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21 Feb 04 - 04:42 PM (#1120638) Subject: BS: elect as the one and only world leader From: dianavan I'm running as an independent. I'll do plastic surgery so I'll fit the image your looking for. I'll start my own religion (only singing and dancing allowed) I'll eliminate poverty and/or homelessness. There will be no war. There will be education and health care for all. I'll protect the environment. World hunger will be solved. Liars will be prosecuted. Racists will be imprisoned. I need a campaign manager. I promise to be benevolent. d |
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21 Feb 04 - 05:35 PM (#1120667) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: wysiwyg OK.... but Bobert has to be VP. ~S~ |
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21 Feb 04 - 05:37 PM (#1120671) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Amergin "Liars will be prosecuted. Racists will be imprisoned." so...that means we're all in trouble... |
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21 Feb 04 - 06:08 PM (#1120697) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Amergin: Not all! I will have to build some pretty big prisons, though. Oops - I'll change my policy - they just have to wear a big red "R" or a yellow "L" so we can readily identify them. Just so we know who we are dealing with. Thanks, S (I promise to be nice) and what about Bobert? Does Bobert have the right image or should I book an appointment? d |
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21 Feb 04 - 07:48 PM (#1120751) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace Bobert would do the job for you. I mean, as VP, he'd just have to take the blame in the unlikely event the President pooched it. Not that he couldn't assume the President's duties on golf weekends, and stuff like that. So yes and no. I stand clearly for having a VP, and I will sit for that, too. But he has to wear a tie all the time, even in the shower. Can I write your speeches? Are you gonna have tapes with missing minutes on them? I'll write them, also. dianavan for President. Uh, what are you runnin' for that Bobert's gonna be the VP of? |
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21 Feb 04 - 08:24 PM (#1120765) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Cobble Hitler made a race wear the star of david. |
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21 Feb 04 - 08:36 PM (#1120770) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan The world, brucie! The world! Yes, you can be my speech writer. The first thing we do is ban all feedlots and slaughterhouses. Please read the new discussion about B.S.E. for a brief. Think you can convince the masses that our first step toward health and harmony is to stop eating mammals and birds? After that, we convince industry to stop polluting our oceans and streams so that we have enough fish. Oh yeah, Monsanto. I'll deal with them later. I still haven't heard from Bobert. Yes, a tie would look nice. Maybe one of those with the cartoon characters that kids like but a bow tie might be more appropriate in case he has to take a bath. I hope you have a scanner. We will need elaborate photos to convince the masses that we truly are a dream team. I, for one, look much better when digitally enhanced. Maybe I'll just wear a veil. The rest of you will have to volunteer to do your share of the work. Pets, of any kind, are against my religion. Affection is not enough! I want to see tangible contributions. Your benevolent autocrat, d |
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21 Feb 04 - 08:53 PM (#1120780) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Cobble, I know that. I won't kill the racists and liars but I do think we need to know who they are. Know your enemy and all that. Of course it will be so humiliating for them, they will change their evil ways. But, of course, thats not a very benevolent way of treating anyone. I'll have to think of another plan. Do I have any policy advisors? What do I do with liars and racists? I can't ignore them or their hatred and deceit will spread amongst the general populace. d |
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21 Feb 04 - 09:18 PM (#1120794) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace dianavan: If I'm gonna do your press stuff, you HAVE TO WARN ME when you say things about getting your digitals enhanced. There are voters out there who may misunderstand. They'll be asking for before and after shots, and we must be prepared. And as to our friends at Monsanto: What the future president meant to say was that the country would be making business deals with you later. We would never cast aspersions on one of our important campaign contributors. Also, dianavan, mention that there will be NO cigars in the Oval Office, or any other oval places for that matter. I can't take much more of this pressure. Where's the VP? |
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22 Feb 04 - 04:15 AM (#1120931) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Bobert, where are you? I need someone to agree with me on this. brucie, You agreed to be my campaign manager, not my financial advisor. Who needs Monsanto's money. The grassroots of the world will choke the life out of those puny, little, genetically modified, seeds and we will live on bread alone. I desperately need a press secretary. I have absolutely no tact and now that I'm on the campaign trail, I have to be more careful what I say. I can't even post for fear of offending someone. Oh yeah... Anyone who's caught with a cigar will be tried for concealing a biological weapon! If found guilty, bring him to me. d |
