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Song Challenge! Part 98

08 Jul 04 - 10:30 AM (#1221365)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Hey there, Challenge!rs!! This bit o' bacon was sent to me by Amos, who has a wonderful eye for really important news items ;-) Thank you, sir!

Now, break out those crayons and butcher paper, 'cuz I know you're all going to want to chow down on this Challenge! Have fun, and have a few ribs while you're at it, there's plenty of barbeque sauce to go around.

Pignappers Purloin Porkers; Demand Produce to Produce Pigs - (Gallatin, Tennessee) — Did 'the big bad wolf' kidnap Mary and Bobby Romines' swine? That's what police here are investigating.

On Tuesday, the Romineses received a ransom letter that was signed 'the big bad wolf.'

'They think they have me buffaloed, but now I'm mad,' Mary Romines said of the 'pignappers.'

'They may think it's funny, but they're going to be charged with theft.' Police Chief John Tisdale said once his department catches the kidnapper, the responsible person will be charged.

Two concrete porkers, each about 1 foot tall, were taken from the Romineses' yard sometime between June 26 and the early morning hours of June 27, according to police records. The first ransom note demanded two ears of corn and one ripe mango, said police spokeswoman Kate Novitsky.

Mary Romines found the ransom note tacked to the front gate of their home in A and L Trailer Park. Her husband, Bobby Romines, called police. The note requested that Mary Romines deliver the ransom at the front gate of the mobile home park.

Mary Romines just wants the pigs returned unharmed, she said. The pig statues were taken from her front yard, around a birdbath and beneath an arch surrounded by other cement swine brethren and chickens. The chickens were moved but not stolen.

'The other pigs were dusted with negative results,' said a Gallatin police report. 'The (ransom) letter will be sent to the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation for processing for fingerprint lifts,' the report states.

One pig is presumably male, sporting blue overalls, while the other is presumably female, decked out in a pink dress. The pigs are valued at $10 each.

On Monday, the Romineses received a cooked pork chop with a note that said, 'cooked the pig.'

Tuesday night, the 'pignappers' left the Romineses another letter, this time attached to a bag of pork rinds asking if she was scared. The letter demanded a potato, and the note was signed from 'the big bad wolf.'

'Pigs can be replaced,' said Mary Romines. 'It's the letters that are unnerving.'

GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!!!

08 Jul 04 - 10:44 AM (#1221368)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: freda underhill

This is a story of pigs in a panic
of pignappers, pork, and a wolf that is manic
it's a tale about blubber and how to respect it
and the courage of piggies who want to protect it
for pigs as you must know are more than mere crumpet
and wolves are now learning to like it or lump it....

08 Jul 04 - 11:08 AM (#1221382)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

Stealing format and tune from Deni Couch's 'There I must lie'

FULL MOON HEAR MY CRY!


when I was a young pup, I ate only meat
All by the advice my pack leader gave me
But the doctors soon told me due to triglyerides
My cho-lesterol was exceedingly high.

A diet of veggies, lacking blood rare red beef
and packed full of roughage, they said for to eat
But a wolf I was born and a wolf I remain
And shopping at groceries is far too tame.

I'm the big bad wolf, full moon hear my cry!
I've kidnapped your pigs, ransom them or they die!
Give me some fresh corn, some fruit and a spud
or the 'other white meat' it will be your best bud!

they say that they'll charge me, my crime it is theft
But still of your piggies, you'll be bereft
They've dusted the crime scene a-looking for clues
But Wolves do not leave fingerprints, we've only got toes!

I wanted a mango - you paid me with naught
I suppose that you're thinking I soon will be caught
I'll send you your porkers in pieces and bags
Unless paid the full price on the ransom tags

I'm the big bad wolf, full moon hear my cry!
I've kidnapped your pigs, ransom them or they die!
Give me some fresh corn, some fruit and a spud
or the 'other white meat' it will be your best bud!

