BS: Let's scam the Nigerians

26 Mar 05 - 04:53 PM (#1444353)
Subject: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

I think it's time we fought back. Let's start composing bizarre scams to send to naive persons in Nigeria. All these scams will offer some sort of huge reward in return for doing hardly anything at all. In this way we will bring hope and excitement into the dreary lives of people in Nigeria, and we may even succeed in scamming some of the Nigerian scammers in the process, given the fact that half the population there seems to be involved in trying to scam the rest of the World.

What say?

Who can come up with a really juicy and convincing scam letter to send to Nigerians?

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26 Mar 05 - 04:59 PM (#1444359)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: GUEST,Scaramouche

Good luck. They are the Picassos of scams.

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26 Mar 05 - 05:41 PM (#1444380)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Amos

Nah, they are just the most widely-staffed of scammers. You want REAL art ya gotta go to the streets of Chicago. There are sites around where Americans with a sense of humor have repeatedly led these Nigerian scammers around by the nose and made them waste their days in hopes of landing a big fish only to have their balloon popped at thelast minute. If you want to invest your hours in grins, LH, enjoy.

A

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26 Mar 05 - 08:45 PM (#1444481)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: gnomad

I love the idea, but I know whem I am out of my league. On this one I am so far out I couldn't describe it.

I look forward to LH's reports from the front, just don't become a casualty, please.

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26 Mar 05 - 09:10 PM (#1444500)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

Oh well...I don't have the time or patience just at the moment to compose a "scam-the-Nigerian" epic story. I was hoping someone else would jump in and do it. :-)

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26 Mar 05 - 10:48 PM (#1444548)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Mark Cohen

Dear Friend in Nigeria:

You won't believe this--this is SO COOL! But you have to promise not to tell anybody. I mean ANYBODY, or you'll REALLY screw it up. You promise? OK, just wait till you hear this. I should tell you, first of all, that this isn't any bullshit con job like you get from Ni--uh, Pakistan or someplace. The thing is, you heard of the dotcom boom, right? And you probably heard that it all went bust and all those dotcom billionaires are now like working in McDonald's or something, right? Wrongo, buckaroo! Take me, for instance. My name is Govinda Johnson (hey, it's not my fault my folks were into this weird Hindu shit. Just pretend it's like an African name or something, OK?) Anyway, I'm one of the founders of a company called Mudcat.com, that was bought out by Microsoft in 1997 after a bidding war with IBM. A few investments here and there, and it's Bentley city for old Govinda here. No, I'm not doing too badly at all. But you see, I have this friend, you know, well, he's not really a FRIEND friend, but more like, well, I guess you'd say like an acquaintance or something, you know? But let's just say he's my friend. Anyway, this friend of mine is really rich. He's a whole lot richer than me. I mean, he makes Donald Trump look like Mother Teresa, you know? No, that didn't come out right, but you know what I mean. Hey, you guys know about Donald Trump in Nigeria, right? I mean, you guys have like The Apprentice and Fear Factor and MTV and stuff like that, right? I mean, everybody has that, right?

Anyway, this friend of mine, this acquaintance of mine, I mean, he's so rich that he doesn't know how much money he has. You see where I'm going with this, right? So here's the thing. The dude lost one of his bank accounts. No kidding. He just lost it. And it has, I don't know, maybe twenty or thirty million dollars in it. He told me himself, he said, "Guy," -- he calls me "Guy" because he can't bring himself to say "Govinda," even though it's my name, because he says it's like a holy name and you shouldn't say it out loud, can you believe it? He would have gotten along great with my parents -- so this acquaintance of mine says, "Guy, you'll never believe it. I lost one of my bank accounts. I feel like such a dip." That's the way this guy talks, you know? He says things like, "I feel like such a dip," like, all the time. So I'm like, "No shit, man, you really lost it?" And he's like, "Yeah, I did." And I'm like, "Wow, that sucks." And he's like, "Yeah, it's a bummer." He says stuff like "It's a bummer" all the time, like straight out of the sixties or something weird like that. I mean, I was only a teenager when I sold the company to Microsoft, and I wasn't even BORN in the sixties, you know? So anyway I'm like, "So how much was in the account?" And he's like, "I don't know, maybe twenty or thirty million. What a bummer." Yeah. What a bummer. What a jerk. And what an opportunity.

