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Yep Noreen I should have but then I'm an ijiit! I lost more than me address book all me phots have gone as well - I did back those up in July but not since... duh!

11 Sep 03 - 03:51 PM (#1017129)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Les from Hull

Ooo I want one of those kittens that smell of pine. It would be so useful in cleaning out the toilet bowl. Our cat just smells of cat.

11 Sep 03 - 03:53 PM (#1017131)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

Who would buy a photocopier from the DeanMeister, can you trust this man?

11 Sep 03 - 03:59 PM (#1017135)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

I have it from a reliable sauce that he is totally reliable when it comes to photocopiers!

I'm sayin' nowt about anything else though but me harties!

11 Sep 03 - 04:01 PM (#1017136)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

My skull has just been cleft by hailstones the soize of oysters. Aharrrrggh.

11 Sep 03 - 04:06 PM (#1017141)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

nononononononononono Oaklet they were oysters!

have you extinguished that fire yet?

11 Sep 03 - 04:08 PM (#1017142)
Subject: Punch the horse in Manchester?
From: GUEST,Les the confused

er, no.

11 Sep 03 - 07:01 PM (#1017217)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

Yes SP they were indeed oysters. The imperial bollockmaster Oaklet has now being targeted by the Barton branch of the ROAB for profaning the image of the true buffalo. This is only the beginning, they are filling their envelopes, sorry aprons, as we speak with the stinking intestines of long dead cats in which they will immerse the aforesaid Oaklet and make him eat sprats!

11 Sep 03 - 07:15 PM (#1017221)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

I recall seeing a picture of the lovely Mrs Drinkall once. I do wish she would come here and complain about something.

- LH

11 Sep 03 - 07:24 PM (#1017225)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Hawklet- she wears the prettiest of hats.

11 Sep 03 - 10:14 PM (#1017299)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

I bet.

Now as for Colin Thompson, I can't say much about him, but I do enjoy reading Colin Wilson. Very interesting fellow.

- LH

12 Sep 03 - 05:07 AM (#1017395)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

I see you have all finally come to your sences...ish!

And there's some fine drivel thoughout this thread may I add..!!

12 Sep 03 - 05:14 AM (#1017401)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Sorry KJ, cannot attend your soiree this evening. I have been informed that Mrs DeMister will be attending a bash elsewhere, and I have to drive my children to another do also. I'm practising my DeNiro as we speak...."are you talkin to me??"

Hope y'all have a good one!

Smallplonker, I'll be round shortly with your new copier.

12 Sep 03 - 05:14 AM (#1017402)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

That Colin never came back to me about the position of wringer out for a one armed window cleaner

Rude I call it

12 Sep 03 - 05:43 AM (#1017417)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Mr. Meister, you can go and install the Thompson's new copier on the decking after you drop the kiddies off!

I'm having difficulty running off copies of the new Cara CD on the left-hand copier you sold me- the paper that comes out won't play at all, and now it's stuck in the CD tray... what am I doing wrong??

12 Sep 03 - 05:47 AM (#1017418)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

That's because Oaklet has installed an anti-copy device to all authorised copies of the CD. Which, incidentally, I haven't heard yet. Why is that?

12 Sep 03 - 05:47 AM (#1017419)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

100!!!! WEHEY!! What's MY prize?

12 Sep 03 - 05:52 AM (#1017421)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

You could have heard it by now if you'd have run away with me to live at the Travel Lodge at Doncaster North Services on the M18/M180 junction, only getting out of bed to eat Flame Grilled Whoppers at the Burger King across the car park.

You rotten self-obsessed finch-rearing pillock.

12 Sep 03 - 06:02 AM (#1017426)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

This lends credence to the theory that the only people whom Oaklet has graced with a copy of the new CD are those who have slept in his bed.

Skipjack and I can only speak for ourselves...

12 Sep 03 - 06:18 AM (#1017435)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

heloo, i just woke up, i had a really bad nightmare last night, a big white cat, got into my bedroom an bit my nose off, 9 very scarey], i woke up, and checked my nose was still there, [it was], i checked them room for cats as well, i dident find none.

12 Sep 03 - 06:35 AM (#1017441)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

I have shared a sleeping bag with him in his Van, on the banks of the of the Chesterfield Canal. Does that count? Ahhh, I remember it now, moonlight sparkling on the water, a host of heavenly stars, the gentle sound of the water lapping against the lock gates, and the quaint locals of the Packet Inn having a screaming fight in the car park. The sound of shattering glass and sirens was the perfect end to a perfect evening.

12 Sep 03 - 06:36 AM (#1017443)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

He was dressed in blue....

12 Sep 03 - 06:38 AM (#1017446)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Sireens? Was I there?

Good to see you working yer butt off, Mr Meister.

12 Sep 03 - 06:51 AM (#1017457)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Erm....sorry Mum. Back to the fray...!

12 Sep 03 - 06:57 AM (#1017461)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Can somebody tell me when exactly Whitby Folk week is next year? I'm booking a cottage, and I'm not sure which week to book. Need to confirm pretty quickly. Anybody?

12 Sep 03 - 07:16 AM (#1017471)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

February 6 to the 11th.

