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07 May 05 - 05:18 PM (#1480216) Subject: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: mandoleer In a follow-up to the Mudcat quotes thread, how about some quotes that wouldn't otherwise be preserved, like the following gem heard in a local cafe. It concerns a house that had a council closure order on it. 'Of course, the real reason they closed it was that it was full of nig-nogs. The neighbours all objected to it. Bloody racists!' (The speaker turned out to be the owner of the premises, which he was trying to sell.) Nothing that has appeared in the press, please... |
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07 May 05 - 05:40 PM (#1480224) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: bobad This site has some pretty entertaining quotes. |
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07 May 05 - 06:13 PM (#1480235) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: mandoleer Yes, but that means they've been recorded! I'm asking for ones that haven't been previously noted down in a generally accessible form. But overheardinnewyork makes me think of one I overheard in Formby: Two women talking, and one said, 'And she was going to do it again, you know, on the windowsill'. Ever since I've wondered who she was and what she was going to do. |
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07 May 05 - 07:35 PM (#1480277) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Bill D at my university in about 1967, I was working part time for the physical plant, carpentry division. We had an temporary old fellow who was ummmm...'less than careful' about some jobs, but who was FULL of remarks, which earned him the nickname "Talkin' John". One day he had been helping build risers in a classroom, 2X4 base with plywood sheeting. The foreman, Walt, came by to inspect and noted wider than 'normal' gaps in spots between the plywood decking, and pointed this out to John. John gazed around the room and shrugged..."Awww, Walt...all they're gonna DO is walk on 'em. **It ain't like they're gonna take pictures of 'em**!" This became a catch phrase for any project that had a shoddy look. |
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07 May 05 - 08:01 PM (#1480283) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: dick greenhaus My all-time pet was one I overheard while walking down Delancy Street in Manhattan. An elderly Jewish couple was walking directly in front of me and the conversation went: She: "Well, in my opinion... He: (interrupting regally) You don't got no opinion! |
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07 May 05 - 11:01 PM (#1480342) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Sandra in Sydney "What colour's Valium?" said to my colleague (a former nurse) by another colleague was was helping nurse a dying friend who was taking a lot of medication. |
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07 May 05 - 11:17 PM (#1480344) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: katlaughing "Got any air?" I think ya had to be there. We had a low tire, three kids in the back of a little Ford Escort and it was a hot day. Rog pulled up to a service station and that's what popped out of his mouth. For some reason it hit us all as hilariously obsurd and to this day it is a phrase the kids and I use to denote that about something, kind of like a verbal shoulder shrug. |
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08 May 05 - 06:08 AM (#1480432) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Michael A very cold day on a bus in Hull a couple of months back: Elderly lady to 'very African looking' man ; 'You'll you're not be used to this sort of weather then ?' To which he replied; 'Nah me duck,its a sight warrmer here than it is in Barnsley tha' knows. Mike' |
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11 May 05 - 05:09 PM (#1482740) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: mandoleer A few from a girl in my taxi many years ago. Her feller had gone AWOL, and she was looking for him. "There'll be nothing left in the flat - the door won't lock." "If he's back there when I get home, I'll throw him out!" "I'll wreck the place. I'll put tea-leaves on the ceiling!" SHe was a bit upset. And another from a girl who had been waiting at a bus stop, having forgotten that early in the morning the bus went another route, "There I was standing like a pilchard at the bus stop..." |
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11 May 05 - 05:21 PM (#1482745) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: frogprince From a long night on "Shore Patrol" in San Diego, almost 40 years ago: just an intriguing sound byte in passing from what sure looked like a skinny, very over-the-hill, streetwalker, in skin tight leapord skin: "I feel that rubbing a little on the inside of my thighs makes me sexier". |
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11 May 05 - 05:22 PM (#1482747) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Joe Offer This isn't a funny one, but I heard it last night and it makes a lot of sense:
It's their truth --It might not be factual -Joe Offer- |
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11 May 05 - 05:25 PM (#1482748) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: SINSULL Heard at the Newport Jazz Festival circa 1970: "Oh look. It's exactly like our hearse!" |
