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05 Dec 04 - 11:03 AM (#1347994) Subject: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp I've noticed that posts written by primates tend to draw intemperate and unreasonable attacks by various abusive individuals on this forum, and I wish it would stop. As a proud chimpanzee who has led a productive and useful life bustin' criminals in the greater Chicago area and serving the cause of justice I feel that I deserve better than to be singled out and treated like a stereotype by various people who basically just hate apes! What have apes ever done to you? Did we put you in cages? No. Did we force you to perform demeaning circus acts in front of rubes and hayseeds and pay you peanuts for doing it? No. I'm really getting tired of all the prejudice, and I would appreciate it if people would just tone down the vitriol a little and act reasonable. And I am makin' no apologies for being single. I just ain't found "Miss Right" yet. |
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05 Dec 04 - 11:32 AM (#1348014) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Bee-dubya-ell Well, try this little experiment, Mr. Chimp: Put a member of your species in one cage. Put a member of Homo Sapiens in an adjoining cage. Wait and see which one will be first to fling poo at the other. I'll guarantee you it'll be the chimp every time unless the human just happens to be a politician. |
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05 Dec 04 - 12:07 PM (#1348037) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie Having read your original post, I'm not at all surprised that you're still single! Giok ;~) |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:01 PM (#1348100) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Ever see, "Every Which Way but Loose."? We gotta get the ape laid. |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:14 PM (#1348108) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Bright Eyes Taylor It's a Mad House! A MAAAAAD HOUSE!!Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape! |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:16 PM (#1348109) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace BET: Are ya fer us or agin' us? Let's get Chongo laid. |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:18 PM (#1348111) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Bright Eyes Taylor You cut out his brain, you bloody baboon! |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:20 PM (#1348115) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Settle down Jack. This is about Chongo. Who needs a brain to get laid? |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:21 PM (#1348116) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: pdq Dang! It's Christmas and I can't find my record by the Hairy Simian Coral. |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:24 PM (#1348119) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Bright Eyes Taylor Oh, there were women, lots of women... Lots of love-MAKING... |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:42 PM (#1348135) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie I hear you get well laid down the funeral parlour, perhaps that's the place for you Chongo my hairy friend. Giok |
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05 Dec 04 - 02:46 PM (#1348142) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Once Famous Chongo, it's just a question that we here in Chicago have zero tolerance for one who's whole body is covered with pubic hair. Of course except for that bulbous pink baboon ass. |
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05 Dec 04 - 05:22 PM (#1348221) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Humph. About what I expected. What a bunch of lowlifes and bindle-stiffs. I've met nicer people at the wrong end of a sap or a smoking gat than you empty-headed clowns. I hope I run across you in some crummy dive, Martin, so I can rearrange your ugly face and make you look more presentable for when you get your next snapshot taken by the local vice squad. Matter of fact, I think I seen your mug shot down at the post office the other day. Talk about ugly! I pity your poor wife. Brucie - You don't need a brain to get laid in Chicago. Trust me. Total idiots get laid in Chicago as regular as clockwork. After all, Martin Gibson has managed it somehow (I assume) and that clinches it. Bright Eyes - You been readin' Liberty Meadows by any chance? My favorite comic magazine, baby! Liberty Meadows can't be beat. Frank Cho is damn smart for a human. |
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05 Dec 04 - 05:24 PM (#1348223) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Chongo: Getting laid is not an art. |
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05 Dec 04 - 05:31 PM (#1348227) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Once Famous Right, Chongo. Worry about those scorching farts you emanate first and then getting laid should just come naturally. |
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05 Dec 04 - 05:32 PM (#1348229) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Chongo needs his oil changed! Chongo needs his oil changed! |