12 Sep 03 - 07:31 AM (#1017478)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Not sure when it is Demister, but ring Whitby Tourist Information Office on=01947 602 674.

12 Sep 03 - 07:31 AM (#1017480)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST

*

12 Sep 03 - 07:41 AM (#1017484)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Thanks jOhn. I just did. It's from 21st to 27th August in case anybody's interested.

12 Sep 03 - 07:53 AM (#1017489)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Can I come?

12 Sep 03 - 08:08 AM (#1017499)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

We'll miss you this evening Deanie.As for sharing a sleeping bag with Oaklet, have you been to the doctor's yet? I would recommend that you go quickly, not all bacteria are friendly bacteria you know, they tell you that on the adverts.

12 Sep 03 - 08:10 AM (#1017502)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Whitby Folk Week is always in the week preceeding August Bank Holiday, so find out when the bank holiday falls and you have found the folk week, this applies for each and every year ......or for at least the last 13 years that I know of

12 Sep 03 - 08:24 AM (#1017514)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Pity that you couldn't have accepted the February date until he had made a no-cancellation booking. I had a lovely image of a muttering and hostile De-mister, hobbling down St Mary's steps, fighting an easterly force 9 studded with viscous hailstones into a deserted, freezing Whitby.

12 Sep 03 - 09:14 AM (#1017557)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

And oysters

12 Sep 03 - 04:38 PM (#1017779)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa

This year's prog. says it's August 21st to 27th next year, Pete, as BH Monday is the 30th.

12 Sep 03 - 07:20 PM (#1017884)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: old git

if you can't wait that long there's always the moor and coast fest at the beginning of may

12 Sep 03 - 08:13 PM (#1017909)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

why wait that long, captain cook festival is in october

excuse lower case, i'm eating a butty

12 Sep 03 - 08:16 PM (#1017911)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

I've just come back from a party, me.

12 Sep 03 - 10:24 PM (#1017953)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Yes I was there and my fiend anita sez that oakley he's on a different planet he is but a nice chap for all that an all.She's a yorkshire lass you see.

Deanie your prize for posting the 100th post to this thread is the opportunity to buy one of your own photocopiers.... congratulations!

13 Sep 03 - 01:02 PM (#1018175)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

God, I love that phrase, "You rotten self-obsessed finch-rearing pillock!" I intend to hoard it like a precious gem and then use it on some devastatingly appropriate occasion. Thank you, Oakley!

- LH

13 Sep 03 - 01:17 PM (#1018178)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Hawklet, thanks for the encouragement. I am touched.

13 Sep 03 - 02:10 PM (#1018202)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Ah arrrrrrrrrr & avest me hearies, shiver me decking timbers & dribble me water features, arrrrrr arrrrrr arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (Good this innit!) ta me auld ship-mates for making the long sea haul to Cap'n Colin's & first-mate Karen's shindig. Of fiddling there was plenty (fiddling with what you may ask...yes you may ask, ask Oaklet what he was fiddling with!!) Plenty of drink was took & we all danced on a dead man's chest, holding our arbitration kebabs. Avast me hearties, Allah be praised & may your women have many humps & your camel have many children.

13 Sep 03 - 02:26 PM (#1018206)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

KJ, the thought or responding to your thanks for the invite to the party on a thread not consigned to the BS section, makes me wince with pleasure. It was great to share an arbitration kebab with you and Colin (it was Colin Thompson) Thompson. You provided the chance to have a great night and I am very grateful. Sorry about the incident with the Swarfega, by the way. Try a Stain Devil.

13 Sep 03 - 05:09 PM (#1018287)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

It was sitting at the end of my bed the other night that stain devil, gibbering away with an evil look in his eye!! Bloody hell what WAS that stuff I was smoking!

13 Sep 03 - 05:33 PM (#1018305)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

It was probably an ounce of "Fortnam's Extreme Wildebeast Ready-Rubbed Plug", KJ.

Ohh shit, the end has come off again...

13 Sep 03 - 06:00 PM (#1018318)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

Simply grasp it firmly and screw it back on with a right-hand turn or two then...

13 Sep 03 - 08:43 PM (#1018382)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

Who are these people that go around rubbing Wildebeest? Stick it back on with Superglue Oaklet.

14 Sep 03 - 06:58 AM (#1018539)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Do you have any arbitration kebabs left over, KJ? or any Byelaw enforcement noodles? I noticed that Skip troughed all the cheesy bog olives, without splillng any down his anti-static jiving harness.

I have to lie down. It is throbbing like hell.

14 Sep 03 - 08:46 AM (#1018558)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Arrggggggggggg me harties - that's all I have to say on the subject - erm you sure it was wildebeast and not the short necked Giraffe shag?

14 Sep 03 - 10:58 AM (#1018602)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Oaklet. R.e throbbing end. As everyone knows, an end has to have a beginning. Any symptoms in the end is likely to have its origins in the beginning. If the beginning is dysfunctional then the end is likely to suffer. However,it could be, that the beginning itself is not dysfunctional but that the middle is the cause of the symptoms. In such cases it is terminal, there is no hope, the end is nigh.
P.S Skip's anti-static jiving harness was not.