You see, what I didn't tell my friend is that I KNOW where the account is. I'm not bullshitting you here, this is the real deal. How do I know? You know those little cards they give you at the bank with your account number one them? Well I watched one of those cards fall out of his stupid pocket when he bent down to tie his shoes last week. So I picked it up because I was going to give it to him, right, 'cause that's the kind of guy I am, right? And then I looked at it and I'm like, "Whoa, dude, hold on." Because it said, like, First Whatever Bank and it had my friend's name and where it said balance there was a whole bunch of zeroes and commas after a coumple of numbers, and it said Pay On Demand. And, you know, like I may not be Einstein but I know a lot of money when I see it.

So why don't I just walk into the First Whatever Bank and grab the cash, huh? Good question, dude. Well, I don't know how banks work over there in Nigeria but over here in the U. S. of A. they don't just salute and hand you a suitcase full of cash. No, you have to have all kinds of references and stuff like that, and then you have to have ANOTHER bank account for them to wire the money to. That's so weird, isn't it? Wire the money. Like you think there's these wires somewhere with all this money flying back and forth on them? Yeah, right.

OK, so you're thinking, what's this all got to do with me here in little old Nairobi? No, that's in Kenya, isnt' it? Well, wherevere you are in little old Nigeria, anyway. Well, this is the part that is SO COOL, you just won't believe it, and you'll want to kiss me when you find out about it, but don't, cause I'm not into that guy hugging and kissing shit, unless you're Italian, in which case I guess you can get away with it, right? So the thing is, I know one of the Vice-Presidents of this First Whatever Bank. I know him REALLY well, and I know some of his friends REALLY well. In fact, some of his good friends are even better friends of mine. You get my drift? Well, let's just say that he might not be all that concerned about checking every little bit of ID and paperwork and regulatory stuff on a bank account that happened to be outside the US, if the info happened to come from his pal Govinda, who, in case you forgot, is me. And my acquaintance sure isn't going to notice if, say, about 20 million of his not-very-hard-earned smackeroos disappears from an account that he figures is lost anyway, because he has so many other accounts he can't even keep track of them, let alone which condo he's supposed to be sleeping in which day and with which hot movie star. Which, by the way, might bring up some other possibilities for the future, if you know what I mean.

So, anyway, my friend, let me get to the REALLY COOL part. If you say it's OK, I'll give my banker your account information, which you don't have to worry about because like I said he's not even going to bother check it, because he knows if he does there are some websites that would love to have some pictures I could give them. And all you have to do then is...nothing. That's right, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And then in 20 business days you will have deposited in your account FREE AND CLEAR the amount of $Two Million US Dollars. No questions, no problems, don't worry, be happy.

So if you just send me your name and account information, including Interbank number and all necessary passwords, to this SECURE website which uses SST-9/blue encryption (that, my friend, is something even Microsoft hasn't figured out how to hack), my attorney will start the process and you'll be on your way to the two million. The web address is https://mxyzptlk.tacdum.11254.us

I can't wait to hear from you, my friend. Be cool, and have a nice day.

Sincerely,

Govinda Johnson


Aloha,
Mark

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So, like I edited this for you, dude. --JoeClone

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26 Mar 05 - 11:14 PM (#1444565)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

Ha! Wonderful, Mark! Wonderful! Just what I had in mind. I'm, like, "Awesome, Dude!"

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27 Mar 05 - 09:16 AM (#1444758)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Jeri

Mark, I... aHEM... I really hope you copyrighted this, because it's going to be all over the interthingie in a matter of days... or maybe that's 'seconds', because the world wide whatsit happens pretty fast, and sometimes rumors can spread all over before anyone even starts them. I wonder if anyone's ever done a paper on this. You know - like the speed of rumor, or comparing the land speed of rumor to the cyber-speed of rumor. My guess is that rumor and humor disperse at about the same speed because the words only have one letter difference (known as the "RH" factor). In any case, I give it about a week before someone e-mails you what you just wrote with a note like "I don't normally forward stuff like this, but it was just so darned funny, you just HAD to see it!" Then you try to tell them you wrote it, and no one believes you.

