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11 Nov 05 - 12:52 AM (#1602045) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,sudz Im married past 20 yrs with three kids but i dont think i have found my real soulmate and i find myself thinkin about this question all the time.im male and 40ish. |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:04 AM (#1602053) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST Yeah....about 7 times over the past 30 years.....parting has not always been pleasant when the Past met the Current. |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:22 AM (#1602058) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,sad but secreative Yeah, I have always wondered, I am happily married this last thirty three years this xmas and in the last fifteen of those contented years I thought at least two or three times each year I had found her! but it was only LUST not love! I am still searching . . . shushhh! don't tell the wife, she's two hundred and thirty pounds to my one hundred and twenty six. SAD |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:28 AM (#1602061) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Metchosin Maybe you'll be happy if you can find a soul mate who'll kick sand in your face. |
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11 Nov 05 - 02:32 AM (#1602080) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Ebbie GUEST,sad but secreative (sic)- You're sad all right. Has it occurred to you that just possibly if you worked at your marriage she wouldn't be that overweight? Frankly, I think that when a husband cheats (i.e. keeps on 'looking'), he has made the decision to leave the marriage and someone - why not you?- needs to tell the wife. You'll both be happier. IMO I knew a man once who lived with a woman who was in love with him even though he was in love with someone else - who wouldn't live with him. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:19 AM (#1602118) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST Married my female one, she was the second, 22 years ago. My male one was Rick Fielding. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:26 AM (#1602123) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Paul Burke I suspect some of these Guests are regulars who don't want to compromise their partners. It's possible that you might need more than one person to satisfy all the various human requirements, and that it's unreasonable to expect to find it in one person. If you have done, it's good luck. I'm NOT saying that you need sexual relations with the various others, though again not ruling that out. If you're open and honest either way, perhaps you can make it work. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:52 AM (#1602131) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: MuddleC Judging by the 'guest' factor , perhaps the question should be : - has anyone found their soulmate too late , as the apple of their eye were already in a committed relationship with someone else or otherwise unavailable? |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:54 AM (#1602132) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST I really found my soulmate but I was too young to know. |
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11 Nov 05 - 06:00 AM (#1602161) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: MuddleC then you still have that precious thing... time.. go rectify your mistake |
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11 Nov 05 - 07:27 AM (#1602195) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: LilyFestre Hey Sad But Secretive, To answer the question to the title of this thread...YES, I have found my soulmate....I am in love with, love, highly respect and like my husband for the man he is, for his heart, for his mind...the rest is just icing my friend!!!!!!!!! Now I have a question for you...since when does weight have a thing to do with matching souls? The body is going to change over the years...if you fall in love with the body only, you are NEVER going to be happy....we all gain or lose weight, get wrinkles, some lose hair, others find it growing out of odd places, eyesight fails, hearing fades, the ability to move freely changes. Are you confusing physical attraction with something else? Michelle |
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11 Nov 05 - 07:32 AM (#1602199) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: AllisonA(Animaterra) I did. He died. |
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11 Nov 05 - 07:42 AM (#1602204) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,Get Over Yourself Hey Man! Are you saying that your woman is no l onger your soulmate because she is bigger than you? If your woman was half as superficial as you are she'd dump your scrawny ass for a man of some real size. One hundred and twenty six pounds? Who wants skin and bones on top of them and face it pal-you have been married for over thirty years-that makes you OLD-YOU are no longer the king stud muffin. Take a good hard look at your mid life crisis and what you are about to lose. If that doesn't phase you, tell the wife and get the fuck out so she can have a life with someone who loves her the way she DESERVES to be loved. *mumbling* stupid scrawny sonofabtich what comes around goes around-nasty skinny bony old man GET OVER YOURSELF |