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22 Feb 04 - 05:25 AM (#1120946) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Amergin Boberts a hillbilly from WV...a flamin commie red....not sure you want him...he's unelectable...besides I don't think the public would like a refugee from Deliverance to be second in command...VBG I think you should go for some one like meself...i have little command of the english language (though it is my native tongue) and I am only a socialist...not a commie red...and I don't have a family stump...got an actual tree...oh wait...i'm not even 30 yet so that disqualifies me... Sorry, I think Bobert's your best choice after all... (just kidding bobert) |
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22 Feb 04 - 08:19 AM (#1120990) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie If you WANT to be Prez you're automarically disqualified. This is on account of the fact that it's a job no sane person would want. John |
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22 Feb 04 - 08:37 AM (#1120998) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: freda underhill i'll vote for any team that Boberts in. |
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22 Feb 04 - 09:48 AM (#1121029) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: wysiwyg Hee hee hee! He has no idea we're nominating him! Hahahahahhhh!!!! ~S~ |
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22 Feb 04 - 01:44 PM (#1121158) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan brucie - I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Of course you can be my press secretary and my campaign manager, too, unless WYSIWYG still wants the job. Cobble - Nobody has to wear a letter. Shunning works better. Look at what happened to tar heel. Oh the power of the word! POOF - he just vanished. Very tidy - no bloodshed. Amergin - How dare you call bobert a commie. I would never have a sexist on my team. Since you are too young to run, will you be my policy advisor? I still have no idea what can be done about Monsanto. freda - I hope you are not being swayed by boberts charm. and where are Fred Miller, and Frankham when they're needed? Do you think you could convince Carol C. to be my body guard? d |
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22 Feb 04 - 01:48 PM (#1121164) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace People at Monsanto: The future President is just kidding with those remarks. They were taken out of context and misrepresented--it's something that happens between the brain and the computer keyboard. Dianavan, a woman can live on bread alone, but not a man. "Man cannot live by bread alone." But, we need Monsanto's bread. Where the hell is the future VP?! We need the religious vote. Dianavan, say something religious, but make it noncommittal so that even the atheists will feel welcome. Words to the effect that "Dogs work in mysterious ways." That includes the animal lovers, too. That's a big group. We don't wanna lose them before we get their votes. I need to know my official title, and will I get a hat? |
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22 Feb 04 - 01:57 PM (#1121176) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: wysiwyg Naw'm, I think I'll pass on taking on any jobs, as long as that doesn't get me appointed to anything. I think you might want to consider Sorcha for secretary of state. She's quite, umm, quick with the diplomatic shit. Lessee, defense... no, too scary to contemplate any of the individuals that sprang to mind, better not to have any. No, wait-- Jeri. Level-headed Jeri. She's been around enough mess to have a good feel for the job, and she's far too busy to micro-manage it. ~Susan |
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22 Feb 04 - 01:59 PM (#1121178) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: wysiwyg PS, brucie seems to have Press Secretary or Chief of Staff well in hand. Raptor..... Health & Human Services. ~S~ |
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22 Feb 04 - 02:07 PM (#1121186) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace WYSIWYG: Please take or get someone for the Chief of Staff position. I just want the hat. There are a few Canadians--Little Hawk, Cluin, to name but a few--who are lateral, divergent thinkers (read crazy as can be and still walk around in public alone) who would be excellent Press Secretaries. (This IS part of a Canadian plot to annex the USA.) Of course, dianavan has to agree, but we could twist her cigar remark and I'm sure she'd comply with our wishes. |
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22 Feb 04 - 02:08 PM (#1121188) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: wysiwyg Then you would have to be campaign manager. It's too late to duck, sorry! ~S~ |
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22 Feb 04 - 02:26 PM (#1121202) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan brucie - this is getting serious. I better PM you so that I don't put my foot in my mouth again. Naw - takes too much time. Religion???? How about telling them I only eat wild meat that has been killed and butchered by friends or family? No pork - that will make the Jews and Moslems, happy. No beef in honour of the sacred cow of the Punjab (and because I might go mad). No poultry because we know Asia is really pissed off about the chickens (civit cats are also out). Isn't Jesus the lamb of God? Can't do mutton, either. Tell them I only eat fish (not farmed) and bread (not genetically modified) out of respect for my people. Do you think Raptor will approve? I really need him on my team. Yes you may choose a hat. A Mexican sombrero, a Canadian toque or a cowboy hat. Otherwise you'll have to wear that Nike baseball cap. Ask Sorcha. She'll know what to do. This is soooooo stressful. Bring me a glass of blood - I mean, er, ahem, wine. d |