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11 May 05 - 07:14 PM (#1482829) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Amos Standing like a pilchard??? LOL!! pilchard: small fishes found in great schools along coasts of Europe; smaller and rounder than herring www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn |
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11 May 05 - 11:25 PM (#1482990) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: GUEST,Bill the Collie In Oxford, two professor types in conversation: "...and ninethly..." |
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11 May 05 - 11:38 PM (#1483001) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Blissfully Ignorant Overheard in a Scottish pub, between English tourists and the natives- Scots- 'You lot are always going on about the world cup in 66!' Englishman- 'Well, it's a lot more recent than f***ing Bannockburn!' I had to laugh, and i'm Scottish...:) |
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12 May 05 - 03:39 AM (#1483074) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Crystal A comment from an art student friend when he heard two biochemistry students talking about immuno dificency diseases: "I thought AIDS started when somone had sex with a monkey!" |
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12 May 05 - 01:08 PM (#1483422) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: gnu mandoleer... you used the term "nig-nog". Can you enlighten me as to the origin? meaning? |
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12 May 05 - 01:15 PM (#1483430) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Uncle_DaveO It looks like "nig" is just a short form for the N word, and "nog" is a disparaging echoic element. Or maybe "nog" is short for "noggin", which is slang for "head". Dave Oesterreich |
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12 May 05 - 01:52 PM (#1483459) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Tannywheeler September, 1990: Hubby and I visiting Ireland and walking lots of places. Beautiful days with occasional clouds/chill breeze/rainsqualls interspersed. See us step inside the next pub. Hear our teeth chatter too much to speak. See the barman look up at us and notice our shivering. Hear the most beautiful words in the English language: "Hot Whisky?" Tw |
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12 May 05 - 05:39 PM (#1483643) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Helen 1) Just as I got on the bus yesterday to go to work there were two people at the front talking loudly and the woman said: "They ought to just bump them off and sell their organs!". The bus driver just rolled his eyes when I looked at him in surprise and said drily "They're talking about drug dealers." 2) A quote in our family for many decades arose from an incident we heard about. A woman, who was fairly well off, visited the house of my parents' friends. Her son had a new toy hammer made of metal and he was going around banging it on all the furniture in the room. The owner of the house was getting really annoyed but it didn't seem to bother the mother at all. Finally she paused in her conversation just long enough to tell her son to "Tap gently, darling." We used to say that about people's attitudes, when they were oblivious to the effect of their actions on others, or when we saw kids going off while the parents just watched without having the idea of actively engaging their parenting skills. Helen |
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12 May 05 - 06:29 PM (#1483681) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Chris Green My cousin, whenever he was stopped by the police would roll down the window when asked and open the exchange with the immortal line "I havne't had a c*** all night, drinkstable." |
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12 May 05 - 08:11 PM (#1483740) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: RangerSteve I ordered a BLT in a deli and was asked, "Do you want lettuce and tomato on that?" A friend was buying something in a store and the kid behind the counter couldn't seem to get his change right. The store owner came out to see what the problem was and said "If I wanted some dumb son of a bitch to do it, I'd have done it myself". |
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13 May 05 - 08:36 AM (#1484067) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: GUEST,Mrr Going past some very drunken revelers as we all went past a fried chicken place that smelled heavenly... Don't that smell chicken fried place good! I don't even think the drunkards noticed what had actually been said... it's become our equivalent of the drinkstable comment. |
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13 May 05 - 10:41 AM (#1484143) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Trevor My partner and her mum in conversation: Helen: "Hasn't it been cold lately?" Mum: " Yes. Mind you, I've got lots of pastry made.." ??? My colleague at work "I was as happy as a sandbag" |
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13 May 05 - 07:32 PM (#1484535) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Helen Trevor, The logic is that pastry works a lot better when it is chilled. Cooler weather would mean that it would stay chilled even while you were pushing it around in the bowl and rolling it out. Helen |
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17 May 05 - 01:37 PM (#1486678) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: frogprince Setting: shoestore in Winnetka Illinois, ca.1982. Mother comes in with girl who appears to be an early-grade school child, with a pacifier stuck in her mouth. The pacifier stays there while we try a number of shoes per mom's instructions. Finally Mom turns to daughter and asks, "which ones do you like". The kid takes out the pacifier, and, with voice and articulation that could have passed for an intelligent teenager, says: "Actually, I prefer this pair myself". |
