13 May 04 - 08:42 AM (#1184651) Subject: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: LindsayInWales Last night on TV I was watching a documentary about the last 10 days of the life of Hitler in his bunker. It transpires that the Russians, who did an autopsy on the charred remains said to be that of Hitler found that the corpse had only one testicle ... and never allowed his medics to examine him during his lifetime ... so it looks like the songwriters may have been right after all ... (sung to Colonel Bogey) Hitler, has only got one ball Rommel has two, but very small Himmler, has got two simmler But poor old Goebbels, has noebbels at all |
13 May 04 - 09:11 AM (#1184683) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Sweetfia I like that! |
13 May 04 - 09:13 AM (#1184686) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Hootenanny I remember it from childhood as Goering with two but very small. The folk process - or a dodgy memory - strikes again |
13 May 04 - 09:26 AM (#1184694) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Flash Company Max Miller Joke Assistant runs across stage with dummy leg Max-- Hitler's left leg! (Audience cheers) Assistant runs across stage from other side with dummy leg Max-- Hitler's right leg! (Audience cheers again) Assistant runs across stage with a potato in each hand When laughter has subsided- Max -- No, Lady, King Edwards! FC |
13 May 04 - 09:32 AM (#1184701) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Dave Hanson During the second world war, due to this little ditty, Hitler's deficiency was discussed in the ' letters ' column of the Tmes no less. eric |
13 May 04 - 09:56 AM (#1184715) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Steve Parkes Words by the late Hubert Gregg. |
13 May 04 - 10:05 AM (#1184720) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Brakn Hitler, has only got one ball The other is in the Albert Hall His mother, a dirty bugger Took it from him when he was small |
13 May 04 - 10:05 AM (#1184721) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Wolfgang Ein Volk, ein Ei, ein Führer on the serious side: There is no indication (beyond rumours and a British book) that this is true. Since the same story has been told one and a half centuries before about Napoleon, we can take that as an indication that the British* like to rumour about sexual deficiencies of their respective enemies. Now, didn't I read lately about Saddam Osama... Wolfgang * this tendency isn't at all restricted to the British |
13 May 04 - 11:43 AM (#1184799) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Cluin I've only got one ball too. That's all I need. That and three clubs... a 3 iron, a 9 iron and a putter. I hit my one ball off the tee into the rough and by the time I fish 18 holes, I've got a whole bag full of balls I've found while looking for my Titlist 4. |
13 May 04 - 02:00 PM (#1184917) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: John MacKenzie Monorchid JGM |
13 May 04 - 02:35 PM (#1184957) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Q (Frank Staplin) The hidden meaning in "One Meat Ball" |
13 May 04 - 03:17 PM (#1184990) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Peter from Essex One of the few songs that I actually learned through the "folk process". Definitely Goering at my school. |
13 May 04 - 04:17 PM (#1185031) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: The Walrus My late Father had an earlier version. The Great War lyrics to 'Colonel Bogey' seemed to consist of "Bollocks! - And the same to you" in various forms. In the run up to WW2, my father learned a lyric to the intro which ran: "Don't claw his eyes out Maggie "Wait 'til you get him into bed "Then claw his..." Which then ran into the usual "Bollocks! - And the same to you" Perhaps 'Maggie' was the reason that "Hitler Has Only Got One Ball..." Tom. By the bye, I learned HHGOB with Goering as the second line subject, too. |
13 May 04 - 06:00 PM (#1185104) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Nigel Parsons I can't remember to whom this should be attributed, but with the recent release of the final part of "The Lord of the Rings": Sauron, he's only got nine rings Three are with the Elven Kings, Seven in Dwarvish heaven, And poor old Frodo 's Got hold o' The One" Nigel |
13 May 04 - 06:17 PM (#1185115) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Joe_F I read the following story in what I recall seemed like a reliable place (si non e vero, e ben trovato): When Hitler was a boy, the family doctor was Jewish. When Hitler took power, he saw to it that the doctor got out safely, and he settled in New York City. During the war, when the story of Hitler's monorchidism (I think that's the word) was propagated via Col. Bogey & otherwise, the doctor was interviewed by the press and stated that, at least when young, Hitler had normal genitalia. |
