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02 Apr 04 - 09:27 PM (#1153275) Subject: BS: The Rules From: Raptor We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Raptor |
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02 Apr 04 - 10:54 PM (#1153309) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST,pdc Excellent and hilarious! I was in my sixties before I figured out that men really are that straight and simple! |
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03 Apr 04 - 01:21 AM (#1153359) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: LadyJean I've never been married, but I had a male housemate for 7 years, so I know something about living with a guy. If I may offer a few simple rules for the gentlemen. Your private parts will not fall off if you do something a woman asks you to do. You won't turn into a woman if you pick up something that falls on the floor. You won't turn into Phil Donahue if you wash a dish, launder a sock, or flush a toilet. Don't expect your lady to look like J-Lo, unless you're willing to look like Ben Affleck. Washing, brushing your teeth, wearing clean clothes, shaving off stubble, will not turn you into a sissy. Those athletes you spend every Sunday watching don't know you. They didn't run all over town to buy you that grownup toy you wanted. They didn't look after you when you got the flu. They don't sit through assinine movies because you like them, or put up with godawful music because you love it. They also don't have sex with you. Just as a PS. I paid a visit to one of those internet dating services, on the advice of my sister. (Dad used to call her idiot child the second. The dog was idiot child the first.) I found a surprising number of single men past 40, all of them avid sports fans. I think they spent so much time watching the game, that they haven't had a chance at a relationship. I can't think of anything women do that's like that. (Most soap opera junkies have 1 or 2 soaps they watch regularly. You can miss 3 or 4 episodes of a soap, and miss nothing in the plot.) |
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03 Apr 04 - 03:28 AM (#1153390) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Jeanie Those rules are great, Raptor, and they list a lot of the reasons why I find a fair percentage of my own sex extremely irritating a lot of the time. Silly women, fussing endlessly over trivia, make me ashamed to be female ! I agree with you, pdc: It has dawned on me, too, that men really *are* that simple and straightforward, and that's why I love them and much prefer their company to female company. You know where you are with men. Women (even though I am one myself, and a heterosexual one too, in case anyone wonders) are the ones who are more of a mystery to me. I have never understood those "all girls together" kind of events or groups (Church Ladies' Circle; Women's Night at the Gym...that kind of thing). The idea of *choosing* to spend any length of time with a group of women exclusively is totally abhorrent to me. This is something I'm not looking forward to about getting old: given the different life expectancies of men and women, there are far, far more old women than men. I hope and pray that whichever Twilight Home I end up in, there will be some scruffy old bloke in the corner, watching the horse-racing and scratching where and when necessary, who I can sit with and exchange monosyllabic jokes - only during the adverts, of course ! - jeanie |
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03 Apr 04 - 04:24 AM (#1153406) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Gurney Lovely. Try the Barbera & Allen Pease books, such as 'Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps.' Self-improvement books aren't really my thing (I'm a bloke) but these are these are very helpful for understanding the other gender. Then you can disagree from a more understanding viewpoint. They are pretty funny, too. |
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03 Apr 04 - 04:44 AM (#1153423) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Ellenpoly Good stuff from all..thanks...(Oh, and did I mention I'm REALLY GLAD to be single??)..xx..e |
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03 Apr 04 - 04:48 AM (#1153426) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Dave Hanson My wife was in a bad mood for five years and had a headache for three years before she finally deserted me. eric |
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03 Apr 04 - 05:06 AM (#1153431) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Richard Bridge I really don't understand the sports thing. But there is another rule. 1. Learn to tell the time. If we need to be somewhere at a given time, so we need to leave at a given earlier time, you need to start getting ready before that. Enough time before that so that we can leave on time. Oh, yes, and 1. Men do one thing at a time. If we are going out to play music, and if you want me to tune all the instruments, we need to be there in enough time for me to tune them, and expecting me to go to the bar and get you a drink, or wanting me to talk to you while I am doing that only delays the process. And if you tune your guitar and I say it is not in tune, I may be right, or I may be wrong, but I mean your guitar is not in tune, not that you are useless at tuning guitars. Oh, yes and 1. You want something done. Say so, and I can understand that. It may be something I can't do. If I can, I will probably do it. Sometime. But don't wait until there is not enough time to do it (including fixing any problems) before some important other thing, and demand that it is done THEN. I would like to finish the job. |
