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08 Dec 03 - 04:33 PM (#1067987) Subject: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Charley Noble While sorting out some files the other day I came across this intriguing one from an Associated Press article circa 1990. This should provoke a few more bad puns or maybe even a ballad Women Revives Chicken HARPSWELL, Maine (AP) – A farmer who revived a chicken with mouth-to-beak resuscitation said she was sure the hen was dead. Janet Bonney said she thought Chicken No. 7 was dead when she found it frozen under her porch. "Legs up, just as though you had got her from the freezer at Shop 'n Save," she said. Bonney tried to put the chicken in a shoebox for burial, but its frozen legs wouldn't bend. So she used a hot water bottle to thaw the bird enough to fit it into the makeshift casket. She spoke to it, thanking it for all the eggs it had laid. She told it that she hoped it was happy where it was now. Then Booney felt the first thump. She bent close and heard the first breath. Fifteen seconds later she heard another. Soon she was giving it CPR – three or four thumps on its chest, and mouth-to-beak resuscitation. For three hours she warmed it and nursed it, until finally, the chicken stood up and clucked. "She actually laid an egg last week," said Bonney who has renamed the hen Valerie for her valor. Local veterinarians said the chicken probably had a severe case of hypothermia that made its muscles rigid, its heart slow down and its breathing all but stop. Honest, folks, this is EGGSACTLY what happened, Charley Noble |
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08 Dec 03 - 04:48 PM (#1067991) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Rapparee The Cremation of Chicken 7 There are strange things done in the Harpswell sun By the folks who raise them hens; And the Down East trails have their secret tales That would break you out in wens; The Portland Light has seen queer sights, But the queerest seen under heaven Was that day at the creek I gave mouth to beak To Valerie, Chicken Seven. |
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08 Dec 03 - 04:52 PM (#1067994) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: GUEST,MMario poor chicken! if she felt it's heartbeat and it was breathing the CPR could have killed the clucker! And it was already half-frozen - then this woman starts tormenting it by beating on her tender breast and probably almost exploding her lungs with the mouth to beak! Not to mention the germs. god KNOWS where that womans mouth had been! |
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08 Dec 03 - 04:54 PM (#1067996) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Bee-dubya-ell For everything you would ever want to know about MIKE THE HEADLESS CHICKEN CLICK HERE!. |
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08 Dec 03 - 05:25 PM (#1068015) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Rapparee From "The Ballad of Blasphemous Bill" by Robert Service: "...Ice, white ice, like a winding-sheet, sheathing each smoke-grimed wall; Ice on the stove-pipe, ice on the bed, ice gleaming over all; Sparkling ice on the dead man's chest, glittering ice in his hair, Ice on his fingers, ice in his heart, ice in his glassy stare; Hard as a log and trussed like a frog, with his arms and legs outspread. I gazed at the coffin I'd brought for him, and I gazed at the gruesome dead, And at last I spoke: "Bill liked his joke; but still, goldarn his eyes, A man had ought to consider his mates in the way he goes and dies." Have you ever stood in an Arctic hut in the shadow of the Pole, With a little coffin six by three and a grief you can't control? Have you ever sat by a frozen corpse that looks at you with a grin, And that seems to say: "You may try all day, but you'll never jam me in"? I'm not a man of the quitting kind, but I never felt so blue As I sat there gazing at that stiff and studying what I'd do. Then I rose and I kicked off the husky dogs that were nosing round about, And I lit a roaring fire in the stove, and I started to thaw Bill out. Well, I thawed and thawed for thirteen days, but it didn't seem no good; His arms and legs stuck out like pegs, as if they was made of wood. Till at last I said: "It ain't no use--he's froze too hard to thaw; He's obstinate, and he won't lie straight, so I guess I got to--saw." So I sawed off poor Bill's arms and legs, and I laid him snug and straight In the little coffin he picked hisself, with the dinky silver plate; And I came nigh near to shedding a tear as I nailed him safely down; Then I stowed him away in my Yukon sleigh, and I started back to town. So I buried him as the contract was in a narrow grave and deep, And there he's waiting the Great Clean-up, when the Judgment sluice-heads sweep; And I smoke my pipe and I meditate in the light of the Midnight Sun, And sometimes I wonder if they was, the awful things I done. And as I sit and the parson talks, expounding of the Law, I often think of poor old Bill--and how hard he was to saw." Good thing that Ms. Bonney had never read Service! |
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08 Dec 03 - 05:33 PM (#1068019) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Mr Red Beak cause she could? Huh? |
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08 Dec 03 - 06:18 PM (#1068042) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Charley Noble Very nice, Rapaire. Pleased you could be of service! Breaking out in "wens", though, is no joke. Yes, I've run across "Mike the headless chicken's story" but I thought this story was more in the Christmas spirit. Mike's story is not much to crow about... Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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08 Dec 03 - 06:38 PM (#1068051) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Rapparee It had to fit the rhyme scheme and "wens" was all I could think of. If it hadn't been a hen I could have used "Cock of the North". |
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08 Dec 03 - 08:40 PM (#1068122) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Mickey191 Dear Robert Service fits right in here at Mudcat. Too bad he didn't have a clone. That gives me an idea. |
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11 Dec 03 - 02:44 PM (#1070417) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Charley Noble Refresh! |
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11 Dec 03 - 03:07 PM (#1070433) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Amos There was a series of Song Challenges on chickens -- one who haunted a graveyard, I believe, and mike the Headless, and one who was mysteriously done in in a little town in England. A |
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11 Dec 03 - 03:07 PM (#1070434) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Peace Make soup from it: Cremation of Chicken Soup. |
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11 Dec 03 - 08:18 PM (#1070612) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Charley Noble Brucie- I suppose we could noddle around some more with that concept. Charley Noble |
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12 Dec 03 - 04:12 AM (#1070790) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Hrothgar So long as there is no foul play - for whatever paltry excuse. |
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12 Dec 03 - 02:56 PM (#1071076) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Peace Iy was so windy--HOW WINDY WAS IT--it was so windy that I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice. |
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13 Dec 03 - 12:12 AM (#1071383) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: LadyJean We had a chicken that would not thaw We had a chicken that would not thaw My wife said honey we're losing money We have a chicken that will not thaw One day a rooster came into our yard And gave that chicken some CPR. She's laying eggs now, and sometimes ice cubes Ever since that rooster came into our yard She's laying eggs now, and sometimes ice cubes ever since that rooster came into our yard. |
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13 Dec 03 - 10:15 AM (#1071510) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Rapparee Do you give a chicken CPR (Chicken and Poultry Resuscitation) by carefully tucking it under your arm and gently blowing into its beak? If so, how does it differ from bagpipes? And, if a hen, do the eggs shoot out extra fast? Could it be considered a deadly weapon ("Drop the chicken and put your hands on the car NOW!")? |
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13 Dec 03 - 11:03 AM (#1071532) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Charley Noble Thanks, Lady Jean! Very nice! Rapaire- You may, indeed, have come up with a new WMD! I've kindly forwarded your suggestion to Bush's National Security team; expect a call soon. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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13 Dec 03 - 01:42 PM (#1071617) Subject: RE: BS: A FOWL REVIVAL! From: Peace And if by mistake you blow in its ear, will it follow you anywhere? |