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30 Mar 05 - 01:31 AM (#1446602)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Mark Cohen

Thanks, Jeri. Maybe I should send it to a few friends, get the momentum started. Then when the checks start rolling in...

Aloha,
Mark

Oh, and thanks for the corrections, El Clono. Now if you could just get to work on those typos (which I didn't notice until I put it into Word, which I wouldn't have done if it weren't for Jeri's suggestion, so blame her...)

On the other hand, looking at this fontwise, I guess you can blame yourself, eh?

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30 Mar 05 - 01:59 AM (#1446606)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Mark Cohen

By the way, there is some good info here about the Nigerian scams (link from an earlier thread). I had always thought that the main idea was for them to get your bank account info. Turns out that what they really do is request and then extort money from their victims, first dangling the prospect of a big payoff, then threats of exposure and violence...and a number of scam victims have been murdered. Little Hawk's post, and my letter, was a lark, but the homepage of the site linked to above has some suggestions for more serious ways of fighting this stuff.

Aloha,
Mark

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30 Mar 05 - 03:31 AM (#1446645)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: George Papavergis

How many Nigerians have bank accounts, do you reckon? 10% of the population perhaps?

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30 Mar 05 - 08:31 PM (#1447411)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

Yes, these guys are despicable criminals, and many of them are highly dangerous people. They ruin innocent lives and cause misery. Anyone who assists in embarrassing them or bringing them to justice has my support.

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30 Mar 05 - 09:26 PM (#1447449)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

Of course, this is all in fun, right?

And we're not really mocking a whole nation, and entire populations in that nation, right?

And we are aware that Nigeria has a rich history and culture, including folklore, religion, visual art, performing art, music {including Highlife}, right?

And we are also aware that there are currently Nigerian women and others who are putting their lives on the line proactively challenging the anti-people and anti-conservation policies of large Western oil companies in their region, right?

And we are also aware that some of the greatest scam artists in the world are in places of power in our very own countries
{which ever/wherever they may be}, right?

We can joke all we want to but we are aware of these things, right?

Just checkin...


Azizi

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30 Mar 05 - 09:33 PM (#1447456)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

For those who want to read something about Nigerian culture:

Nigerian arts



Azizi

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30 Mar 05 - 11:58 PM (#1447529)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Strollin' Johnny

I'm with Azizi. The average Nigerian In The Street has already been scammed to hell over and over again by those who govern him/her.

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31 Mar 05 - 12:10 AM (#1447533)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: GUEST,Mark Cohen away from home

Absolutely right, Azizi. And on that website I linked to, you'll find that issue addressed. It's unfortunate that a small but highly visible criminal minority can give an entire nation a bad name. It happens way too often. The fact is that this particular kind of scam does seem to be carried out most often by people from Nigeria, and the fact that it's done by indiscriminate emailing means that it's a scam that most of us have already come into contact with. (My first experience with it was by regular mail, around 1995.) There's no question that most "phishers," identity thieves, and other internet crooks do NOT come from Nigeria. But those crooks are not nearly as don't promise vast riches with flamboyant and tantalizing stories, and the schemes are not nearly as intricate as the 419's--nor do they generally threaten people with bodily harm. Yes, I know, there are many criminals in the US and Asia and Europe who threaten people with bodily harm. But they don't usually send emails promising millions of dollars for nothing. You can find dirt in lots of places; it just depends on where you choose to look.

Aloha,
Mark

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31 Mar 05 - 05:49 AM (#1447693)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: mandoleer

DO people really still fall for this stuff? I mean, I only read the local free newspapers not the nationals, and don't have a television (I listen to BBC Radio 3) but I've heard all about it. Like, do people also believe they've won first prize in a competition they never even entered?

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31 Mar 05 - 09:18 AM (#1447848)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

Yes, sadly, they do.

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31 Mar 05 - 10:04 AM (#1447885)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: McGrath of Harlow

Is there any particular reason to think that tey peiople running the Nigerian spam scams are actually Nigerian? I've always rather assumed they are in places like Florida or California, which is where most spam seems to come from.