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03 Apr 04 - 06:12 AM (#1153457) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Mr Red on the subject of headaches may I say two things. 1) 20 different excuses is one mute excuse. We ain't fooled - gals - why not just say it?. 2) My ex & I reached the pinnacle of nuptual harmony on the day we both had a headache. Which would have been bliss if she hadn't gone and blown it but realising and switching tactics and trying to seduce me. I just wish I had gone along with it just to annoy her! |
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03 Apr 04 - 07:59 AM (#1153487) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: kendall Very funny Raptor! As long as we don't take it seriously. When I have female company, I always leave the seat down. It's no big thing. I hate sports. Can't imagine why anyone would think that it's important which bunch of glandular cases wins or loses some silly ball kicking thing. I'm a damn good cook, I do housework without complaint, and I don't mind doing laundry. When I was married, I did all those things because I was retired, and she was still working. Furthermore, I like cats! Ok guys, I don't respond to bomb threats either. LOL |
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03 Apr 04 - 08:07 AM (#1153492) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Raptor Kendall truth be told I did all that stuff too and I did the dishes all the time as well ! Heide didn't care too much for housework. But I do love Football sundays. Raptor |
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03 Apr 04 - 09:08 AM (#1153520) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Midchuck You forgot one: While you're standing in the open doorway taking your twenty minutes to say goodby to a female friend or relative who started leaving half an hour ago, THE GODDAM FURNACE IS RUNNING. Peter. |
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03 Apr 04 - 10:11 AM (#1153548) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: artbrooks Raptor, let's add: Let us ogle. We are going to do it anyway...its genetic. Feel free to do the same. |
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03 Apr 04 - 10:44 AM (#1153558) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: CarolC Pull my finger... |
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03 Apr 04 - 11:10 AM (#1153570) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Peace Consider it pulled. |
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03 Apr 04 - 11:13 AM (#1153571) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Amos CarolC: I have no way to know if I understood your post but it mde me LOL anyeway!! Jeannie: Start a garage -- you can hire a kid to be the mechanic, and you'll always have men around... A |
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03 Apr 04 - 12:02 PM (#1153598) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: 42 1. never assume 2. make me happy 3. change your oil regularly 4. sing every day of your life 5. clean up your own mess 6. never argue with Raptor j |
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03 Apr 04 - 12:06 PM (#1153600) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: CarolC prrrrrtt... |
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03 Apr 04 - 12:13 PM (#1153605) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Midchuck Here (if you aren't familiar with them) are instructions on how a man can satisfy a woman every time, and vice versa. Save them for reference. Peter. |
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03 Apr 04 - 12:15 PM (#1153607) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: CarolC Snurfle? |
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03 Apr 04 - 12:18 PM (#1153608) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST I'm with kendall here. The men I know are generally very thoughtful, helpful, and tremendously supportive. I feel really sorry for women who put up with the bores. And this statement (by a woman above): "The idea of *choosing* to spend any length of time with a group of women exclusively is totally abhorrent to me." looks like a woman with tremendous insecurities, who appears to be unduly prejudiced against half of humanity. What ever happened to balance, friends, and companionship lady? Only men can provide that for you? Sounds like you are one of those women who prefers spending time with men, so she won't have to compete with REAL women for attention. |
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03 Apr 04 - 12:56 PM (#1153627) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Megan L "1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor." Raptor honey you made a mistake in number one, if a headache lasts that long YOU are the headache, she should see a lawyer lol |
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03 Apr 04 - 01:26 PM (#1153646) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Deckman I'm not going to get into a pissing contest on the "rules," but I do want to respond to something that Jeannie said. Some ten years ago, I was invited to join a fledgling bussiness association. It was only four months old and in it's infancy, all it's members were women. I attended a few meetings and decided that the concept was sound and I committed myself to join. The first thing I did was bring in 7 men friends of mine. Within a year we were solid, fun, active, and as a business referral networking group, we were very successful. I'd only been a member a few months when a couple of the founding ladies mentioned to me, quite separate of each other, that they were VERY glad when men started joining the group, as an "all wimmen" group usually degenerated to everything except business. I suspect that the very same kind of problem would exist with an all mens group! CHEERS, Bob |