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22 Feb 04 - 02:42 PM (#1121212) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace Sounds good. I have no idea what we're doing, but that then qualifies me to be either Secretary of Defense or Secretary of the Interior. If you drink blood, that will get the vampire vote; however, we need the blood donor votes, too. So, maybe modify that statement and sy "only type AB neg. They make up less than 5% of the population and it won't offend the vampires--other than those working as CEOs of multi-nationals. We still don't know where the VP is, but by all means, get Raptor on board. We need genius to pull this coup off. Oh, yeah, in the event that polls determine the nation isn't ready for a female president, are you willing to undergo elective surgery? If not, will you admit to standing up when you piddle? BM |
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22 Feb 04 - 02:54 PM (#1121225) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie How about Spaw as Secretary of State for energy, with special responsibilities for gas? John |
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22 Feb 04 - 02:59 PM (#1121233) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan I DO stand up when I piddle. I can even do it over the side of a boat. Where's yer hat? d |
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22 Feb 04 - 04:11 PM (#1121275) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Little Hawk We (in Canada) do actually intend to annex the USA so the place can get run decently for a change, and stop threatening everybody else all the time. Besides, we gotta get even for their blatant attempt to annex us in 1812-14! :-) We will give certain stolen parts of the USA back to Mexico, in return for Mexican assistance in this noble project. We will also return much stolen land to the Indians. Florida will be turned into a hanging chad preserve. Las Vegas will be attached to very large helium balloons and floated out over the central Pacific Ocean, then dropped. I refuse to run as either a Democrat or a Republican, so I'm glad you're an independent, dianavan. |
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22 Feb 04 - 04:14 PM (#1121277) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: wysiwyg We can't count on Spaw-- he's hardly here anymore and he's already too busy with his own not-so-hidden agenda. I think we oughtta get CatsPhiddle on board though. ~S~ |
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22 Feb 04 - 05:59 PM (#1121349) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: GUEST,Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni Might I and my warrior maidens be of assistance in some small way here, o mighty Mudcatti ? Own chariot. Will travel. Send word, soonest. BOUDICCA |
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22 Feb 04 - 06:14 PM (#1121361) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Little Hawk - you are definitely the minister of defense. Unless you want to be V.P (time is drawing nigh). You convinced me with the Las Vegas idea. How about the whole state of Nevada. Seems it shouldn't be inhabited by humans, anyway. (oops, check with Brucie on that). Now is the time to establish Cascadia as our base of operation. Can you arrange that? Tell him to wear his sombrero when he gives the S.W. back to the Mexicans. Susan, you have been appointed Press Secretary. Can you tell the folks in the U.S. that they are rapidly shrinking in stature without offending them? It will be hard enough when they realize that they are no longer the envy of the world. I need another glass of blood. How many carbs in that? d |
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22 Feb 04 - 06:20 PM (#1121365) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace My hat, dianavan, is off to any woman who pees over the side of a boat. I am more than willing to handle personal one-on-one interviews with BOUDICCA'S warrior maidens. (Things are gettin' difficult here with LH keepin' all the blow-up dolls an' everything.) After the interviews they will have to find a new noun, but their adjectives will remain intact. (I will NOT smoke or even mention cigars.) If I get lucky, would that qualify me to be Secretary of the Interior? BOUDICCA: How many wm's we talkin' about here. I'm 56 years old and I don't wanna 'bite off more than I can chew' if you'll pardon the expression. However, daydreams aside, dianavan is gonna be the boss, so any decisions as to positions will have to be run by her. |
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22 Feb 04 - 06:23 PM (#1121370) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Amergin Sure thing, dianavan! can i wear my akubra hat? |
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22 Feb 04 - 06:36 PM (#1121380) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: wysiwyg No, not press secretary. Too much like work! ~S~ |
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22 Feb 04 - 06:45 PM (#1121395) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace dianavan: There are no carburators in blood. Please, do NOT offend Detroit. Dear Detroit, Dinavan was just kidding. The Spin Doctor |
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22 Feb 04 - 07:02 PM (#1121408) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Little Hawk Where's Cascadia? I have a feeling it's in the Pacific Northwest. Am I right? |
