Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song

29 Jan 05 - 02:48 PM (#1392476)
Subject: Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song
From: John M.

Hello everyone,

If you are easily offended, please STOP READING.   This thread is for mature audiences only.  Please don't post "dreadful song" or "worst song written" as you are not helping. 

Below is a traditional bawdy song titled:  "A Trip to Heaven"

                Do you sing this song?  If yes, to what tune?


Any help is appreciated.

Sincerely,

John Mehlberg
[e-mail]
~
My, mostly traditional, bawdy songs, toasts and recitations website: www.immortalia.com
~

              A TRIP TO HEAVEN

It was but a village maiden with red and rosy cheeks.
Who went to church and sunday school and played accents sweet,

It was but a reverend minister who looked upon her face,
So full of kind devotion and also full of grace.

And when he sauntered home with her when the services were 'oer,
And talked to her of Jesus and of the golden shore.

Then up she spoke; Oh: "Father Dear," said she,
I'd give the world if I that golden shore could see.

Then come over to my cottage the minister did say,
Some evening at nine o'clock an hour or so to stay.

I will dear reverend and happy I will be,
To catch a glimpse of heaven and hold communion with thee.

She reached the cottage just as the clock was striking nine,
Ha, Ha, said he, I see you are on time.

Pray step into my chamber where the light is burning low,
And I will soon be with you and to heaven we will go.

He quickly joined the maiden, and then to her he said,
We'll soon be with the spirits of them that's long been dead.

Before we make the journey we must ourselves prepare,
And take our earthly garments off for they wear no clothing there.

The maiden flushed a moment then cast her fears aside.
Kind sire she said I know that you are noble, true, and justified,

Whatever you say that will I do for you are fully true.
[.........?]

Then the preacher took off his pants and other garments too.
He stood as God had made him a noble man and true.

Take off your hat and jacket dear and sit upon the bed,
She silently obeyed him and done just what he said.

Then he with nimble fingers her waist band untied,
Then took them one by one and laid them aside.

Now we are as God made us the preacher said to her,
And we will surely reach the promised land if nothing does occur.

He then took her and laid her upon the bed,
And laying down beside her this is what she said.

Oh, Father pray tell me what is this funny thing so trim.
That is standing up so straight and slim.

And what are those withered things that are hanging down below?
One quite large and the other failed to grow.

That is the key to heaven and you passes the lock,
[.......]

Then he put his fingers in her tiny nest.
And gently pressed the button and nature done the rest,

She pressed him to her breast and cried ti's heaven I know it is.
[.......]

He felt her bosom throbbing and swell against his side,
He laid her gently on the bed and spread her legs full wide.

To put the key into the lock full half an hour he tried,
At last he was successful and then the maiden cried,

Put your arms around ray neck and leave the key inside.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and how the thing did glide,

She called aloud again and again 'tis heaven. Oh! what a shock;
And what joy, what bliss to keep the key within the lock.

Several times they went to heaven before the night was o'er.
And when the preacher went to sleep the maiden called for more.

When morning came the preacher awoke repenting and afraid;
His conscience smote him sorely and unto the maiden he said,

My poor girl, I have ruined you.
My God what will I do?

I've stolen your virginity and lost my honest name,
My poor wife and family they to must bear the shame.

You Damn old fool you're as thick as mud and pretty soon you'll see,
That you have got the same dose that your son John gave to me.

Now let this be a lesson, you poor old sinful fool,
And don't think that all are virtuous that go to Sunday School.

And when your prick is in a sling pray to your wife to tell,
How you took a trip to heaven and landed straight in HELL

Notes: This text is from a typescript from Albany, New York dated 26 February 1906.  Randolph Unprintable vol. 2 (Rhyme #54) has this from 1949 and Legman notes that the usual title for this is "The Preacher and the Maiden".  Edith Fowke in her 1966 "Bawdy Songs from Ontario" has this being sung to the tune of Joe Bowers.   It is found in the mimeographed Mess Hall Songs & Rhymes of the RAAF (ca 1945) on pg 67 of the reprint edition with no tune indicated.   Hence it has circulated as both a recitation and as a song.

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29 Jan 05 - 02:55 PM (#1392482)
Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song
From: Charley Noble

John-

Nice twist to this one.

Charley Noble

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29 Jan 05 - 03:00 PM (#1392487)
Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song
From: Lighter

Hugill's "Shanties from the Seven Seas" has this, or part of it - thoroughly "camouflaged," naturally - as a version of the shanty "Fire Down Below."

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29 Jan 05 - 03:46 PM (#1392534)
Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song
From: GUEST

Compare to Fire Down Below
http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=2021

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29 Jan 05 - 03:59 PM (#1392543)
Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song
From: John M.

Dear Guest,

Thanks for the link to Hugil's Fire Down Below. I missed is in my search previous to posting. I agree with Lighter that Hugil's text is "disguised".

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07 Mar 08 - 07:49 AM (#2281979)
Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song
From: and e

Here is a version from the Australian LP Ribald Classics Vol. 4: Bang Away Lu Lu


Trip to Heaven

She was a village maiden with red and rosy cheeks,
She went to church and Sunday School and prayed in accents meek,
He was the Reverend minister who loved to watch her face,
So full of true devotion, so beautiful with grace.

And as he sauntered home with her when service it was o'er,
He often spoke of Heaven and of that Golden Shore.
Up spoke the village maiden, "Oh Father Dear", she cried she,
"The world I'd give, if I but once, that Golden Shore could see."

"Then come into my parlor when the lights are burning low,
"And we will say a prayer or two, and heavenward we'll go."
She entered by the Vicarage gate, right on the stroke of nine,
"Good evening", said the Minister, "I see you are on time".

