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17 Jan 04 - 11:00 AM (#1094851) Subject: The Hamster of Time? From: GUEST,Les in Chorlton As the Hamster of Time runs around the wheel of eternity The Gerbil of Space bites the hands of destiny! OK This is crap but these things turn up all over the place. A good example is the end of I'm sorry I haven't a clue - the antidote to panel games'. Humphry Littleton often finishes the show with one. Do they have a name? Does anybody know a better one? |
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17 Jan 04 - 12:03 PM (#1094883) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Nigel Parsons "This is The BBC Home Service", "Hold it up to the light, not a brain in sight!" (The Goons) This is total BS! Nigel |
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17 Jan 04 - 12:10 PM (#1094884) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Micca As the Folk singer of time busks the shopping Mall of Eternity and the bodhran player of creation beats the rhythym of the "lost morris dance" into submission, it is time to fade away |
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17 Jan 04 - 12:18 PM (#1094892) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John-S Here's some of Humph's http://www14.brinkster.com/g0akh/ISIHAC/Humphs_Closing_Gems_Page.asp |
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17 Jan 04 - 12:40 PM (#1094906) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Phot "as our ship sinks slowly in the West, and the sun sails away.........." Spike Jones and the city slickers. Wassail! Chris |
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17 Jan 04 - 01:07 PM (#1094921) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Bill D "Aloha-oe, aloha-oe, ikeona ona noho ikanipo As the sun pulls away from the shore, and our boat sinks slowly in the west, we approach the island of Lu-Lu (sproing) - spelled backwards: (sproing) Ul- Ul. Ah, in the distance we hear Spike Jones and his Wacky Wakakians |
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17 Jan 04 - 01:12 PM (#1094928) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Bill D ooops..seems the sound file has disappeared |
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17 Jan 04 - 01:42 PM (#1094951) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Thanks a lot John S you are a genius. Do these things have a name? Does any one else do them? I feel sure I have heard some elsewhere. |
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17 Jan 04 - 05:19 PM (#1095073) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Joybell They remind me a little of Zen sayings. I'm sure you can attain enlightenment if you meditate on them in the right way. Thank you Les. Joy |
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17 Jan 04 - 05:23 PM (#1095078) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Joybell Just took a peek at the add at the bottom of this thread. It said, "You'll be amazed at how quickly your hamster will become your best friend" It's changed now. How quickly the Hamster of Time moves on! |
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17 Jan 04 - 10:40 PM (#1095275) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Little Hawk In some unfortunate cases you'll be amazed at how quickly your hamster will become your worst enemy! |
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17 Jan 04 - 11:24 PM (#1095289) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: wysiwyg A running metaphor? These are easy to create if you are in the right frame of mind (a loose one). We like to pretned the Bible is actually a Western. Oh yeah, that stuff actually all happened in the Old West, that's why the thing about the Historic Jesus is so hard to figure out! No more making the sign of the cross-- it's the sign of the noose, and communion is sarsaparilla. Disciples become podners, Gentiles are Cheyenne, Pilate is a corrupt town marshall..... Lee Van Cleef for Judas, let your mind slip a bit and it's easy, so easy..... too easy..... there goes Miss Kitty Magdalene.... ~S~ |
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18 Jan 04 - 12:38 AM (#1095317) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Joybell Epigrams? Could you call them that? Or are they a sort of free-form English Haiku. Now Google is talking "Dancing Hamsters" as well as pals. |
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18 Jan 04 - 03:49 AM (#1095349) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Well Carolyn at work, who consults on English, said they are metaphors and this is borne out above. Running metaphors is excellent. How about flying metaphors? Epigramic metaphors (EMs?)or even Ems? Since they go so much further could they be metafives or metaphives or metanines, metanines sounds snappy? Who will sing the first song constructed from metanines? |