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22 Feb 04 - 08:01 PM (#1121451) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: GUEST,Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni Noble Bruce, you are indeed correct. Decisions as to positions must rightly remain in the hands of your leader, Dianavan. Amongst my number are both maids and women of experience (the greatest being myself) in campaign and diverse other arts. We failed our first attempt at victory, it must be said, but have been in conference and battle practice these past 1944 years, and have had many successful conquests under our belts. Not least, and unbeknown to the general populace of Britannia, it was I and my female band who trained that great erstwhile female leader of my native land, Domina Margareta Thatchera. We have much to offer in advice on womanly leadership for Dianavan's campaign, with the additional advantage of our experience in support of many kinds which we can offer to the male members of her cabinet. It is already past the witching hour in my land. I must away to bed. I await, in hope, decisions as to positions. BOUDICCA |
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22 Feb 04 - 08:05 PM (#1121453) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace Love the bra. I meant positions I might use during the interviews, but I see where the misunderstanding occurred. Pardon me. back to you, dainavan. |
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22 Feb 04 - 08:07 PM (#1121454) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace That's an 'in the event that one of your bills is shot down' you can claim it wasn't you who signed it, dianavan. The Spin Doctor |
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22 Feb 04 - 09:26 PM (#1121475) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bobert Well, gol friggin' danged! I step out on the porch to burn a little evidence and look what happens? Well, I'll teel ya what happens! Someone done moved my "Stairmaster Protech Exerciser 100XL" outta da danged Ovatine Office and moved it down da danged street to the Naval Observatory! I mean, like, I thought this was a democracy? Don't answer that 'cause it was 'spose to be one of them rethorical questions. But look, Dianavan, I ain't too sure 'bout what happened but, hey, the Ovaltine Office is my gym so bug off. You wanta go down an' check out the digs at the observatorym knock yer observin' self out! Now as fir this 10 point platform taht you tried to sneak in on me while I was tied up out on the porch, ahhh, firgit most of that crap 'cause here's the real deal: 1. We're gonna turn the banks over to the poor people to run and the education system over to the rich folks to run. 2. We're gonna decriminalize all "victimless crimes" (drugs, prostitiution, ect.) 3. We're gonna set up a Departmant of Peace which will get as much $$$ as the Defense Department. 4. We're gonna have a "Guarenteed National Income" for every American. (Wanta make even more? Work.) 5. We're gonna have universal one-peyer health care for every citizen. 6. We're gonna prosecute corporate crooks and make them work in community serive programs such as drug rehab., womens abuse centers, ect. 7. We're gonna sign on with the World Court. 8. We're gonna sign on as being a partner in reducing our emissions while moving toward renewable energies and away from "consumption" as our centerpiece of our energy policy. 9. We're gonna establish private/public partnerships in our prisons so that those who are incarcerated will come out *with a job*, having been trained AND employed by a private firm while incarcerated. 10. We're going change the way out democracy works. Yeah, we'll keep the Electorial College BUT the Electors will be prorated. We will also require Congress to assign a prorated number of Minority Party members to positons of of Committeee Chair.... And that is just a start... And, when it comes to presidin', you folks don't gotta look no furhter than this ol' hillbilly. I might not fill out the back of my jeans like Mel Gibson but, boney butted or not, I'm da man... President Bobert |
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22 Feb 04 - 09:50 PM (#1121489) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace Yep, communication is the key. Uh, Bobert, we have already implied that the next President would be a woman who can pee standin' up. So, how do you feel about elective surgery? I know this might be a tough decision, so take your time answerin'. (The most unkindest cut of all.) |
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22 Feb 04 - 09:58 PM (#1121495) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bobert Sign by boney butt up, brucie. Heck. I can allready pee standin' up so I'm half way there allready.... BTW, yer gonna be my Secretary of then Arts. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. We're gonna earmark 5% of the budget to go into the arts. Yep, mural restoration, fine arts, music, the works. So, brucie, yer the guy.... Hey, no leanin' to heavy on music with loud banjos 'er we're gonna have to talk... President (soon to be) Boberta... |
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22 Feb 04 - 11:38 PM (#1121528) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Boberta: I really admire your willingness to serve but you have to realize that while you may certainly retain the ovaltine office, you must not challenge the authority of your benevolent autocrat. Will you be able to handle a democratic U.S. while acting as V.P. of the WORLD! I hope so, I really need your help. Promise me youre not a sexist or I won't give you access to BOUDICCA . On second thought, you two might like the rough stuff. Little Hawk - Cascadia is on the west coast between the Cascade Mountains and the Pacific. It runs from Alaska all the way down the coast to N. Calif. Our chief trading partners are in the Pacific Rim, including Australia and N. Zealand. It will be our base of operation (capital of the world). BOUDICCA - I'm not sure what we will do with female warriors as there will not be any war. Maybe we could use you to pacify the enemy. Would you object to "getting