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11 Nov 05 - 07:54 AM (#1602215) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Bobert I understand "mate" and have some understanding of "soul" but, seriously, what exactly is a "soulmate"??? Bobert |
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11 Nov 05 - 08:13 AM (#1602226) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,saddo saviour why dont you just save up and pay for a prostitute once a month..!!!??!!.. ..while you're at it.. why not also treat the wife to an occassional hired young stud.. !!!!! |
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11 Nov 05 - 08:17 AM (#1602233) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Bobert I understand "mate" and have some understanding of "soul" but, seriously, what exactly is a "soulmate"??? Bobert |
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11 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM (#1602234) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Bobert Opps! Too much coffee.... |
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11 Nov 05 - 08:32 AM (#1602248) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST been 99% faithful to the wife for last 20 years.. less than i can count on fingers of one hand drunk one night stands with women who offered it on a plate but would not compare positively to the mrs if i'd been sober.. .. dont know what the wifes been up to all these years.. .. but women are better liars anyway.. btw.. i'm late 40's.. live a healthy near 'straight edge' lifestyle and train regularly down the gym.. where i'm one of the fitter stronger guys for any age group training there.. honestly, it would not be a problem to hit on and score with any of a number of desirable young women at the fitness centre who like the look of me.. but i cant be bothered.. me and the mrs are a good team.. and theres no sense in undermining our security and relative happiness for a futile messy fling with a potentially emotionally insecure and over-demanding younger trophy babe.. errr.. like my bands singer who is now going through stressful divorce and finacial ruin.. and is an abject slave to the irrational whims of his girlfriend half his age.. silly hopless bastard !!! |
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11 Nov 05 - 08:32 AM (#1602251) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Mr Red well I found one - eyes across a crowded room the minute I walked through the door. So what happened? Place and appendages were not soulmates. Left her there. Still qualifies. |
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11 Nov 05 - 08:45 AM (#1602261) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: number 6 Bobert ... "have some understanding of "soul" ... as in James Brown !! Oooops, way too much coffee. Seriously, I found mine a liftime ago, we've been together since. sIx |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:36 AM (#1602295) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,Get Over Yourself 126 pounds and he thinks he is fit...HA!!!!! I honestly don't know any women who find a *man* with the body of a 12 year old boy attractive, inside or out. I wish I knew who you were. I'd tell your wife for sure. She deserves to be HAPPY with someone she can TRUST and that is NOT you. You are a cheat and a liar and worth less than worm shit. I hope those warm wet spots were worth all the years of what you have to tell yourself to sleep at night. GET OVER YOURSELF and have a fucking sandwich while you're at it you OLD sweaty nasty bony-ass two faced lying cheat!!!!! |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:41 AM (#1602300) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Amos It bears mentioning, maybe, that soul-mate-hood is a created condition by the participants thereto, not some Cosmic Brass Ring. If you haven't found it, you aren't generating it. It is kinda silly to place responsibility for your own happiness on some mystic chain of categories in the universe; you get the categories you make for yourself. A |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:44 AM (#1602304) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,Get Over Yourself Hark, I hear the voice of a real man!!!! Well said Amos!!!! |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:58 AM (#1602317) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: kendall I believe that there is more than one soul mate for each of us.However, that doesn't mean that we are perfect for each other in a physical relationship.Conversly, a perfect physical relationship is seldom, if ever, a good soul relationship. Remember this story? A man searched all over the world for the perfect woman. He finally found her, but it didn't work out, why? Because she was looking for the perfect man. I blame fairy tales for those "happy ever after" tales that were drilled into our heads as children. |
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11 Nov 05 - 10:48 AM (#1602337) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Dave Hanson I thought I'd found my soulmate, we were together for 17 years, then she left me 4 years ago, [ still don't know why ] my new soulmate comes out of a bottle and will never let me down. eric |
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11 Nov 05 - 10:51 AM (#1602341) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,older and still no wiser........ Found.........and lost (sigh) |