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05 Dec 04 - 06:12 PM (#1348231) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Magenta, a little teary.. Chongo, I remember, I remember your big toothy grin. And your hands - hands to warm a woman's .. heart. big hands, strong hands, hands a woman can feel. And the banana – how can I ever forget the night you offered it to me? You whispered a beautiful poem in my ear, and I was yours, all yours.. There are sparkles of rain on the bright Hair over your forehead; Your eyes are wet and your lips Wet and cold, your cheek rigid with cold. Why have you stayed Away so long, why have you only Come to me late at night After walking for hours in wind and rain? Take off your dress and stockings; Sit in the deep chair before the fire. I will warm your feet in my hands; I will warm your breasts and thighs with kisses. I wish I could build a fire In you that would never go out. I wish I could be sure that deep in you Was a magnet to draw you always home... Chongo, I'm waiting, waiting. I wouldn't just drop you for some other ape. I'm still thinking of you. Australia is a long way away, but I need you now. When are you coming? Your ever faithful sweetheart Magenta |
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05 Dec 04 - 07:06 PM (#1348277) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Chief Chaos Chongo, No apologies necessary here. I remember how you saved Chicago from the Nazis and I think everyone should be greatful. I know Magentas waiting for you in Australia. You got the ticket. You were on the plane. What happened? I get the feeling a friend of mine is probably going to need a hand. And big strong hairy hands are always the best! Hang in there! |
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05 Dec 04 - 07:07 PM (#1348279) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace No doubt. |
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05 Dec 04 - 07:16 PM (#1348289) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Peter Woodruff Chongo Chimp, You are right you are sorry and I'm sorry for you. Peter |
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05 Dec 04 - 07:19 PM (#1348292) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Ape girl Chongo, Get fucked. You need it. |
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05 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM (#1348305) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Yeah, right. Thanks much for the advice, Ape girl, and the same to you! Awright, you sorry lot of greasers, mendicants, and left-handed pickle-pullers, you heard the lady...Magenta, I am on my way! I just gotta get the tommygun through Australian customs somehow... Thanks for the vote of confidence, Chief. You will always rate high in my book. |
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06 Dec 04 - 05:53 AM (#1348652) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie Chongo I thought I saw your name on the wrapper of a loaf of bread the other day, but when I looked again I realised it said 'Thick Cut' Giok ;^) |
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06 Dec 04 - 06:07 AM (#1348658) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Liz the Squeak Hey, I'm left handed but I've never pulled a pickle - I use a fork, it's easier to get a good grip.... Of course, the hardest part is getting the lid off..... I'm sorry you're simian too... I like the hairy ones best and it sounds like we could be good together... but I just don't interspecies date... not since 1986 anyway. LTS |
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06 Dec 04 - 09:45 AM (#1348788) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Cluin Chongo just needs to find himself a nice Bonobo girl. She'll file off his corners for him. Just don't get too bent out of shape when rolls over for the next primate that comes along. It's nothing personal; it's just how they say hello. |
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06 Dec 04 - 11:10 AM (#1348863) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Liz the Squeak Just how they say hello? Wow... how the heck to they say 'I love you'?!!! I want to be a Bonobo if reincarnation is the thing... or a pig... Pigs get 20-30 minute orgasms..... but lions can do it up to 40 times a day.... decisions, decisions....... AAAAAAAAAAAaarrrrghhhh! LTS |
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06 Dec 04 - 01:34 PM (#1348987) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Chongo is like in dire need of an oil change. |
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06 Dec 04 - 02:21 PM (#1349039) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie Certainly has a problem with his dipstick! Giok |
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06 Dec 04 - 03:02 PM (#1349074) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Dipstick? Are you saying that Chongo needs lipstick on the dipstick? |
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06 Dec 04 - 04:42 PM (#1349193) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Little Hawk I've been trying to grasp the concept of a 20-30 minute orgasm (reputed to happen for pigs). I just can't fathom it... Sounds good though. If you can get through it without suffering heart failure. |
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06 Dec 04 - 04:43 PM (#1349194) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Would the CPR people identify themselves at this point in case the ape needs that? |
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06 Dec 04 - 05:49 PM (#1349253) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie Defibrillator yes; mouth to mouth NO!! Giok |
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06 Dec 04 - 05:50 PM (#1349255) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace You, sir, are skipping the part that Chongo likes. |
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06 Dec 04 - 08:02 PM (#1349380) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Liz the Squeak Don't look at me.. my heart is dodgy enough thank you very much!!! I mustn't be excited, so no pigs for me in the afterlife! LTS |
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06 Dec 04 - 08:13 PM (#1349394) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Big Al Whittle a monkey who can write....! Not all the people in our village can do that. |
