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03 Aug 04 - 10:55 PM (#1239939) Subject: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Bee-dubya-ell As I was stacking firewood this afternoon, I heard a rustling noise near my feet and looked down to see a large armadillo rooting through the leaf litter. Now, this is in no way an uncommon occurence around here since we have more 'dillos than trees (and we've got lots of trees). But, I didn't particularly want him hangin' out underfoot, so I kicked him, which prompted him to run about twenty feet away. I then threw a piece of firewood at him which moved him on about another twenty feet. Then I threw another piece of firewood at him and he finally got the message and climbed into his burrow under the compost pile. "Jesus!" I said to myself, "Is there anything on Earth dumber than an armadillo?" And, of course, I immediately answered myself, "Sure there is! George W. Bush!" Well, that experience has evolved into this list. If you can think of anything to add to it please do so. All suggestions must be humorous, pithy, and not so blatantly murderous as to make the FBI come knocking on my door. WHY GEORGE W. BUSH IS LIKE AN ARMADILLO Armadillos were once only a problem for the people of Texas. Now they're a problem for almost everyone. George W.Bush was once only a problem for the people of Texas. Now he's a problem for almost everyone. Armadillos are so dumb you can throw firewood at them and they won't even run away. George W. Bush is so dumb that you can knock down the World Trade Center and he'll keep reading a book to preschoolers. Armadillos root around where they're not wanted and make a mess out of your lawn. George W. Bush roots around where he's not wanted and makes a mess out of the whole damned world. Neither an armadillo nor George W. Bush can pronounce the word "nuclear". Armadillos are frequently seen lying dead in the road and being picked at by vultures. There is a large number of people on this planet who would love to see George W. Bush lying dead in the road and being picked at by vultures. WHY GEORGE W. BUSH IS NOT LIKE AN ARMADILLO Armadillos are kind of cute in a prehistoric sort of way. George W. Bush looks like an ugly version of Alfred E. Neuman. Armadillos have little tiny ears. George W. Bush has great big ears. I don't like armadillos, but I don't shoot them because they didn't ask to be born as armadillos. I don't like George W. Bush, but I don't shoot him because then Dick Cheney would become president. The skin of a dead armadillo can be used to make useful things like charangos and women's purses. George W. Bush would be just as useless dead as he is alive. Armadillos are a minor nuisance. George W. Bush is a major threat to the continued existence of the human race. |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:03 PM (#1239941) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Rapparee I just received this from the email: >After you go to Fahrenheit 9/11, keep your ticket stub and mail it to: > >George W. Bush >1600 Pennsylvania Ave >Washington DC 20500 > >With a note attached: 'I saw what you did last summer.'" |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:07 PM (#1239943) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Bobert Now this time you've really done it, Rap!!! Bad 'nuff insulting poor armadillos by linkin' them to Bush but, hey, no more takin' shots at Alfred E. Newman... This is where I draw the line... Bobert p.s. What Me Worry |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:10 PM (#1239945) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Rapparee Hey, I didn't compare Bush to an Armadillo! |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:24 PM (#1239951) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Amos I guess there's nuffin' to add or subtract, BWL!! You got it wrapped up! A |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:27 PM (#1239953) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: GUEST It must make you feel almost as manly as Dubya himself, to be able to abuse a defenseless animal and then brag about it on the internet to score Bush bashin' points with your good old boys. You are one sadistic jerk. |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:30 PM (#1239958) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Bobert Well, GUEST, I reckon you should be happy that Rap didn't compare Bush to GUEST's Awww, jus funnin' wid ya... Bobert |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:42 PM (#1239966) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Bee-dubya-ell Thanks for your comment there, GUEST! I think I'll frame it and keep it on my wall forever. Now... Bobert you dyslexic hillbilly! My name ain't Rapaire! He lives in Idaho. I live in Floribama. I don't think they have armadillos in Idaho. They only have anti-government militias. |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:50 PM (#1239970) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Bobert Sorry, Beezer... I am goning to drag myself out into the woods, find an ugly stick and whup up on my self.... Heck, I know who you are, you knothead and I also know who yer knothead cousin, Rapaire is, fir that matter... Knothead Bobert (...but still smarter than most armadillos...) |
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03 Aug 04 - 11:56 PM (#1239975) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Amos NEver mind -- anyone who thinks an armadillo is defenseless hasn't seen an armadillo. A |
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04 Aug 04 - 12:19 AM (#1239989) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: Bee-dubya-ell Okay, before reasonable people (not just GUEST) star accusing me of cruelty to animals, please make note of the fact that I was wearing cheap rubber flip-flops, NOT steel-toed Doc Martens, when I kicked the armadillo. If I had kicked him hard enough to hurt him I would have broken my toe. It was essentially a nudge, not an attempted field goal. And the pieces of firewood I chunked at the critter were not aimed directly at him, the goal being to scare him off, not to actually hurt him. If I wanted to hurt the thing I do own a shotgun. |
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04 Aug 04 - 12:32 AM (#1239994) Subject: RE: BS: Why G.W. Bush is Like an Armadillo From: The Fooles Troupe Australia has it's own native 'Armaidildo' (Ah'm a Dildo!) it's called the Wombat. But we don't want to insult the wombat by calling Johny Howard a wombat! After all, you have to respect an animal that can dig thru solid concrete with bare claws.... Robin |