14 Sep 03 - 07:55 PM (#1018921)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

KJ - TITUS is seven. His confines, Gormenghast. Suckled on shadows; weaned, as it were, on webs of ritual: for his ears, echoes, for his eyes, a labyrith of stone: and yet within his body some-thing or other - other than this umbrageous legacy. For first and ever foremost he is child.
A ritual more compelling than ever man devised, is fighting anchoured darkness. A ritual of the blood; of the jumping blood. These quicks of sentience owe nothing to his forebears, but to those feckless hosts, a trillion deep, of the globe's childhood.
The gift of bright blood. Of blood that laughs when the tenets mutter 'Weep'. Of blood that mourns when the sere laws croak 'Rejoice!' O little revolution in great shades!

14 Sep 03 - 07:59 PM (#1018927)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Jesus....

14 Sep 03 - 08:09 PM (#1018931)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

heloo, waht you are on about then? i'm confused!

14 Sep 03 - 08:16 PM (#1018935)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

That's pretty striking prose, smallpiper.

- LH

14 Sep 03 - 08:19 PM (#1018939)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Looks like some kind of weird witch talk to me! ;-)

14 Sep 03 - 08:25 PM (#1018940)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Read on and Lean!

Titus the seventy-seventh. Heir to a crumbling summit: to a sea of nettles: to an empire of red rust: to rituals' footprints ankle deep in stone.
Gormenghast.
Withdrawn and ruinous it broods in umbra: the immemorial masonry: the towers, the tracts. Is all corroding? No. Through an avenue of spires a zephyr floats; a bird whiistles; a freshet bears away from a choked river. Deep in a fist of a stone doll's hand wriggles, warm rebellious on the frozen palm. A shadow shifts its length. A spider stirs...

And darkness winds between the characters.

Who are the characters? And what has he learned of them and of his home since that far off day when he was born to the Countess of Groan in a room alive with birds?

He has learned an alphabet of arch and aisle: the language of dim stairs and moth-hung quadrangles: his trees are pillars. And he has learned that there are always eyes. Eyes that watch. Feet that follow, and hands to hold him when he struggles, to lift him when he falls. Upon his feet again he stares unsmilling. Tall figures bow. Some in jewellery; some in rags.

The characters

The quick and the dead. The shapes, the voices that throng his mind, for there are days when the living have no substance and the dead are active.

Who are these dead - these victims of violence who no longer influence the tenor of Gormenghast save by a deathless repercussion? For riples are still widening in the dark rings and a movement runs over the gooseflesh waters through the drowned stones lie still. The characters who are but names to Titus, though one of them his father, and all of them alive when he was born. Who are they? For the child will hear of them.

14 Sep 03 - 08:29 PM (#1018942)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

Wich way do you want us to lean?

14 Sep 03 - 08:35 PM (#1018947)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Ah jOhn there's the rub my friend there's the rub.....

Let them apear for a quick eathless moment, as ghosts, separate, dissimilar and complete. They are even now moving, as before death, on their own ground. Is Time's cold scroll recoiling on itself untill the dead years speak, or is it in the throb of now that spectres wake and wander through the walls?

To be continued.....

14 Sep 03 - 08:47 PM (#1018955)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

why?

14 Sep 03 - 08:49 PM (#1018957)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

This Gormenghast stuff is very stylish, but is it all style and no substance (like the old TV show "Miami Vice" in the '80's)? Or does it contain a thread of real meaning? Only by plowing through another 85,000 dramatic words will we know...

- LH

15 Sep 03 - 08:15 AM (#1019048)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Ahem. I have just sold a photocopier.

15 Sep 03 - 08:30 AM (#1019063)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

I thought the last inclusion number 144 was gross

15 Sep 03 - 08:42 AM (#1019077)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8

I understand photocopiers more than Gormenghast

15 Sep 03 - 08:45 AM (#1019081)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Congratulations Mr Meister sir- 'twas your winning smile as ever that clinched the deal.

15 Sep 03 - 08:54 AM (#1019089)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Can't stop- moving the fridge to make room for the photocopier.

15 Sep 03 - 09:10 AM (#1019109)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Can anyone explain that load of old bollocks that dribbles from Smallpliers's keyboard? Should we be worried about him?

Deany - you are the Queen of Toshiba. When you texted about your arrival on Saturday night, it was the Arrival of the Queen of Toshiba that I whistled in you honour.

Toshiba!

Sorry, I just sneezed

15 Sep 03 - 09:15 AM (#1019117)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

I think smallpliers is talking like a witch!
maybe he making a spell or something.

15 Sep 03 - 09:58 AM (#1019150)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Skipjack, I've been selling them for 14 years, and even I don't understand them. You must be a better man than I.

Noreen, payment terms strictly 30 days. For the photocopier as well... x

15 Sep 03 - 10:43 AM (#1019193)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Nice one SP
Linger now with me,thou Beauty,on the sharp archaic shore.
Surely 'tis a wasterl's duty and the gods could ask no more.
If thou lingerest when I linger, if thou tread'st the stone i treas,
Thou wilt stay my spirit's hunger and dispel the dreams I dread.

15 Sep 03 - 11:58 AM (#1019266)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Nowt wrong with a bit of lingerie I say, know what I mean, nudge, nudge

15 Sep 03 - 12:25 PM (#1019293)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Hey remember friday is International Talk Like a Pirate Day - I hope you've all been practicing me hearties arrrr!