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18 Jan 04 - 04:46 AM (#1095365) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Micca do you mean something like this Les? Bathroom of your heart. (Tune..Wild side of life) (Johnny Cash addn.lyrics Micca) On the compost heap of life I've been cast out dear With the tea leaves and grass cuttings to rot down Like a used bandage that tied up your wounds dear I am left here by you , cast on the ground chorus I've been washed from the sink of your memory in the theatre of your dreams I've lost my part and now you've got me off of your conscience I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart" Like a used kleenex I've been cast aside dear Full of snot and of bogies and of phlegm Opened up and inspected then rolled up dear And then cast with great force into the bin In the garbage disposal of your life I've been ground up dear.. And with the slurry of my dreams washed down the drain And now I'm in the sewer with the crap dear Like a chocolate cake that was left out in the rain In the cemetery of your past I've been interred dear I am rotting in the grave of your past life And now my feelings for you are disgusting Since you went back to your kids and wife… |
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18 Jan 04 - 05:42 AM (#1095384) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Micca, absolutly brilliant! I was sitting in a folk club the other night listening to somebody sing one of those long rambling singersongwritersongs about ravens ravings? and the darkness of my soul. I felt the need to make up or at least sing a spoof. I think it is impossible to spoof those kind of songs ..... when the possibilty of metanines as a basis came to mind. You have beaten me to it, but also given me great inspiration. Just searching for my talent and originality...... this could take some time. In the meantime I am off out to buy and fit an MFI fitted kitchen. As the screwdriver of commitment meets the flat pack of challenge, The cold dawn of reality throws its light on the liesure time of my life |
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18 Jan 04 - 09:52 AM (#1095473) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: wysiwyg Song Titles: THE DAY THE CHEESE LEFT MY CRACKER I'LL NEVER EAT YOUR DUST AGAIN (D Warwick) YOU POLLUTED MY OCEAN OF LOVE ~S~ |
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18 Jan 04 - 10:27 AM (#1095495) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Sounds like the land of that incredible Birkenhead band Half man half biscuit? |
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18 Jan 04 - 11:04 AM (#1095517) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Micca Les I was FORBIDDEN from including one verse on pain of having something very painful done to my person and had to PROMISE signed in Blood to destroy it and never to publish same. |
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18 Jan 04 - 12:07 PM (#1095558) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on? I we at the start of a new genre of song? |
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18 Jan 04 - 12:09 PM (#1095560) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: wysiwyg Yes, and I think we should call it Country & Western music. :~) We had a recent thread with funny C&W song titles, and I have heard some of the songs, and they are a riot. DROP KICK ME JESUS THRU THE GOAL POSTS OF LIFE... sound familiar? :~) ~S~ |
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18 Jan 04 - 12:16 PM (#1095565) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty Oh the hamster of Tyne runs between my love and me? Kitty |
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18 Jan 04 - 06:16 PM (#1095790) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Joybell We wouldn't tell Micca. We can keep secrets. If I buy my Hamster of Time at eBay, like it says I can on the add at the bottom here, will it be shipped in real time or in Hamster time? Will they pack a cut lunch for him/her and will that be enough? A Hamster of Time is not a mortal creature is it? Tell me it's not. Time my friendly, furry, funny, friend Come to me Together we will feast on Peanut-butter sandwiches And we will giggle in the face of Cruel death. |
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18 Jan 04 - 11:45 PM (#1095997) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: kendall Pat Paulsen sang it, "In the elevator of your heart I've been shafted, I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart." |
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19 Jan 04 - 12:12 AM (#1096010) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Gurney The Winds of Change are blowing through The Corridors of Power! Dont you wish? Metametaphors? |
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19 Jan 04 - 04:02 PM (#1096497) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton What ever they are they are a strange and varied beast. Many of Humphrey Littletons have a common structure. I can't really understand or describe it but I am sure it's possible. Perhaps it goes a bit like this: 2 abstract or at least sophisticated concepts are needed - destiny and time are good examples. Each then needs to be illustrated by some sureal but concrete er things (the hamster etc) The 2 concepts need to be related in some strange event??????? Ok this probably doesn't explain anything. Anyone else fancy a go? |
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19 Jan 04 - 05:41 PM (#1096574) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty The Hamster of Time scampers across the gap between the train and the platform, just before the points, at .........Mornington Crescent? And points mean? |
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19 Jan 04 - 05:50 PM (#1096582) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty As the finger of destiny points to the wandering palms waiting to welcome Samantha |