13 May 04 - 07:06 PM (#1185157) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Gareth Oh my God, and raking my childhood memories _ Hitler has only got one ball, Goerings are very very small, Himler has something similar. But poor old Geobels (SP) has no balls at all Gareth |
13 May 04 - 07:15 PM (#1185167) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Cluin Fine. This is how I remember it: Hitler... has only got one ball! Goering's... they say are awf'lly small Himmler... is somewhat similar And they say Goebbels Has no balls At all! (but that's not really how you pronounce Goebbels, is it?) Then of course there's Whistle while you work Hitler was a jerk Mussolini Bit his weenie Then it wouldn't squirt! Ah, those great historical lessons that stay with us. |
13 May 04 - 08:37 PM (#1185227) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Lighter When Oscar Brand recorded this on his 1963 LP "Cough!" he had four stanzas - two each for German and Italian leaders. He called it, somewhat imprecisely, "Enemy Generals on Parade." How much of Brand's song was original with him I don't know. Some of those Italian leaders were pretty obscure by '63. |
14 May 04 - 04:45 AM (#1185437) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Geoff the Duck The version I learned at school (whatever happened to education since then?) was essentially the same as the one quoted by Brakn earlier in the thread, the main diference being we sang "Cartright Hall", which was a local museum, and the location of the missing item. I'll not quibble about a couple of minor variations in the precise wording. Quack! Geoff the Duck. |
14 May 04 - 05:29 AM (#1185455) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Hootenanny Cluin, We sang; Whistle while you work Snowhite made a shirt Hitler wore it Goering tore it Whiste while you work Then of course in 1945 it was: Vote vote vote for Clement Atlee Punch old Churchill in the Eye If it wasn't for the King We would do the bugger in .............? to the tune of Tramp, tramp, tramp the boys are marching, but I digress |
14 May 04 - 07:21 AM (#1185523) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Flash Company A guy I used to work with had the Colenel Bogey Intro as:- Don't throw the lamp at father Wait till he gets in bed! Can't think why, but there you go! FC |
14 May 04 - 08:22 AM (#1185584) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Janice in NJ The way my brother and I sang it as kids was: Hitler had but one big ball, Goering had two, but they were small, Himmler had something similar, But poor Goebbels had no balls at all! And to the same tune: Vote for Wallace in '48, Thurmond he stands for hate, Dewey is really screwy, And Truman ain't human of late! |
14 May 04 - 08:34 AM (#1185599) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Pied Piper Hitler has only got one ball The other is in the freetrade hall His mother the dirty bugger she sold it for three and four As I was walking by St Paul's A woman grabbed me by the elbow She said you look a man of pluck Come inside and have a ham sandwich Twopence threpence sixpence a bob All depends on the size of your appetite |
14 May 04 - 08:42 AM (#1185603) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Jim Ward Here's how I remember it- We are the night shit shifters We shift shit by nigh-i-i-ght Hitler- he's only got one ball Goering- has two but very small Himmler- has something similar But poor old Goebbels (Goeballs), has no balls, at all I've just looked in "Kiss Me Goodnight, Sergeant Major" (Martin Page- 1973)where there are three pages devoted to the origins of this song. It seems that Martin wrote to 'The New Statesman' after the Russian autopsy results were published asking how the author of the song could have known of Hitler's deficiancy. This became the subject of an intense, scholarly and lengthy debate conducted through the paper's correspondence columns through the spring of 1973. |
14 May 04 - 08:58 AM (#1185623) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: treewind Hooray! real folk songs at last:-) A. |
14 May 04 - 10:23 AM (#1185680) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Pied Piper where d'ya live? Down a grid What street? Pigs Feet What Number? Cucumber somthin somthing Custard Green snot pie All mixed together With a dead dogs eye Put it in a toilet Stir it with a stick and all washed down With a cold cop of sick |
14 May 04 - 10:28 AM (#1185682) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Flash Company Pied Piper-- Some for a tanner, some for a bob, It mainly depends on the size of you're gob! These were tthe last two lines of the St Pauls verse as I knew it in the 1950's FC |