Oaklet ... no need to worry about me mate like I was saying....What for instance, was that sacklike monster , that snoring hummock, that deadweight of disjointed horror? Vile and brutish it looked as it lay curled like a black dog on the professor's desk; but what was it? One would say it was dead, for it was as heavy as death and as motionless; but there was a sound of stifled snoring coming from it, with the occasional whistle as of wind through jagged glass.

15 Sep 03 - 12:47 PM (#1019316)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: ossonflags

If any one is mildly intrested, PTH will be playing at the "Durty Nellies" High Street Hull this Saturday night.

15 Sep 03 - 02:20 PM (#1019355)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Willa

Ah, now I've got it; it's that new set of pipes, SP!

15 Sep 03 - 05:14 PM (#1019445)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Good ho Osson - I hope to be back in time for the gig from otley.

wrong Willa hehehe!

15 Sep 03 - 07:27 PM (#1019560)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Hello SP
Do you want your glory ruined by a makeshift and ridiculous pair of bright yellow sit-upons? Do you want to be the laughing stock of the castle, all over again, because you were too impateint?

15 Sep 03 - 07:28 PM (#1019562)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

correction 'impatient'

15 Sep 03 - 07:30 PM (#1019563)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

PS If someone chips in with TITUS ALONE we'll have the whole set!!!

15 Sep 03 - 07:36 PM (#1019566)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Ah KJ we need more than that keep it going!

16 Sep 03 - 12:06 AM (#1019675)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,One who must remain nameless...

In Cottingham Road by Chanterlands
I spied a damsel fair
With rosy cheeks and ruby lips
And ribbons in her hair
Said I, "Must be an angel that's
Descended from on high
To walk these fabled roads alone
Beneath the autumn sky."

I thought perchance to speak with her
And ask from where she came
And what could be her heritage
Her purpose and her name
Made bold, I ambled up to her
And did my hat remove
To show a gallant style of which
I hoped she would approve

"Young man," she said, "you'd best be off
lest you should catch a cold,
For damp's the heath in Chanterlands,
And stories have been told
Of lads who perished in the dew
While hunting bonny quail
Because their coats got soggy through
Which warmth could not avail."

"Oh, no," I cried, "For I am made
Of sterner stuff than that!"
"Indeed?" said she, "But list to me
And put back on your hat.
For on your pate I cannot help
But spy the shiny spot
Upon which is emblazoned
"Neath here stands a drunken sot!"

"What say you?" and I gasped in shock
She said, "It's plain to see
Some rascal's played a joke on you!
Here, look at this, prithee."
She held a pocket mirror up
And in its light I saw
The shiny spot that did declare
That message...'twas nae braw!

"My God!" I cried, "Some vile affront
This is, I'm sorely vexed!"
Said she, "You've kept bad company, I fear,
First drink and next,
A slow descent into depravity
And common vice
May soon deprive you of your health,
So take my good advice..."

"Eschew the company of scoundrels,
Scamps and libertines,
Peruse instead the classics
And subscribe to magazines
That honour art and culture
And the noble spirit's call
And most of all, avoid the poems
Of Malcolm Buggeroll!"

"That name!" I shrieked, "I might have known!
'Twas just on Friday last
When he and I did share a drink...or two...
And brief repast
That villian's had a joke on me
And shaved my head in jest!
And on it painted slanderous words
To rob me of my rest!"

So off I stumbled, red in face,
In shame I did retreat
But I shall find that Scottish swine
And mercillessly beat
Him to a pulp for causing me
Such sharp embarrassment
Before that splendid damsel
She is gone now, I lament!

In Cottingham Road by Chanterlands
There was a damsel fair
With rosy cheeks and ruby lips
And ribbons in her hair
Now nevermore her shall I see
And wretched is my fate
For Ms Penelope Rutledge has
Returned to Twillingsgate!

16 Sep 03 - 04:01 AM (#1019754)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Rapturous applause!

16 Sep 03 - 04:45 AM (#1019771)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Fantastic!

16 Sep 03 - 04:58 AM (#1019779)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

That was good that.

16 Sep 03 - 07:55 AM (#1019781)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags

Was'nt to bad .......... for a fiddle player.

16 Sep 03 - 07:55 AM (#1019782)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8

I cried

16 Sep 03 - 08:27 AM (#1019792)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

*sigh*
...what a sad story.

16 Sep 03 - 09:11 AM (#1019827)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

I wet myself and went to stare longingly at my statue for an hour. Only then did I change my clothes.

16 Sep 03 - 02:52 PM (#1020074)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Ah, Oaklet me dear you need an 'artificial sphincter device',a devilishly clever little thing that is put in place through a very simple 3 to 4 inch incision between the scrotum and rectum. After entering the deep structure of the perineum the urethra is found and is circumscribed for approximately 1 ½ to 2 inches.

A doughnut-like cuff is then placed around the urethra at its proximal bulbar portion. This is attached to a pump mechanism placed in the scrotal compartment next to the testicle.In addition, the pump is attached to a small cylinder holding 25 cc of salt water that is placed through the same incision retroperitoneal and above the pubic bone. This reservoir pushes fluid into the cuff around the urethra compressing these structures and acting as an artificial sphincter or valve.

