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13 Feb 05 - 06:53 AM (#1408049) Subject: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: GUEST,Wrinkles Ok, Xmas carols have always been fair game for parodies, and some seem to have been around forever (such as "While sheperds washed their socks by night"), but what about the parodies Mudcatters have composed and done for friends and their own performances? Come on, It's time these gems were shared, and got into circulation on the folk process merry-go-round. Post them here, and let's all have a chuckle ;-) Here's two I prepared before the show ;-) [to the tune of God Rest Ye merry Gentlemen] SOD OFF YE ROWDY GENTLEMEN (an anti carol singers ditty) Sod off ye rowdy gentlemen, your carols are a pain. How dare ye wake me from my rest in hope of fiscal gain. Your tenor's flat, you sing off key, now GO! Do not remain, or face Good Hidings, discomfort, and Pain. (Discomfort and Pain) Face Good Hidings, Discomfort, and Pain. [To the tune of Deck The Halls] CHECK THE MALLS (This one always got a laugh in Northern Ireland) Check the Malls for Bombs in trolleys, Tra la la la la, lala, la la. Tis the season to be wary Tra la la la la, lala, la la. Don we now our kevlar armour Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la, lala, la. Send in the robot to disarm 'er Tra la la la la, lala, la la. OK, Your turn ;-) Wrinkles |
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13 Feb 05 - 11:43 AM (#1408133) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: Phil Cooper From Marty Pfieffer (I think I've misspelled his last name). Check the balls on that big collie (fa la, etc). He gets big when he gets jolly (fa la) that's the end of it. |
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13 Feb 05 - 02:31 PM (#1408296) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: just john The first Noel The second Noel The third Noel (etc.) It's no "Deck us all with Boston Charley," but it'll do in a pinch. |
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13 Feb 05 - 04:48 PM (#1408417) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: George Seto - af221@chebucto.ns.ca Rather than convert them and post them here, I've put the whole booklet up at vince_twistmas_2003.doc. It's a small booklet with a bunch of Christmas Parodies, many I got here at the Mudcat. It's in Word Document format, set up to be printed double-sided, then stapled and folded. Enjoy! |
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13 Feb 05 - 04:53 PM (#1408422) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: George Seto - af221@chebucto.ns.ca ACtually, I just remembered, I use Ottawa font for most things, so I've put it up as a PDF file instead, so it'll print properly. Enjoy! |
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14 Feb 05 - 06:10 AM (#1409054) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: The Fooles Troupe A Charisma Scare Roll Go dressed team marriage end dull meant Lit north ink cutest May Forge eases cry star say fiord West boor non crisp mistake, Two safe assault form say tons spar Win whee wore gonifs tray; Owe, tide ink's off come fort enjoy, come fort enjoy, Owe tye eye dink's off come fort enjoy. An Udder Charisma Scare Roll Oak gum ball if facefull, choy fall ant dry infant; Gum ball ease it is sins off heavy nabob. Gum band a door imp, barn off kinky faint shells. Oak omelet acid Durham, oak omelet acid Durham, Oak gum lettuce at Durhammm, cry, I still hoard. And a harp pine weir two ewe. Robin |
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15 Feb 05 - 03:55 AM (#1410199) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: Genie Here's a link to another thread on the same topic: Christmas parodies One of the parodies there is "Fleece Mom & Dad," a parody of Feliz Navidad, which I wrote for promo for the Alternative Gifts Market a few years ago. There are several others in that thread. LOL |
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15 Feb 05 - 05:11 PM (#1410975) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies..... From: kendall Good King what's his name looked out on his feets uneven... Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a very shiney nose He has a drinking problem, now he's wearing panty hose (Eric Bogle) Ho ho fucking ho What a crock of shit We all work for Santa Claus We've had enough we quit We do all the fucking work while he stars in the show Stick your Christmas up yer arse Ho ho fucking ho. (Monty Python) |
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09 Dec 13 - 04:57 PM (#3583022) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Effie xx First we three kings parody: We three kings of Leicester square Selling ladies underwear So fantastic, no elastic Only £2 a pair O pants for children pants for mum Pants for doing a hard math sum Downward leading their still proceeding Guide us to thy perfect bum Second one: We four Beatles of Liverpool are, Paul by taxi john by car Charlie by scooter blowing his hooter Following ringo star |
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09 Dec 13 - 05:32 PM (#3583028) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Eliza Jingle bells, Rudolf smells, All the elves are gay. Santa Claus Ripped his drawers, Then he ran away. (taught to me by my 6 yr old Glasgow pupils) |