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03 Apr 04 - 02:30 PM (#1153677) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Jeanie Exactly, Bob. A mixed group provides the balance. Guest: I only reply to remarks by Mudcat members, where a person has the courtesy and courage to say who they are publicly. - jeanie |
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03 Apr 04 - 02:32 PM (#1153679) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: jacqui.c To me this all comes down to a modicum of intelligence, a lot of common sense and the ability to understand your partner's needs and wants, even if you can't always understand or fulfill them. In some relationships there isn't enough communication about the things that really matter going on and that is where the problems start. Maybe if there was more emphasis on getting to know the other person by really talking at the beginning of a relationship there might be more chance of making it work. Rules on both sides seem WRONG. |
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03 Apr 04 - 06:32 PM (#1153789) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Raptor Carol That stinks! (Good one) Raptor |
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03 Apr 04 - 07:24 PM (#1153814) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Little Hawk 42 - May I safely assume that...you are not happy, your oil needs changing, you are hounded by non-singers who don't clean up their own messes, and you have been arguing with Raptor? Heh! - LH |
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03 Apr 04 - 07:25 PM (#1153816) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST,Puffin If the seat's down, it probably doesn't mean he put it down, it's much more likely he just didn't lift it up. |
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03 Apr 04 - 07:45 PM (#1153824) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Little Hawk It is a fact that most men have lousy aim. Even putting the seat up may not prove sufficient for some of these dunces to avoid splashing on the toilet's outer surfaces. Therefore, it is wiser to do what women do, and sit on the toilet while urinating. This is assuming some idiot hasn't already messed it up with his lousy aim, of course! One way that men can improve their lousy aim is by practicing on those standup urinals and aiming right into one of the little holes in the porcelain. If you can nail it dead center within one second you've got good aim. One thing the average guy can manage is to pee accurately against the side of a large tree or a wall, but then you have to watch out for splashback. Always allow sufficient distance. Mailboxes would work too, if they weren't usually set up too high. Letter slots are not advisable, and may lead to being charged or even severed. Vacuum cleaners can cause electrocution. If you are troubled by moles digging holes in your lawn you can send them a message about how you feel. Collect all your urine in a handy container and pour it down the mole's tunnel entrances. It won't make him leave your property, but it will certainly annoy him. - LH |
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03 Apr 04 - 08:16 PM (#1153836) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST,pdc Jeanie, I think it's too bad that you claim you don't like women, or find them boring. I like certain types in both sexes, and dislike certain types in both sexes. Try searching for individuals rather than assuming they are gender stereotyped -- you might find you are pleasantly surprised by both sexes! |
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03 Apr 04 - 08:20 PM (#1153837) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Blackcatter It's not that men are losy aim. It's that toilets are stupidly designed for a man to pee standing up. You pour any liquid into a vessel from that distance, you are goin to get a splash. It's even worse in most urinals - there the splash often comes back on the man - think about that ladies - sometimes your men have droplets of urine on their pants or bare legs . . . That is why I typically sit down - though in public that is difficult because the seats are unclean so often. I rarely go when I'm out. Raptor - a wonderful list! |
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03 Apr 04 - 08:40 PM (#1153844) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST,A Mole Little Hawk Where do you live? I'm gonne shiyt on your home! |
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03 Apr 04 - 08:43 PM (#1153845) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST Women who are unable to get on with other women are in my experience very insecure. Unless they can relate on the eyelid batting front they don't know how to communicate. Which is a major flaw in their personality. I also wonder if they realise perhaps through experience that women can actually see through other women much more easily than men, and are eager to keep their shallowness to themselves. Men are great...you really are! But so are women. |
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03 Apr 04 - 08:46 PM (#1153847) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Little Hawk LOL! Do your worst, you mangy little worm-eater! I actually caught a mole once in the basement...quite a pursuit that was...I put on thick leather gloves and finally managed to grab him and drop him in a bucket. He then began jumping and was surprisingly good at it, but I took him outside and released him. They've got these things that rotate in the wind and produce a sound that drives moles nuts. I'm not sure if they work, but they are supposed to repell the moles from the general area. - LH |