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20 Jan 04 - 05:20 AM (#1096883) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John MacKenzie Go on Kitty, you're on a roll. ROTFL John |
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20 Jan 04 - 06:02 AM (#1096910) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John MacKenzie Just thought, if you fit the hamster of time with a flux capacitor, will he become a Tribble? Or will he boldly go, in a De Lorean called The Enterprise? Or will he then return to Megarathea, to complete his research into the wheel? Or will he, maddened by time travel, commit rodenticide by taking Warfarin. I'm so confused! Has anybody seen my medication? John |
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20 Jan 04 - 03:11 PM (#1097355) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty Thanks John S for the link. Lots of eternity, destiny, doom.... Could just call them humphs. Kitty |
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21 Jan 04 - 06:28 AM (#1097714) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John-S Sadly, that link appears to be broken just now. I knew I should have taken a copy. Here's another one to keep us going. Humph's Intros |
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21 Jan 04 - 02:18 PM (#1098072) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Yes, Humph's or is it Humphs? Excellent. But what about their structure? If we camn understand them better, can we write even funnier ones? |
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21 Jan 04 - 05:59 PM (#1098232) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John MacKenzie As the Joe Clone of time, opens the Mudcat Cafe pages of eternity, he finds 50 new posts from the Gargoyle of fate? John |
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21 Jan 04 - 06:16 PM (#1098251) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Little Hawk As the Elite Member of the fabled Mudcat Inner Clique ascends to the lofty pinnacle of his/her Gilded Throne (office chair) and wields the Sceptre of Ultimate Power (mouse), he/she finds 32 more unallowable and altogether despicable posts from disgruntled ex-members, anonymous Guests, and existing members who lack discrimination...shortly to be excised with extreme prejudice by the Joe Clone Executioner of Eternity! ;-) (sorry, couldn't resist...) - LH |
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22 Jan 04 - 02:49 PM (#1098918) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton As the tasty bait of temptation Is cast over the virtual reality of the Mudcat The curious attention of the Little Hawk Is drawn to the destiny of the Hamster |
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22 Jan 04 - 04:36 PM (#1099008) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty As the hawk of destiny deposits the hamster of time in the overdue section of the library of eternity... Kitty |
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22 Jan 04 - 05:57 PM (#1099109) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John MacKenzie And the Dewey Decimal sytem of fate, classifies it under bacon products.. John |
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23 Jan 04 - 05:03 AM (#1099458) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Micca As the hamster of destiny falls into the blender of time and the long fickle finger of fate flicks the switch of eternity to create the milkshake of oblivion.. |
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23 Jan 04 - 10:13 AM (#1099665) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: GUEST >The Hamster of Time scampers across the gap between the train and the >platform, just before the points, at .........Mornington Crescent? >And points mean? Switches? |
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24 Jan 04 - 03:59 AM (#1100226) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Thankyou, thank you. I think we aew are on a roll. I watched o programme last night about that French guy who cracked the code for Hyroglyphics on the Rosseta Stone. I now believe I am close to cracking the code for Humphs. But more pressing is the need to go to MFI and struggle with the code for fitted kitchens. As the uncertain screwdriver of fate.............. |
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24 Jan 04 - 10:18 AM (#1100350) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Micca approaches the Flat pack of Eternity, The kitchen unit of infinity teeters in search of the 3 missing hinges, 8 screws, 4 bolts, an allen key and a couple of door handles |
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24 Jan 04 - 10:25 AM (#1100354) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton This kind of talk is very scarry. Now, the code: 1. The classic single (or 2 line) Humph. The first and second line contain an abstract noun eg destiny, fear, fate..... Sorry, offer of a trip to a guitar shop, more later |
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24 Jan 04 - 10:42 AM (#1100356) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Mr Red I was gpoing to say the screwdriver of fate Chauffeurs the lady Mayoress of destiny (ref to back seat). but I was jammed in the doorway of conflict, or was it conflict in the jam of Spaghetti?. I was going to suggest Mondayblues (cf Mondegreens) though I have to agree Humphs' is so fitting BUT note pedantic use of the apostrophe |