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09 Dec 13 - 05:39 PM (#3583030) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Tradsinger Based on "The Lore and Language of Shoolchildren" While Shepherds washed their socks by night All seated round the tub A bar of sunlight soap came down And they began to scrub. While shepherds watched their turnip tops All boiling in the pot A lump of soot came tumbling down And spoiled the blooming lot. While shepherds washed their socks by night While watching Sky TV The angel of the Lord came down And switched to BBC No ale, no beer No stout, sold out Born is the king with his shirt hanging out. We three kings of Orient are One in a taxi, one in a car One on a scooter, blowing his hooter Smoking a big cigar. Good King Wenceslas looked out On the feast of Stephen A snowball hit him on the snout Which made it quite uneven Brightly shone his conk that night Though the pain was cruel When the doctor came in sight Riding on a mule. Hark, the jelly babies sing Beacham's pills are just the thing They are gentle, meek and mild Two for a man and one for a child If you want to go to heaven You must take a dose of seven If you want to go to hell Take the blooming box as well Hark, the jelly babies sing Beacham's pills are just the thing. Enjoy Tradsinger |
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10 Dec 13 - 05:26 PM (#3583085) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Beatlesfan#1 Guest,Effie xx - it's "GEORGE by scooter.... (Charlie, like Poppa, was/is a Rolling Stone)...following Ringo STARR" |
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10 Dec 13 - 05:39 PM (#3583086) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,c.g. Effie - the version I learnt in the early 50's was started out: 'We three spivs of Mersey Square.' Spivs dates it to the war years and Mersey Square is in Stockport - local reference, as we'd probably never heard of Leicester Square. The rest was (more or less. I haven't heard it since 1958) 'selling nylons tuppence a pair, they're fantastic, they're elastic, guaranteed not to wear' |
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10 Dec 13 - 08:41 PM (#3583133) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Joe_F These are of some antiquity: O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, O piss on thee, O Christmas tree! * While shepherds watched their flocks by night, All shitting on the ground, An angel of the Lord came down And handed paper round. * Hark! The herald angels sing: Beecham's pills are just the thing, Move you gently, meek and mild, Two for adults and one for child. Regular administration, Just the thing for constipation. How can man to art aspire If his soul is not on fire? How can man crawl into bed With his belly full of lead? |
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11 Dec 13 - 07:37 AM (#3583256) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST Hot off the press; not yet done in public, but ready for this year! THE WILD CHRISTMAS THYME Lyrics: © Trish Santer 11.12.13. Tune: Wild Mountain Thyme Nearly Christmas time again All the chasing lights are twinkling And the wild carol singers Their collecting cans are clinking, Will ye go, choirs, go, And we'll sing "White Christmas" together, Might not sound like Herald Angels All around the wintry weather, Will ye go, choirs, go. I will buy my love a gift, At Amazon, Argos or Curry's, And I hope he won't be too miffed That I bought it in a hurry, Will ye go online, go, And we'll all surf together And go into credit card meltdown When I buy some kinky leather, Will ye go online, go. I will range the downtown stores And the shopping malls so dreary, And return with my spoils And my feet all sore and weary, Will ye go, shoppers, go. Buy your turkey, sprouts and stuffing, Sage and onion, or parsley and thyme, Weighed down with bags you'll be puffing, Will ye go, shoppers, go. When the family all come round, And the beer and wine are flowing, But o'er Trivial Pursuit answers They will surely soon be rowing, Will ye go, drunkards, go, And we'll all argue together, Until he who is always right Has been proved to be wrong for ever, Will ye go, drunkards, go. And we'll have a good Christmas together, And we'll promise to be back next year, As our ties will never sever, Now will ye go home, people, go. (Slow down, wearily!) |
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11 Dec 13 - 12:40 PM (#3583327) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Tattie Bogle That was me! Logged out it seems, and didn't realise until after I'd posted it. |
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12 Dec 13 - 04:09 AM (#3583474) Subject: Lyr Add: Fred's Mite From: Nigel Parsons I thought I'd posted this last year, but a thorough search doesn't find it, so I'll try again: Based (very loosely) on the biblical story of "the widow's mite": FRED'S MITE Nigel Parsons 2012 (Tune "Silver Bells" Jay Livingston & Ray Evans) At the fireplace, Fred is sitting, quietly nursing his beer, Feeling glad for the warmth and the light. At the bar are 'City Bankers' freely sharing good cheer, While poor Fred makes two pints last all night. Chorus Silver bells, Silver bells. It's Christmas time in the city. Ting-a-ling, hear them ring. Soon it will be Christmas Day. In the pub now, come the matrons, of the 'War Cry' brigade Singing car'ls to the sound of their tambourines. Seek donations, from the patrons, drink a swift lemonade. Then dispensing God's blessings, and magazines. Cho: And they tell all, of the homeless, and the suff'ring about. And Fred gives them the last of his change. As they exit, Fred then rises, and he follows them out. Leaving after one pint seems so strange. Cho: |
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12 Dec 13 - 04:57 AM (#3583489) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GRex My favourite is:- Jingle tills, jingle tills Jingle all the day Oh what jolly fun it is Watching silly buggers pay GRex |