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03 Apr 04 - 08:54 PM (#1153851) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Amos GUEST, I think it is quite the opposite -- the strongest and brightest women I know usually really don't like the shallow eyelash batting stuff and speak frankly as well as compassionately. Shallow women and shallow men are much more polarized than strong and intelligent members of either sex are, IMHO...On the other hand being plain human sometimes takes more courage than some folks have in them, and there's nothing to do but scamper around like Little Hawks mole, half blind and half terrified, trying to jump. A |
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03 Apr 04 - 11:03 PM (#1153903) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: LadyJean As I mentioned, I had a male housemate. He was 6ft. I'm 5'7. So, I proposed a simple division of labor. I would buy the lightbulbs. He would change the lightbulbs. Following my proposal he never changed another light bulb. He would shower in the dark for days before he'd change the bulb in the bathroom! I never understood it. |
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03 Apr 04 - 11:03 PM (#1153904) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: kendall Steriotypes afford us the luxury of not thinking, but eventually, they will extract the price of not thinking. (Jean Harris, author of "Stranger in two worlds." |
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03 Apr 04 - 11:58 PM (#1153913) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: freda underhill im the opposite jeanie, all of my close friendships are with women. the men i like, i dont get too close too or hang out with, as they are either someone elses partner, or single, and i dont want to get involved. |
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04 Apr 04 - 03:44 AM (#1153957) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: jacqui.c I have a male friend who once told me that men and women could never just be 'friends'. Problem that I've found is that, if a member of the opposite sex tries to be friendly the recipient tends to think that there is an ulterior motive and reacts either by backing off or coming on. I've got friends of both sexes, but the male friendships took longer to make to avoid misunderstandings. Anybody else found that problem? |
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04 Apr 04 - 04:18 AM (#1153969) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Jeanie Pdc, Freda and Guest: Please read again what I wrote (remember, too, that the tone of this thread, initially, was light-hearted, and mine was the fourth post, in-keeping with that style): I said: "...I find a fair percentage of my own sex extremely irritating a lot of the time." You will also see that I specified that I was referring to "Silly women, fussing endlessly over trivia." This is plain English. Am I talking here about ALL women ? No, of course not ! Plain English speaks for itself. 'A fair percentage, a lot of the time' does not mean all, or anything like all. I think some VENN diagrams might be in order, here ;) (that is a wink symbol, just so we are clear on this !) I also said: "The idea of *choosing* to spend any length of time with a group of women exclusively is totally abhorrent to me." That means: choosing to join an all women's group or take part in organized all women's activities. That is for the reason of balance, as in the example given by Bob(Deckman) in his post. Does that mean not choosing to have female friends ? No, of course not ! Again, this is Plain English. Amos: Thank you. The people (male and female) I hang around with by choice fit your description of "strong, bright, frank and compassionate." They do say that 'birds of a feather flock together.' - jeanie |
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04 Apr 04 - 05:14 AM (#1153997) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: freda underhill sorry jeanie, i wasnt getting stuck in. but i was talking about this (not your post)but the male/female friendship thing, with another catter recently, who asked me about my friendships & pointed out that they were all female. and i know some women are mens women, and its not necessarily for any complicated philosophical reasons other than they just are. sometimes its what youre used to, comfortable with, what gender your siblings were, who you happen to bond with, whatever. My oldest daughter, a very capable and strong minded woman, has a lot of good male friends, a few female friends. back to these all important Rules. the Rules Ive observed that men ive gone out with recently seem to follow include: 1. Talk continuously, allowing the lady opposite the opportunity to say, "yes" occasionally. Get very patronisingg if she attempts to say anything. 2. when you ask her what she does for a living, then proceed to tell her all about how to do the job, give a few tips, even tho you know absolutely nothing about the field. fred |
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04 Apr 04 - 05:53 AM (#1154018) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: dianavan Reading this makes me thankful for the many, old friends I have. Most I've known for 20-30 years. I seen them through all of their ups and downs and they were with me through mine. Sometimes we do not agree. Sometimes I've wondered why we were even friends. After a time you stop wondering and accept that, like it or not, that person has been a part of your life for so long that there must be a reason. This includes both men and women. In fact, most of my men friends have known me longer than they've known their wives. They also know that when push comes to shove, I will usually agree with the wife. My favorite times are with the ladies when no men are around. Our compatibility really shows up in the kitchen. We can make a feast from a turnip. Its all done effortlessly with lots of yakking and giggling punctuated by the occasional scream. Best of all, we are always there to listen to each other. When it gets right down to it, we (I'm really gonna get it now) we consider men to be demanding pets. They're kinda sweet and nice to cuddle but it takes determination to train them properly. PUT THE DAMN SEAT DOWN! When I plunk my ass down, I don't want to feel cold porcelain. In addition, the basin is considerably lower in height and it comes as quite a surprise when your butt doesn't stop where you expect it to. There is also the problem of your piss on the rim of the bowl - it gets on my skin. d |