14 May 04 - 10:38 AM (#1185688) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Pied Piper Thats interesting having a rhyme at the end. |
14 May 04 - 10:48 AM (#1185694) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: John MacKenzie Arseholes are cheap today Cheaper than yesterday Little boys are half-a-crown Standing up or lying down. Oh how risque we thought those lyrics in childhood, and how non PC they are in retrospect. JGM |
14 May 04 - 06:44 PM (#1185858) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Joe_F Where was the engine-driver When the boiler burst? They found his ballocks A thousand miles away, Floating Upon the Hudson Bay, His arsehole Was up a flagpole, And his penis in [insert name of eating house you wish to insult] Heard in Scotland, 1959 |
15 May 04 - 02:24 AM (#1186033) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: cobber Another digression - sorry! Reading a previous post reminded mje of There once was a farmer who sat on a rock Whistling a tune and abusing his neighbouring farmer and watching the tricks As he taught his wee children to play with their Kites and their marbles as in days of yore When along came a woman who looked like a Decent young lady but walked like a duck She said she was learning a new way to Bring up her children and teach them to knit While the boys in the farmyard were shovelling the Contents of pigsties, the muck and the mire The squire in the farmyard was pulling his Horse from the stable to go to the hunt His wife in the boudoir was pwdering her Nose and arranging her vanity box And taking precautions to ward off the Gay young romantics who made her feel sick Although she'd enjoyed her last dose of What did you think I was going to say No, you rude bastards! That's all for today, The tune, of course, is "Sweet Violets" Going back to the original, I remnember it well as a chilren's song for nasty little pre-pubescent boys in England not long after the war. I find it pretty incredible that there is any truth in it. Would you trust the Russian record to tell the truth about their greatest enemy? |
15 May 04 - 02:45 AM (#1186038) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: darkriver The version quoted by Jim Ward a few posts above are exactly like the version quoted in Brendan Behan's prison memoir, Borstal Boy. There was also a song similar to (though not the same as) the one quoted by Cobber. In fact, the book is full of songs like this--things that street kids, working class kids, and just plain thugs sang toward the end of WWII. Very musical book. Doug |
15 May 04 - 07:15 PM (#1186482) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Joe_F Cobber: See the DigiTrad & the forum under "Sweet Violets" for much, much more. Such songs are called "tease songs". |
16 May 04 - 02:21 AM (#1186633) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: dianavan thats one more than Kerry. |
16 May 04 - 08:08 PM (#1186968) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Bill Hahn//\\ OK---true tale. It is a fairly know fact/ legend. So--when I play tennis---prior to serving some always asks if I have 2 Balls (one nees both in tennis in case of a fault). If I don't I usually respond---NO--doing my Adolf imitation. Bill Hahn |
16 May 04 - 08:21 PM (#1186971) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Nigel Parsons One of the lines above,: Some for a tanner, some for a bob, It mainly depends on the size of you're gob! remind me of a version used for "Peggy O'Neill" CHORUS: If her eyes are blue as skies, That's Peggy O'Neil. If she's smiling all the while, That's Peggy O'Neil. She may charge a tanner, she may charge a bob It all depends on the size of your income. Sweet personality, Full of rascality, That's Peggy O'Neil. Also, Giok's quote: Arseholes are cheap today Cheaper than yesterday Little boys are half-a-crown Standing up or lying down. I recall as: Little boys are cheap today, Cheaper than yesterday. Small ones are half-a-crown. Standing up, or lying down. Bigger ones are three and six, 'Cos they've got bigger dicks. But little boys are cheaper, Cheaper today. (TTTO : La Donna E Mobile) Nigel |
17 May 04 - 06:44 AM (#1187131) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Hootenanny Re La Donna E Mobile To the same tune Ta Ra Ra Boom De Ay Mae West had twins today They sucked her tits away Ta Ra Ra Boom De Ay From a miss spent childhood |
17 May 04 - 07:25 AM (#1187140) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Dave Bryant Couldn't you imagine it in the Berlin Bunker - "We're collecting for Hitler's last ball" - "How much is it ?" - "A cup of petrol each !" |