Dear Mary and Bobby - your swine they are sad
They fear I will eat them - In truth I'd be glad;
No wolf has a craving for salads or beets
Down my throat should be sliding raw tasty meat

They say I'm a criminal - or else that I'm mad
I tell your it's just the diet meds that I've had
When I howl to the moon, just pay my demands!
and I'll put back your pigs on their garden stands.

I'm the big bad wolf, full moon hear my cry!
I've kidnapped your pigs, ransom them or they die!
Give me some fresh corn, some fruit and a spud
or the 'other white meat' it will be your best bud!

Now though I'm a wolf, I'm a sensitive guy
I'd like to return these pigs to their sty
but unless I get veggies to placate my ire
they are going to roast over barbecue fires

I'm the big bad wolf, full moon hear my cry!
I've kidnapped your pigs, ransom them or they die!
Give me some fresh corn, some fruit and a spud
or the 'other white meat' it will be your best bud!

08 Jul 04 - 11:16 AM (#1221385)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

MM:

BRAVO!!! Inpsired!!! Huzzah!!


A

08 Jul 04 - 11:23 AM (#1221389)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

the original (which is much better) can be heard on the 'ROSE' CD of the Mudcat Cafe Blue Plate Special. (available through Camsco Music)


flood dick!

08 Jul 04 - 11:25 AM (#1221390)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Wow!! I had forgotten that one!! I'll try and come up with something...


A

08 Jul 04 - 11:54 AM (#1221414)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME
(almost the tune of 'MacNamara's Band')
People claim the big bad wolf has stolen them away
but now the lurid truth I to you will say
Porky and Petunia are from the garden gone
Because of having contracted severe Stockholm Syndrome.

The proof is in the pudding, or so the wise folk say
Whyever would the Big Bad Wolf ask for veggies as his pay?
That corn and spuds and mangoes are on the ransom list
are clues that true ransom demands are the "victims", and not his.

No fingerprints, no footprints, other pigs all left alone
The chickens may have scattered, but not a one is gone
No self respecting wolf would commit a crime this way
(let alone consider giving his pork rinds away!)

08 Jul 04 - 12:39 PM (#1221460)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Wow! We're off to a fantastic start!! Here are the B.L.O.B.s so far (with many more to be earned, I hope):

To freda, for this fabulously empowering bit:

for pigs as you must know are more than mere crumpet
and wolves are now learning to like it or lump it....

To MMario, for this porker of a verse (love it, love it, love it):

They say that they'll charge me, my crime it is theft
But still of your piggies, you'll be bereft
They've dusted the crime scene a-looking for clues
But Wolves do not leave fingerprints, we've only got toes!

And another one for MMario, for this not-too-timid turn of tongue:

The proof is in the pudding, or so the wise folk say
Whyever would the Big Bad Wolf ask for veggies as his pay?
That corn and spuds and mangoes are on the ransom list
are clues that true ransom demands are the "victims", and not his.

Brilliant! A fraptious first flush of finery, I must say. ;-) Can't wait to see what all you other wonderful Challenge!rs come up with!

-- Áine

08 Jul 04 - 01:58 PM (#1221525)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Aesthete's Revnege



It was down in the trailer park, late Friday night
Two porkers were stolen by the pale moon's light
They were there by the birdbath when their folks went to bed
When the sun rose next morning, just a note there that read:

CH: "Crisps, pork-rinds, and pork chops!
Bacon, and ham!
We'll find out right quick
How much you can stand!
Are you hard and cold-hearted?
With a heart made of stone?
Your piglets are squealing,
And they want to come home!"

Oh, Alice, dear Alice, it's a terrible waste
That you should be so punished, just fer having bad taste!
Your birdbath and chickens are quite tacky, it is true
But that's no excuse fer them picking on you!

CH

The po-lice are thwarted, they can't find out who
Would be so demented, as to do this to you
It's cruelty extreme, and no help from the cops
Who should be protecting you from pre-cooked pork chops!

CH

But we know the secret, that no-one has told
As to why you've received all these letters so bold
It's a small group from Nashville, not too far away
A renegade splinter from the SPCA

CH

It wasn't the shlock of the hens in concrete,
The birdbath was dumb, the flamingos were sweet,
The reason this strange act of vengeance arose
Is you dressed them in fashion-catastrophe clothes!

