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14 Dec 98 - 04:59 AM (#49388) Subject: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Richard McD. Bridge Has anyone conveniently got any of the sets of alternative words to the 12 days of Christmas? The preferred ones would be either the set starting with (on the first day) "a pint and a half of real ale" or the set starting (also on the first day) "a port and a double brandy" |
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14 Dec 98 - 05:17 AM (#49390) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: AndyG You might try here, Not drink but computing.
AndyG |
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14 Dec 98 - 06:49 AM (#49393) Subject: Lyr Add: THE POACHER'S CHRISTMAS (Sid & Bob Kipper From: George Henderson Nenagh singers circle The Poachers Christmas written by Sid and Bob Kipper On the first day of Christmas my dog and me brought back, A partridge in an ould sack. On the second day of Christmas me dog and me brought back. Two moorhens and a partridge etc. Three lame ducks, Four bald coots, Five Goose eggs Six bootiful turkey's, Seven pleasant pheasants, Eight stone crows, Nine breeding rabbits (all them dirty habits) Ten hares retreating, Eleven salmon smoking, Twelve stags a rutting. And finishes with : On the thirteenth day of christmas my dog and me got caught with, 12 stages a rutting, 11 salmon smoking, 10 hares retreating, 9 breeding rabbits all them dirty habits, 8 stone crows, 7 pleasant pheasants, 6 bootiful turkeys, fuve goose eggs. Four bald coots thre lame ducks two moorhens, And a partridge in an ould sack Hope this gives you a laugh |
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14 Dec 98 - 03:13 PM (#49443) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: dick greenhaus There's at least a half-dozen such parodies in the DT. Try a search for *Xmas12* |
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15 Dec 98 - 06:57 AM (#49547) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Richard McD. Bridge I'll try that searchterm. I wonder what I did wrong when I searched - 'cos I did, honest! Thanks to others. |
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15 Dec 98 - 09:20 AM (#49563) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Barbara I found one parody using Dick's phrase, four using [twelve days], one more using [12 days] and a different set using @parody @xmas. I didn't find the one I just posted to the 'Young and old' thread, "12 Days of Christmas With My Mother". Blessings, Barbara
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15 Dec 98 - 05:45 PM (#49623) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: dick greenhaus Barbara- It takes time. dick |
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15 Dec 98 - 06:47 PM (#49638) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: John in Brisbane My favourite monologue is The Twelve Thank You Notes of Christmas. Written and performed from the perspective of an English gentlewomen, I find it a gem of crafted prose - and absolutely hilarious. Thank you for starting this thread; I had no idea that it was in the DT.
Regards |
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15 Dec 98 - 08:50 PM (#49655) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: bbc I like that book of thank you notes, too, John. I'm using it in a holiday lesson for 5th graders tomorrow--starting w/ a rap & Chipmunk version of the song, going over the cost of the 12 days of gifts, & reading the thank you notes. I know that at least one of us will enjoy it! :) Christmas cheer, bbc |
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16 Dec 98 - 01:56 AM (#49689) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Dale Rose I could not pass up adding this gem~~a standard at Christmas time here in the Ozarks!
The Ozark Twelve Days Of Christmas
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me Note: for those unfamiliar with the term, a razorback is a wild hog, once common in Arkansas, but now extinct, at least in Arkansas. Unfortunately you can’t find out much about them on the internet. Alta Vista lists 38,340 references, but the first 200 are mostly related to the University of Arkansas Razorback athletic teams, and assorted businesses with razorback in the name. |
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16 Dec 98 - 06:46 PM (#49816) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: John in Brisbane Dale, 'coons' is far from PC here, I gather you mean racoons - which to me means some sort of overgrown squirrel. Am I close?
Regards |
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17 Dec 98 - 12:02 AM (#49854) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Dale Rose Yes, raccoon. Some consider them a delicacy. Here is an url that will tell you just about everything you need to know about them, and a bit more. Nice picture at the bottom of the page.
I had an infestation at my house a few years ago. Even tying down the lids of garbage cans with bungee cords did not help. The little fellows ripped them right off. Possums (properly opossums) were a problem, too. I trapped one in the corner of my carport one day, and sure enough, he fell over like he was dead. I let him go.