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04 Apr 04 - 06:01 AM (#1154024) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Sooz On a school residential activity a colleague of mine dropped a table tennis ball into each of the boys loos. She explained that it would give them something to aim at and would not flush away. It bobbed up clean a perky for the next user! I also hate all "girlie" activities - they give me the creeps. Most (although not all) of my friends are men. That includes my best friend who I've been married to for thirty years. (I really must spend the next thirty sorting out his aim!) |
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04 Apr 04 - 06:29 AM (#1154033) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Jeanie Apologies back to you, too, Freda: I only included your name in my defence of my post because you had said "I am the opposite, Jeanie" (I wanted to clarify to you that I do have female friends). My main defence of my statements was directed to the other two people, who appear to have mis-read what I wrote. I agree with you about your Points (1) and (2) ! I've also experienced both of these phenomena ! LOL !!! I'm going to stick my neck out here (and, like Dianavan, I have a feeling I'm putting myself in the firing line here, good and proper, from a different perspective): The sum and substance of your Rules (1) and (2) is that some men find it very difficult to relate to intelligent women. If a woman is bright, knowledgeable, articulate and witty, she is simply being herself. She isn't "showing off" or "trying to be one better". Unfortunately, some men (and some women) appear to interpret it that way. Please note: I am talking about "SOME men" and "SOME women." Yes, folks, it's Venn Diagramm Time again ! - jeanie |
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04 Apr 04 - 06:44 AM (#1154042) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: freda underhill it is a difficult world to be politically sensitive in (note, i no longer use the term politically correct, as it implies a dogmatism and insincerity which i find inappropriate),. particularly when discussing gender issues, but i will attempt this task. while i am not a person who takes indiscriminate and unfounded potshots at men, and while i acknowledge that there are men who are, indeed, caring human beings with souls, feelings and needs, and while i am also not a person who demeans football, or those who play it watch it or sleep it, and i am able to understand the need to scratch on sociological and psychological grounds, and while i am not a person who is intolerant about toilet seats, i see great cultural challenges for men and women in contributing to dialogue about these issues, in a way which enhances each others ability to communicate yet allows full freedom of conscience and integrity to proceed with respect and in an atmosphere of mutually agreed safety, while limiting and agreeing to participatory rules for that process. and in attempting to define these participatory rules in a way which still allows the parties involved full freedom of negotiations towards their implied, assumed and actual needs, i now offer the following carefully thought out suggestions: FUCK THE RULES best wishes freda |
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04 Apr 04 - 06:58 AM (#1154047) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Jeanie YAY !!!! Three cheers for Freda !!!! Hip, hip, Hooray (X3) !!!! - jeanie :) :) ;) |
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04 Apr 04 - 08:52 AM (#1154081) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: *daylia* Gads Raptor, reading through those rules is bringing on quite the fit of nauseous nostalagia! To h*** with all the cultural conditioning that insists otherwise, I just knew I'm quite the lucky lady to be so very single these days! Thank you for spelling out at least some of the reasons why! Just a couple questions - (and ok, Yes and No are acceptable answers, if that's all the ole neurons are capable of); Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not Work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! This is true, but how will men ever master the subtle nuances of language and communication unless women keep teaching them to listen between the words? Huh? HUH?? Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. In that case, I do hope your rule includes the primal "I do"! Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be... .... in someone else's living room! (Just whispering words of wisdom, like St John and St Paul said ...) ;-) daylia PS Would these same rules apply for same-sex marriages too? |
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04 Apr 04 - 09:10 AM (#1154084) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: kendall Jeanie, I get really irritated by people who insist on "reading between the lines". I say what I mean, and nothing more. Don't look for hidden meanings, there are none. I have about a dozen women friends, I don't sleep with any of them. JacquiC, there is a natural tension between men and women, so the best way to ease that is to communicate and settle the issue right off the bat. There are times when you will need to be adamant; some men are blockheads! If they take off after you tell them you are not interested, what have you lost? |