next to" George or some of his camp? When you retire, you could open a little tea shop in Cascadia like they do in Amsterdam. For the time being take care of Bobert, will you? (I told you I was benevolent, didn't I?) Amergin - Akubra hat? Of course! I hope it will not detract from my beannie with the little propellor on top. What is an Akubra anyway? I must know as I do not wish to appear ignorant like some of the leaders we are about to overthrow. John - Will YOU be my press secretary? First thing you have to do is convince Bobert that Nevada is just an energy suck anyway. From now on would you all please address me as Your Benevolence. brucie - Since I don't own a car, could you arrange a photo op with me and BOUDICCA. I think she would make a great chauffeur and a chariot would suit me fine. Sustainable transportation you know. Of course, unicorns would have to pull it so that I could fly to the hot spots on occasion. d |
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23 Feb 04 - 04:20 AM (#1121603) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie Only the best people wear the best hats, i.e. Akubra the Oz made 'Best hat in the World' I of course wear the Coolibah model myself, and very dashing I look in it too! Boudicca, now that you've been disinterred from under platform 6, let me be among the first to welcome you. I'm sorry to say this, but we're still having problems with the Italians, particularly in the realm of F1 racing. You could help us out on this one, but the hub caps would have to go. Not the ones on your chest, but those swords bolted to the axles of your chariot, overtaking at Monaco is hard enough! As for the peeing standing up brigade, you've never lived until you've seen 3 'chemically enhanced' young ladies having a pee standing up contest, at a very drunken barbecue. But enough of my mis-spent youth. The press secretary job sounds OK, but the energy suck sounds a bit like a fella Tio I used to meet all too rarely, back in the barbecue days of my youth. However I can still manage the press part of the job description, if given enough warning. What we need now is a campaign slogan like 'It's the stupid economy' John |
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23 Feb 04 - 06:31 AM (#1121647) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: freda underhill actually all this talk about peeing standing up reminds me of a true story..... this happened at a weekend of political pinkos getting together outside sydney, many MANY years ago... one of the women present (lets call her .. daphne) challenged the men to a pissing competition .. standing up, to see who could piss the furtherist.. on condition they would agree to one rule.. They all agreed and lined up willingly. Just as the judge was about to get things started, Daphne said what her one rule would be.. No Hands.. needless to say, she won hands down. and by the way, bony bum, are you any relation to Napoleon bony bum? now, after considering all runners, I go for the warrior women.. with Bobert as personal assistant. free da people.. |
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23 Feb 04 - 10:12 AM (#1121787) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bobert Well danged, looks as if I'm sliding down the power poll from President, to Vice President of Boudicca to freda's personal assistant... Well, at least I can call off the sex change operation.... I'm beginning to know how Howard Dean must be feeling.... So freda, can I get you another cup of herbal tea? The former almost Boberta... ... Bobert, and still peeing standing up |
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23 Feb 04 - 10:44 AM (#1121811) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: GUEST,Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni Your Benevolence, O Dianavan, I thank you for your decisions on positions. I will be most happy to "get next to George and his camp" (as you put it), in your service, and indeed, I will be pleased to adopt any position: under, over, horizontal, vertical, diagonal, and any others that may be suggested. I will also be delighted to "take care of Bobert", at your request. He will be safe in my hands. Thank you for your welcome, John Giok MacKenzie. I am gratified to discover a fellow native of Britannia amongst Dianavan's party. I look forward to being of service, also, in posing in a picture with my chariot for the noble Bruce. Might we also take that opportunity to discuss the possibility of that euphemistic "interview", Bruce ? Just name the time and day. Be assured, my blades are fully retractable, both on my chariot and upon my person. (A non-retracted blade has been the downfall of many a man of politics, as you may well know). BOUDICCA |
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23 Feb 04 - 09:41 PM (#1122270) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Bobert - You're VP of the world and since I have to go now. You're in charge. As to a slogan - how about "Peace and Prosperity For All" The first thing we do is make Cascadia a model of sustainability. We give the entire fishery back to the Natives, extend the off-shore boundry and get rid of the draggers. Loggers and new-world fisherman will be re-employed to clean-up the beaches and streams. We can build a little Disney-type amusement park for sports fisherman and hunters, too. Of course, anyone can fish for food for their family but only Natives can sell their catch. d |