I think if the song were to be rewritten nowadays, someone would likely work the armadillo into the mix, maybe to replace the razorback, seeing as they are all gone anyway. |
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04 Nov 04 - 04:42 PM (#1316868) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Q (Frank Staplin) Resurrecting a five y'ar old thread for an old parody from eighteen hundred and forty-six. Halliwell, "The Nursery Rhymes of England," 1846. Obviously the little kiddies in the nursery had a much better grasp of language then than they do now. CCXXVII One old Oxford ox opening oysters; Two tee-totums totally tired of trying to trot to Tadbury; Three tall tigers tippling tenpenny tea; Four fat friars fanning fainting flies; Five frippy Frenchmen foolishly fishing for flies; Six sportsmen shooting snipes; Seven Severn salmons swallowing shrimps; Eight Englishmen eagerly examining Europe; Nine nimble noblemen nibbling nonpareils; Ten tinkers tinkling upon ten tin tinder-boxes with ten tenpenny tacks; Eleven elephants elegantly equipt; Twelve typographical topographers typically translating types. |
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04 Nov 04 - 06:10 PM (#1316952) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: open mike ok anyone got the bluegrass version? |
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04 Nov 04 - 07:36 PM (#1317039) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Leadfingers When the Middle East calms down I will post 'The Twelve days of Ramadan' and start it all up again . |
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04 Nov 04 - 08:01 PM (#1317078) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Q (Frank Staplin) Could be a long wait- |
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05 Nov 04 - 06:58 AM (#1317523) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: muppitz There is an "Aussie 12 days of Christmas" in the database. I don't know how to do a link to it, but if you search for the title I've just given, that should take you to it! muppitz x |
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05 Nov 04 - 08:30 AM (#1317601) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: sian, west wales Not what anyone actually wants BUT ... Y cyntaf dydd o'r Gwyliau Fy nghariad anfonodd i mi: (On the first day of Christmas My love sent to me) Betrisen ar y pren gerllyg. A partridge in a pear tree. Dwy golomen ddof, Two tame doves Tair iâr Ffrainc Three french hens Pedwar aderyn ffeind, Four gentle birds Pum modrwy aur, Five gold rings Chwe gŵydd yn fyw, Six live geese Saith alarch yn nofio Seven swans a-swimming Wyth mul yn rasio Eight mules a-racing (!) Naw tarw yn rhuo Nine bulls a-bellowing (!!) Deg my ladi yn dawnsio, Ten 'my-ladies' dancing Un drym ar ddeg yn drymio, Eleven drums drumming Deuddeg my lord yn campio. Twelve 'my-lords' a-sporting. Tune is completely different too. There's another Welsh one that features a parrot instead of a partridge. Go figure. sian |
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16 Nov 04 - 10:23 AM (#1328574) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,gail On the first day of Christmas my landlord game to me A wee heavy and a half pint On the Second day of Christmas my landlord game to me Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Third day of Christmas my landlord game to me Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Fourth day of Christmas my landlord game to me Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Fifth day of Christmas my landlord game to me Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Sixth day of Christmas my landlord game to me Six Shots of brandy Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Seventh day of Christmas my landlord game to me Seven Bloody Vodkas Six Shots of brandy Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Eighth day of Christmas my landlord game to me Eight Carlsberg Lagers Seven Bloody Vodkas Six Shots of brandy Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Ninth day of Christmas my landlord game to me Nine Halves of shandy Eight Carlsberg Lagers Seven Bloody Vodkas Six Shots of brandy Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Tenth day of Christmas my landlord game to me Ten Pints of bitter Nine Halves of shandy Eight Carlsberg Lagers Seven Bloody Vodkas Six Shots of brandy Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Eleventh day of Christmas my landlord game to me Eleven Fast Blue labels Ten Pints of bitter Nine Halves of shandy Eight Carlsberg Lagers Seven Bloody Vodkas Six Shots of brandy Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint On the Twelth day of Christmas my landlord game to me Twelve Alka seltzers Eleven Fast Blue labels Ten Pints of bitter Nine Halves of shandy Eight Carlsberg Lagers Seven Bloody Vodkas Six Shots of brandy Five Babychams Four Double Diamonds Three Black and Tans Two Nips of Gin And a wee heavy and a half pint |
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16 Nov 04 - 10:28 AM (#1328582) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: MMario double diamonds? wee heavy? |
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16 Nov 04 - 10:58 AM (#1328624) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Elfcall Guest Gail - I always thougt it was eleven Bass Blue labels. Elfcall |
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16 Nov 04 - 11:36 AM (#1328688) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Leadfingers Mmario - Double Diamond was a Top Pressure (NOT REAL ALE) draught beer now fortunately gone to the slops bucket in the sky , and a wee heavy is some sort of foreign (Scottish) booze . |