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11 Nov 05 - 10:59 AM (#1602344) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Big Al Whittle I don't think I've got a soul still what you've never had etc. consequently the soulmate doesn't apply. feel quite glad I haven't got one, after the testimony of some of these guys. |
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11 Nov 05 - 11:05 AM (#1602347) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Yes. If you don't know what a soul mate is, I'm not sure that I can explain it to you. Jerry |
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11 Nov 05 - 11:06 AM (#1602349) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Paco Rabanne 230 pounds!!! That's TWO wives not one! |
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11 Nov 05 - 11:16 AM (#1602361) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Wesley S I don't believe in the concept of a "one and only" soulmate that is out there waiting for you. There are dozens of potential soulmates that you could be happy with. If you are willing to do some of the work too. To find a soulmate you have to BE a soulmate. It's been said before but don't expect an outside source to "fix" you and make you happy. You have to do it yourself. Then when you are happy in your own skin the members of the opposite sex { at least the healthy ones } will suddenly find you more interesting and attractive. At least that was my experience. And we just celibrated our ninth wedding anniversary last week. |
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11 Nov 05 - 11:23 AM (#1602370) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Paul Burke I've got three souls- one on each foot and my are. I think everybody will accept that "soul" here is metaphorical. We are all looking for happiness- some believe that happiness will not be achieved in this life, and become saints or sour. Others try, give up, and divert their energies into forgetting their failure- and sometimes do great things because of that. Our society is conventionally monogamous, so people hope that their one partner will supply all the makings of their happiness, and some even try to give happiness back in return. But I think that, unless your "soul" is peculiarly uncomplex, one person is unlikely to do that. Hence the dissatisfaction that many people feel when their relationship, despite many years of adjustment, fails to fulfill them. The answer, as I said, is to recognise the complexity, and act accordingly. But do it honestly, or all you'll get is divorce or worse and the whole family unhappy instead of just you. |
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11 Nov 05 - 11:24 AM (#1602372) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,Cyclically cynical Call it age, experience or whatever but sometimes I'd just settle for someone kind, thoughtful, considerate and moderately interesting in bed. Guess that rules most men out |
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11 Nov 05 - 11:42 AM (#1602382) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk I'm not quite sure if I believe in the traditional concept of soulmates. I definitely believe in the soul, but I think the idea of soulmates derives from the exaggerated romantic notions that arose in Europe in the Middle Ages, during what is termed "the age of chivalry". That kind of idealized romance is a concept specifically European in origin, and I think it's unrealistic. It has caused people a lot of grief and disappointment. I don't believe that I have ever met my soulmate, though there have been a few times when I thought maybe I had met her for awhile, because I was caught up in the romantic expectations that I had inherited from books, stories, movies, and all the romantic stuff that one is programmed with in this culture. The individuals I had fixed my attention on in this way usually didn't think I was their soulmate! ;-) But once or twice perhaps they did, and that led to even more trouble... Ah, yes, we live and learn, as we struggle to deal with our romantic expectations. We are brought up in a culture where hundreds of books and movies say to you, "This is it. This is the whole crux of life. One day you are going to meet HER or HIM...that one special person who is destined for you...and then everything is going to be wonderful! Everyone else does it, and you've gotta do it too or you're just losing out. So get out there and find Mr or Ms Right, and do it NOW. You don't wanna be a loser, do you?" Ha! Talk about leading people down the garden path and setting them up for major disappointments. ;-) Now the thing is, yes, you can form wonderful relationships and wonderful romantic relationships too...if you have done what Amos suggests and done some good work to develop your own personal strengths and character. For sure. This can apply to forming good friendships, good family connections, good marriages, good working partnerships, etc. The question is, are you happy, confident, and at peace inside yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you have good will toward others and toward life? Are you generous and kind? Are you self-disciplined and productive? If the answer to most of those is "yes", then you are in a good position to have an excellent marriage with someone, regardless of whether or not he or she is your "soulmate". Will it really matter then? Everything here is temporary. It has its time and then it's gone. Even you, as a physical being, are temporary. But I think your soul is eternal. I doubt that an eternal soul decides to find one other specific soul as its official soulmate, and then incarnates again and again and marries that same person over and over again! Relationships are learning and growth opportunities, not a final end in themselves. ;-) But for those of you who think that this one life right here and now is all you've got and ever will have...well, I can understand why you're concerned about finding your soulmate. I don't see it that way. But don't think I haven't been tempted to... For those who have found someone whom they feel is their soulmate, blessings upon you in your happiness together! I'm sure you earned it. I figure my soulmate is more likely this: my own true inner Self, after all the outer layers of illusion and fear have fallen away. That is the One who will never leave me, and who suits me perfectly, because that IS me. |