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04 Apr 04 - 10:54 AM (#1154122) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: McGrath of Harlow Doesn't take long for a thread to get all tense and tetchy does it? |
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04 Apr 04 - 11:03 AM (#1154128) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Jeanie Kendall, my pal, I never said anything about 'reading between the lines' or 'looking for hidden meanings'. If you saw that in what I wrote, then it must have been VERY hidden indeed ! I think you must have been referring to someone else's post here ? Maybe Daylia's ? - jeanie |
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04 Apr 04 - 11:44 AM (#1154147) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Raptor Don't get all upset please refur to rule # 1 |
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04 Apr 04 - 12:31 PM (#1154168) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Little Hawk The joys of being single are highly underrated these days. I'm in agreement with Daylia on this one. And yes, a man can easily have female friends without getting "involved" with them...once he's gotten by the illusion that he is hopeless and bereft unless he has a girlfriend/lover/wife/etc beside him... I'd rather chew on an old shoe than watch Sunday sports. - LH |
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04 Apr 04 - 12:52 PM (#1154178) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Strollin' Johnny Freda - and presumably 'FUCK THE RULES OF PUNCTUATION AND CAPITALISATION IN WRITTEN ENGLISH' also????? Johnny :0) |
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04 Apr 04 - 12:54 PM (#1154179) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: freda underhill totally! |
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04 Apr 04 - 01:01 PM (#1154184) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: dianavan If your're in love the rules fly out the window. d |
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04 Apr 04 - 01:12 PM (#1154190) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: artbrooks There is a simple solution for the "toilet seat up or down" problem. That is, all parties put both the seat and the cover down! That way, the seat cover that you cleverly choose to match the rug and shower curtains will show. While you're at it, fill the cat's water dish so he'll have another place to drink. |
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04 Apr 04 - 01:31 PM (#1154206) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST,Woman I think it would be wise to ignore GUEST's comments. She sounds like an ex-pat living in England who considers herself to be a 'real' woman, but maybe underneath that composed exterior is very insecure in her relationships with men. Notice that under the guise of friendship she professes for her 'sisters', she posts anonymously, thereby allowing her to be as two-faced as she wishes. And she is. |
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05 Apr 04 - 01:27 AM (#1154571) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: dianavan artbrooks - You seem to know me well. d |
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05 Apr 04 - 06:49 AM (#1154706) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Dave the Gnome I have seen a copy of the rules before. One missing from this list If you want a pudding get one. If you only want a spoonful get a pudding have a spoonful and throw the rest away. Don't eat half of mine just so you can say you have not had one:-) Cheers DtG |
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08 Jul 04 - 06:05 AM (#1221208) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST,Ellenpoly A friend sent me The Rules YET AGAIN (this has been making it's rounds for a while) and this time, as you will see, it inspired me to add my own responses,(appropriatly numbered "2")..xx..e "We always hear about "the rules" from the female side. Now, here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note that these are all numbered "1" on purpose. Print this out. If you're a man, pass to your partner for greater understanding. If you're a woman, keep these somewhere prominent, like on the fridge! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. 2) Why the hell don't you just sit down when you piss? Let's face it, you miss the damn bowl more times than you hit it, and WE'RE the ones who have to clean up after you! 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again. 2) Actually, honey, most of us would be AMAZED if you just remembered the date and remembered to say "I love you" on ANY of the OTHER ones!!! 1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 2) And sometimes we're dreaming up ways of getting you out of the house. So remember that we may be thinking about you more than you are of us...but what EXACTLY do you think we're THINKING?? 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, we're stuck with her. 2) WASH YOUR HAIR! We don't care if it's long or short, just think about keeping it clean! 1. Crying is blackmail. 2) Not speaking to us about what the hell the problem is-is emotional abuse. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 2) Good! Just give us the damn credit card and go wait in the car with the dog. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! 2) And when we do-how about LISTENING??? 1. We do not remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar and remind us frequently beforehand. 2) OK, we'll remind you, but then don't look sheepish when the day arrives and we look expectant. 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes---tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,would look good with your dress? 