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16 Nov 04 - 11:48 AM (#1328706) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: MMario thanx LF! |
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16 Nov 04 - 12:09 PM (#1328732) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: ToulouseCruise LF.. DD is still around to be honest... might be a different brew, but it is available in my area both canned and on tap. Brian. |
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16 Nov 04 - 12:40 PM (#1328767) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Juan P-B This is one I cobbled together a couple of Christmasses ago to play at Staines FC - Enjoy! 12 Cajun Triangles 11 Banjos Plunking 10 Hurdy Gurdies 9 Bodhrans thrapping 8 Fiddlers scraping 7 Whistlers tooting 6 Ethnic Drummers 5 Man-do-lins 4 Harmonies 3 Artisans 2 Show of Hands And a song from Martin Carthy Juan P-B |
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16 Nov 04 - 01:18 PM (#1328806) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Rasener A Double Diamond works wonders works wonders works wonders A Double Diamond works wonders works wonders works wonders Juan P-B Wouldn't it be nice if you could have everybody there that features. :-) |
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16 Nov 04 - 07:06 PM (#1329202) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Juan P-B Ah! Villan, That WOULD be a line-up Almost had it at Gosport Easter Fesitival once. My Bodhran buddy took umbrage at the term 'thrapping' but I thought it described the sound exactly! Is that onomatopaeic (Spelling) Cheers Juan P-B |
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16 Nov 04 - 08:03 PM (#1329267) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Leadfingers Juan-PB - Didnt you have A4 sheets with the various bits printed on ? Or was that some OTHER nutter at Staines ?? |
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17 Nov 04 - 12:20 PM (#1330057) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Louie Roy I don't know whether this has been posted before but here is another version The first day after xmas my true love and I had a fight So I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite Then with a single cartridge i shot that blasted partridge That my true love had gave to me The second day after xmas I pulled on my rubber gloves And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves The third day after xmas my mother caught the croup I had to use the 3 french hens to make some chicken soup The calling birds were a big mistake their language was obscene And the 5 golden rings were a completely a fake And they turned my fingers green The 6th day after xmas the 6 geese wouldn't lay So I gave the whole dog-gone gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A On the 7th day after xmas what a mess I found All 7 of the swimming swans had drowned On the 8th day after xmas before they could supect I bundled up the 8 milking maids 9 pipers pipeing 10 ladies dancing 11 lords a leaping 12 drummers drumming And sent them back collect I wrote my true love and said we are through love And said in so many words your xmas gifts were for the silly birds 7 swimming swans,6 honking geese,4 calling birds,3 french hens 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree |
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17 Nov 04 - 01:04 PM (#1330116) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Juan P-B G'Day Leadfungus!! Yes that was me and the Rock Chicks - Still have the 'handouts' and still doing the song. Shall we see you for the Staines Chrissymuss thingumibob?? Hasta J P-B |
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17 Nov 04 - 05:54 PM (#1330411) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Tradsinger I seem to remember a rugby club version that started: On the first day of Christmas I took to bed with me The Lord Montague of Beaulieu (pronounces 'byoolee') Alas my memory runs out at that point. Gwilym |
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17 Nov 04 - 10:14 PM (#1330653) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Joe_F Tradsinger: Yes, that was current at St Andrews University while I was there in 1958. Lord Montague had, I believe, been convicted of sodomy. Here's the rest of it -- WARNING! NASTY! -- Twelve twisted twats, Eleven lecherous lesbians, Ten torn-off testes, Nine gnawed-off nipples, Eight aching arseholes, Seven sex-starved spinsters, Six convicted vicars, Five -- choir -- boys! Four Boy Scouts, Three dirty whores, Two shithouse doors! And my Lord Montague of Beaulieu. |
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18 Nov 04 - 06:47 AM (#1330933) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: semi-submersible Four cotton shirts, three bent pins, two pounds of ham, and a parsnip in a pear tree. (Our family didn't take it any farther. May have been borrowed from Walt Kelly; I haven't reread those Pogo books in far too long.) |
