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14 Feb 05 - 12:47 AM (#1408936) Subject: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace I got one. Is that a good sign? Wot's your opinion? |
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14 Feb 05 - 12:49 AM (#1408937) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Teresa Are you sure all the crabs are gone? sorry. ;);) Teresa |
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14 Feb 05 - 12:52 AM (#1408940) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace CRUD! Could I still have one left after 38 years? |
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14 Feb 05 - 01:12 AM (#1408947) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Boab My sympathy Brucie---I've got an identical complaint! I know what caused mine, though. I had been cursing a small irritating boil situated just at the top end of the "crack"-o'-my rear.. My beloved partner got her eye on it [ no----I'm answering NO questions on that score----] and gave a fair sqwawk of dismay 'Your boil's got legs!" It was a deer ttick, it turned out, which had been burrowing its way into my arse for a week in order to lay its eggs. Ha! --Emergency, a doc with a pair of tweezers and a tetanus update. And now, a damnably itchy remnant. Aye---it drives me nuts, too! |
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14 Feb 05 - 02:05 AM (#1408954) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST |
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14 Feb 05 - 02:06 AM (#1408955) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST It means that you'll soon receive money. (but you must not scratch!!) |
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14 Feb 05 - 02:07 AM (#1408956) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST,Mull Guy "Don't stick deer tticks up yer arse Dont stick deer tticks up yer arse Dont stick deer tticks Cos...................? Dont stick deer tticks up yer arse. |
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14 Feb 05 - 02:12 AM (#1408959) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: mack/misophist And lay off the hot sause for a while. That's what does it to me. |
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14 Feb 05 - 03:12 AM (#1408971) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST,mystica In ancient mesopotamia, an itchy bum was a sign that a person had made a bad choice in love. It meant they had walked away from their destiny and soul mate. The solution to this problem was to rub the offending spot with lemon juic, and then ask the Moon to shine some understanding down, to help heal and reconcile. Hence the term "mooning". Does this apply to you Brucie? Mystica. |
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14 Feb 05 - 03:53 AM (#1408989) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: hilda fish Itchy bums is the other side of cowdies. If you were an itchy bum then cowdies were bad but if you were a cowdie then itchy bums were bad. You'se an itchy bum so cowdies are bad. Just go do something with a cowdie and you'll be right. |
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14 Feb 05 - 04:12 AM (#1408995) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST,Mingulay at work Itchy bums is often caused by KLINGONS. The only cures known are gritblasting, fire and shaving. Not necessarily in that order. A certain Mr. W. Shatner is said to be somewhat of an expert in this field, although others blame the problem on his promotion of breakfast cereals containing roughage. |
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14 Feb 05 - 05:05 AM (#1409010) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST,Kala My dear Brucie there is a simple solution. Take some tiger balm in one hand, and a rubber glove in the other... [need i say more?] this solution will turn that little itch into a flaming ring of fire. While it may burn on, life's like that. at least you will know whether you're coming or going. and the memory of that little itch will teach you that sometimes it better to be an acorn than a mighty oak. Kala |
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14 Feb 05 - 05:09 AM (#1409012) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: John MacKenzie Boab I think you are getting mixed up with Ichibana Scratch here Giok |
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14 Feb 05 - 05:45 AM (#1409039) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: JennyO *sings* Love is a burning thing and it makes a fiery ring bound by wild desire I fell in to a ring of fire... I fell in to a burning ring of fire I went down, down, down and the flames went higher. And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire the ring of fire. The taste of love is sweet when hearts like our's meet I fell for you like a child oh, but the fire went wild.. I fell in to a burning ring of fire.....[etc] |
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14 Feb 05 - 06:02 AM (#1409049) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST until you get one dont laugh cos you cant afford to cut yer finger nails |
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14 Feb 05 - 06:27 AM (#1409062) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Dave Hanson Dettol and wire brush, only known cure. eric |
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14 Feb 05 - 06:40 AM (#1409070) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: The Fooles Troupe There is a lady in Australia who makes little gifts of pickled bums which she sells at the flea markets... I'm not making this up you know.... |
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14 Feb 05 - 06:57 AM (#1409076) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: gnu Boab... deer tick!! Those little buggers carry Lyme's disease. If you can't get to a knowledgible doctor immediately, take pictures of the offense, especially the changes in colour and size, and KEEP the tick for ID and analysis. This could be very serious. Most serious in the US or southern Canada. |
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14 Feb 05 - 07:53 AM (#1409103) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Dave the Gnome Itchy bum - suprise to come. It's what my Mum always said anyway... How about introducing a bit of musical culture in this place though? The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down of the big lake they called "Itchy Goolies." I'm sure that's what Gordon Lightfoot sings anyway:-) Cheers DtG |