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24 Jan 04 - 03:47 PM (#1100532) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Charley Noble I think I'm getting the hang of this: So as the pawls of the capstan of time click away, the mudhook of fate is slowly raised to the surface of tranquility. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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25 Jan 04 - 04:46 AM (#1100822) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton 1. So as the pawls of the capstan of time click away, 2. the mudhook of fate is slowly raised to the surface of tranquility. So you have Charley. Basically something in the first line does something to something in the second line. This is embelished by the use of strange or surreal nouns, verbs and so on. The code looks like this to me: This is a single Humph' The first line has an abstract noun - time. This is made less abstract by a common noun - the pawls of the capstan Sometimes, though not in this case, the common noun can have adjectives - worn pawls..... The second line has the abstract + common noun feature - the mudhook of fate - some verbs - slowly raised - that indicate how the 2 lines are related. Charleys' Humph' has an extra embelishment - the surface of tranquility. OK. I am off to construct a Random Generator. |
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25 Jan 04 - 07:10 AM (#1100868) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John MacKenzie Don't forget your Flux Capacitor of time, which when added to the Kryptonite of telephony, brings to mind the exteriorisation of male underwear. Then when you have built your Random Generator, can I put my name at the head of the list to purchase your first Random. John |
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25 Jan 04 - 07:31 AM (#1100877) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton In the spirit of egaliterianism and anarcho-syndicalism ( sorry I don't think I can spell that), the generator will be: from each according to, to each according to free at the point of use, But just at the moment the the siren sound of the ironing ..... |
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25 Jan 04 - 01:34 PM (#1101040) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: John MacKenzie Dashing away with the smoothing iron. |
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26 Jan 04 - 06:11 PM (#1102025) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Charley Noble Refreshing. |
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26 Jan 04 - 06:37 PM (#1102043) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty As the points of order consign the Hamster of Time to the trellis of destiny, and the eternal prize remains unclaimed... Kitty |
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27 Jan 04 - 02:20 PM (#1102726) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton As the of the word strangling code breaker of truth Throws in the tear stained kitchen roll of surrender And the gapping backdoor of the Mudcat pulls at the arse end of analysis The small brained seeking after understanding goes in search of the origin of Wassailing |
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28 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM (#1103617) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/clue.shtml Is this the only source? |
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21 Dec 07 - 09:44 AM (#2220289) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Somehow came across this old thread of mine - or is that a song? As the tormented memory of the past Hits the useless buffers of the present From fictional grasp of creativity I throw out this challenge to the Hamsters of Time Past Merry Christmas Les Jones |
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21 Dec 07 - 09:59 AM (#2220300) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: MMario epigrams, aren't they? say goodnight, gracey! |
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21 Dec 07 - 01:50 PM (#2220438) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Charley Noble refresh |
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21 Dec 07 - 02:05 PM (#2220447) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty As Santa's Christmas caterpillar crawls into the stocking of Samantha, the hamster scampers down a rabbit hole to find the old buffers of Wonderbraland.... - I've just spotted that we're getting a Christmas Carroll this year, with Humph in Wonderland on BBC Radio 4 at 12.04 on Christmas Day. Humph is played by Humphrey Lyttelton (quelle surprise) and the caterpillar by Andy Hamilton. Sandi Toksvig is the Queen of Hearts, Tim Brooke-Taylor the Duchess, and Rob Brydon the Mad Hatter. Looking forward to it! Kitty |
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21 Dec 07 - 02:13 PM (#2220448) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton As the often sceptic magpie of anticipation Cast its eye over the many headed promises of Radio 4 A great welling of innocent optimism casts its face To the an almost certain promise of much joy |
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22 Dec 07 - 04:22 AM (#2220758) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Liz the Squeak How about Epigramaphors? Well I like it... So now, as the kitty of destiny drops another stinkpod into the litter tray of time and the smell of doom wafts across the landing of life, it's time to go and put the cat out. LTS |