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24 Feb 04 - 03:44 AM (#1122395) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Cluin I can handle your scheduling, meetings, appointments, reception, etc. But, for financial/legal reasons, I'll have to take the job under my professional nom-de-plume, Mr. Ellipsis-Interrogative. I can see to it you'll never have to talk to anybody ever. "And you are...?" "And your affiliation is...?" "And this is concerning...?" "And she should be interested because...?" "And she would know you from...?" "And you wouldn't bore her to tears because...?" "And you're going to make it worth MY while by...?" I can keep it up indefinitely. (But that's a qualification for another job I'm applying for, and under a different pseudonym) |
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24 Feb 04 - 08:58 AM (#1122551) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie Your second last line would surely qualify you for something Cluin, possibly the Guinness Book of Records. John |
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24 Feb 04 - 03:49 PM (#1122824) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace Cluin: I understand that penicillin will cure ellipsis. Thank God it's no longer the umbrella treatment. I am once again lost. Who's the boss? A person with two watches never knows what time it is. |
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24 Feb 04 - 05:01 PM (#1122880) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: freda underhill i volunteer to be treasuere - send me all your money. Bobert can count it all for me. |
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24 Feb 04 - 06:07 PM (#1122945) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Rustic Rebel I'd like to volunteer for the job of 'High World Court Jester'. I can see myself playing with balls and trippin' on tulips all day. If I can't be the "High World Court Jester' I would like to be 'Secretary of the Inferior'. That would make an easy job, for when your elected President,Your Benevolence, Dianavan, there will be no 'inferior', leaving my day free to play with balls and trip on tulips. |
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24 Feb 04 - 06:28 PM (#1122958) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan brucie - Until Detroit starts making environmentally sound transportation, I don't want their money anyway. Bobert - carry on with your platform. All but #6. I don't think abused women need the help of corporate criminals. I think we should keep the criminals under guard but let them run our sanitation facilities. Of course we will insist on environmentally sound systems. Black water, grey water, etc. Who is my secretary? I'm losing track of who is supposed to do what? Bobert you're in charge. If Martin Gibson shows up, don't talk to him. Refer him to Cluin. Just so you know, I do use my hands to hold on while hanging my bony butt (yes, mine too) over the side of the boat. BOUDICCA bring me a chariot (preferably with unicorns) and take the women to visit Cluin (I need to know if he's lying). If he is ... d |
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24 Feb 04 - 06:35 PM (#1122966) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace "leaving my day free to play with balls and trip on tulips." OK, this IS getting weird. |
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24 Feb 04 - 06:53 PM (#1122985) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Cluin Sorry, dianavan, but there has never been a woman on this planet (not even my own dear mother) who could tell when I was lying. Nor a man for that matter. It's just fortunate for those around me that I'm an honourable man. ;) |
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24 Feb 04 - 07:01 PM (#1122997) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Don Firth Can I be Curmudgeon Laureate? Don Firth |
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24 Feb 04 - 07:18 PM (#1123013) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: GUEST,Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni O Dianavan, Your Benevolence, Your chariot awaits... And here is your **unicorn** Leave Cluin to me. I feel it is my duty to handle this personally. As I have already mentioned, I am an expert on retractable blades of all kinds, and the written description alongside the unicorn picture referring to "his magic horn bowed to the night" did not escape my notice. Could this be an omen from the gods ? However, hope springs eternal. I have not had an opportunity for such an investigation these past 1944 winters and, should Cluin's claim prove true, "I may be gone some time".... Farewell. I pray you, do not wait up for me.... BOUDICCA |
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24 Feb 04 - 08:15 PM (#1123044) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Cluin Wow! Vacation and Christmas bonus all rolled into one already? I love the perks that go with this new job. Just let me set the answering machine, yer Majesty.... |
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24 Feb 04 - 08:44 PM (#1123060) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bee-dubya-ell I will serve if asked to, but let me say right up front that I will not be Secretary of State or Secretary of Defense or Secretary of anything else for that matter. I have lousy typing skills, and make really crappy coffee. I just don't have it when it comes to being a secretary. Bruce (Not to be confused with Brucie. Brucie is Canadian. I'm not. The main difference between US and Canadian politics is that the US has Secretaries and Canada has Ministers. Why they have so many ministers in government is a mystery. I don't have anything against people of the cloth, but damn near everybody in the Canadian government is a preacher!) |
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24 Feb 04 - 10:14 PM (#1123100) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bobert Well, gol danged. Ol' Bobert continues on his downward journey from President, to Vice President, to personal trainer and now to bank clerk in charge of counting money at the end of the day.... Geeze... Well, liie Bob Dylan said "Watch how you tlak to people on the way up 'cause yer gonna' have to talk with 'em again on the way down" Hey, Pete, howz it hangin', bro.. Good to see ya, Mary. Them kids still workin' ya over? I'll be okay.... Bobert |