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11 Nov 05 - 11:49 AM (#1602388) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Bill D *tsk*...I suppose that, there being SO many people, if one looked long enough, and had very good luck, they could always run across someone who was slightly 'better' for them than the one before...but that means you could spend your entire life searching. ....and at the end, you might find #3 was better than #s 4-87! If you are really asking this question, it means you are not yet happy with who you have met and/or married, and you need to ask yourself whether YOU are ½ the problem? It's possible you simply made a mistake in choosing each other, but unless the mistake was VERY serious, you need to quit fretting about it and make it work as best you can! A very great deal of success in relationships is deciding to improve what you have, not in finding some wispy idea of perfection. |
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11 Nov 05 - 12:38 PM (#1602427) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Consider me peculiarly uncomplex. :-) Hey, LH: Budhhism pretty much discounts "romance" as a realistic ingredient in a soulful relationship. A soulful relatioship is not a dozen roses, or dinner by candlelight with Montavani playing softly in the background. A soul connection is much deeper than that, and while there are times when love can be extremely romantic, it is just as strong when you're taking out the garbage. I think Buddhism has it right... people who are seeking "romance" are doomed to serial relationships for the rest of their lives, just as people who are seeking the greatest sex are. Both roads are dead ends. A soul-full relationship can survive the dry times and still be strengthened. Someone asked me yesterday if I was still looking at single women. I told him that there is no "upgrade" over my wife. Jerry |
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11 Nov 05 - 12:46 PM (#1602441) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: kendall Guest Cynical...you will never fing a diamond if you are poking around in a pig pen. |
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11 Nov 05 - 12:57 PM (#1602454) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: CarolC Whether or not there really is something one can call a "soulmate", I have found that there is nothing better than having the right "lifemate and partner". |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:03 PM (#1602461) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,get me outta here well, there's another poor sap heading for the chopping block, he hasn't realised that the women are only in for the head games. see http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=86018 'looking for female friend' |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:06 PM (#1602465) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk You sound like a very sensible man to me, Jerry. |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:10 PM (#1602467) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST Call it age, experience or whatever but sometimes I'd just settle for someone kind, thoughtful, considerate and moderately interesting in bed. Guess that rules most men out Then go find a woman and stop bitching. |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:27 PM (#1602479) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Clinton Hammond I found mine... and I married her last October... |
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11 Nov 05 - 01:35 PM (#1602484) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Wesley S "he hasn't realised that the women are only in for the head games" In my experience people see in others what is reflected from their own character. It's very difficult to see what was OUR part in the failure of past relationships. But it's pretty darned easy to see what the other person did wrong. We however - are innocent. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:30 PM (#1602597) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Ebbie Little Hawk said what I was going to say - and said it better. I would add that perhaps a soulmate is one you have encountered in one relationship after another, sometimes your mate, sometimes your friend, sometimes your son or your mother... and that you will continue to recognize and love. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:44 PM (#1602605) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk Now there's an interesting notion! I think that definitely happens. We meet the individuals who are most important to us again and again, but usually in quite a variety of relationships. The outer forms change, but the inner connection remains strong. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:47 PM (#1602607) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peace I dislike the term, soulmate. Sounds contrived, etc. IMO. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:53 PM (#1602616) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Ebbie I agree, Peace. And yet we all know the feeling. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:54 PM (#1602617) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peace It's called love. |