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31 Mar 05 - 10:04 AM (#1447886)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: McGrath of Harlow

Is there any particular reason to think that the people running the Nigerian spam scams are actually Nigerian? I've always rather assumed they are in places like Florida or California, which is where most spam seems to come from.

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31 Mar 05 - 11:43 AM (#1447987)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Mark Cohen

Kevin, if you follow the link in my post above, you'll see that they really are Nigerian. Of course, that assumes that what you read on that site, even though it makes sense and fits with what I know, is true. Or on any site, for that matter. Hmmm....are you Nigerian? Am I?

Aloha,
Mark

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31 Mar 05 - 12:20 PM (#1448011)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

Well, I don't do scams and some of my ancestors may have come from Nigeria generations ago.

I have a particular interest in the Yoruba culture...

But then again, I also have a particular interest in the Ashanti {Asante} Akan culture of Ghana and The Ivory Coast...

And for some reason I have long been fasinated with Celtic cultures and interested in certain Native American cultues..

I guess it's probably because my ancestry is a mix of all of these and more.

And it's all good.


Azizi

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31 Mar 05 - 01:52 PM (#1448107)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

Well, I hope it's understood that I have no objection to Nigerians in a general sense. Why would I? I just object to crooks who make a living by swindling other people with scam emails and faxes, and a great many of those crooks seem to be resident in Nigeria.

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31 Mar 05 - 01:57 PM (#1448111)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Clinton Hammond

"Let's scam the Nigerians"

Out of what?

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31 Mar 05 - 02:15 PM (#1448136)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

Clinton,

How 'bout their oil?

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31 Mar 05 - 02:17 PM (#1448139)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Clinton Hammond

Find me a Nigerian that owns any of it...

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31 Mar 05 - 02:27 PM (#1448154)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

Well in that sense, I'd have to agree with you, although in a metaphysical sense the land and that within it belongs to all the people.

But-to parphrase a popular R&B song, "What's metaphysics got to do with it"? Nada.

Peace,

Azizi

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31 Mar 05 - 02:29 PM (#1448157)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Clinton Hammond

Land doesn't belong to people... PEOPLE belong to the LAND

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31 Mar 05 - 03:32 PM (#1448205)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

You are so right, Clinton. The land will outlive all of us, and will inherit our defunct bodies and possessions in due course of time.

My only intent in launching this thread was to see if I could prompt someone into composing an amusing scam letter to supposedly (but not really) send back to the Nigerian scammers and their ilk. (grin) Mark did so, and very well too.

Just for fun, kids.

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31 Mar 05 - 05:54 PM (#1448353)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: McGrath of Harlow

Like other types of business enterprise, crime is globalised. I have no doubt that some of these scams have some kind of connection with people haling from Nigeria. But if they actually makes money, I have no doubt either that there will be people in other places who have joined in.

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31 Mar 05 - 11:19 PM (#1448583)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

No doubt about that. The Nigerian scammers are just more famous for it than anyone else so far.

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01 Apr 05 - 07:34 PM (#1449609)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

IMO, this "Nigerians are masters a scam" story serves as a contemporary example of the Western [read European/European descent] practice of minimizing the positive contributions of the entire continent of Africa [excepting Egypt].

I generalize, but I submit that is it is 'traditional' for many Europeans/persons of European descent to concentrate on the negative aspects of past & present African nations. I also submit that it is commonplace for Western societies to ridicule African peoples & cultures-if they even concede that these people have cultures.

After all, the one with the most power writes the history, decide the educational curriculum, and uses its mass media {including the Internet] to shape public opinion.

For example, besides the fact that some Nigerians are involved with scam, what else do people know about past and present Nigeria?

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01 Apr 05 - 07:45 PM (#1449621)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

This thread is about Nigerian scammers. That is the subject being alluded to. I don't really think it needs to be defended. I could just as well have started a thread about German sex magazines, for example. That would not imply that Germany is all about sex magazines and nothing else. I could have started a thread about the evils of bullfighting in Spain.

Most people know as little about Nigeria as they do about Belgium, Paraguay, Myanmar, or Lichtenstein.

If it's any help...every time I see those movies about Zulus fighting the British army, my heart is with the Zulus. It was their land, and the British were imperialist invaders.