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24 Feb 04 - 10:24 PM (#1123102) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Until the unicorn or bobbert show up, I have to stick around. Of course Curmudgeon Laureate - Don Firth Bruce - Minister of defense? You do not have to wear the cloth. You don't have to wear anything at all. Rustic Rebel - Please be the secretary of the inferior and the High World Court Jester. Be sure to wear that cute hate with the jingle bells on the tips. d |
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24 Feb 04 - 10:25 PM (#1123103) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace Bobert for Leader; dianavan for Leaderette. |
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24 Feb 04 - 10:31 PM (#1123108) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Thank goodness. Bobert you're on. d |
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24 Feb 04 - 10:33 PM (#1123109) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace dianavan: Thank you. I'm trying that now (wearing nothing at all). Please arrange bail. I'm about to be escorted from an Internet Cafe. |
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24 Feb 04 - 10:48 PM (#1123122) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan sorry Rustic Rebel - I meant hat. It was a typo! brucie, call Bruce, he'll defend you. Bruce, report this to Bobert. He'll know what to do. |
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25 Feb 04 - 12:45 AM (#1123181) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bee-dubya-ell So, like, if I take the Minister of Defense job that means I'm, like, a minister. Right? So, when the gig's over can I still be a minister and call my house a church so I don't have to pay any property taxes? Can I be a non-profit entity? Nevermind. Strike that last question. I'm an working artist and a musician. I'm already a non-profit entity. Bruce |
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25 Feb 04 - 01:56 AM (#1123199) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Don Firth (who has a gigantic bleeding heart - You are also minister of education and health even if you are grouchy sometimes. d |
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25 Feb 04 - 02:03 AM (#1123200) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Rustic Rebel Alright!! I have been accepted into the kitchen cabinet and I swear upon my duty to juggle all the balls that come my way. I swear that if tulips are planted near or beside me, I will dutifully trip through them as if they were meant as a sacrament set out for a meaningful relationship between all earthlings. I vow I will not make you regret your decision to make me the "High Earth Court Jester" I vow that I will not make this thread any weirder than it already has been (Brucie!). Don't worry folks, I won't embarrass the cabinet even if I am sitting here naked and tossing of more than 5 ladybugs crawling around my body as I type. (No-one has to know everything do they?) |
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25 Feb 04 - 04:14 AM (#1123248) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie I want to be Lord Privy Seal, that sounds like the job for a sadist. The streets could get messy too! Sir John the Giok KCMG |
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25 Feb 04 - 04:37 AM (#1123259) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: GUEST,nurse ratched I volunteer for Ministry of Health - I'll provide universal free health care to all - and deliver it myself. How will I pay for this, you ask? All medical experiments will be funded by the National Euthenasia Organisation, The Multiple Colonic Irritation Society and Ratched's whips, Handcuffs & stirrups, Pty Ltd. To your good health N. R. |
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25 Feb 04 - 04:40 AM (#1123262) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: freda underhill this weirdo ratched seems to pop up everywhere - i suggest we have a secret service to track her down and neutralise her - who would be strong enough to disorientate her - any volunteers - Martin Gibson? |
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25 Feb 04 - 09:31 AM (#1123432) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bobert Lets see what ol' Bobert is today. (Bobert spins the roulette wheel and drops the steel ball into it. Round and round and round it goes. Kirrrr-plunk!) Danged doorman again? Man, geeze oh pete. Just a little less spin and I'd be back as dianavans "personal trainer"!!!.... Hey, there's gotta be a better way???... After I finish my shift manning the door, me and Wes Ginny Slide Rule will see what we can come up with... Bobert |
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25 Feb 04 - 12:01 PM (#1123536) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie Naughty Freda!! Lord John |
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25 Feb 04 - 03:13 PM (#1123690) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Don Firth Officially Curmudgeon Laureate and Minister of Education and Health (depending on how the Nurse Wretched issue is decided, of course). Fantastic! Take that, Andy Rooney! Don Firth |
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25 Feb 04 - 04:24 PM (#1123760) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie I happen to know that Nurse Ratched is in bed at the moment, so it is safe to talk about her. Is it just me, or does anyone else think she is a bit odd? She has these delusions of adequacy, along with a desire to deal with me in a disrespectful fashion. I don't mind singing, but singeing is not on my agenda. John |