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12 Dec 13 - 11:12 AM (#3583574) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST Christmas Day in the Workhouse has been parodied how many times? http://freespace.virgin.net/david.brunton/workhouse.html |
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12 Dec 13 - 08:52 PM (#3583741) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,.gargoyle Had to say how many times the "old chestnut" has been posted:: Newsletter Haberdashery Songs Links rsslink Home FAQ & Member Info Calendar / Directions Officers Pay Your Dues! Songs Songs Songs in the Key of Pittsburgh Ain't Masturbatin' Are Yinz From Pittsburgh Autohash Dahn-Dahn Debauchery Tonight Dope Ray Me Hashin' Ice The Bitch Interhash 1999 Welcum I've Only Half a Brain Moondance My boyfirend… Oh You Wankers S&M Man verses Santa Clause is Cumming On You Shiggy-Traction Skippy the Squirrel Swilligans Island The Hash House Harriers The Pittstones Thunderchicken Walking 'round In Women's Underwear Other Song Books: A general, Pittsburgh-influenced song book Whiff's Compilation of Pittsburgh Songs Ain't Masturbatin' by Whiff Don't buff the bishop, Don't wax my bean, Don't choke the chicken, I think you know what I mean. Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my load for you. Don't stroke my bony one-eyed baloney, My Mannon yogurt is For your consumption only. Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my load for you. I'm forsakin' shakin' bacon. Trouser snakin' just ain't my style. My jiz is the fizz in your Sperm-o-dent smile. Ooo – go easy. I don't like workin' Gland in glove. No jerkin' gherkins - It's your lips I'm thinkin' of. Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my load for you. Don't fling the phallus, Won't flog the frog. No squeezin' mustard From my Oscar Meyer dog. Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my load for you. Ain't whippin' up no warm Baby Gravy, Don't got a discharge from the white-knuckle navy. Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my load for you. I skip the hand jive, Don't give low-fives, Lube the tube or make the bread rise. My crotch chowder's seasoned 'specially for you. Mmm – believe me. Won't milk the lizard, Don't baste my ham. Let Mr. Wizard in To soak your tonsils, ma'am. Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my spunk for - Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my jiz for - Ain't masturbatin', Savin' all my load for you. Are Yinz From Pittsburgh Are yinz from Pittsburgh? I said from Pittsburgh Where the emphysema rate is so high Where streets are narrow Like Mia Farrow And flocks of pigeons shit in your eye Are yinz from Baldwin or Monroeville or from Aspinwall? Or do you come from South Side with your bowling ball? Are yinz from Pittsburgh? I said from Pittsburgh. 'Cause we're from Pittsburgh too. We know our city Is not so pretty But so what if we've nothing unique There's still Apollo And Panther Hollow And floods each year along Chartiers Creek. When you die they put your name upon the voting list And hashing is just fine if you're a masochist. Are yinz from Pittsburgh? I said from Pittsburgh. 'Cause we're from Pittsburgh too. The Autohash Down-Down by Whiff The Beatles – Drive My Car Baby, you can drive my car, We're not going very far- Only to the next bar. So baby, it's down down… Down-down, down-down, yeah! Down-down, down-down, yeah! Dahn Dahn by Whiff and Moon Petula Clark – Downtown When you don't care If there's beer in your hair, You know that you've done– a Down Down! So much fun that You keep on wearing your hat, And do another one– Down down! It may be Miller Lite, Honey Brown or Yuengling Porter. Just don't take all night 'Cause our attention spans get shorter… After a few. So wait till we Give you the sign, 'Cause you can't raise your glass 'Til we finish our rhyme… And then– Down Down! Here in the circle where– Down Down! you can't come up for air. Down Down! If you do, you must wear your Down down…down down….down down… DEBAUCHERY TONIGHT by Whiff Melody: Comedy Tonight Something for lunkheads, Something for drunk heads, Something for everyone – Debauchery tonight! Something that's kinky, Something that's stinky, Something for everyone – Debauchery tonight! Nothing for pimps, Nothing for prudes. Bring on the lushes, Flashers and nudes! Inebriation And fornication, This time we'll maybe get it right… Sobriety tomorrow, debauchery tonight! Plenty of hooters And naval shooters. Something for everyone – Debauchery tonight! Pussies and peckers In triple deckers, Something for everyone Debauchery tonight! Oceans of beer Nothing too light. This bacchinalia's Rocking all night! Some masturbation And copulation, An -ation for everybody's taste… Chooches and wankers, Nymphos with chancres, Sex kits and goodies, Fat boys with woodies! Philanderers! Manhandlers!, Inebriants And deviants! Mistakes, Fakes, Mugs, Chugs, Nuzzlers, Muzzlers, Puzzlers, Guzzlers! Outrageous sex, Beer by the quarts. And there's a midnight Nude run, of course! What is the moral? Something immoral – Skippy the squirrel Rules the night! Sobriety tomorrow, Debauchery, Debauchery, Debauchery, Debauchery, Debauchery… Tonight!!! Dope Ray Me by Whiff Melody: Do Re Mi, from The Sound of Music Dope, some dope, Some Mexican dope. Re, the guy who sells me dope. Mi, someone, who needs some dope. Fa, a long long way from dope. So, I think I'll smoke some dope. La, la la la la la laaa. Ti, Ray told me this was dope! Which brings us back to dope, dope, dope… HASHIN' (To the Grateful Dead's "Truckin") by Whiff Hashin' – along the