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09 Dec 04 - 08:08 AM (#1351878) Subject: Lyr Add: 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (Bob & Doug McKenzie From: Jim Dixon Copied from http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/xmas/thetwelvedaysofchristmasbobdougmckenzie.shtml THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS "Bob & Doug McKenzie" (actually Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas) (B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus) B: OK, g'day. This is our Christmas part of the album. You can play this at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothin' else to do. D: G'day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part. B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get...um...your true love for Christmas. D: Look out the window! B: Where? (Chuckle) What are ya doin'? D: Snow, hosehead! B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's Christmas time. Hey, hoser! D: What? B: Here's a quiz. (Chuckle) Quiz for Doug. D: OK, I have my "thinking tuque" on. B: Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause, figure it out, right? Christmas is when? D: Um, the twenty-fifth. B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth? Christmas Eve, right? So... D: That's two B: That's two. And, then what's after that? (Pause) Boxing Day. D: Wrestling Day. B: Wrestl...get out! D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah. B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'! D: New Year's! B: Four and what's.... D: New Year's Eve? B: That's five. Where do ya get twelve? D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So, that's nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days. (Music starts) B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to get someone for Christmas. D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck! (Organ starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ. B: Oh, geez. D: You start. B: OK. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, A beer. D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Two turtlenecks, B: And a beer. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Three French toast, D: Two turtlenecks, B: And a beer. D: There should be more there, eh? B: Where? Oh, go! D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Four pounds of back-bacon, B: Three French toast, D: Two turtlenecks, B: And a beer. D: ...in a tree. See, you need more. B: Oh...fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Five golden tuques, D: Four pound of back-bacon, B: Three French toast, D: Two turtlenecks, B: And a beer...where? D: (with Bob) In a tree. B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go! D: ...Christmas, my true love gave to me, C: Six.... D: Six packs of two-four, B & C: Five golden tuques, C: Four.... D: Four pounds of back-bacon, C: Three.... B: Three French toast, C: Two.... D: Two turtlenecks, C: And a beeeeeeeeer. B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK. On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Seven pack of smokes, C: Nice gift! D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four, B & C: Five golden tuques. C: Four.... D: Four pounds of back-bacon, C: Three.... B: Three French toast, C: Two.... D: Two turtlenecks, C: And a beeeeeeeeer.... B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. Keep forgetting. D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too hard for us! Go, hoser. B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, D: Eight comic books, (Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind) B & D: Seven packs of smokes, Six pack of two-four, B: Five.... C: (catches up) Five golden tuques, Four pounds of back-bacon, Three French toast, Two turtlenecks, ALL: And a beer. B & D: On my tree. B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um.... C: TWELVE! B: Twelve! D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve.... (Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in) ALL: Five golden tuques, Four pounds of back-bacon, Three French toast, Two turtlenecks, And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! D: Where'd you learn to do that? B: Um, albums. D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas. B: Merry Christmas! D: And good day! B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too. D: Shhh! B: OK, you know what you left out? D: What? B: Donuts! D: Oh, no! B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or the eleventh day, but I want donuts! D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody! B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts. D: So, go out to the stores and get some presents! B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the "Thirteen Days of Christmas"! D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain saw! B: Take off! (As music fades:) D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It...it moved me. B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven." D: What? |
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09 Dec 04 - 10:10 PM (#1352559) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: paddymac Seems like there's a Cajun version out there now also. I chuckled when I heard it, but I onle heard it once and don't remember anything about it, except that it tickled me. |
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12 Dec 04 - 11:45 AM (#1354738) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST i have been tasked to find the funny musical version of the twelve days of christmas. This is the one where a lover does buy for his sweetheart all the items one at a time, as per the real song. By the time the lady gets the leaping lords, her life is apparently ruined, with cows crapping all over lawn, milkmaids being chased by leaping lords etc. I have never heard it, by the person who wants it for his wife is not into computers, and does not believe me when i tell him anything can be found on here. So lets help me out peeps. Can anyone sell me, rent me,or even record for me, or anything else, the musical version of this song. By the way, i have tried search engines too. For contact direct, my name is James, and email is interxuk@yahoo.co.uk |