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02 Apr 05 - 12:27 AM (#1449762)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

Little Hawk,

My comments regarding this issue are not personally directed to you.

In another current thread, El Greko wrote that everyone on Mudcat has their "buttons". I assume by that he meant that everyone has a topic or topics that cause them to respond or react in a certain way.

I will readily admit to the fact that threads like this touch my button.

For some unknown reasons, it appears that I am currently the only Mudcat poster who has acknowledged being of African American or Black African or of African-anything descent. In reading past threads, it also appears that in all its years of existence Mudcat has had few if any other posters who have acknowledged that they are African American or Black African or of African anything descent.

Because of this, and because of my nature, I feel a special obligation to jump into discussions or initiate discussions that directly or indirectly relate to African American cultures or other Black cultures.

In addition, I have acknowledged on Mudcat threads before, and I openly acknowledge on this thread that I'm on a mission.
My mission is to raise awareness and knowledge of African American culture and other African cultures.

I apologize up front when my mission interferes with BS fun.
Furthermore, I recognize that people can consider my comments and the questions I raise to be inappropriate and/or BS.

To paraphrase a R&B song title popularized by bad Bobby Brown,that is "their perogative" and this is mine.


Azizi

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02 Apr 05 - 12:47 AM (#1449770)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

Okay, Azizi. Understood. We all have our buttons, as you say. With me, it's UFOs, spiritual philosophy, Bob Dylan, and so on...

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02 Apr 05 - 04:28 AM (#1449840)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Mark Cohen

Hey, LH, I just got an email from some people in Pakistan offering tickets to a speech by Dylan on spiritualism and UFO's. They're only $150 each (that's about $9.95 Canadian), but you have to send them your bank account info. Interested?

Aloha,
Mark

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02 Apr 05 - 04:54 AM (#1449844)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Mr Red

someone has. I read about the honey-trap sites that converse with them and get them to go along with some pretty silly rituals of religious acceptability and provide photos. What I have seen makes for hilarious reading. Can't remember the URL - any ideas.

Surely anyone who makes money out of money has to be viewed with a lot of circumspection - or am I just applying years of experience and technophile logic?

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02 Apr 05 - 05:08 AM (#1449852)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: McGrath of Harlow

I think the idea with the "Nigerian" scams is to take advantage of the fact that the people they are trying for know bugger all about Nigeria, but have some idea that there's lots of shady money going around in the hands of people who are a bit naive and exploitable - that's why they are written in that way.

Like a lot of con-tricks the idea is to trick someone into thinking they can get rich by taking advantage of a sucker. Generally speaking you only get conned when you are trying to con other people.

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03 Apr 05 - 08:22 AM (#1450742)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Mark Cohen

Mr. Red, the site you were looking for (or one of them, at least) is 419eater.com.

Aloha,
Mark

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29 May 05 - 08:19 AM (#1495442)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: JennyO

LOL, GUEST, starmanofangels - if you've just dropped in for the first time, you'd fit right in here :-) Make sure you check out The Mother of all BS threads!

Do I hear the flush of a distant toilet?

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29 May 05 - 08:23 AM (#1495443)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

Yes, and one person's crap is another person's fertilizer.

I'm just sayin....



Azizi

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29 May 05 - 10:52 AM (#1495473)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: GUEST

racism -- an ability to interpret others motives negatively, on account of their race.

responsibility - focussing on getting yourself together, rather than blaming others

self realisation - an understanding that we are all one

humour - a dangerous occupation in some company.


peace

galadriel

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29 May 05 - 11:08 AM (#1495480)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Azizi

If I got even one person thinking that these putdowns of a nation- along with other putdowns of the continent that nation is in- can have a negative cumulative effect on Black people, White people, and others, then my posting was not in vain.


Azizi Powell

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29 May 05 - 11:22 AM (#1495490)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: GUEST,get a life!

these putdowns of a nation

What putdowns would that be then? If course if that's what you're looking for, I guess you'll find 'em. Lighten up willya!

