|
20 Sep 04 - 12:11 AM (#1276106) Subject: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Robin2 Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'OK, I find myself in need of a good joke about nagging wives. Any takers???? I'm counting on mudcatters to have just one or two..... Robin2 |
|
20 Sep 04 - 12:39 AM (#1276112) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Robin2 oooh, found a good one, so I'l kick it off An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale." Any more?? |
|
20 Sep 04 - 03:14 AM (#1276165) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Liz the Squeak Not necessarily nagging wives (I'm a bit biased in that point, men nag just as much as women) but some good one-liners in general about 'Marriage, word or sentence?' >---------------------------------------------------------- >A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." >The next day he received a hundred letters. >They all said the same : "You can have mine." >A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." >"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. >A billionaire." she replied, >A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a >woman just like mother" >His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?" >Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. >Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. >If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word >you say, talk in your sleep. >I married Mr Right. I just didn't know his first name was Always. >It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems >longer. >Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. >A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful >house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was >all gone!" >What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..." >Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking >they had no faults at all. >A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. >A successful woman is one who can find such a man. >Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. >They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. >How do most men define marriage? >An expensive way to get your laundry done free. >The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it >once. > >Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute > >First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" >Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive. Subject: Why? > Are single women thin and married women not? > > Single women come in, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come in, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge! LTS The opinions in this selection are not necessarily those of the poster..... however, No.7 is pretty close. |
|
20 Sep 04 - 03:30 AM (#1276174) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Georgiansilver I had three "nagging" wives who have all died. The first died of a drug overdose.... The second also died of a drug overdose...... The third died of a fractured skull........ She wouldn't take the drugs....................... |
|
20 Sep 04 - 05:11 AM (#1276240) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Sttaw Legend A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, "Where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few." "I did alright," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." |
|
20 Sep 04 - 09:02 AM (#1276371) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Snuffy I haven't spoken to my wife for years .... I don't like to interrupt her when she's talking. |
|
20 Sep 04 - 11:08 AM (#1276451) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: dick greenhaus and if a man speaks in the forest and there's no woman there to hear him.......... ....is he still wrong? |
|
20 Sep 04 - 06:43 PM (#1276780) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Liz the Squeak Dick, he's a man isn't he??! LTS |
|
20 Sep 04 - 06:47 PM (#1276781) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: GUEST,milk monitor Dick, the reason he is alone in the forest is because he can't read a map and refuses to ask for directions! And also what LTS said. |
|
20 Sep 04 - 07:11 PM (#1276800) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Chris Green True story. We went for a walk one Boxing Day along the canal in minus temperatures - the canal was completely frozen over - and we came upon a bloke sitting with a fishing rod on the bank in front of a miniscule hole in the ice. We asked what he was hpoing to catch. He replied "Nowt. I'm just waiting til the wife's relatives have left!" |
|
20 Sep 04 - 07:16 PM (#1276806) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: GUEST,Paranoid Android Paddy is in bed going hell for leather making love to his wife while she just lies there motionless. He says "You could at least moan a bit". She answers, "O.K., the ceiling could do with a coat of paint". |
|
20 Sep 04 - 08:30 PM (#1276848) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Robin2 (wipes eyes from laughing) My Hubby likes to tell people that he and I have been married 25 happy years.....................25 out of 31 ain't bad Liz, I may just counter with #7 Any more? |
|
21 Sep 04 - 04:45 AM (#1277088) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: GUEST,noddy a nagging wife aint funny! |
|
21 Sep 04 - 05:00 AM (#1277097) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: The Fooles Troupe It is to everybody else but the husband! |
|
21 Sep 04 - 05:05 AM (#1277106) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Georgiansilver A friend of mine always introduces his wife as "My first wife" just to keep her on her toes he says. Best wishes. |
|
21 Sep 04 - 05:25 AM (#1277117) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: The Fooles Troupe You heard about the famous poem called "My Last Wife"? |
|
21 Sep 04 - 07:53 AM (#1277195) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Mr Red My wife is living in a fool's paradise - I am the fool that bought the ticket. Speaking as a born again batchelor - I do have a soft spot for ex-wifey - below the tide level. we only had one thing in common till a wag pointed out we were divorced on the same day as well as married on the same day. Thats one too many things in common. |
|
21 Sep 04 - 11:21 AM (#1277363) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: The Fooles Troupe And you certainly wouldn't want to die on the same day... that would be taking togetherness too far... |
|
21 Sep 04 - 12:24 PM (#1277429) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Uncle_DaveO I have sometimes introduced my wife as "my current wife". She takes it in pretty good spirits. Dave Oesterreich |
|
22 Sep 04 - 06:59 AM (#1278093) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: GUEST,Raggytash Foolestroupe On the Parish Church of St Mary's at Whitby in North Yorkshire there is a plaque to a couple called Huntroyd ( I think thats the name)who shared an extraordinary co-life. (Please excuse the dates they may not be exact, I'm trying to recall it from memory) But basically they were both born 19 Sepetember 1600, married 19th September, lived together for 60 years, had nine children and died not 5 hours apart 19th september 1680. Now thats togetherness ! |
|
22 Sep 04 - 07:15 AM (#1278105) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: GUEST,noddy I hope my wife does not see this. |
|
22 Sep 04 - 06:54 PM (#1278679) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Midchuck There's always the old stage joke I got from a twice-divorced banjo player (in that particular case, you have to be more sympathetic with the ladies involved than I might otherwise be): "I'm not going to get married again. Next time, I'll just find a woman I can't stand, and give her my house!" P. |
|
22 Sep 04 - 08:28 PM (#1278738) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: GUEST,Oldtimer Whenever we go someplace in the car, my wife does all the driving - I just hang on to the steering wheel... |
|
24 Sep 04 - 06:00 PM (#1280341) Subject: RE: BS: jokes about nagging wives From: Uncle_DaveO During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir," the magician answered, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then...just tell my wife!" Dave Oesterreich |