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12 Dec 04 - 06:00 PM (#1355004) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Ex Rugby playin cop In my Police rugby playing days we used to sing a similar song to the one by JoeF. Twelve twitching twatties Eleven languid lesbians Ten torn off testicles Nine gnawed of nipples Eight aching arseholes Seven suspended vicars Six sex starved spinsters Fi----ve foot of crap Four bog doors Three whores drawers Two boy scouts And my Lord Montague of Beaulieu |
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13 Dec 04 - 04:45 AM (#1355410) Subject: ADD: Christmas Countdown (Frank Kelly) From: JennyO Hi James. What you are after sounds like "Christmas Countdown" by Frank Kelly. I posted it here once before. It's a very funny 12 days of Christmas send-up that I have on a CD. It is spoken with a very Irish accent with the traditional music playing in the background - I love it. By the way, why don't you join us here at Mudcat? It's free, no strings attached - you can send other members personal messages, trace threads you like, and there is the chatroom. We are all mad, but don't let that put you off. Anyway, here are the words of Christmas Countdown: CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN (Frank Kelly) Day One Dear Nuala, Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again. Yours affectionately, Gobnait O'Lúnasa Day Two Dear Nuala, I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet's bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write. Yours ever, Gobnait Day Three Dear Nuala, We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters. Thanking you for your kindness. I remain, Your Gobnait Day Four Dear Nuala, You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend. Gobnait Day Five Nuala, Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings. Your affectionate friend, Gobnait Day Six Nuala, What are you trying to do to us? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check. Gobnait Day Seven Nuala, We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair. Gobnait Day Eight Nuala, Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I'm very annoyed with you. Gobnait Day Nine Listen you louser ! There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me. Gobnait Day Ten Listen manure-face, I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You'll get yours ! Gobnait O'Lúnasa Day Eleven You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel, It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like "Outlook". I'll get you yet, you ould bag! Day Twelve Listen slurry head, You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, 'cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they'd been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds' blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I'm a broken man. Gobnait O'Lúnasa Jenny |
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14 Dec 04 - 06:34 PM (#1357031) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: open mike ok i found the bluegrass version... 1 Plot beneath the Weepin' Willow Tree 2 Bluebirds singing 3 Mac Wiseman's 4 Salty dogs a-barkin' 5 banjer strings 6 white horses treadin' 7 snakes a dreadin' 8 hot biscuits a-risin' 9 poundin' hammers 10 brooks a-flyin' 11 earls a-pickin' 12 colonel finger lickin' i do not know who did this.. i caught it on paper just by luck--i was stuck in traffic by a toll booth on a bridge by san francisco..and was able to scribble down the whole thing on an envelope while traffic was stalled. of course it does not hurt that many of the verses were repeated often! enjoy! |
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14 Dec 04 - 07:04 PM (#1357047) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Peace On the three hundred and twenty-seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me . . . . |
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16 Dec 04 - 08:48 PM (#1359246) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Bill the Collie Hawaiian version as sung by Rudy Aquino of the island of Maui. Rudy sings it complete with arm-waving, gesturing, dance steps etc for each item and it can all get remarkably wild if the audience participate, especially if they have taken a refreshment or two. Number {numbah?) one day of christmas my tutu gave to me, one mynah bird in one papaya tree two coconut three dried squid four flower lei five big fat pig six hula lesson seven shrimp a-swimming eight ukelele nine pound of poi ten can of beer eleven missionary twelve television. Tutu here means grandmother. Poi is food made from taro root and its distinctive dark grey colour is used by the locals to scare tourists (or to dare them to eat the stuff). |
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16 Jan 06 - 07:17 PM (#1649832) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Loni Hey, there's a New Zealand one, and it has tuis and pipis and things in it. And my Dad tried to teach me the Beaulieu one, but he only knew 'three french whores, two double doors and lord montauge of beaulieu' which sucked. So thanks guys, you've got TWO versions of that on here - both slightlyd ifferent to my Dad's... Hey, on holiday, when my brother was eating us out of house and home every morning, we made up another: On the Xth day of Christmas, Henry had for breakfast: 1 - a plate of toast and baked beans 2 - two sausages 3 - three black puddings 4 - four fried eggs 5 - five stinky curries 6 - six bits of toast 7 - seven glasses of juice 8 - eight red apples 9 - nine omelettes 10 - ten Weet-a-bix 11 - eleven ham steaks 12 - New Forest ponies |