CH

They're a dozen young artists who wish to proclaim
That your garden décor is a hard, tasteless pain!
And for dressing your lawn-pigs in cheap Kmart schlock
You forced them to action, for you had to be stopped!!

CH

The pigs are in training, so don't fear for their lives
They are being reprogrammed like the best Stepford wives,
When their senses are healed, they will come home, but then,
They'll never wear clothes from the Goodwill again!

CH

You can count on it Alice, but there will be a cost!
You'll wish that the damn pigs had simply stayed lost.
For its Gucci and Cardin and Saint-Laurent too,
They will soon make a high-fashion fascist of you!


"Crisps, pork-rinds, and pork chops!
Bacon, and ham!
We'll find out right quick
How much you can stand!
Are you hard and cold-hearted?
With a heart made of stone?
Your piglets are squealing,
And they want to come home!"

Regards,


A

08 Jul 04 - 02:00 PM (#1221527)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Prufrade, datmit!

A

08 Jul 04 - 02:01 PM (#1221528)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

I am in awe!

(as usual)

08 Jul 04 - 02:11 PM (#1221539)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Dearest Amos,

Before I award your B.L.O.B., could you please tell us all to what tune the above wondrous tale is sung? ;-)

Hogs & snugs, TGG

08 Jul 04 - 02:21 PM (#1221549)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Oh I dunno, dear Goddess... you could use "Long Black Veil" if you stretched the syllables on the chorus out a lot --- "ha-a-a-a-ayam". Otherwise I will make one up. (But come to think of it, the word 'ham' does have six syllables where y'all come from, anyway! :>))

A

08 Jul 04 - 02:47 PM (#1221567)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

. . . the word 'ham' does have six syllables where y'all come from, anyway! -- Well, that blew your chance of a Golden B.L.O.B. this time around, buck-o!!! ;-) But, I will award you a Silver Best Line O' Bull for this wonderful snippet of sentient silliness:

The pigs are in training, so don't fear for their lives
They are being reprogrammed like the best Stepford wives,
When their senses are healed, they will come home, but then,
They'll never wear clothes from the Goodwill again!

And I want to hear this one, real soon, ya heeeeeeer!?! ;-)

-- Áine

08 Jul 04 - 06:04 PM (#1221710)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Ok, I talked to Áine about this and she reckons the word "ham" only has TWO syllables, so that's all right. I take back what I said about six.

A

08 Jul 04 - 09:18 PM (#1221817)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Genie

Gotta wallow in this one a bit, foks, and see if the ham in me emerges. For the moment I'm a bit sty-mied.

09 Jul 04 - 08:23 AM (#1222123)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

ow!

09 Jul 04 - 10:05 AM (#1222205)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: freda underhill

MMario and Amos, your songs are delectable and not to be truffled with...!

09 Jul 04 - 10:53 AM (#1222264)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Flash Company

Now Mary Ramines had two concrete pigs,
Two concrete piggies had she,
One was dressed in blue overalls
And the other was pink and twee!

Now someone has stolen these two concrete pigs,
And held them for ransom , you see.
One of them dressed in blue overalls
and the other all pink and twee!

But the police department are hot on the trail,
With men undercover, you see
One of them dressed in blue overalls
And ( You guessed it!) And twee!

Now if you'd avoid being treated like this,
Not very nice, you'll agree,
Don't dress your pigs in blue overalls
and 'specially not pink and twee!

Tune is one called 'Three Little Pigs' I heard Guy Carawan sing years ago. Best I can do at short notice!

FC

09 Jul 04 - 10:57 AM (#1222275)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

*chortle*

09 Jul 04 - 11:34 AM (#1222321)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Way go to, Flash! Personally, I love all things pink and twee; and just to put my chip where my mouth is (!!), here's your B.L.O.B. for this perky pinch of poetry:

But the police department are hot on the trail,
With men undercover, you see
One of them dressed in blue overalls
And ( You guessed it!) And twee!

