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05 Jan 04 - 10:12 PM (#1086778) Subject: The Red and the Green From: Lady Hillary I received this missive the other day. Has anyone else tried this? Whenever I get a packet of M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free1/2 pound bag of M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the true champion. There can be only one! |
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05 Jan 04 - 10:22 PM (#1086785) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop My puniest Minstrel could muller your fly by night, namby pamby M&M. |
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06 Jan 04 - 01:02 AM (#1086860) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: EBarnacle Name time and place. I offer my services as referee and will do my best to be impartial. Perhaps we could make this a meet rather than a duel. I am sure there are others out there who would be interested in this vital piece of research. |
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06 Jan 04 - 05:00 AM (#1086918) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: GUEST what about the black and the white? what will you do then? |
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06 Jan 04 - 09:51 AM (#1087064) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: EBarnacle May the best win. Consider the consequences, though. Alexander the Great's final words, in answer to a question from one of his generals about what to do with his empire, were "To the strongest." His empire was broken into 3 major segments and various small ones and was easy pickings for Rome in her ascendancy. |
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06 Jan 04 - 09:54 AM (#1087067) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop And that's the best way to tackle a chocolate orange. |
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06 Jan 04 - 12:27 PM (#1087164) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: Chief Chaos (JOKE) Blasphemers! You with your Darwinistic, survival of the fittest! God created all M&Ms in his image with all of their flaws and beauty! They are to all go forward and be prolific so that we may enjoy His labors and give him praise! |
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06 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM (#1087370) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: Bev and Jerry Lady Hillary: Might does not make right. You assume that M&Ms are or should be bred for their strength when, in fact, it might be better for the survival of the species if they were bred for love and compassion. By unmercifully consuming the losers in your little duels you may be reducing the probability of M&Ms surviving for the pleasure and exploitation of future human generations. Just because the human race has acted that way for thousands of years is no reason to teach innocent M&Ms this behavior. You are not God - even to a group of M&Ms! Bev and Jerry |
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06 Jan 04 - 05:51 PM (#1087385) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: PoppaGator Look -- I'm not complaining; this has been funny and perhaps even interesting, and I might not have found it had it been properly categorized as BS. BUT: Thee's NOTHING here about music, by any stretch. If this ain't BS, what is? |
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06 Jan 04 - 05:52 PM (#1087389) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: GUEST I repeat, what about the black and the white? None of you are addressing the problem when they all fade to black . . . and white. I am afraid you are not paying attention to what is going on in M&Mdom. Maybe that should be The Kingdom of M&M though. The lords in power have sent out a decree that all M&Ms don black and white garb for the next six months. |
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06 Jan 04 - 06:09 PM (#1087400) Subject: RE: The Red and the Green From: McGrath of Harlow "There's NOTHING here about music, by any stretch. " Well, they're the only brand of sweets I know which has had a (sort of) singer called after them. Even if he doesn't spell it right. |
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06 Jan 04 - 10:58 PM (#1087589) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Bev and Jerry PoppaGator: Did you ever hum a tune? When you did you went "M and M"! Bev and Jerry |
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07 Jan 04 - 03:54 PM (#1088152) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Chief Chaos Black and White M&Ms.... Can't we all just get along? I can see the NAACP measuring each one to make sure that M&M Mars is not making the black ones inferior to the white ones! Also...There goes the sale of M&Ms in certain Southern Towns! |
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07 Jan 04 - 04:03 PM (#1088163) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Mr Red Here in the UK we play "press the Smarties" Red of course is best. |
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07 Jan 04 - 04:49 PM (#1088199) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop Spin the Spangle? |
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07 Jan 04 - 05:32 PM (#1088244) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Dave the Gnome Did you know that Mars bars and Milky Ways are different things in the USA and the UK? As Homer might say, M&M's Mmmmm... :D |
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07 Jan 04 - 05:34 PM (#1088247) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Dave the Gnome BTW - if it was orange and green would the orange M&Ms demand to stay in the factory while the green ones demanded a packet of their own? I'll get my coat... :D |
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07 Jan 04 - 07:48 PM (#1088371) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Morticia whatever happened to Spangles? I liked Spangles.... |
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07 Jan 04 - 07:51 PM (#1088374) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: GUEST,Sergeant Sweetiepop I had no choice but to recall them, they were fearless little chaps, but caused too many lacerations of the tongue. |
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08 Jan 04 - 05:03 PM (#1088953) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Cllr I thought this was about tomatoe politics, cllr |
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09 Jan 04 - 02:48 PM (#1089586) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: EBarnacle For tomatoes, go to the Fried Green Tomatoes thread. |
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09 Jan 04 - 02:51 PM (#1089589) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Peace How do ya know they're not W and W's? |
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09 Jan 04 - 03:34 PM (#1089632) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Mr Red You mean they don't have W & W 's in Australia? They used to have a chocolate bar called Cherry Burst....... not any more! |
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12 Jan 04 - 11:42 PM (#1091676) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Lady Hillary So far my score for the New Year is: 2 Greens 1 Red 1 Brown. This was hard work. I have sent the winners from each bag back to their birth place. I will have to slow down on the testing as the effects are starting to make a difference. Does this mean that in places south of the equator there are no M & Ms? Only W & W's? |
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13 Jan 04 - 01:36 PM (#1091983) Subject: RE: BS: The Red and the Green From: Chief Chaos Did you hear the one about the blonde working at the M&M factory? She was fired from the quality control dept. for throwing out all of the Es, Ws, and 3s! |