2) Sorry about that. We keep making the mistake of thinking we're supposed to get all dolled up for you, because if we don't you'll make snide remarks about how we're "letting ourselves go". Next time, we'll just choose the ones with the pointiest toes and kick you. 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 2) Hey, buster...I DON'T KNOW works pretty well too! 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 2) Foreplay isn't pulling up the back of my nightgown before sticking it in. See a sex therapist. 1. Check your oil. Please! 2) Remember where you put your keys. Please! 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 2) Honey, if we bring it back up, it's a good bet that you didn't get the point of it the first time round. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 2) If you got up off your own fat ass once in a while and helped with the cooking, so we didn't have to go out YET AGAIN for pizzas or fried chicken or hamburgers, we'd BOTH be in better shape! 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 2) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry...we meant the other one. 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway: It's genetic. 2) It sure is. So is masturbating...how about this compromise...you can ogle AND masturbate at the same time. I'm sure the gals wouldn't mind...especially as the cops cart you away. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 2) If you said yes and then actually did it, we'd be thrilled. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 2) We do understand that you have only a 30 second attention span. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 2) Perfect example! He went somewhere other than where he planned, and almost had a mutiny on his hands because of it. 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And, quit whining about it to your girlfriends. 2) This is a "relationship"???? We didn't know you knew that WORD!!! 1 ALL men see in only 16 colors. Like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is. 2) Just match your damn socks and surprise us. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 2) We know that, which is why we don't bother telling you. Better you find out for yourself the hard way- over and over and over and over and over again. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 2) Scratch away. Especially in public...see above. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect to hear an answer you don't want to hear. 2) Ditto babycakes 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or motor bikes. 2)"thinking"???? 1. You have enough clothes. 2) Ours don't have holes or need buttons we can't sew on ourselves. 1. You have too many shoes. 2) And therefore rarely suffer from as much athlete's foot. 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 2) Being shown up by your lady hurts too much, doesn't it? 1. No, you really do have too many shoes. 2) Yes, your feet really do smell. 1. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 2) Don't ask to have us carry anything for you in our purses, and we won't ask you to share your beer. 1. We are not mind-readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 2) We ARE mind-readers, so tell the TRUTH. 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape. 2) You also have a heart; save it by not eating your body weight daily... it comes in handy. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 2) If we walk out of the house with you, we'd usually appreciate it if you were wearing shoes and clean underwear. Other than that, well, we can always pretend we don't know you... 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 2)Yes, yes, we make this mistake on occasion and we apologize...NOW will you fix the leak in the toilet, the squeaky hinge on the bedroom door, and that kitchen screen...all things you SAID you'd fix MONTHS ago?? 1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 2) Fine, I'll be sure to tell the kids that once again, you're too busy to take them to their baseball,hockey,football,tennis,swimming,dancing,music,lessons, much less WATCH them while they play/perform...because your world will come to a crashing end if you're not plopped in front of the television every Saturday of your life....I'm sure they'll understand. 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping. 2) No, honey. The bed is all yours. I'll be over at my friend Chuck's place...xx..e |
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08 Jul 04 - 08:52 AM (#1221304) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Pied Piper Guidelines for the behaviour of women in Supermarkets. 1 Stroll around aimlessly until something catches your Eye. 2 leave your trolley at a rakish angle across an isle while very slowly getting what you want from the shelf. 3 Have a conversation with another women leaving both trolleys blocking the isle, and pretend not to notice when someone wants to pass. 4 Always use the cash only check out if you want to pay by card. 5 If shopping with a basket dig it into the legs of the person in front of you at the till. 7 Take your time counting out pennies while paying a bill of £15. 8 Engage the checkout girl in an extended conversation about your grandchildren. PP |
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08 Jul 04 - 09:33 AM (#1221328) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: jacqui.c PP - those sort of things ALWAYS wind me up in supermarkets. It is mainly women although I have come across a few guilty men in my time. Maybe there should be classes in school for this type of thing! |