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14 Feb 05 - 08:44 AM (#1409156) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: artbrooks Per my doc: Lamisil (brand-name anti-fungal) for its itch-prevention qualities and hydrocortisone cream, applied twice daily. The idea is to eliminate the itch so it can heal. |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:00 AM (#1409171) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Rapparee Could be fungus, Brucie. Fungus are mushrooms. You can cut your food bill AND perhaps make some money out of this. Eventually you'll never again sit down or sleep on your back, because everytime you do you'll destroy your crops. Of course, then you can ask the gummint for some money. And a simple shower in the morning (assuming that you bathe at all) could lead to gummint money because your crops were flooded out. Man, you've got a bloody mint in this! Congratulations, mushroom farmer and/or rancher! |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:10 AM (#1409190) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST,Mingulay at work I think some one is arseing about here. |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:17 AM (#1409197) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Rapparee Hey, I'm thinking about headin' up Alberta way and helping him with the branding! |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:19 AM (#1409200) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace Economic prosperity is heading my way. Brucie: mushroom rancher. I will have to contract out for trail riders, cooks and other coyboy/girl stuff. And lots of folksingers to talk about dogies and the old wife and covered wagons and blacksmiths and horseshoe fitters. YES! Lyme disease is no joke. See this link. LINK |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:24 AM (#1409209) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Mr Red Ah! SO! a sore |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:28 AM (#1409218) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace Notice too on the link that it talks about lice. This is an open statement to all you wags out there: I do NOT need fifty-seven messages telling me where I can find pictures of crabs. I already know what crabs look like. You get a case of these and you'll know what I mean: Case o' these. Have a boo at those little suckers to the upper right of the page. Them's crabs, son. Never again. |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:41 AM (#1409236) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: GUEST,Mingulay at work Hey Brucie, you sure those mobile crapperamas got properly cleaned up before winter storage. If one o' them got sub-let to a NASCAR track or dirt oval ya don't know what might be on them. Tomato sauce, mustard anything. |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:47 AM (#1409247) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Uncle_DaveO Question: Who, what, how, when, or why are "cowdies"? Never heard the word before. Dave Oesterreich |
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14 Feb 05 - 09:54 AM (#1409257) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Rapparee I can't ride well, Brucie, but I'm pure hell with a runnin' iron! I kin cut 'em good, too! Cowdies is what the Scots call "cow pies" or "meadow muffins". As in "Aye, go through, but dinna step in the cowdies." |
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14 Feb 05 - 10:03 AM (#1409267) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace There ya go, Rapaire. I have eaten horse; I have never ridden one. The old wife can make prairie oyseters while we sit back and sip cool beer while the mushrooms sprout and grow. Ridin' herd on the wild thangs. |
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14 Feb 05 - 11:21 AM (#1409348) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: John MacKenzie Some people only come on Mudcat for the craic, certainly get their moneys worth from this thread! Giok |
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14 Feb 05 - 01:36 PM (#1409504) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Richard Bridge TriAdCortyl better than Lamisil. Prescription only in the UK |
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14 Feb 05 - 02:04 PM (#1409541) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Cluin Wash daily and use Tinactin powder, if it's fungal. Best to keep things clean and dry. And DON'T scratch! |
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14 Feb 05 - 02:27 PM (#1409564) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Sorcha For a serious answer, pin worms will do this. |
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14 Feb 05 - 03:35 PM (#1409649) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Once Famous Take a rocket ship and explore the ring around Uranus. |
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14 Feb 05 - 03:35 PM (#1409650) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Rapparee Hey, I didn't think of worms, just mushrooms! Why, the boy's a veritable walking bait shop and mushroom ranch! |
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14 Feb 05 - 03:37 PM (#1409653) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace And crabs, too. |
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14 Feb 05 - 03:50 PM (#1409668) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Little Hawk Our elderly dachshund, Valdy, is constantly plagued by itchy bum syndrome, Bruce. I am glad you started this thread, as it will give him some comfort to know he does not suffer alone. |
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14 Feb 05 - 04:26 PM (#1409715) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Susu's Hubby Confucious say: Man who go to bed with itchy bum wakes up with smelly finger. |
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14 Feb 05 - 06:25 PM (#1409852) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: hilda fish Cowdies + Itchy Bums = Cowboys + Indians - don't nobody know arse around here???:~) |
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14 Feb 05 - 08:17 PM (#1409942) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Donuel ewww It thought this thread was Itchy burns. |
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15 Feb 05 - 04:52 AM (#1410246) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: John MacKenzie Crabbie Rabbie |