Conamaugh Scratched up – till my legs are raw Was that – a beer I just saw? And is there any more . . . for me? What in the world ever became of Big Beef? You know, he hasn't hashed in a year and a half. I heard some Eerie germ's been giving him big grief. I guess that's why they named him "Chief of Staph". Hashin' – over field and street, Bimbos – suck their toes and feet Fat boys – like to beat their meat And everybody's beggin' for . . . more beer. Ice The Bitch Melody: Do Re Mi, from The Sound of Music Ice the bitch, that G.M. bitch. Numb, the price you have to pay Sit, right there and down that beer Yes, you pissed off the R.A. Damn, your ass is getting red And, your lips are turning blue Place, that mug above your head And prove you downed that brew. The Americas Interhash '99 Welcum Song (like the Beauty and the Beast show-stopper, by Whiff and Moon) Be our guests, you'll be blessed With all the beer you can ingest. While you're chugging, we'll keep lugging Extra kegs for you to test. On the runs when those buns Clad in spandex make you cum, The confection your erection Spurts will make the bimbos hum. Suck a teat or some meat, Find your G-spot – ooo, how sweet! Shoot some jism, Hedonism Is the motto-of-the-week. Let your juices splash This year at Interhash! And be our guests! Be our guests! Be our guests! Be our guests – bare your breasts! Everybody get undressed! When you're naked, you can't fake it - you leave nothing to be guessed. Grab a beer. Have no fear If you take it up the rear. 'Cause your rectums, we'll inspect 'em, Making sure the way is clear. Grab your crotch, be debauched. We don't care – we like to watch! Your libido is our credo, Let us crrank it up a notch! Let your juices splash! Come to the Interhash And be our guests! Be our guests! Be our guests! I'VE ONLY HALF A BRAIN Melody:If I Only Had a Brain (From the Wizard of Oz) By Whiff; officially premiered at the Eerie (PA) H3 1st Anniversary Hash in July 1994 I could wile away the hours, Searchin' hills for flour, Across a wide terrain. (repeat) I'd be chipper, and I'd be cheerful, If my stomach had a beerful, 'Cause I've only half a brain. (repeat) With my arms and legs akimbo, I'll be chasing after bimbos, Through mud, thorns, and rain. (repeat) I'll be making lots of passes, As I fondle all their asses, 'Cause I've only half a brain. (repeat) Chorus: I'll do down-downs till the keg begins to spit, Then I'll fire one up and take a little hit, I'll impress the women with my charming wit, As I shout out, "Show us your tits!" Then my beer I will be sharing, With them as their breast they're baring, Our urges unrestrained. (repeat) Oh, our language will be rude as, We exchange bod-i-ly fluids, 'Cause we've only half a brain. MOONDANCE (Yes,that Moondance! ) by Whiff Well, it's a marvelous night for a mooning With the beer flowing out of your glass. A fantabulous night for a moon, yeah, INTERHASH sure is crawling with ass. …Where all the beavers on the bimbos are calling To the hundreds of boners that grow. 'Cause all the beavers and the boners like balling, And the buns on the runs really show. And the ni-i-ight's magic Seems to quiver your bush, And all the so-o-oft moonlight Really shines (dah-dah-dah!) On your tush! (dah-dah-dah!) Can I just see your moon tonight, Your sweet, precious butt? Can I just have one more moon shot From you, you slut?! MY BOYFRIEND (to tune of Oscar Meyer weiner, not sur eof author, but Stick it in my Socket taught me) My boyfriend has a first name, it's P-E-T-E-R, My boyfiend has a second name, its P-E-N-I-S, I fuck my boyfriend everyday, and if you ask me why I'll say…. Cause Peter's Penis has a way, with my V-A-G-I-N-A Oh You Wankers (to tune of Oh Suzannah, by Bwana) Well, we bushwhacked up from Pittsburgh, 'Cause we heard there's halfminds here. And we won't get on the Interstate Until we've kicked the beer. We drank all night the day we left, The brewskies made us high. Now we're hashin' here in Eerie And we're gonna suck you dry. Oh, you wankers! Go fetch another beer, 'Cause we hashed up here from Pittsburgh And we gotta have more beer. (Men's Chorus) I had a dream the other night– The room began to spin. I dreamed a horny bimbo came And sat upon my chin. Her buckwheat cake was in my face, Her juice was in my eye. I said, "I won't cum in your mouth." I always fuckin' lie! Oh, you wankers! Go fetch another beer, 'Cause we hashed up here from Pittsburgh And we gotta have more beer. S&M MAN verses Who can take some dentures, Sharpened with a file, And bite your genitalia with a sabertooth smile? The S &MMan… (Chorus) S &Mstrikes everyone he likes With a blend of love and malice. So don't you ever call him callous As he hammers on your phallus. Who can take a plunger, Pack it full of shit And clamp it on your mouth until he makes you vomit? The S &MMan… (Chorus) S &Msquirts you every time he hurts you With a half a quart of jism. Overflowing with sadism, He just needs your masochism. SANTA CLAUSE IS CUMMING ON YOU Melody:Santa Clause is Coming to Town by Whiff Oh, you better beware – It could be your turn. You better prepare To be showered with sperm. Santa Claus is cumming — on you! He's got a trenchcoat, 'Cause he's wearing no pants. He'll bugger you good If you give him a chance. Santa Claus is cumming — on you! He'll sieze you when you're sleeping, He'll fuck you wide awake. He'll leave you wet and dripping, So lock your door, for goodness sakes! He's got a big fist And jerking it twice. He'll pop a big load — That's his favorite vice. Santa Claus is cumming — on you! SKIPPY THE SQUIRREL Melody: Frosty the Snowman By Satan and Bwana; "Skippy" is based upon