"Before we take this journey, we must ourselves prepare,
"For you know, my little darling, they wear no garments there."
The maiden blushed a little, then she threw her clothes aside,
For she knew that she had naught to fear with the Vicar by her side.

    They were only playing leapfrog
    They were only playing leapfrog
    They were only playing leapfrog
    And they slipped between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

"Oh tell me, Reverend Father, what is that great big thing,
"That's hanging there between your legs, so long, so smooth, so thin."
"That is the key to Heaven, dear, between your legs the lock,
"It has the works and motion, just like an eight day clock."

Six times they went to Heaven before that night was o'er,
And every time he tried to stop, the maiden asked for more.
And early in the morning, he bowed his head in shame,
"My God! What a calamity I've brought upon your name."

    They were only playing leapfrog
    They were only playing leapfrog
    They were only playing leapfrog
    And they slipped between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

"You damned old fool, you're thick as mud, and very soon shall see
"You've gone and got yourself a dose that your son gave to me.
"And let this be a warning, you silly bloody fool,
"The girls are not all virgins who attend your Sunday School."

"And now, my poor old parson, you've gone and had your fun,
"You've gone and got a dose from John, your loving son,
"And when your prick's in bandages, go to your wife and tell,
"That you took a trip to Heaven, Sir, and ended up in Hell."

    They were only playing leapfrog
    They were only playing leapfrog
    They were only playing leapfrog
    And they slipped between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

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11 Dec 12 - 01:00 AM (#3450389)
Subject: RE: Lyr Add: 'A Trip to Heaven' a bawdy song
From: GUEST

Pgs 41-43, Cleopatra's Scrapbook (1928):

41
A TRIP TO HEAVEN
She was but a simple maiden,
With red and rosy cheeks,
Who went to church on sunday,
And prayed in accents meek,
It was about the reverend father,
Who loved to see her face,
So full of sweet devotion,
Of sweetness, and of grace.
Now he sauntered home with her?
When services were or'er
He would speak to her of home,
And of the golden shore,
Then up the maiden spoke and said,
"Oh father dear," said she,
Td give the world if I ,
The golden shore could see."
"Then come to my cottage,"
The holy man did say,
"At nine this evening,
An hour or two to stay."
I will dear reverend father,
And happy will I be,
To catch a glimpse of heaven,
And hold commune with thee,
She reached the preachers, house,
As the clock was striking nine,
Ha ha he said with steady smile,
I see you are on time.
Pray step into my chamber,
Where the lights are burning low,
And I will soon be with you,
Then heavenward we will go.
He presently joined the maiden,
Then to her he kindly said,
"We soon will be with those who,
Are numbered with the dead,

43
But ere we make the jounney,
We must ourselves prepare,
And take our earthly garments off;
They no garments wear .
The maiden blushed a minute,
Then turned her head aside,
She knew that she had naught to fear,
While at the preachers side.
Kind sir she said, I know ,
That you are noble, true and just,
Just what you say I will do,
For you I deeply trust.
The pastor then took off his pants,
And other garments too,
And stood as he was born,
A noble man, tis true,
The maiden stood reluctant,
Until he to her kindly said,
Take off your hat and jacket dear,
And sit down on the bed.
She silently obeyed him,
And did as she was told,
While he with nimble fingers,
Her waistband did unfold,
He took the garments one by one,
And placed them on a chair,
Until she stood before him,
All naked, pure and fair.
Now we are as we were made,
The preacher said to her,
And surely we'll reach heaven,
If nothing does occur.
He took the maiden in his arms
And placed her on the bed,
And laid down beside her,
And this is what she said,
Oh father dear do tell me,
What is this big thing,
That is standing up so straight
And stiff and awful slim,

44 ■'
And what are these other things,
That are hanging down below,
The one is quite the larger,
Has the other ceased to grow,
That is the key to heaven child,
And you possess the lock,
It has its works and movements,
Just like an eight day clock,
He took her hand in his,
And pressed it to his lips,
Her hand was hot and burning,
Clear to the finger tips,
Then he gently put his finger,
Into her kitties nest,
And gently pressed the button,
And nature did the rest.
He felt her bosom heave,
And throb against his chest,
Her breath came quick,
She cried, "Oh let me rest."
He gently laid her on her back,
And pressed her legs full wide,
To put the key into the lock,
Full half an hour he tried,
At last he was successful,
And to the maiden cried,
Oh put your arms around my neck,
The key is at last inside.
She pressed her hot and burning lips,
Against his burning face,
And clasped her legs around his hips,
And pulled him into place,
Then he began a motion that,
With pleasure caused her pain.
Yet presently she cried,
"Again, Again, AGAIN/"1

4?-A
Tis heaven to me she cried,
It is heaven, what joy, what pain,
Pray leave the key inside the lock.
Don't take it out again.
Six times they went to heaven,
Before the night was over,
.And as the Father fell asleep.
She faintly cried for more
'The morning came, the Father,
Was repentant and afraid,
H's conscience sorely upbraided liim.
He spoke thus to the maid,
'"My dear girl, I've rained you,
My God what shall I do?
I've stolen your virginity,
And lost my honor too.
My God, my wife and children,
They must not know my shame,
My God, what a great calamity,
I've brought upon my name.
Then up spoke the maiden,
And this is what she said:
Do not run away with the idea,
That you've got my maidenhead,
You darned old fool, you are,
Thick as mud, you'h soon see,
You've only caught the dose of clap,
That your son did give to me.
When your prick is in a rag,
This to your wife pray tell,
That you took a trip to heaven,
And landed right in hell.
Let this be a lesson,
You poor old simple fool,
Don't think that, all are virgins,
Who go to Sunday School.
One woman is enough for you,
Take my advice and not try,
To fuck your congregation,
For if you do, you'll surely die.

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