As the bladder fills and the patient develops an urge to void compression two or three times of the pump mechanism in the scrotum pushes the fluid that is compressing the urethra in the cuff back into the reservoir such that the patient has 2 ½ to 3 minutes to void and empty his bladder. As soon as voiding is complete the reservoir by virtue of its pressure and elasticity pushes fluid, 1into the donut cuff compressing the urethra or bladder neck and again giving urinary control until the next voiding sensation.

This procedure can be done my most qualified, experienced urological surgeons or if you don't want to wait for ever on a waiting list, I don't mind giving it a go, it can't be that difficult!!

16 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM (#1020127)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

I am just having a go myself, KJ. I find that I have to chew a shit-load of Ibuprofen to attempt the sphincter thing. Is this normal?

16 Sep 03 - 07:59 PM (#1020294)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

While we're at it, is there a cure for larch berries?

16 Sep 03 - 09:59 PM (#1020375)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

Hmm. Didn't think so. I guess it's curtains for the chimp.

17 Sep 03 - 05:02 AM (#1020559)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

LH I'm sure KJ will be reseaching the cure as we speak.

How did the DIY surgery go Oaklet - Did the Ibu keep the pain away? I'm curious as I am planning a DIY labotomy in the not to distant future.

17 Sep 03 - 05:08 AM (#1020567)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Belay that last one.... (sigh) the trouble with DIY labotomy's is you forget when you've already done one.

And Oaklet stop playing with the pump ... people will talk!

17 Sep 03 - 05:11 AM (#1020568)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy

Or did I already say that ???????

17 Sep 03 - 06:39 AM (#1020603)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Here's one for jOhn.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Ceehiro

17 Sep 03 - 06:44 AM (#1020604)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

I can't stop - I have been asked to go and buy 4 more photocopiers with maintenance agreements.

17 Sep 03 - 07:08 AM (#1020620)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Oh how I laughed....

17 Sep 03 - 07:09 AM (#1020621)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Wish it were true, David. I know just the man. I've got contacts, me.

17 Sep 03 - 09:22 AM (#1020702)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

What I want to know is, how can Oakley can spend time on this thing when he should be working.

17 Sep 03 - 09:44 AM (#1020710)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Contacts? That must be where you plug in the photocopiers

17 Sep 03 - 10:24 AM (#1020741)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

No contacts are on hairy plains, I've heard it on fillums, the pilot shouts "contact" the mechanic spins the propeller and then gets mutilated as the pilot edges the plain forward

17 Sep 03 - 10:55 AM (#1020763)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

The other aspect of me just posted. I am very glad about this.

17 Sep 03 - 11:23 AM (#1020780)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Skipjack K8

Well just how many replicates of the rest of us do you think are running around posting, harum scarum?

17 Sep 03 - 01:21 PM (#1020855)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

Good news! Mr Chongo is making a slow recovery. We had thought he was a goner for sure. Also, we have discovered something quite unsettling: the larch tree is a conifer. It does not produce berries. This means that the 12 pounds of bright red berries which Mr Chongo consumed were of an unidentified type. We are investigating and hope to come up with an answer to this mystery quite soon.

Fortunately, there have been very few calls lately from telemarketers, so we expect to weather the storm until Mr Chongo recovers fully and can assume his normal duties again.

- LH

18 Sep 03 - 05:09 AM (#1021258)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Hey!

18 Sep 03 - 12:11 PM (#1021498)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

What?

18 Sep 03 - 03:29 PM (#1021635)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Don't shout, Slimestepper. It's rude.

18 Sep 03 - 08:40 PM (#1021774)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

I was going to follow up with "diddly dee an actors life for me" but it would be a lie - although I wouldn't mind earning as much as them thar famouse hollowood actors do and then I could sit around and play music all day..... shit thats what I do now, but at least I could do it knowing that I could afford to pay the rent!

19 Sep 03 - 12:56 PM (#1021909)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

LH. Growing on the Larch might have been a Larch Dwarf Mistletoe.Are you sure the berries were red? Most dwarf mistletoes produce green to dark brown-purple berries which are poisonous.
Oaklet I'm very upset that you denied me the pleasure of fitting the 'artificial sphincter device'. What a baby you are crunching all that brufen, I wasn't going to bother with an anaesthetic as it surely can't hurt that much!!!!!
P.S The Veus Fly Traps are still consuming Daddy Long Legs. There are lots of legs now, sticking out all over the place. I think their trigger hairs are bigger than their bellies!!

19 Sep 03 - 03:58 PM (#1021997)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

Ugh! What a nasty fate.

We don't know where those berries came from. Mr Chongo resumed his duties this morning, despite being a little weak still. He sits by the phone, waiting hopefully for the next telemarketer. We have him on pure water and biscuits, and he seems to be picking up.

- LH

19 Sep 03 - 04:06 PM (#1021999)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Mr Chongo and I must have a strange connection. That is exactly what I am doing at the moment, Little Hawk.

19 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM (#1022002)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

The larch is a deciduous conifer. How's about that then? A conifer that actually dumps its leaves in the autumn. Sorry, fall.