true events of Pittsburgh's 550th Anniversary at the Lithuanian Club. Skippy the Squirrel is a jolly happy soul, With his smashed out brains and his broken nose, And some gravel up his hole. Skippy the Squirrel is a hasher's tale they say, He was just too slow and the hashers know, He was squished to death one day. There must have been some magic, In that old dead squirrel they found, For when they tied him to the bus he began to fly around. Oh, Skippy the Squirrel is as dead as he can be, But the hashers say he can hash and play, Just the same as you and me. (happy whistle interlude) Skippy the Squirrel knew the sun was hot that day, So he said, "Lets run, And we'll have some fun, before I rot away." Down to the Apres, with a rope tied to his tail, Flying here and there, all around the square, Saying , "You'll go straight to hell." He led them down the trail that day, Right to a parking lot, Where Monster Bator licked a girl, Whose father called a cop. Monster and Skippy had to hurry out of there, But they waved good-bye, Sayin ', "Don't you cry, we'll be back again next year." Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump, Hear those squirrelies die, Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump, Look at Skippy fly! (I Can't Get No) Shiggy Traction (Stones' tune, by Whiff) I can't get no – shiggy traction I can't get no – Nike action 'Cause I tried, But I slide. I just slide, So I cried - I can't get no - Shiggy traction! I was hashing just last week When the "On-On" came from over the hill. But I kept splashing in some creek 'Cause the bank was churned into muddy swill. I was slippin' on the stones, 'Cause there was slimy algae everywhere. I was lost and hashing alone, Which is nothing new, but – I was the hare! I can't get no - I can't get no - "Are you?" reaction… No shiggy traction… SWILLIGAN'S ISLAND Melody:Gilligan's Island theme By Whiff Just sip yer brew and you'll hear a tale, A tale of a drunken hash. That started with a keg of beer, And everyone got trashed. (Repeat) The first hare was a brainless cooch, His co-hare was half as smart. Two hundred some odd half-minds, Took off in a cloud of farts. (Repeat) The hills got steep, the shiggy deep, The back checks had them fooled. Then someone found the beer stop, And everybody drooled. (Repeat) The mud had sucked their sneakers off, Their legs were ripped a lot. But once they had their nectar, The trail they soon forgot. (Repeat) The moral is no matter how, Much shiggy's on your trail, A hashin' twit don't give a shit, While he's swilling his ale. THE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS Melody: The Addams Family by Whiff Their drinking is compulsive, Their running is convulsive, They're morally repulsive- The Hash House Harriers! Their flatulance is rude an' Their genitals protrude when They're running in the nude in The Hash House Harriers! They're always shiggy-tracking From constantly bushwhacking. Intelligence they're lacking. The Hash House Harriers! Duh-duh-duh-duh-down-down Duh-duh-duh-duh-down-down Duh-duh-duh-duh Duh-duh-duh-duh Duh-duh-duh-duh-down-down! THE PITTSTONES Written by our own WHIFF, really! Melody: The Flintstones (Duh!) Hashers, Meet the Hashers, We're the biggest drunks in history. From the, town of Tittsburgh, We're the leaders in debauchery. Halfminds, trailing shiggy through the years. Watch them as they down a lot of beer… Down down Down down down down, Down down down down down down down down, Down down down down down Down down down down down doooown! The ThunderChicken Song (by Whiff) When you're hashin' through the shiggy, And you're gruntin' like a piggy, 'Cause your pussy's beggin' for a lickin' – There is something you should know, When there is no one else to ho' you, Caaaall for Thunderchicken! And if you think that You can do it better, He'll tell you go ahead and Write the next newsletter. He will drink another beer Until he cumes upon your rear. And he will leave your buttocks wet and stickin'. There is one thing you should learn, When there is no one else to sperm you, Caaall for Thunderchicken! Walking 'round In Women's Underwear (Tune: Walking In a Winter Wonderland) Lacy things the wife is missin' Didn't ask for her premission I'm wearin' her clothes, silk pantyhose Walkin' round in woman's underwear In the store there's a teddy With little straps like spagetti It hold me in tight, like handcuffs at night Walkin' round in woman's underwear In the office there's a guy named Melvin He pretends that I am Murphy Brown He'll sayare you ready, I'll say whoa man Let's wait until the wife is out of town Later on if you wanna We can dress like Madonna Put on some eyeshade and join the parade Walkin' round in woman's underwear Walkin' round in woman's underwear Walkin' round in woman's underwear. Sincerely, Gargoyle (A traditional HASH /RUGBY song |
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12 Dec 13 - 09:05 PM (#3583742) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,.gargoyle CLONES - please clean up the previous vomit (extra wool be added to your stockings) Clean material ............................ Walking 'round In Women's Underwear (Tune: Walking In a Winter Wonderland) Lacy things the wife is missin' Didn't ask for her premission I'm wearin' her clothes, silk pantyhose Walkin' round in woman's underwear In the store there's a teddy With little straps like spagetti It hold me in tight, like handcuffs at night Walkin' round in woman's underwear In the office there's a guy named Melvin He pretends that I am Murphy Brown He'll sayare you ready, I'll say whoa man Let's wait until the wife is out of town Later on if you wanna We can dress like Madonna Put on some eyeshade and join the parade Walkin' round in woman's underwear Walkin' round in woman's underwear Walkin' round in woman's underwear Sincerely, Gargoyle via the Rugby/Hasher Song bookz |