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06 Dec 04 - 08:14 PM (#1349398) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Peace Yeah, but they're probably gettin' laid and Chongo ain't. |
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07 Dec 04 - 01:08 AM (#1349613) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Little Hawk I think I should point out on Chongo's behalf that chimps are NOT monkeys. They're apes. There's a difference. |
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07 Dec 04 - 01:48 AM (#1349633) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,SueB Look, I don't care if you're simian and single, why some of my best friends are simian and single, clearly I am an openminded sort, but not everybody is as openminded as me, so the thing to do, Chongo baby, would be to follow the advice of our esteemed former president (who by the way had no trouble at all getting his rocks off from what I can tell) when he said: DON'T ASK - DON'T TELL. |
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07 Dec 04 - 04:18 AM (#1349678) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Liz the Squeak But DO make sure you have a good dry-cleaner nearby. LTS |
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07 Dec 04 - 05:26 AM (#1349709) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie So does that mean Chongo should ape the behaviour of a certain William Jefferson Clinton? Wouldn't Hillary go ape? Should Monica have hollered APE! I go ape every time I see you smile I'm a ding dong gorilla, and I'll carry you caveman style When you hold my hand I'm a prehistoric man I GO APE Giok |
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07 Dec 04 - 05:58 AM (#1349715) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST,Magenta Chongo, please ignore these yobbos. I know that what important, is your big heart. and its mine, all mine.. I'm waiting for you, babe. ps - the defibrillator - is that like a lie detector? your girl. |
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07 Dec 04 - 06:11 AM (#1349722) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Liz the Squeak According to the wardens at the gorilla reserve where Dian Fossey was based, the larger apes are not particularly well endowed.... Explains a lot about some of my boyfriends..... LTS |
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07 Dec 04 - 10:58 AM (#1349925) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie I think Chongo wants a lay detector. Giok ;~) |
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07 Dec 04 - 11:02 AM (#1349930) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Little Hawk LOL! Spaw, I sure hope as hell that you are reading this and getting some real culture and not wasting your time on windy analyses of the cultural relevance of Bob Dylan's writings or anything like that... |
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07 Dec 04 - 03:05 PM (#1350183) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Liz the Squeak Ape goes to the Drs.... Dr, I think I'm changing into a monkey.... Here, take two of these and simian the morning. (well what do you expect at this time of day?!) LTS |
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07 Dec 04 - 05:43 PM (#1350350) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Little Hawk What a tail of disaster... |
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07 Dec 04 - 11:22 PM (#1350571) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: pdq It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. H. L. Mencken |
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08 Dec 04 - 05:01 PM (#1351287) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Little Hawk Damn straight! |
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08 Dec 04 - 05:32 PM (#1351322) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Liz the Squeak Is that a declaration or a cry of anguish? LTS |
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08 Dec 04 - 05:37 PM (#1351328) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: Little Hawk Heh! Funny, funny... |
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08 Dec 04 - 05:42 PM (#1351335) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: GUEST Chongo would do better in the bonobo cage if he really wants to get laid. Over there it's "make love not war." Chimps are inferior when it comes to sexual expression....Bonnie Bonobo, satisfied primate |
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09 Dec 04 - 11:17 AM (#1352031) Subject: RE: BS: Sorry I'm simian and single! From: John MacKenzie Pygmy chimpanzees or bonobos - which some scientists call man's closest relative - have declined by 80 per cent as a result of rampant hunting in the Congo Basin, the World Wide Fund For Nature, said yesterday The bonobo, whose multi-partner sexual antics have been used to challenge the idea of male supremacy in evolution, is much less widespread than the chimpanzee and its population was formerly estimated at about 50,000. Preliminary results of the first detailed survey of a known bonobo stronghold found only limited evidence that they were living there. Current estimates now place the bonobo population closer to 10,000. The survey was conducted in the Democratic Republic of Congo in the Salonga National Park, a protected area the size of Holland. No live bonobos were encountered and sightings of nests and dung were only made in a quarter of the area surveyed, at lower densities than previously measured. There was, however, ample evidence of human encroachment into the park and of poaching. ''If these findings are mirrored across the park we can kiss goodbye to our closest relative,'' said Callum Rankine, the senior international species officer for WWF-UK. Well Chongo it looks like your chances get less day by day, but rest assured it happens to other species too. Giok |