17 May 04 - 12:14 PM (#1187279) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,IanN From Dad's Army's legendary episode: Pike (sings): "Whistle while you work Hitler is a twerp He's half barmy So's his army Whistle while you work!" German: "Your name too will go in the book. What is your name?" Mainwaring: "Don't tell him Pike". Fantastic. |
17 May 04 - 03:19 PM (#1187379) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Dickmac I recently heard about a couple who were founder members of the Burma Star Association and one of them saddly passed away. The coffin was carried out to the Colonel Bogey tune but there's no report of the congregation singing - that would have been a nice touch. |
21 Nov 08 - 06:17 PM (#2499653) Subject: Colonel Bogey Was Right From: Jack Campin Hitler had only one ball |
22 Nov 08 - 03:24 PM (#2500218) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Schantieman The version we used to sing (late '60s, N London) differed slightly from all those given above: Hitler has only got one ball Goering has got three but small Himmler is very simmler But poor Goebbels has no balls at all And does anyone know whether there were any original words to that tune? Who was Colonel Bogey anyway? Steve |
25 Nov 11 - 10:39 PM (#3263626) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Jock "Colonel Bogey" was a famous marching tune played by military bands. I think it was one of the tunes whistled by the troops in the film "Bridge over the River Kwai (sp)". The troops often composed words to marching tunes, mostly derogatory of the enemy or authority, and sang them as they marched along. Hence the variations in the words, but the common theme. |
26 Nov 11 - 12:22 AM (#3263637) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: MGM·Lion ---The "Colonel Bogey March" is a popular march that was written in 1914 by Lieutenant F. J. Ricketts (1881–1945), a British army bandmaster who later became director of music for the Royal Marines at Plymouth. Since at that time service personnel were not encouraged to have professional lives outside the armed forces, Ricketts published "Colonel Bogey" and his other compositions under the pseudonym Kenneth Alford. Supposedly, the tune was inspired by a military man and golfer who whistled a characteristic two-note phrase (a descending minor third interval) instead of shouting "Fore!". It is this descending interval which begins each line of the melody. The name "Colonel Bogey" began in the later 19th century as the imaginary "standard opponent" of the Colonel Bogey scoring system,[1] and by Edwardian times the Colonel had been adopted by the golfing world as the presiding spirit of the course.[2] Edwardian golfers on both sides of the Atlantic often played matches against "Colonel Bogey".[3] Bogey is now a golfing term meaning one over par.=== Wikipedia |
26 Nov 11 - 12:49 AM (#3263645) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: JohnInKansas ...troops often composed words to marching tunes, mostly derogatory of the enemy or authority... It was reported that when one of the US Presidents was beginning his first term, the out-going predecessor recommended that he "pass the minutes" in ceremonies by creating his own words to the Presidential Anthem (Hail to the Chief). (Singing along, if only mentally, helps keep you from looking like you're asleep?) It was implied that the words would be a "personal secret" never to be revealed to anyone; but some years after leaving the office, as a former President, the subject once recited his "personal lyrics" in an interview. It was not particularly favorable to a couple of (his own) Cabinet Members, a diplomat or two, and several Members of Congress, but was quite "singable" - - and pretty funny if you recognized the victims. John |
26 Nov 11 - 12:50 AM (#3263646) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: MGM·Lion At Hendon County School, mid·40s-early·50s, the intro was always sung as "Where was the goalie when the ball went in the net? Sitting on the crossbar with his trousers round his neck ~~ They found his bollocks &c" This was so thruout my schooldays there. The fact that I eventually rose to the honourable position of 1st XI goalkeeper is purely adventitious. ~Michael~ |
09 Apr 15 - 12:01 PM (#3700837) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Barmpot I remember this version: "Slabber Dabber Custard, Green Snot pie, Dead Dog's giblets, Cat's green eye Spread it on a butty, Nice and thick and Swallow it down with A cup of cold sick. |
09 Apr 15 - 01:09 PM (#3700844) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Ian In Manchester late 60s Hitler has only got one ball the other is in the Free Trade Hall His mother the dirty bugger Nicked the other now he's got non at all |