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14 Dec 05 - 12:58 PM (#1627287)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: GUEST,$kambuster

Well their still going so are we our latest is a BMW we managed to scam of a scam depository while we went to collect the cash from the bank to pay the fees for the collection of two small crates containing 25000000 dollars yes that two small crates which we can carry to our hotel by hand and twenty five million dollars their still waiting and the car is arked in a Police compund awaiting a claim for it

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14 Dec 05 - 04:13 PM (#1627412)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Cluin

???

okaaaaay. Thanks for coming out. What do we have for `em, Johnny?

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26 Mar 07 - 08:49 AM (#2007406)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: GUEST,Samuel

Hahahahahaha, fuck all you lamers. You think its gonna be easy to scam the Nigerians, let me tell you fuckers something, Nigerian are the wisest people on earth, so any of you that wants to scam Nigerian are just fucken wasting thier time. hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. We,ll scamming ya assess mutherfuckers

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06 Jan 08 - 01:08 PM (#2229763)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Amos

CAMERON: My ship has come in - via e-mail
By W. Bruce Cameron, Special to the Rocky
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Defintely worth sharing with all potential recipients of wealth from far places:

My Ship Has Come In

Bruce Cameron, Rocky Mountain News


I am pleased to announce that I recently received an offer via e-mail to transfer $25,589,000 directly into my bank account.

I'm rich! I have no idea why I, among the millions and millions of e-mail users, was singled out for such lavish treatment, but I assure you, I will not be selfish. Once I have the money, I plan to share it, generously spending it on highly visible luxury automobiles and enormous yachts so everyone can see my wealth and enjoy it.

Lest you doubt the veracity of this deal, allow me to quote verbatim from the e-mail in question:

"Dear Sir: I am most unfortunate to thinking you may not suspect me as real for we do not now know or been introduced, but allow me to say I am Song Lou. I work for Heng Suck Banq, Ltd, and have the proposition for you of transferring $25.589 million USD directly to your bank account which will be of mutual benefit to you once we have established cordial cooperation and modality. Please GET BACK TO ME ASAP. . . . Song Lou"

Here's how I know this is legitimate: (a) the amount is very specific. I'd be suspicious of a rounded-off figure; (b) he works for a Suck Bank. I'm a customer of a Service Sucks Bank, probably a subsidiary; and (c) he needs me to GET BACK TO him ASAP; legitimate business people are always in a big hurry. I responded to his e-mail the day I got it:

"Dear Mr. Lou: So delightfully I am partaking of your recent e-mail! I would most cooperatively accept your transfer of $25.589 million because that's exactly how much I need! With much insomnia I beg for your response. . . . W. Bruce Cameron"

He wrote right back!

"Dear W: My associates are speaking most excitedly on this matter. We are requiring only of some informational proceedings for rapid facilitation of transfer. Please to forward bank account name, number, routing, and phone for reaching. . . . Song Lou"

Great! I decided I just needed a little bit more informational proceeding myself and I'd be good to go.

"Dear Song: Most unctuous and florid greetings upon your eyebrows. My concerning is for how the transfer is working. Would you please snorkel your immediate describings of the next notes in the opera? Yours in lasagna. . . . W."

"Dear W: Some puzzlement has befuddled us during your last communications. However, we are confident with you as our partner in business for $25.589 million and can lay the goodness of an additional $10 million USD. However URGENT for response with banking informational details preceedingly requested. Yours truly. . . . Song Lou"

"Dear Song Sung Lou: Blessings upon you and your puppies. I have spoken with high regard to all my appliances of your keen business skills and shavings. Though much of my lust is bestirred by the $10 million, I am requisite of a total of $50 million and am inquiring of any possibility you and your associates may emerge from their medications with this additional transfer. Also, through the subscriptions of their loins my parents have blessed me with a sister through all perplexity, and she, too, would be willing for a limited time only to accept a $50-million transfer."

"Dear W.: Though our history suggests you can be trusted with our worthiness, many among us are suspect of you unseriously misdirecting our associations. Please be aware of our availability to the $50 million only if you can be convincing of your honesty! We have no wasting time! Yes, your sister please also bank information with 24 hours for transferring or we will be withdrawn to other matters. Yours truly. . . . Song"

"Dear Song: All of my follicles are emerging from the dark winter of their trousers and turning their taste buds to your luscious wrists! Most joyously do I face the soup of your embalming of my sister. My beamings are upon all of the Suck companies, with wishes for continued integrity at every turn of the pipe. Yours most impeded. . . . Bruce"

They never wrote back, but I'm sure the transfer is coming soon!