19 Sep 03 - 07:43 PM (#1022097)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

I have a suggestion, Oaklet. Go down to the seediest pub in Hull, find the meanest-looking man in the place, walk up to him and say, "You're a deciduous conifer!" Then report back to us on the results.

- LH

19 Sep 03 - 07:52 PM (#1022101)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Knowing Oaklet he'd pick the only tree specialist in Hull and end up in a deep and meanigfull coversation and not casualty.

20 Sep 03 - 10:26 AM (#1022202)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

it was a brief encounter. My Celia Johnson to his Trevor Howard. I tried it at the Warne Ferry near Bransholme. The stitches come out in a week; the plaster-cast is a fixture for the next 6 month and a half. Have you any other suggestions, Hawket? Despite the nastiness and the presence of two Humberside constabulary area cars and an ambulance - I feel surprisingly well-disposed to receiving further instructions from the man in Orillia. Which is in Canada, I'm told.

I also face a procescution, a fine and a large bill for "services".

20 Sep 03 - 07:23 PM (#1022292)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

LOL! Your life is becoming more like that of the notorious Winston Wellington-Jones every day, Oaklet. The military is looking for gents like you, agreeable sorts who follow orders without question. I shall try to think of another vital mission to send you on soon, mate. I think you've earned a bronze star or something like that.

- LH

21 Sep 03 - 05:46 AM (#1022399)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Oakley remember... smutty boys are lonely boys. I have recieved a full report of the near miss and wish to congratulate you on the way you successfully avoided the issue. Here have a peanut!

21 Sep 03 - 06:01 AM (#1022405)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

200

21 Sep 03 - 06:45 AM (#1022413)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

no way - you can have one peanut and be content with that! 200 indeed!

21 Sep 03 - 07:19 AM (#1022425)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags

Question - What plays a guitar and falls of motor bikes?

Answer - Pete Dean!!!!

The Deanmeister,well known guitar player with the Infamouse band "Punch the Horse" was driving his shiny new red motorcycle along the Beverley by-pass on Wednesday whilst playing a particulary hard chord progression,when he decided to see if said shiny bike could fly.This is something his closest friends would have advised him agaist as when he came to, a local rag and bone man was stood over him offering a selection of balloons and goldfish for the remains of his shiny new "Triumph"!!!!

I am pleased to report that the Axeman and his son Alex suffered no seriouse injury and Peter put in a blistering night with us at the "Durty Nellies" on the Saturday.

21 Sep 03 - 05:24 PM (#1022655)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

True

22 Sep 03 - 05:28 AM (#1022929)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Tis true. My sickle is a tad poorly. And I ache all over. The handbook said nothing of the beast's inablity to fly. Can I sue for this, LH?

22 Sep 03 - 07:29 AM (#1022959)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Nah Deanie its in the small print ... in latin: Equine ferus nihill areonaticus!

22 Sep 03 - 10:17 AM (#1023013)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Oh.

22 Sep 03 - 10:53 AM (#1023022)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Deanie ..........have you bought yourself a steam train, an American one, an old Iron Horse, an Equine Ferus and furthermore are you aware that Moses is the first named person to ride a Motorbike cos it says in the bible "and lo, the roar of Moses Trimuph could be heard throughout Israel"

22 Sep 03 - 11:05 AM (#1023027)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Trust someone to point out that I was insulting his motorcicle! If you only knew just how proud he was of his two wheeled glory!

22 Sep 03 - 01:06 PM (#1023051)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

I've got a guitar lesson tonite, the instructor is well fit!

I've told pete about this before, he should scrap the bike and get something with real power......horses can fly!!

22 Sep 03 - 01:10 PM (#1023053)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Whats this Deanies got Horseflies, knew about the fleas and crabs but was unaware of horseflies

22 Sep 03 - 01:51 PM (#1023083)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Yeah he got them off Oaklet or one of his heffers nasty things geegeeflies!

22 Sep 03 - 02:23 PM (#1023102)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Gee Gee Flies, Wasn't she a dancer with Pans Criples

22 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM (#1023181)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

It's too bad it didn't happen in the USA, Deanmeister...you can sue over anything in that country, absolutely anything. And if you get the right lawyers representing you, you'll win too. Cast your mind back to the OJ trial, for instance. We'll have to see if Johnny Cochrane or Melvin Belli can be persuaded to go to the UK and help you out with it...

It all depends on publicity. Is there anything unbelievably violent, scandalous or heinous in your background or that of your family? Something that if revealed would attract HUGE publicity, resulting in several bestselling books and lucrative talkshow engagements? If so, I believe we can get you hooked up with one of these top flight California lawyers right quick.

- LH

22 Sep 03 - 07:28 PM (#1023227)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Deanmeister,

You're going to be a natural for this, don't worry about a couple a years in a state penitent, OK your arsehole will be bigger when you come out, but with me as your agent, we'll (sorry you'll) be a millionaire.
Go for it man

22 Sep 03 - 10:43 PM (#1023340)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

LOL! That's the spirit! I can foresee opportunities for a large number of venal hangers-on to cash in big here, Raggytash. The more the merrier, I say! We'll have this on the cover of People magazine in a month or two from now is my prediction...