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13 Dec 13 - 10:49 AM (#3583812) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Nigel Parsons With a relative working for Tree Amigos we bought this year's tree from him. I took pity on him standing in the cold all day (but rather him than me!) and wrote this little ditty: TREE AMIGOS ttto: Tannenbaum / Christmas tree / Maryland / The Red Flag Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, I'm sure you'll be the death of me. Twelve hours a day I'm on the go, In sunshine (rarely) Rain and Snow. A Tree Amigos 'Happy' elf I do the bleedin' work myself. Each massive tree I have to hump, Shove through the netter, trim the stump. Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, There's one for ev'ry family. Tra-dit-ion-al-ists may prefer A tall (but thin) Norwegian Fir But if you don't want needles loose, I'd recommend the Nordman Spruce (spoken O.k. it's a little more expensive, but the quality is worth it!) A five-foot Nordman in your Ka? Okay, if you're not going far. This Christmas job would be a breeze. If it were not for all the trees. At 4 a.m. I'm on the road, Just to collect another load. And I've just sold another tree. Smile at the client, take the fee. A Nine-foot in a mini van? But, Can we fit it? – Yes we can! (Apologies to Bob the builder) And now some quotes from our sponsors: It is a fir fir better thing I do than I have ever done: Charles Dickens, A tale of two cities If at firs you don't succeed, try try again Robert the Spruce |
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19 Dec 13 - 09:37 AM (#3585428) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,alien Santa Clause, Santa Clause Santa Clause is dead, Rudolph took a 44 and shot him in the head, oh Barbie doll, Barbie doll tried to save his life but "G""I"- Joe FROM MEXICO stabbed her with a knife |
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19 Dec 13 - 10:30 AM (#3585434) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Eliza Fir and few, fir and few are the lands where the jumblies live... |
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19 Dec 13 - 10:35 AM (#3585437) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: PHJim From the Prairie Home Companion Songbook: I'm screaming at a white sheepdog, One who is sitting in my chair. It's a thing I'm dreading, The way he's shedding, And covering everything with hair. I'm screaming at a white sheepdog And should he visit you some night, May his bark be worse than his blight And may all your furniture be white. |
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25 Dec 13 - 04:41 AM (#3586493) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,David Harley [Sometimes I just have too much time on my hands.] I'm snoring in my chair I think I've had too much to eat And even if I tried I couldn't leave my seat. I'm getting very tight: I didn't need those last two beers And now that last mince pie Has dribbled down my tie. Somebody offered me another cup of tea Turkey sandwich, more plum pudding, woe is me… I'm sprawling on the stairs I haven't got the strength to rise And dear old Auntie Jill Is in the bathroom still. I've turned off the TV The Queen's speech was keeping me awake And one more Singing Nun Is more than I can take Uncle Dick is feeling sick, he's running for the loo Heaving like a mighty monster from the zoo I'm surfing in my lair Looking for some online deals To spend next Christmas Day On a cruise ship far away… |
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07 Jan 14 - 06:08 PM (#3589868) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: davidharley The background to that parody of the snowman (and even a demo MP3) is here: Walking in the Air parody. |
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23 Nov 15 - 01:17 PM (#3752948) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Montreal88 One of my favorites: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof. Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities. As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle. His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water. Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless. Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn." |
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23 Nov 15 - 02:46 PM (#3752976) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Stilly River Sage Those of us who grew up in the Puget Sound area had the pleasure of hearing the music of local television performer Stan Boreson. Yust Go Nuts at Christmas is a collection of original songs and parodies. |
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07 Dec 20 - 05:05 PM (#4082297) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Bradfordian sans cookie WE THREE KINGS (pandemic parody) Lyrics copyright R G Huff 2020 Permission granted for use www.thedeaconsbench.com We three kings are six feet apart We’ll sanitise before we depart We’ve been tested as suggested Careful are we and Cho Do our our masks go with our gowns? Do these face shields hide our frowns? We’ve had plenty twenty twenty Soon we’ll head for David’s town Melchior is now quarantined Stuck in Persia, so it seems No more travel on a camel Until there is a safe vaccine Balthasar has lost his taste Eating food is such a waste How disquieting, now he’s dieting Life is now much slower paced Caspar left the caravan He postponed his stargazing plans No more roaming Caspar’s homing washing his reddened hands Cho Still our masks clash with our gowns Face shields hide our toppled crowns We’ve had plenty twenty twenty One day we’ll get to David’s town |