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22 Dec 07 - 06:46 AM (#2220808) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Mo the caller Bit too late Liz. |
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22 Dec 07 - 12:43 PM (#2220961) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Bill D As a surfiet of deranged grammarians foist gratuitious compilations of polysyllabic exhuberance on our unprotected tabulas rasa, it behooves us to repair to the great thesaurus and reply with contumacious verisimilitude, lest this propagation of calumny be unctuously unrestrained. make sense? is there a rule they have to make sense? |
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22 Dec 07 - 01:48 PM (#2220989) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Sense? Tricky word Bill. I think they should sound as if sense was in there but may not be directly accessible. |
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22 Dec 07 - 07:22 PM (#2221145) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Liz the Squeak Bill, are you one of those lawyer chaps who are paid £50 a letter?! LTS |
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23 Dec 07 - 10:23 AM (#2221345) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Charley Noble I saw a Brontosaurus with a thesaurus, Fie, man, fie! I saw a Brontosaurus with a thesaurus, Who's the fool now? I saw a Brontosaurus with a thesaurus, Searching for the ultimate chorus – Thou hast well drunken and who's the fool now? The Hamster of Thyme spins on! Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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23 Dec 07 - 10:39 AM (#2221350) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton Exlnt As the ever shrinking Brontosaurus of rhyme Confronts the ragged rhythm of word play ....... |
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23 Dec 07 - 02:56 PM (#2221476) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Charley Noble As the sabretooth hamster sank into the tarry mire, His soul ascends while his earthly parts expire! Charley Noble |
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23 Dec 07 - 05:48 PM (#2221558) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Dave the Gnome Viv Stanshall (What a genius!) Canyons of your mind - In the canyons of your mind, I will wander through your brain. To the ventricles of your heart, my dear. I'm in love with you again. 'Cross the mountains of your chest (babababa), I will sticker union jack. To the forest of your cheek... oh... Through the holes in your string vest! My darling, in my cardboard-coloured dreams (cardboard-coloured dreams), once again, I heard your laugh. And I kiss, yes, I kiss your perfumed hair. (But she's not there.) The sweet essence of Giraffe. (Of Giraffe.) And each time I hear your name, (Frying pan, frying pan) Oh, oh, my, my, how it hurts! (He's in pain) In the wardrobe of my soul... (oh, my soul) In the section labeled "shirts." :D |
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24 Dec 07 - 12:23 AM (#2221707) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: The Fooles Troupe Did you say Hamster of Time? I thought I heard the flush of a distant toilet... |
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24 Dec 07 - 01:34 AM (#2221726) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: The Fooles Troupe I'm sorry, I was just playing with the crayons of your mind... |
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24 Dec 07 - 06:46 AM (#2221805) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton As the miserable mole-rat of pessimism Strangles the worm-like remnants of my Christmas Spirit And the retaliatory sky-full of Manchester drizzle Offers me nothing but a trip to the tip I search for the sweet taste of a Chinese takeaway Knowing that between my short-sighted misery And the often visited joy of Honk Kong Is only, their is only one way of putting it, THE IRONING. |
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24 Dec 07 - 06:48 AM (#2221806) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Les in Chorlton But then again: I cannot get tae my love if I would dee For the Hamster of Time run between him and me And here I maun stand wi a tear in my ee All sighin and sobbin, my true love to see |
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24 Dec 07 - 09:19 PM (#2222190) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Charley Noble Alas, my love, if I could channel the criteria, We would be together, you and me, and not in Siberia, But by the great sidereal movements by which time is commonly reckoned I cannot with any degree of accuracy state when we might be beckoned. Charley Noble |
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25 Dec 07 - 12:03 PM (#2222380) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: Herga Kitty I did enjoy Humph in Wonderland - the ending was something like "as the chill wind of destiny blows up the snowflake of time, South East trains cancel all their services..." Can be heard by clicking on H, and then on Humph in Wonderland at BBD Radio 4 Listen again page Kitty |
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26 Dec 07 - 08:04 AM (#2222652) Subject: RE: The Hamster of Time? From: The Fooles Troupe I'd love to be able to get that, but it seems imppossible for download saving, either on Win or Linux... |