Way to Go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

09 Jul 04 - 11:47 AM (#1222330)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: freda underhill

A1, FC!

09 Jul 04 - 01:25 PM (#1222410)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

LOL!!


Couldn't get the recording done last night, but the tune is now stable, if I can remeber it that is! I'll send it in on the weekend.

A

11 Jul 04 - 10:49 AM (#1223277)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Flash Company

MMario & freda : Nice to feel wanted (other than by a pink undercover cop!)

Bonus verse:-

It could be that Aine has kidnapped those pigs,
It seems pretty likely to me,
Don't know how she feels about overalls,
But we know she likes pink and twee!

FC (aka Brian)

11 Jul 04 - 12:20 PM (#1223316)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Uncle_DaveO

I think I know who did the kidnap.

It's a splinter group of the Garden Gnomes Liberation Front!

Dave Oesterreich

11 Jul 04 - 12:45 PM (#1223329)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Flash -- No, twasn't me who cop'd the pink and twee! ;-)

And way to go, Uncle DaveO!!!!! I was wondering who would be the first to connect the dots of plaster between the GGLF and CPFP (Concrete Pigs Freedom Party) -- Brilliant!!

So, Challenge!rs -- What's say we up the cow chip anti on this Challenge!, and see if anyone can come up with any witty wonders that can follow Uncle DaveO's lead!?!?!?! And for you newbies, here's the Challenge! that first mentioned the GGLF -- Now, GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!!

All the best, Áine

11 Jul 04 - 12:45 PM (#1223331)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Fashion Fascist Patrol subdivision, Enforcement Arm.

A

11 Jul 04 - 12:46 PM (#1223332)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

LOL!!!!

-- Áine

11 Jul 04 - 10:59 PM (#1223556)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: MMario

heh-heh-heh-heh!My brain cell will be comatose tomorrow so it is likely something will occur

12 Jul 04 - 09:37 AM (#1223816)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

The Gnomes of Liberty
(based on the tune of 'The Liberty Tree' from Disney's 'Johnny Tremaine')

Take the pigs from the garden, boys.
Let them go where they'll run free
Strike the chains from their trotters, boys.
All statues ought to be free.

CHORUS:
It's our right to live,it's our right to be free
And we are the Gnomes, yes, we are the Gnomes, the Gnomes of Liberty!

Save the jockeys and the cats,
Plaster ducks and geese or bats
Set them loose to run and play
Statues shall prevail this day!

It's our right to live,it's our right to be free
And we are the Gnomes, yes, we are the Gnomes, the Gnomes of Liberty!

Go to England or To France
or your backyard 'mongst the plants
Eyes shall ever watching be
for to set garden piggies free

It's our right to live,it's our right to be free
And we are the Gnomes, yes, we are the Gnomes, the Gnomes of Liberty!


Stand for the rights of plaster, boys.
Stand against all tyranny.
Hang the light of freedom, boys,
High on the Liberty Tree.

It's our right to live,it's our right to be free
And we are the Gnomes, yes, we are the Gnomes, the Gnomes of Liberty!

12 Jul 04 - 09:52 AM (#1223827)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Yee-haw, MMario!! ;-) Excellent song of liberty, boy-o!! Here's your B.L.O.B. for these liberating lines:

Save the jockeys and the cats,
Plaster ducks and geese or bats
Set them loose to run and play
Statues shall prevail this day!

Geez, do I feel like marching, or what!?!?!?!

-- Áine

12 Jul 04 - 10:57 AM (#1223885)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

MM:

You just get better and better!! ROFLMAO!!

A

12 Jul 04 - 11:00 AM (#1223887)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

yeah - when it comes to doggerel - I've got Irish Wolfhounds

12 Jul 04 - 10:27 PM (#1224255)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Very funny!!!

Áine, an MP3 - crude but demonstrative -- is on your Docs site for the above song!


A

13 Jul 04 - 11:49 AM (#1224639)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Amos, darlin', -- Aesthete's Revenge is demonstrative, delicious, and oh so delovely!!