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17 May 05 - 02:08 PM (#1486698) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: robomatic Mom loved small low-priced gimmicks. The one she brought home was shaped like a nail scissors only with gripping ends shaped like a tweezers. Mom: "It's called a 'twizzers.' Dad: "Don't say that when I'm yawning!" |
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17 May 05 - 02:46 PM (#1486725) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: John MacKenzie I once overheard two[presumably drunk] blokes chatting as I was sitting on 'the throne' in a public toilet, one said to the other, "you know 95% of the people in this world are bastards" and his friend replied, "yes and the other 95% are wankers" Maths obviously not his strong point! A quote from UK radio 4, "Crime...... Politics without the lies" Giok |
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18 May 05 - 11:51 AM (#1487279) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: sian, west wales I was walking along the main street of Perth, Ont, early one morning in an election year and overheard two old geezers talking politics while waiting for the hardware store to open: "What d'ya think of XX then?" "Well, when ya don't know where yer goin', any road 'll do, I guess." Another: at an Arts Council meeting a guy was talking about ethnic arts and his work in Cardiff's black community. He was a Rasta and was talking about public perceptions: "People, dey t'ink we Rastas always doin' drugs. We don' do no drugs ... well: what's a little 'errrrb between friends, eh?" Of course there's the classic Valleys' Welsh apocraphal story of the Mam on the beach at the Sunday School outing screaming at her little boy: "Johnny bach, come over by 'ere from where you are, over by there; I don't want to take you 'ome lost!" sian |
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18 May 05 - 01:09 PM (#1487334) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: John MacKenzie 'Ello Mrs Jones, did you'ear Blodwyn Williams is gettin' married. Married is it, I didn't know she was pregnant. No look you, she's not pregnant. Gettin' married and not pregnant, there's posh now! Giok |
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18 May 05 - 02:37 PM (#1487404) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: mandoleer Nig-nog, as the comment about racists indicates, does refer to people not fitting the title of Procul Harum's main hit... Related to the take you home lost is one I overheard in our local Woolworths. Liverpool mum slapping small kid (wailing its head off), 'We've brought you here to enjoy yourself, and enjoy yourself you bloody well will!' Various versions have been recorded elsewhere, including 'You get yerself killt on the road an' I'll bloody murder you!' but I actually heard this one. In a Liverpool shop, mum to kid who wanted energy drink, 'Yer NOT having one! 's all full of sugar. Yerse'll be bouncin' off the bloody walls!' |
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18 May 05 - 03:17 PM (#1487445) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: GUEST I ordered an Americano in the pseudo Starbucks in a motorway services and was asked if I wanted it black or white. I did see somebody complaining at another coffee bar because there was no milk in their espresso. |
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19 May 05 - 04:57 AM (#1487903) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: GUEST,CrazyEddie Mother to son (who was half way up a chestnut tree): "If you fall out of that tree & break your leg, don't come running to me!" |
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19 May 05 - 03:37 PM (#1488399) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: mandoleer I went into one of those Costa places on a motorway - figuring it HAD to be better than somewhere selling Douwe Egberts as most seem to (yuk! I like my beer bitter but not my coffee). Girl seemed puzzled when I asked for a coffee..... I think I ended up with something called Americano, but to me it was just a good old fashioned white coffee with no extra froth. Mind you, I do like that one with the grated chocolate on it, whatever it is. Prefer hot chocolate with mallows in it anyway. |
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19 May 05 - 04:13 PM (#1488438) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Doug Chadwick Overheard at work: "How do you spell Cyril ?" "Why ?" "I'm filling in this form and it's my middle name, but I've forgotten how to spell it." Doug C |
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19 May 05 - 05:18 PM (#1488488) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: GUEST,Peter from Essex Mandoleer - I think the point of the Americano quote is that it is normally an espresso topped up with water. No milk. I love the signs at the motorway Costas that suggest it is still run by the Costa family and not Whitbread. I can remember when it was a small family chain in central London, bloody good it was then too. |
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20 May 05 - 09:56 AM (#1489126) Subject: RE: BS: Quotes from outside the Cafe From: Stephen L. Rich My grandfather always used to say, "Not everybody's going to like you. Get used to it." Stephen Lee |