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07 Dec 20 - 05:16 PM (#4082299) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Bradfordian sans cookie Delete the word “very” from the last line of verse 1 |
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09 Dec 20 - 05:20 PM (#4082656) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Just marvy that one. Beats the rubber cigar hollow. |
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10 Dec 20 - 09:53 AM (#4082732) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Acorn4 Fairy Tale of Westminster (Him)It was Christmas evening, at the yacht club, One’s broker said “my dear, positively everyone is here!” A roomful of celebs, we kept out all the plebs, Although you’ll hear us say “this is the big society”. (Her)And so it’s tallyho, one’s shares portfolio Still begs the question “what recession?” So happy Christmas, oh come here darling, mwaaaah I love it when you say “we’re in the big society”. (Him)We’ve all got four by fours and a runabout Porsche, Though the country’s been sold, sod the sick and the old, Though you’re daft in the head you’re a pure thoroughbread, “We’re all in it together” were the words that you said. With our hands in the kitty, our friends in the city, The bankers we bailed out and they yelled out for more, We’re enjoying a boom, but no room at the inn For the poor bloody peasants who pay for it all... (Both) And the boys and girls from the merchant bank were busy making hay, And Harrods tills were ringing out for Christmas Day.. La la la la la la etc.This is the Big Society (Her)You’re a cad, you’re a bounder, you wear those awful trousers, You’re all grease and smarm with your snake oil charm, You’re a sucker of blood, you’re a corporate slug, So move up the trough, there’s room for one more. (Both)And the boys and girls from the merchant bank were busy making hay, And Harrods tills were ringing out for Christmas Day.. La la la la la la This is the Big Society (Him) Your children’s future gone, if they don’t go to Eton, You gave their dreams away, tomorrow they’ll be slaves, They can only blame themselves, lucky to be stacking Tesco shelves. So repeat after me “this is the big society”. (both) And the boys and girls from the merchant bank were busy making hay, And Harrods tills were ringing out for Christmas Day.. La la la la la this is the Big Society |
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12 Dec 20 - 09:31 AM (#4083095) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Severn A Merry Eczemas Playground Carol of Olde All lazy and mangy, unkempt and ill bred The Little Lard Cheeze Whiz lay down his cheese spread. I love thee, Lard Cheeze Whiz! Come down in disguise And stay on my table 'midst burgers and fries. A Carol from the wilderness of Canuckistan Go tell it to the Mounties That "Jesus Christ, I'm bored!" A pre-911 Indian Airport Carol Mhari Khrishmas! Mhari Khrishmas! Khrishmas Khrishmas! Mhari Mhari! (Repeat into infinity) A Spoiled Child's Carol Children, go where I send thee. "NO!" Season's Cretins, folks! |
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12 Dec 20 - 05:53 PM (#4083166) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Tattie Bogle Great song, Acorn 4! Apart from my own parody which I posted above in 2013, my favourites include a couple of the Kipper family songs: Arrest these Merry Gentlemen and the Death or Glory Wassail. Both are somewhere on this site, if not in the DT. |
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14 Dec 20 - 04:53 PM (#4083450) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Then there is always Tom Lehrer... Christmas time is here, by golly Disapproval would be folly Deck the halls with hunks of holly Fill the cup and don't say "when" Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens Even though the prospect sickens Brother, here we go again On Christmas Day you can't get sore Your fellow man you must adore There's time to rob him all the more The other three hundred and sixty-four Relations, sparing no expense'll Send some useless old utensil Or a matching pen and pencil "Just the thing I need, how nice" It doesn't matter how sincere it Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit Sentiment will not endear it What's important is the price "Hark the Herald Tribune sings Advertising wondrous things..." "God rest ye merry merchants May you make the Yuletide pay..." "Angels we have heard on high Tell us to go out and buy..." So let the raucous sleighbells jingle Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle Driving his reindeer across the sky Don't stand underneath when they fly by |