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08 Nov 06 - 01:40 PM (#1879291) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Livi I'm looking for a version of 12 days of Christmas that a friend of mine has asked me to buy. She can't remember the words, but knows it's a man singing it. She heard it on the radio last christmas and apparantly it is a comical version 'where everything goes wrong'. She thinks the song may have involved 'geese start fornicating' and somethings wrongly arriving at someones house. I've looked all over for this version and am desperate to find it!As you can tell, the description isnt very clear, but i was wondering if anyone else might be able to shead some light on the words or the song. |
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08 Nov 06 - 01:49 PM (#1879301) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: MMario Livi - sounds like the recording by Frank Kelly - see the posting above with the words. |
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08 Nov 06 - 02:24 PM (#1879352) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: tenn_jim The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas . On the first day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, Some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the second day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the third day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the forth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the fifth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the sixth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 6 cans of Spam 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the seventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the eighth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 8 table dancers 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the ninth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 9 years probation 8 table dancers 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the tenth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, tin of Copenhagen 9 years probation 8 table dancers 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the eleventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 11 rasslin' tickets tin of Copenhagen 9 years probation 8 table dancers 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. . On the twelfth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me, 12 pack of Bud 11 rasslin' tickets tin of Copenhagen 9 years probation 8 table dancers 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs and some parts to a Mustang GT. |
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09 Nov 06 - 10:25 AM (#1880183) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Nfkfiddler What a collection................ Dates me a bit but I remember: Four... drip dry shirts Three rubber gloves Two fountain pens And a gadget for making morning tea. |
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09 Nov 06 - 01:44 PM (#1880383) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Little Robyn The New Zealand is called Pukeko in a ponga tree and you can see it there if anyone is interested. It's not a funny version - just adapted for kiwi kids. Robyn |
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09 Nov 06 - 03:02 PM (#1880462) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Ann Looking for something that is similar to the original version, but ends in the maids a milking fornicating with the footmen. A version where everything goes wrong. She sends the ring back, as things arrive at 'her' house. Similar to 'Christmas Countdown' but starts with 'The first day of christmas'. |
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09 Nov 06 - 04:13 PM (#1880527) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Canberra Chris The Shiny Bum Singers from Oz, who satirise the bureaucracy and are touring UK nexr year have the following: On the twefth day of Christmas My branch head gave to me Twelve flouros flashing Eleven copieers clanking Ten tearooms flooding Nine computers crashing Eight pollies pouting Seven journos jaunting Six SOGs a-sleeping Five synergies Four new ideas Three false starts Two bum steers And a consultative committee. 'Pollies' in Oz-speak are politicians, SOGs are senior officers (grade x). Chris |
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09 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM (#1880535) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: mrdux A Puppy's 12 Days of Christmas (Be sure to read down to Day 12) On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: The Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Five chewed-up stockings Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Six yards of soggy ribbon Five chewed-up stockings Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Seven scraps of wrapping paper Six yards of soggy ribbon Five chewed-up stockings Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Eight tiny reindeer fragments Seven scraps of wrapping paper Six yards of soggy ribbon Five chewed-up stockings Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: My wreath in nine pieces Eight tiny reindeer fragments Seven scraps of wrapping paper Six yards of soggy ribbon Five chewed-up stockings Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed My wreath in nine pieces Eight tiny reindeer fragments Seven scraps of wrapping paper Six yards of soggy ribbon Five chewed-up stockings Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: Eleven unwrapped presents Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed My wreath in nine pieces Eight tiny reindeer fragments Seven scraps of wrapping paper Six yards of soggy ribbon Five chewed-up stockings Four broken window candles Three punctured ornaments Two leaking bubble lights And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree. On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me: A dozen puppy kisses And I forgot all about the other eleven days. |