(Rocky Mountain News)

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06 Jan 08 - 02:10 PM (#2229783)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I love it.

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06 Jan 08 - 02:35 PM (#2229799)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Bill D

Heck, if he never gets the millions, he can always make a living writing copy for Asian ad agencies.

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06 Jan 08 - 02:45 PM (#2229802)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Amos

To the fond correspondent who provided this link, I replied:

"Multiple thanks and grateful reconnaissance of your helpful spirit, and wise directionality of optimizing the relations of chronological duplicity in such a leveraged attitude!"

Which is a sentiment I felt most sincereness of in the transmission of it to her honest ears entwined.


A

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06 Jan 08 - 08:38 PM (#2230037)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Donuel

If we ever sold them any sub prime mortgage derivitives...
we already scamed them.

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06 Jan 08 - 09:59 PM (#2230070)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Gulliver

That idea is so bloody childish! There are lots more smart-arses conning you or trying to make a buck out of you, and a lot closer to home than a few hard-up Nigerians.

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06 Jan 08 - 11:29 PM (#2230108)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Little Hawk

They're not nearly as hard up as you think, Gulliver. Many of them are full-time pros who work in an office every day at the job of swindling little old ladies and other lonely, not very well informed people out of their meager life savings. They have sometimes succeeded in even luring some person all the way to Nigeria for a personal "business" meeting at a pre-designated location to give them their money....and you know what happens when they meet them? They murder them and steal their credit cards and valuables.

I think your sympathy for these lowlife bastards is highly misplaced.

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07 Jan 08 - 12:00 AM (#2230116)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Lonesome EJ

Shame on you Little Hawk for even hinting that the Nigerians are genetically or culturally predisposed to scamming, or that internet scamming may be the exclusive province of Nigerians. Many Nigerian scams may very well be Swedish, Tahitian, or even Peruvian scams in Nigerian clothing. And besides, even if a Nigerian was able to bilk an 83 year old retired Elementary School teacher in Lethbridge out of her 63,924 dollar life savings, there are worse crimes in the world than that, like buying up Nigerian oil at bargain-basement prices, or exporting Pizza Huts and Starbucks to Abuja. Don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean you have to intentionally fall victim to a so-called "Nigerian Scam" just to exercise your voluminous Canadian sense of fair play.
But would it kill you to buy a couple of Sade albums, or maybe a gongon drum?

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17 Feb 08 - 03:17 AM (#2264357)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: GUEST,fed up

How about this.

My husband and i are looking for land to purchase in your country as we have heard the weather is lovely and so are your people. Our asset base is roughly about $30million dollars and we are actually ready to retire.After doing a wide world search we decided we wanted to settle in Nigeria. How ever there is one slight problem.We want everything to go with us including our money,but our concern is the tax that we would have to pay on this large sum.Are you or someone you can trust able to help us at least get some of it into your country.I promise you will get what you want at least 20% of what ever we can agree on to get it into your country safely.I await your reply.

Lady and sir Ralph scavinger

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17 Feb 08 - 10:28 AM (#2264506)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Ritchie

Govinda,

Ok, I realise it was some time ago that you wrote but ...,

I have tried to access your web site from the link you provided on lot's of occasions, but nothing has happened, or rather, to be more precise, it isn't available. I feel it is my duty to inform you and everyone else just in case it is a scam.

regards

your fellow mudcatter

Ritchie

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17 Feb 08 - 06:10 PM (#2264878)
Subject: RE: BS: Let's scam the Nigerians
From: Anne Lister

What puzzles me is why for every "Nigerian" letter I receive I also get at least a dozen messages from banks I don't have accounts with, messages from PayPal and eBay that don't use my member ID and all manner of lotteries I haven't entered ....It's annoying to receive attempted scam spam, but it's even more irritating that they're not even trying to target their scam accurately.

Here's to less indiscriminate scamming!

Anne

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