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15 Feb 05 - 05:14 AM (#1410265) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Davetnova It sounds like you may need your anal sacs relieved. My friends bitch just had this done and it completely stops her from dragging her arse aroung the carpet. |
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15 Feb 05 - 05:18 AM (#1410267) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Kaleea When I lived in Minnesota, the veterinarian told me to give my doggie a weekly bath with Pert Plus. He said it has some ingredient that kills bugs--& doggies fur coats need conditioners too. Lyme disease is quite serious up there. If I was out in the woods with my doggie, I always washed my hair with the Pert Plus. I never had ticks or any other creepy crawly thingys. HMMMM----Perhaps one might consider washing affected regions with Pert. |
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15 Feb 05 - 10:48 AM (#1410452) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: John MacKenzie I've heard of pert bosoms but that's silly ¦¬] Giok |
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16 Feb 05 - 01:17 AM (#1411505) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Boab Ta for the concern gnu---This is my second tick [pun?]---the last one was on my arm and and I removed it myself. Checked wi' the Doc, though, and he was reassuring re. the Lyme disease thing; said it was more of a danger in the East of Canada. Anyway, no alarming symptoms so far..... Bad cess tae ye Giok McKenzie! A cocky wee jingle---but nae need tae perpetuate the "ttick" typo---ya cheeky Hielan b----r! |
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16 Feb 05 - 02:53 PM (#1412133) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace Just in case anyone cares, me arse ain't itchy anymore, 'cept fer the crabs. |
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16 Feb 05 - 03:09 PM (#1412151) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Rapparee A-ha! He took a shower! |
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16 Feb 05 - 07:16 PM (#1412488) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: dianavan brucie - Here's the story on pinworms. Wait til there's a full moon then shine a flashlight on your asshole. The little fellas will come crawlin out into the light or better yet, check your shit for little wigglies. I'm thinking, however, that it probably time to take off those long johns. How long you been wearing them? Since about October? Yeah, definitely time to give them a good washing. |
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16 Feb 05 - 07:17 PM (#1412489) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace |
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16 Feb 05 - 07:25 PM (#1412499) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Ebbie LOL |
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16 Feb 05 - 07:34 PM (#1412508) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Rapparee A better way is to run a copper rod...ah...anyway, you then put another copper rod...ah...someplace else, and run some wire from the rods to a crank-type generator and when you crank the generator the worms will come right out. I don't think I'd better get more specific on this. |
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16 Feb 05 - 07:35 PM (#1412511) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace So ya don't attach the electrodes to the unmentionables? Thanks for telling me NOW. Where the f$%#&* were you yesterday at this time? |
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16 Feb 05 - 08:43 PM (#1412562) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Cluin Too bad it's pinworms. If it was a tapeworm, you could use the old apple/cookie/hammer trick. |
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16 Feb 05 - 11:31 PM (#1412659) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace Howzat? |
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17 Feb 05 - 12:15 AM (#1412679) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Cluin Enlist doctor or very good friend's help. Bend over and have doctor/very good friend shove an apple up your rectum, followed by a cookie 30 seconds later. Repeat whole process one day later. Repeat whole process one day after that. Repeat whole process every day for one week. At the end of a week, after the apple is rammed home, the doctor/very good friend reaches for the hammer and readies him/herself. When the tapeworm pokes his head out and demands the regular cookie it is accustomed to, the doctor/very good friend clobbers it with the hammer and pulls it the rest of the way out and disposes of it in whatever fashion seems appropriate. Success! |
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17 Feb 05 - 12:20 AM (#1412687) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace Cluin, you are gonna be more help than Rapaire. OK. Like, we're in Canada, right? So do I use Macs, and what kind of cookies, exactly? |
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17 Feb 05 - 12:25 AM (#1412694) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Cluin Nope. This is old school. Use your old Vic 20. |
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17 Feb 05 - 12:32 AM (#1412698) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace LOL |
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17 Feb 05 - 01:03 AM (#1412709) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: LadyJean You would have to have known my mother to know how funny it was that she taught this to me. It is said to have been found on the wall of a public rest room. When using our john Don't stand on the seat. Our crabs can jump Up to fifteen feet. |
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22 Feb 05 - 10:25 PM (#1418211) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Cluin Good for what ails ye! |
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22 Feb 05 - 10:38 PM (#1418233) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Peace Thanks for the link, Cluin. Neat. Usually I have to pay for that! |
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22 Feb 05 - 11:16 PM (#1418275) Subject: RE: BS: Itchy Bums From: Shanghaiceltic Get hold of a copy of Billy Conolley's 'Atlantic Crossing', there is an excellent sktech on it about itchy bums ' and no just the ootisde but awaaay in there, ye find yersel' hiding in dark doorways trying to scratch, walking funny away down the street trying to rub the cheeks of yer bum together.....' and lots more. |