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14 Dec 06 - 03:54 PM (#1909666) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Mike - Wembley The "port and a double brandy" version was sung by Doug Hudson and if you ask, you can find him on "Doug Hudson" Tell him gooday from Mike ex-Tokyo! |
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09 Oct 07 - 05:55 AM (#2167119) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Rory Hey i'm irish living in Middle East and i remember hearing the ramadan song On the first day of ramadan my true love gave to me, a falcon in a plam tree, thats all i remember, well it's ramadamadingdong now but would love to sing it for our party at eid in 2 days time, (end of ramadan). Any chance you could email it to me? toowuha@hotmail.com much appreciated Rory |
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10 Oct 07 - 06:00 AM (#2167856) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Bryn Pugh Five choir boys Four pairs of drawers Three French whores Two shithouse doors And my Lord Montagu of Beaulieu. |
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10 Oct 07 - 09:06 AM (#2167947) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Brendy ... one from years ago, at home: (I can only remember from '5' down) Terence O'Neill! The R.U.C., Big Bill Craig, Ronald Bunting, and The Reverend Doctor Ian Paisley. B. |
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10 Oct 07 - 11:07 AM (#2168056) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Leadfingers GUEST Rory - E Mail sent !! |
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10 Oct 07 - 11:35 AM (#2168079) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Bru This is the best one I know; unfortunately, the text doesn't do the parody credit. It's much funnier to hear than to read. * * * * The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me - is finding a Christmas tree. The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree. The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Hang-overs Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree. The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Sending Christmas cards Hang-overs Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree. The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: five months of bills sending Christmas cards Hang-overs Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree. The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: facing my in-laws five months of bills oh I hate those Christmas cards Hang-overs Rigging up these lights And finding a Christmas tree The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: the Salvation Army Facing my in-laws Five months of bills sending Christmas cards Oh Geez I'm trying to rig up these lights And finding a Christmas Tree The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: I want a Transformer for Christmas Charities and what do you mean - your in-laws Five months of bills Oh making out these cards Edith get me a beer huh? What we have no extension cards And finding a Christmas Tree The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Finding parking spaces Daddy I want some candy Donations Facing my in-laws Five months of bills Writing out those Christmas cards Hang-overs Now why they Hell are they blinking And finding a Christmas Tree The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Batteries not included No parking spaces Buy me something Get a job you bum Facing my in-laws Five months of bills. Yo-Ho sending those Christmas cards Ah geez look at this One light goes out they all go out And finding a Christmas tree The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Stale TV Specials Batteries not included No parking spaces I got to go to the bathroom Charities She's a witch I hate her Five months of bills I don't even know half these people Who's got the toilet paper huh? Turn on the flashlight I blew a fuse And finding a Christmas tree The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Singing Christmas carols Stale TV specials Batteries not included No parking aghhh Charities Got to make 'em dinner Five months of bills I'm not sending them this year - that's it Shut up, you Fine you're so smart you rig up the lights And finding a Christmas tree |
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02 Jul 11 - 01:58 PM (#3180268) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,BillyTEACHES Hello, all, from the Green Mountains of Vermont (USA): I have been looking for some time now--I remember hearing it on public radio in the late '80s/early '90s-- for the name of the author/artist of the "12 days" version in which an older Irish(???) dad keeps receiving different kinds and amounts of booze from his very "loving" daughter each day of the 12. By the final day, of course, the very sloshed old geezer is calling her every name in the book and pleading with her not to send any more or face extremely serious consequences. Any thoughts as to the name of this version? Thanx so much! |
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02 Jul 11 - 09:13 PM (#3180487) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Fergie Jazus! BillyTEACHES. please get a grip. It's the middle of bloody summer and you want to know about the Twelve Days of Christmas. Please get a life. |