23 Sep 03 - 05:03 AM (#1023383)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Scandalous or heinous background? Moi? A pinnacle of the community, me.

Well, I suppose we could always invent something....any suggestions?

23 Sep 03 - 05:24 AM (#1023398)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Deano,

Do you know the song "I'm my own Grandpa", we could use that as a basis, full to cross marriages to existing relatives, probably a bit of incest thrown in there (best kept in the family anyway is incest)
Gold-diggers, Sugar Daddies, age gaps, to-gether with the mental trauma, insecurities, self doubt, self abuse, What we need is KJ to come up with the correct medical terms, I bet she's got whole books on the subjects

23 Sep 03 - 06:51 AM (#1023441)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Having just returned from Beverley Westwood Hospital X-Ray Unit, it would appear that I played on Saturday night with a fractured hand. I told you it hurt, SP. I have to go to HRI tomorrow morning....if it confirmed, and put in a cast, this may affect imminent activities of PTH.

Get me that lawyer, LH. I shall sue Triumph Motorcycles for loss of earnings....!

23 Sep 03 - 07:06 AM (#1023444)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Nah mate a geeza like you won't need it putting in a cast - anyway its probably too late for that. Just don't wimper too loud when you're in the recording studio! Now if they have to amputate that's a different story........

23 Sep 03 - 07:37 AM (#1023455)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Step forward the bold Raggytash ................ I can C G F & Am, you do the strumming bit and I'll hold the chords .........Sorted

23 Sep 03 - 10:00 AM (#1023463)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Sounds like a plan, Raggy! SP offered to do the Bm's for me on Saturday....they were a real bummer!

23 Sep 03 - 10:30 AM (#1023475)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Raggytash

Thank you for your response Peter, much more than I got from Mr C Thompson when I applied for the position of wringer out to a one armed window cleaner

23 Sep 03 - 01:25 PM (#1023633)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

I can appear as an expert witness in the aforementioned legal activities, for a suitable fee of course.

23 Sep 03 - 07:43 PM (#1023952)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

Yes but who for?

23 Sep 03 - 11:51 PM (#1024095)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

they still havent sent me my donkey! :-(

24 Sep 03 - 01:10 AM (#1024122)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,KJ

It may well be in a tin of dog food by now jOhn.

24 Sep 03 - 07:34 AM (#1024249)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

See new thread The DeanMeister = The Bionic Guitarist for the latest news on this world imfamous pth star!

24 Sep 03 - 05:40 PM (#1024592)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Little Hawk

They haven't sent your donkey yet? Well, Jone, if it's an ass you're after, our Conservative Party Premier of Ontario (Ernie Eves) is about to be voted out of office shortly. Only a few more days of Ernie here if all goes well. I'll see if we can ship him smartly to Hull after the election. Please PM me your address.

Look him up on the Net if you want to see his campaign BS...

http://www.premier.gov.on.ca/english/

- LH

25 Sep 03 - 08:08 PM (#1024860)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Gimpy

Hello, mates. I'm a big fan of Punch the Horse, having seen the band perform on several occasions. I have always been fascinated by the name of the band, and wondered what inspired it. Last night, whilst ruminating on these matters at the pub, I decided around 1 AM to take decisive action and find out for myself what was the significance of the words "Punch the Horse".

Later that night on my way home I spotted an individual of the equine persuasion (a horse, that is) lounging about in a suspicious manner in the common. I determined that I would set him right (it was a stallion, quite obviously) by giving him a smart punch on the nose. However, on approaching said stallion, and he was a big one, I noted the evil look in his eye and became wary. I also noted that he was tethered securely to a bicycle rack. Very good. Instead of punching the horse from in front where the treacherous creature might bite me, I would approach from behind, where the beast would not be so well appraised of my intentions.

In due course I had maneuvered nonchalantly to the rear of the horse, not without I think arousing some suspicion though, because he nickered at least twice and kept glancing at me nervously over his shoulder.

Still, so far so good. Now it doesn't make much sense to actually punch a horse from behind, because they are so tall, so I decided to kick the nasty blighter instead. Taking a deep breath I let him have one good solid kick to the goolies!

I regret to say that things went somewhat awry at that point. I did indeed land the kick, but the horse, although quite discomfited, had the presence of mind to kick me back, not just with one foot, but with both hind feet! It was a horrific double impact which I should not wish to ever experience again, and it propelled me a good fifteen feet, landing me upsidedown in a waste disposal container which was full of nasty, smelly trash, and sharp objects. I sustained severe and possibly permanent damage to my own personal nether parts, if you follow me, a sprained knee, a wrenched Achilles tendon, and a lacerated left nostril, as well as an acute shortage of breath for some time afterward.

Not only that. The horse turned out to be a police horse, and the constable, who had been making a phone call, arrested me as soon as he had extricated me from the aforementioned waste disposal container.

I am now charged with assaulting a police horse, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace.

I intend to sue them for all they've got and take it all the way to Buckingham Palace if I must, until justice is done!

Arthur "Gimpy" Starling

26 Sep 03 - 06:34 AM (#1025122)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags

I like the real story better.