09 Apr 15 - 01:43 PM (#3700848) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Lighter As far as the ordinary American aficionado of antediluvian films is concerned, "Colonel Bogey" is known solely as "the tune in 'The Bridge on the River Kwai.'" Which reminds me of a childhood jest of that time (1957): "Why did the little moron peel onions on the bridge? Because he wanted to see..." |
09 Apr 15 - 03:26 PM (#3700863) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Barmpot My memory of this one: "We are the Night Shite Shifters Shifting Shite by Night We love to shift your Shite by Night We're Shifting Shite with all our might 'Cos Shifting Shite is our delight We'll shift your Shite by Night" |
09 Apr 15 - 04:12 PM (#3700871) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: BrendanB |
12 May 15 - 04:43 PM (#3708501) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST,Anne Marie Bit late in responding, I know, but Flash Company posted on 14/5/04 that someone had as his ringtone "Don't throw the lamp at father, wait till he gets in bed" and he didn't know why. Well, the next line is: "then the lamp oil will oil the bedstead springs" to the tune of Colonel Bogey, Now, this has been on my mind today and I wanted to know the rest of this entertaining combination of comedy and economical household tips, so I Googled it and it returned only one result ( a Googlewhack, I believe) - on your site. Can anyone supply further lines? My mother, b. 1912, used to sing it. |
11 Oct 17 - 08:59 AM (#3881498) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: GUEST Dont throw the lamp at father - wait till he gets in bed then grab his matches and his old clay pipe |
11 Oct 17 - 09:08 AM (#3881499) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Jack Campin Didn't the Germans have any retaliatory ones? They presumably knew that Churchill was an alcoholic and Monty was homosexual, so they had plenty to go on. |
12 Oct 17 - 09:27 AM (#3881781) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Georgiansilver The only version I have come across was on the rugby coach many years ago:- Hitler has only got one ball, One.... but very very small. Himmler, has got one similar, But Mussolini's got no balls at all. The last line reflecting Mussolinis' part (or not part) in the Second World War. |
13 Oct 17 - 04:07 PM (#3882118) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Severn I remember the song turning up in Thomas Pynchon's book "V". My father used to sing something that I assumed came from the War to "Col. Bogey" that started out: "Bullshit, will make the grass grow tall"..... ....but that's all I remember. Can anyone add anything onto it? I always thought that it wasn't for a young son to inquirer about the rest. I also remember an old ex-Major I worked with at a Post Office singing the first line of a song from time to time and never getting any further. It was to the tune of "Back Home InImdiana" |
13 Oct 17 - 04:13 PM (#3882120) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Severn ....(continued) "When the ice is on the rice in Southern Hanshu (sp?) And the Saki in the cellar starts to freeze ..." Old partly senile Major Mike only ever got through that first line, but he'd sing it out a lot. Is there more to this one? |
14 Oct 17 - 09:07 AM (#3882219) Subject: RE: Hitler Has Only Got One Ball From: Lighter When the ice is on the rice in Southern Honshu And the sake in the cellar starts to freeze And you whisper "Sweet ojosan, I adore you" Then you're getting just a skoshi Nipponese. When you're dancing to the strains of "Tanko Bushi," And you're saying "Arigato," 'stead of please. And you answer telephone with "moshi moshi" I think maybe you are going Nipponese. As you sit on the tatami sipping sake, And the cold wind's whipping 'round your knees. And you're munching on some gohan and osenbei, Then you're surely getting taksan Nipponese When you start spending yen like it was money, 'Stead of flinging it like paper in the breeze, And think everything in English sounds so funny Then, my lad, you're truly Nipponese. VERSION II: When the ice is on the rice in Southern Honshu And the sake in the cellar starts to freeze And you whisper to your josan, "I adore you" Then you're getting just a skoshi Nipponese. When your skipper [or "the colonel"] misses muster in the morning, And the XO's got an undefined disease, If the pilots are all medically restricted, Then they're getting just a skoshi Nipponese. When the benjos start to thaw in Asian springtime, If the smell from them seems pleasant on the breeze, It's time to write and tell your gal in San Francisco, She's been replaced by your skoshi Nipponese. |