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25 Feb 04 - 05:27 PM (#1123804) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: GUEST,nurse ratched ...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........ |
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25 Feb 04 - 05:35 PM (#1123812) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... |
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25 Feb 04 - 06:38 PM (#1123874) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Bobert: Will you please start giving some direction around here? I'm away on holidays but couldn't help notice that "the nurse" has arrived and is up to her old tricks. Don Firth - Do you really think she's qualified? As minister of health, you are expected to keep her in line. d |
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25 Feb 04 - 07:47 PM (#1123918) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace The nurse is turning tricks? Did she ever work for the guy with the cigar (who will remain nameless)? |
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25 Feb 04 - 07:56 PM (#1123923) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Bobert dianavan, I'm trying but every time I look around I'm doing less and less prestigious jobs... Today I was a doorman which wasn't too fun. A little dog pee'd on my pants cuff and then every danged dog fir the rest of the day had to sniff it and try to duplicate the deed... It's tough trying to run the world while fightin' off a bunch of mindless ankle biters... And frankly, I'm slipping backwards... I was hoping to unviel a new "arts program" fir the public schools but after Alan Greenspan's little "Social Security may-have-to-go" thing today, I thought the timing might seem insensitive... Danged..... Bobert |
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25 Feb 04 - 10:40 PM (#1124033) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: dianavan Bobert - Come to Cascadia, the land of milk and honey. No pets allowed. Change your trousers and don't worry about tomorrow. We need you here, RIGHT NOW. brucie - you nominated him! Does he have a problem accepting responsibility or just very poor self-esteem. Maybe he just can't focus or set priorities. Forget about the damn cigar. You must be referring to the U.S.ex. Besides that, only Canada has them nice, Cuban kind. d |
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26 Feb 04 - 07:05 AM (#1124214) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: GUEST,nurse ratched i'm packing mybags & i'm off... to the Maldives.... see you all later. n.r. |
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26 Feb 04 - 09:22 AM (#1124302) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: John MacKenzie Whoever said nurses are underpaid? We shall miss you dearest nursie, and will keep yor job open for you [not] Watch out for the sharks! We wouldn't want anything to happen to you now, would we? John....Where's my blanket bath? |
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26 Feb 04 - 10:54 AM (#1124366) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace This fits here. > SO, WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF? 1. Smarties 2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp 3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down 4. Baseball is Canadian 5. Lacrosse is Canadian 6. Hockey is Canadian 7. Basketball is Canadian 8. Apple pie is Canadian 9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass 10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass 11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure.. 12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany. 13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war with anyone, anywhere. 14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour. 15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught. 16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on. 17. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the world's oldest company. 18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes. 19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo. 20. We don't marry our kin-folk. 21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year. 22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it. 23. A Canadian invented Superman. BUT MOST IMPORTANT! 24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!! Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day. |
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26 Feb 04 - 03:41 PM (#1124604) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Cluin "20. We don't marry our kin-folk." Guess you've never been to northern Ontario. "22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it." We have THAT to be proud of? How come we each have to repeat that experiment to learn from it? "Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day." That's because they don't really change anything. |
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26 Feb 04 - 04:07 PM (#1124644) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Don Firth Well, brucie, in the words of the man I'm currently taking as the model for my life, "Remember, I'm pullin' for ya'. We're all in this together." Don Firth "Keep your stick on the ice." |
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26 Feb 04 - 04:35 PM (#1124668) Subject: RE: BS: elect me for president From: Peace AHM TRYIIN TUH UHSTICK AYE THUNG. I know a good joke about that. Takes place in the Maritimes or Quebec or Alberta--'bout marryin' kinfolk. If I could find the joke thread I'd post it there. About elections--Ontario and Quebec decide for the country. Life in the fast lane, I s'pose. |