Hogs and snugs, TGG ;-)

15 Jul 04 - 03:02 AM (#1225816)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Bo Vandenberg

To the tune of... you know


A troupe came through this trailer park
One dark and stormy night.
The lawns spread out before them
They had rustling in their sight
For Jockyboy or fountain piece
They didn't give a fig
They crept between my chickens and---
    they stole away my Pig!
   
Their quarry I'd been raising
For a couple years or more
I called the male one rocky
Had him placed beside my door
He didn't try to flee those crooks
When after him they went
He was made of sterner stuff
Of gravel and cement



      Hee drum haw! Hee drum Hey-ey
      Pig Pluckers took my pig!

Now Rocky had a sister
That I called sweet Mary-anne
A Petrified Pink Porker
From the Wall Mart in Spokane
They weren't doing nothing
That would warrant this attack!
Today I got a ransom note
To get my Piggies Back!


      Hee drum haw! Hee drum Hey-ey
      Pig Pluckers took my pig!

The marshal took some finger prints
From piggies left behind
My wife has trouble sleeping
With the rustlers on her mind!
Return my statues to their lawn
Pig Pluckers mend your ways
Or else you'll face the drag net from---
The cops and CIA.


      Hee drum haw! Hee drum Hey-ey
      Pig Pluckers took my pig!



                   Sigurd

15 Jul 04 - 04:49 AM (#1225881)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Flash Company

Now Doc came up to Happy with a frown upon his face,
Said he 'We have a problem, it's really a disgrace,
I've see two pigs in slavery, dressed up like Disney stars,
But how are we to rescue them without a motor-car?'

'Oh Doc, me dear, be of good cheer, i'll tell you what we'll do,
Tho' seven dwarfs aren't many, we're enough to see it through,
We'll send a note to Big-Ears to meet us for a jar,
And we'll give those pigs a jolly good ride in Noddy's motor-car!'

When Big-Ears got the message, he soon pulled on his shoes,
He said 'We have an urgent date, there is no time to lose!'
And Noddy's bell went ting-a-ling as they headed for the bar
You could hear the sound all through Toytown of Noddy's motor-car!

But when they came to the garden gate the Seven Dwarfs were there,
And Noddy knew their secret, and at them he did stare,
He said 'My good friend PC Plod knows you for what you are!'
'To heck with your good friend PC Plod, we want your motor-car!'

Well they put the car in motion, and drove the pigs away,
They took them to that magic place where freed gnomes sport and play,
And Dopey hoisted Freedom's Flag and gave a load huzzah,
Three cheers for the bold GGLF and Noddy's motor-car!

BEEP BEEP!!!

All kid's characters so no swear words!

FC

15 Jul 04 - 09:14 AM (#1226039)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: GUEST,MMario

hee-hee! a nice chuckle to start my morning off.

15 Jul 04 - 10:10 AM (#1226088)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Amos

Nice work, lads!!!

A

15 Jul 04 - 01:21 PM (#1226233)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Áine

Two more brilliant additions to the Challenge!, indeed!! Here are your well-earned B.L.O.B.s:

To Sigurd, for this particularly pink (but definitely not twee!) piece of porky poetry:

Now Rocky had a sister
That I called sweet Mary-anne
A Petrified Pink Porker
From the Wall Mart in Spokane
They weren't doing nothing
That would warrant this attack!
Today I got a ransom note
To get my Piggies Back!

And to Flash Company for this bit o' blarney, with a special nod to Noddy ;-) :

Well they put the car in motion, and drove the pigs away,
They took them to that magic place where freed gnomes sport and play,
And Dopey hoisted Freedom's Flag and gave a load huzzah,
Three cheers for the bold GGLF and Noddy's motor-car!

Hey Flash, what tune did you have in mind for this one?

All the best, Áine

16 Jul 04 - 09:52 AM (#1226910)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 98
From: Flash Company

Hi Aine, The tune is one the Clancy Bros used to do called 'Johnson's Motor-car'

FC