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15 Dec 20 - 04:35 AM (#4083523) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Jerry I’m amazed that there haven’t been more parodies of the prospects for Christmas 2020, so I wrote my own: I’ve often thought that each Christmas, Should come every other year; It’s all such rush, with so much fuss, And prone to fake good cheer. We feared a Yuletide Lockdown though, As big bad tidings tell; If that persists, I’d get my wish, This year a No-No Noel. Then old Santa Claus would stay indoors, No wondrous gifts be given; To mix households is bad we’re told, Especially when two billion. Besides I’m sure he should be shielding, He’s well passed seventy five; Seen Spanish Flu, and Black Death too, I’m surprised he’s still survived. Even Snow White has been in trouble, Complying with Lockdown Law; Her support bubble’s been more than double, What Ministers foresaw. Her boyfriends failed at working from home, Ignoring social mix; With Lockdown through, they’ll struggle too, To meet the Rule of Six. Then pity poor young Cinderella, Still waiting for her Prince; Though just some fella, and travelling seller Of shoes he has ‘half-inched’. He’s been restricted from travelling, With non-essential shoes; Not had the balls, they closed the halls, They’re non-essential too. No treasure Ali Baba’s been grabbing, Since booked by Baghdad Police; They’ve only nabbed him for social gathering, With more like some forty thieves. For Jack it’s jail or giant killer fines, Much as Ma-Ma had feared; Cos he’d been caught up some beanstalk And travelling between the Tiers. Oh little clowns of Website land, How still we see thee lie; Above thy cheap deceitful tweets, The microbes multiply. Yet in our high streets festering, The everlasting blight; The hope for beers, come this New Year’s In jeopardy tonight. |
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15 Dec 20 - 08:28 AM (#4083553) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Geordie-Peorgie Bruno, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer Everyone's heard of Rudolph. The reindeer with the shiny nose And Cupid and Dancer also and all the others, I suppose But nobody's heard of Bruno! The reindeer no one talks about His is a sad old story. I'll tell you how it came about. One cold and icy Christmas Eve, Bruno he was placed One trace behind Rudolph and they set off at a pace. It happened just over Margate, They were flying through the dark When something shot right across them. Santa had to pull up sharp With a screech of reindeer hoof-tracks like polystyrene on a dustbin lid Bruno the brown-nosed reindeer couldn't stop as quick as Rudolph did. Bruno the brown-nosed reindeer was a sorry sight to see Covered in reindeer doo-dah - No one shouted out with glee All of the other reindeers turned their noses up at such a sight Bruno the brown-nosed reindeer covered in reindeer …………. Poop !!! |
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15 Dec 20 - 01:14 PM (#4083596) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Ray I’m surprised that nobody’s started tis one yet - “On the first day of christmas, my true love gave to me, A fatal dose of Covid 19.” TBC |
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15 Dec 20 - 03:48 PM (#4083613) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Well, that ends the song. I offer a first verse of a version that might make it to the 12th day... On the first day of Xmas my true love gave to me A loss of sense gustatory! |
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15 Dec 20 - 04:40 PM (#4083624) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: The Sandman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_RSSDnH0oc&t=237s |
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15 Dec 20 - 06:05 PM (#4083641) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mrrzy 2nd: 2 drenching fevers And a loss of sense gustatory |
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16 Dec 20 - 05:56 PM (#4083808) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mo the caller I've just been sending this one out as a Christmas card (we added verses to some recipients) Wassail Wassail, wassail all over the town The year may be strange but we’ll not be cast down A better new year may we all see And I'll drink to you all in a nice cup of tea Now here's to our dance clubs and may they soon meet Touch and eye contact they cannot be beat, A dance club that meets may we all see, And I'll drink to you all in a nice cup of tea To all folk musicians who play and who sing When we’re together the rafters will ring Playing together I hope we’ll soon be And I'll drink to you all in a nice cup of tea Now here’s to our choirs and harmony sweet Music and friendship and joy when we meet A choir that meets may we soon see, And I'll drink to you all in a nice cup of tea I’ll drink to my friends in the U3A And hope our next meeting is not far away A meeting for all may we soon see, And I'll drink to you all in a nice cup of tea To friends and to family, far and near A happy solstice and a better new year A better new year may we all see, And I'll drink to you all in a nice cup of tea |
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17 Dec 20 - 10:21 AM (#4083871) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: The Sandman very good mo |
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17 Dec 20 - 03:42 PM (#4083903) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Ok Imma try to finish it myself: 12 hackers coughing [pun intended] 11 nurses sweating 10 doctors working 9 ventilators 8 patients waiting 7 clinics closing 6 lockdowns looming 5 Zoom meeeeeetiiiiiings 4 distant folks 3 drenched beds 2 turtlenecks And a loss of sense gustatoreeeee. |
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18 Dec 20 - 08:47 AM (#4083986) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: GUEST,Neil D From childhood: We three kings from orient are Smoking on a rubber cigar It was loaded And exploded We two kings from orient are... |
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18 Dec 20 - 12:46 PM (#4084024) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mo the caller Mrrzy, I might steal that one. |
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18 Dec 20 - 04:47 PM (#4084064) Subject: RE: Your Xmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Oh do! |