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18 Dec 11 - 06:51 AM (#3275904) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Vardabomb anyone know the rest of the version ending 3 french whores 2 shithouse doors and a postcard very filthy ? an old boy used to sing that every xmas when i first started working |
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18 Dec 11 - 07:16 AM (#3275909) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Ross Campbell If BillyTEACHES is still looking - read the thread - words supplied by JennyO 13 Dec 04. If Vardabomb does the same - similar words found at 17 Nov 04. |
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13 Dec 16 - 08:15 AM (#3826190) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Jan Does anyone know the cute version for seniors |
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13 Dec 16 - 10:36 AM (#3826248) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Dave On the (x) day of Christmas, My true love gave to me… 12th Twelve Viet Cong Commies 11th Eleven Buddha statues 10th Ten – ao, dai, xanh!!! * 9th Nine knock off Polos 8th Eight egg rolls rolling 7th Seven cups of fish sauce 6th Six pairs of chopsticks 5th Five – bowls, of, rice!!!! (ba dum yum yum) 4th Four incense sticks 3rd Three moon cakes 2nd Two growing pills 1st (And) a free trip home to Viet Nam! |
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13 Dec 16 - 12:41 PM (#3826277) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Bee-dubya-ell Back story: I was doing a bit of home repair which involved the use of plastic cable ties. I noticed my supply was getting sort of low and wishing someone would give me a big bag of them for Christmas, an idea that evolved into this.... THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS - TOOLHEAD VERSION On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me A big bag of cable ties On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me Two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me Three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Six drills a drilling Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Nine grinders grinding, eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Ten routers routing, nine grinders grinding, eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me Eleven hammers hammering, ten routers routing, nine grinders grinding , eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two mitre saws and a big bag of cable ties On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me Twelve levels leveling, eleven hammers hammering, ten routers routing, nine grinders grinding , eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling Five Dremel tools Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties |
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15 Dec 16 - 08:18 AM (#3826632) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Nigel Parsons Originally written (to the same tune) as "Bookroom Blues" and starting "In my first hour in the book room I bought at a dealer's stand", but easily re-worded: On the first day of Christmas my reading list I planned, "A Stranger in a strange land". On the second day of Christmas my reading list I planned, Tolkien's "Two Towers" And "A Stranger in a strange land" On the third day of Christmas my reading list I planned, "Three against the Witch World" Tolkien's "Two Towers" And "A Stranger in a strange land" On the fourth day of Christmas my reading list I planned, "Four from planet 5" "Three against the Witch World" Tolkien's "Two Towers" And "A Stranger in a strange land" On the fifth day of Christmas my reading list I planned, "Jeffty is Five" "Four from planet 5" "Three against the Witch World" Tolkien's "Two Towers" And "A Stranger in a strange land" . . . . . . By the twelfth day of Christmas, I had at my command: "The wind's twelve quarters" "Station Eleven" "The machine in shaft 10" "Nine princes in Amber" "Our friends from Frolix 8" "Seven steps to the sun" Heinlein's "Sixth Column" "Jeffty is Five" "Four from planet 5" "Three against the Witch World" Tolkien's "Two Towers" And "A Stranger in a strange land" Any Sci-Fi or Fantasy readers will recognise some of the above. |
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05 Dec 18 - 01:11 PM (#3964954) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: GUEST,Rob Young Fairly sure that this was from a Dickie Henderson Christmas Show. And equally sure that there were 'Five washing machines' |
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06 Dec 18 - 09:15 AM (#3965079) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Tattie Bogle The alcoholic one was done by Bill Barclay - "a wee heavy and a half pint" being the final line, and each verse sounding progressively more drunk. It's on the Greentrax "Bah Humbug" CD which has many other parodies and "alternative" Christmas songs. Then there was the McCalmans' own version, last line being "a worn-out McCalmans' LP". Think I have lyrics for both somewhere. Will post if I can find them. |
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06 Dec 18 - 04:18 PM (#3965160) Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas From: Tattie Bogle The crucial words for Bill Barclay's alcoholic 12 days: Twelve days of Christmas – Bill Barclay 1st day: wee heavy and a half pint 2nd day: two nips of gin 3rd day: three black and tans 4th day: four Babychams 5th day: five Happy Days (Daze?) 6th day: six Carlsberg specials 7th day: seven rum & cokes (or cum and rokes) 8th day: eight nips of whisky 9th day: nine vodka'n'limes 10th day: ten creme de menthes 11th day: eleven Blue Lagoons 12th day: twelve Alka Seltzers And here are The McCalmans in fine voice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucgmtoXgOn0 |