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23 Jun 05 - 01:11 AM (#1507699) Subject: BS: New California From: heric Dear Red States: We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sisters schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. Sincerely, Author Unknown in New California. |
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23 Jun 05 - 01:27 AM (#1507702) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: Big Al Whittle Is Arnie in full agreement with all this? |
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23 Jun 05 - 01:31 AM (#1507704) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: heric He may well have written it. |
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23 Jun 05 - 10:19 PM (#1508538) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: paddymac Great Idea, but how will you defend yourselves from the enraged reddies invading to get "their" tax base back? |
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23 Jun 05 - 10:33 PM (#1508544) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: CarolC Hey! I'm in Alabama! Don't leave me... please? |
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23 Jun 05 - 10:53 PM (#1508564) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: katlaughing Love it, but we DID send two Dems to Congress here in CO this year, so leave some wiggle room for us, too!? We're not all red! |
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23 Jun 05 - 11:21 PM (#1508591) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: Gypsy Speak for yerself, speak for yerself. FIRST, we get rid of Ah-nold! |
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23 Jun 05 - 11:47 PM (#1508604) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: LilyFestre Ya'll need to read the book SCRAMBLED STATES. IT's a kids book about the states getting restless always being in the same place so they decided to have a party and everybody switch! Cute idea...lots of lessons will be pulled from the book....... I have a feeling I'm way off base here...but that's where I am . :) Michelle |
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24 Jun 05 - 01:17 AM (#1508628) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: heric kat: I have a friend in Austin, which was a pretty funny little blue blip on the county by county map. After the election, he was hoping an airlift might be arranged by the Pacific states, with, e.g., condoms and Farenheit-911 DVDs and such other items as I forget. |
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24 Jun 05 - 01:47 AM (#1508634) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: sixtieschick Let's secede before some terrorists nuke us. California generates a large portion of the world's economy, something that some baddies will not ignore the potential of wreaking havoc with forever. M. |
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24 Jun 05 - 04:32 AM (#1508681) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: dianavan sixtieschick - You have more to fear from your own Federal government than you do terrorists. You'll probably choke on pollution before a terrorist's nuke falls on you. |
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24 Jun 05 - 06:31 PM (#1509035) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: sixtieschick dianavan: Ouch! I'm coughing into my latte. Depends on what part of the state ya live in as far as pollution is concerned. Maybe we can deep-six the 405 when the revolution comes. |
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24 Jun 05 - 06:49 PM (#1509050) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: Troll Bye. troll |
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24 Jun 05 - 11:20 PM (#1509212) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: GUEST,marks Think it over, Heric, you also get New Jersey! |
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24 Jun 05 - 11:44 PM (#1509227) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: katlaughing Herir, hey! I've got a "blue" friend in Austin, too! |
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24 Jun 05 - 11:57 PM (#1509230) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: beardedbruce http://www.usatoday.com/news/politicselections/vote2004/countymap.htm To help out those in Austin, we should do it on a county-by-county basis. |
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25 Jun 05 - 12:04 AM (#1509233) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: beardedbruce in case you did not notice... Square miles of counties won Bush 2.54 million Kerry 592,000 |
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25 Jun 05 - 01:16 AM (#1509251) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: Desert Dancer Oh, Bush won the empty states (since the number of votes was otherwise close)? |
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25 Jun 05 - 01:37 AM (#1509258) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: GUEST Split California at the Orange County Line - and give it ALL back to Mexico....see if Mexico can do better at creating wealth.
Now, let the Nuevo-Norte-Californias annex Oregon, and see if they can live with the SanFrancisco queers.
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25 Jun 05 - 02:36 PM (#1509613) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: DougR What a deal! Sounds good to me. DougR |
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25 Jun 05 - 06:03 PM (#1509720) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: Richard Bridge Er - "America's quality wines" ??? |
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26 Jun 05 - 06:00 AM (#1510079) Subject: RE: BS: New California From: Ron Davies Airlift sounds like the right approach to me--or do you think you can teach the intellectual giants who voted for Bush? |