26 Sep 03 - 12:26 PM (#1025152)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Beverley Barton

tot's,
               so,this is what you get up to at 5am is it!
               I will have to keep an eye on you
                         el dad

27 Sep 03 - 11:57 AM (#1025641)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

No dad you silly bugger, mudcat time is not the same as over here, it's about 5 hours behind!

And don't think just cause now you know how to use a computer n ya rekon ya real good that you can come on here and start tellin me what to do!!! So there.

(that'll tell him!)

28 Sep 03 - 02:56 PM (#1025861)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,Gimpy

I have not yet received a single post in support of my plight and September is almost over! This is disgraceful!!! The public must be prepared to rally round when policemen and horses conspire to persecute and injure innocent people. I fear that I will have to present my case again more forcefully on the November Punch the Horse thread if this unexpected silence continues. I also believe that Mudcat Cafe was knocked offline through the same conspiracy I have mentioned, by the way, so your interests are at stake here too, ladies and gentlemen!

Please direct contributions to the Arthur Starling Defence Fund c/o Beatrice Starling, 11 Ponsonby Road, Skegness, Lincolnshire.

Arthur "Gimpy" Starling

29 Sep 03 - 03:48 AM (#1026160)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Beverley Barton

tots,
          watch it tots, or charmless gets it! glad you finally rolled up to catch back end of simon and steve! you should have seen whole set instead of warbling in oddfellows!
                         the true path!
                           el dad

29 Sep 03 - 05:00 AM (#1026176)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Boo

29 Sep 03 - 06:21 AM (#1026197)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

There's no point threatening me ted, it won't work! touch my horse and your new bike with be sent to the srcap heap....and your guitars will be reduced to fire wood!!! so, You watch it!!! haha

01 Oct 03 - 04:52 AM (#1027017)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

There is a distinct lack of drivel on this thread lately. I'm so upset that I shall have to console myself and visit this website vomit-making websites!.

01 Oct 03 - 05:03 AM (#1027028)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I followed that link KJ what a terrible thing to do. God Oaklet will have a fit when he sees that.

01 Oct 03 - 05:07 AM (#1027032)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

KJ - what a lovely, lovely site. It made me want to rip off my Borg implant and smear oil of evening primrose into the road outside in order to calm the traffic.

I will now invent my pet dog Kenneth who despite suffering from canine Terrett's syndrome, lives a full and active life. I think that the site would benefit greatly from my contribution.

Are you having a slow day as well, by any chance?

01 Oct 03 - 05:08 AM (#1027034)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: GUEST,ossonflags

Excellant!!!!!!!!!!! have added it to my "favourites".

01 Oct 03 - 05:19 AM (#1027038)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

where were you last night then oakers old bean? Your absence has been noted and I have to inform you that all of that wonderful paraphanalia of the ROAB has been stolen (well at least its all gone) - now give it back the cows will not appreciate it.

01 Oct 03 - 07:27 AM (#1027094)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Visit the website & view the last message!

01 Oct 03 - 07:34 AM (#1027099)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

LOL! Terrier? All those poor canine lovers could take this very seriously, you know. Is there no end to the global spread of PTH?

01 Oct 03 - 07:37 AM (#1027101)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

I think you'd make a very good terrier in the next life Pete! Are you going to have any physio on that hand of yours?

01 Oct 03 - 07:44 AM (#1027104)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Erm, not entirely certain, Karen. The consultant I saw (a trad musician, incidentally, piper, guitarist and whistle player....Angus somebody....u know him?) said that playing my guitar would probably be physio enough! Hand is currently in pot, with wires holding the bones in place. I believe the wires come out in 4 weeks, and the pot removed in six. After that, erm, don't really know. But I'll be back.

Got appt for x-ray next wednesday. Keep ya posted.

01 Oct 03 - 07:56 AM (#1027116)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Noreen

Some of you have way too much time on your hands.... not to mention wires and plaster.

:0)

01 Oct 03 - 08:53 AM (#1027147)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

Have a look at the vomit site. The last entry is worthy of here.

01 Oct 03 - 08:59 AM (#1027154)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: The DeanMeister

Oh, David!

01 Oct 03 - 09:47 AM (#1027194)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: smallpiper

woof woof when does her cd get the official release then david?

01 Oct 03 - 10:24 AM (#1027229)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: sweetfire

A good thing about college computers is that you have unlimited access to em, a bad thing is that you dont have unlimited access as to what you do on em.......the bastards have blocked KJ's site!!!!

01 Oct 03 - 11:34 AM (#1027292)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: KJ

Hey Oaklet read the last post!!

01 Oct 03 - 11:58 AM (#1027317)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

I've just added a comment about the hermaphoradite dog called Colin

01 Oct 03 - 12:22 PM (#1027338)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

See new thrrad 9Punch the Horse in Octo-Bear Feast.

01 Oct 03 - 03:28 PM (#1027451)
Subject: RE: Punch the Horse in September
From: Oaklet

They have made the diabetic dog site unaccessible. Is it to scrape the drivel from the messages section? If so - I blame Colin Thompson.

If I am wrong here, please shoot me, but did I read a reply to Skip's message about his heavily sedated dog that was a bit of a flame and venomously critised the owner of the disfunctional canine as the root cause of the pet's malaise?

KJ - have you more of these dire sites? They might be a suitable repository of the BS that so annoys the more sensitive amongst us.