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08 Jul 04 - 09:58 AM (#1221347) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: freda underhill 1. When sitting on a train or bus, you do NOT have to open your legs as wide as possible, taking up 3/4 of the seat, while reading the sports page of the newspaper, oblivious to the two other people (usually women) who could squeeze in next to you if you only stuck your knees together and moved along slightly like a normal, considerate human being. 2. When interviewing a woman for a new job, or when in any meeting with a woman, the normal place to look is above the neckline. 3. Conversation can be a two way process. It is not a process of laying down the law. So There. |
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08 Jul 04 - 11:31 AM (#1221392) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Pied Piper Even a basic knowledge of mail anatomy will explain how uncomfortable it is for Men to sit with their legs together. A more enlightening example of gender differences occurred at a session I was attending, I passed round a small piece of Elder wood stem that I had collected and seasoned. The guys showed great interest in the material hefting it and looking closely at the grain. Then it got to one of the women at the session, she looked puzzled, and said, "what does it do?". PP |
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08 Jul 04 - 11:42 AM (#1221398) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: CarolC Even a basic knowledge of mail anatomy will explain how uncomfortable it is for Men to sit with their legs together. Yes. Of course. We wouldn't want to discomfort the men. We'll just stand with our two grocery bags and our purse. |
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08 Jul 04 - 12:22 PM (#1221440) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: GUEST |
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08 Jul 04 - 12:41 PM (#1221464) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Bill D just read this for the 3rd time, and each time it is funny, poignant, sad, cute, stupid, meaningful, serious, ridiculous, telling, irrelevant .......etc.....in short, a mirror of male/female relationships and thinking since time immemorial. I could add a few things, but all I think I will say is that "some men and some women see each other's viewpoint better than others" Not very profound, but........ |
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08 Jul 04 - 01:08 PM (#1221494) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Amos Some people see other viewpoints without feeling that their own are challenged thereby. Not always divided by gender anymore than by zip code or which Frequent FLyer Club you belong to. A |
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08 Jul 04 - 02:26 PM (#1221553) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Bert Reading this thread has made me realise why I love my Tree (Theresa) so much. You guys who haven't got a Theresa make a beeline for that thar - jeanie There's just one rule that I would like to add, which I had to make just for my own sanity, "If you interrupt a job it goes to the bottom of the job list". And that wasn't because of Tree but for her mother and sister. |
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08 Jul 04 - 05:07 PM (#1221675) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: CarolC What's the matter, Bert, you don't like fart jokes? |
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08 Jul 04 - 06:30 PM (#1221727) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Bert Phffrrt to you too CarolC. And to get quickly through the checkout line, choose one with male customers and a female cashier. For some strange reason female customers are slow and male customers are fast. On the other hand female cashiers are fast and male cashiers are slow. Works every time. |
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09 Jul 04 - 04:25 AM (#1221982) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Jeanie Oooh, thanks Bert ! What a lovely thing to say. You have quite made my day ! With love and all good wishes to you and Theresa, - jeanie |
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10 Jul 04 - 04:23 AM (#1222759) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: kendall Sign over a urinal: "IF YOUR HOSE IS SHORT,OR YOUR PRESSURE IS WEAK, STAND UP CLOSE OR YOU'LL PISS ON YOUR FEET." |
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10 Jul 04 - 04:26 AM (#1222761) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: kendall Jeanie, I find that many members of my sex are also boring with their endless yammering about sports trivia and rear end ratios in race cars. I'd rather watch cans rust. |
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10 Jul 04 - 06:24 AM (#1222789) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: Gurney Bill D hit the nail on the head for me with his 12.41 post. Unlike him, I wouldn't leave well enough alone. Ladies, there has been a lot said about 'aiming' in the lavatory, as if it is a character fault. It isn't, it is a biological peculiarity. Whe most men start to piss, it comes at an unpredictable angle, which is quickly, but often not quickly enough, then 'aimed' into the correct place. Unpredictable in this case means 'different every time.' The character fault (his) is in not wiping it up, and (hers) not quietly and at an appropriate time asking him to wash the floor. As for the toilet seat attitude, why would you sit down without looking? Did you walk in there backwards? Did you live in a Convent before? |
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10 Jul 04 - 02:01 PM (#1222930) Subject: RE: BS: The Rules From: George Papavgeris Life was so much simpler when we slashed against a tree or took a dump behind the nearest rock... But no, we wanted a "house". And a "kitchen" (what's wrong with a fire, if you are into new-fangled stuff?). And a "lounge" (what's wrong with meeting around the fire?). And a "family room". And so on. Aah, the good old days... |