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11 Nov 05 - 04:57 PM (#1602623) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Clinton Hammond There are many many different kinds, different levels of love... |
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11 Nov 05 - 05:43 PM (#1602649) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Joybell Yes but it was blind luck. |
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11 Nov 05 - 06:39 PM (#1602674) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk Nothing is blind luck. It just looks that way. |
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11 Nov 05 - 06:43 PM (#1602678) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen They are only words, Peace, and often inadequate to the task. The most unspecific word in the English language is love. Don't ya just love pizza? I've loved many people in my life, each differently. Jerry |
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11 Nov 05 - 06:45 PM (#1602681) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Deckman Yes, I have! Thanks for asking! Bob(deckman)Nelson |
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11 Nov 05 - 06:50 PM (#1602684) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: number 6 Soulmates (call it what you may) .... funny, the ones who found it, are the ones to less question it. sIx |
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11 Nov 05 - 07:09 PM (#1602701) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: bobad " Someone asked me yesterday if I was still looking at single women. I told him that there is no "upgrade" over my wife." Jerry Just because you're on a diet does'nt mean you can't look at the menu. |
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11 Nov 05 - 07:50 PM (#1602730) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Bobert Well, this has indeed beeen a most interestin' thread and that's kind of why I asked for a defination of "soul-mate"... Yeah, I've heard so many folk use the term over the years only to find them divorced a couple years later... Ahhhh, the term "mate" works better fir me becuase it implies ones partner where as soulmate, ahhhhh, some mythical partner, like Bill said that might be out there but the chances of hookin' up are remote... Now I have somewhat fortunate in my life with partners. My first wife, who taught karate, gave me a great son and then ran off with her sansai... Teh I got lucky in meeting Judy...Yeah, we said things like we're soulmates and folks would see us together and say things like, "you two are soulmates"... Well we were purdy darned good mates until cancer took her in 1996... A year later, I was blessed in meeting the P-Vine... Yeah folks said we were soulmates but whether or not we were or weren't we have been very good mates... Lastly, when I think of a soul-mate, only Jesus Christ comes into my thoughts... He is my soul-mate... Now, I didn't want to say this earlier becuase I thought it might mess with the thread but now the thread is well established... But, yeah, I'm happy with Jesu as my soul mate and equally happy havin' the P-Vine as my mate... Bobert |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:08 PM (#1602766) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Forty years of support and comfort, constant caring and sharing, culminating in a state of near telepathy.........Emphatically YES!!! Mine has the usual battle scars and wear marks of a long, full lifetime, but when I look at her I see the girl I fell in love with all those happy years ago. Get wise to yourself. You would be devastated if she made the kind of remarks about you that you feel justified in applying to her. Be thankful for what you have. You don't know how long it will continue. Don T. |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:26 PM (#1602782) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Trying to explain what a soul mate (or someone you feel really connected to on a deep level.. pick you own words)is is an impossible task. I know what doesn't necessarily make a soul mate. My first wife had more shared interests with me than any person I have ever met in my life. She scored a ten on the Shared Interest scale. We both professed a strong faith, which should have been the bond that might have held us together. It didn't work. There are many other things that come into play.. maturity, neediness, GENEROSITY OF SPIRT (sorry about that... I felt the need to emphasize that,) the ability to forgive and the ability to compromise. A true soulmate allows you to be fearless in presenting yourself as you are. (Maybe Mr. Rogers is the ultimate soulmate?) I think that in order to BE a soulmate, you have to have humility. That means that you have to be comfortable with who you are, first. You have to accept yourself and love yourself without apology or excuses. If you can't do that, no sense searching for a soul mate. You ain't prepared for one yet. Jerry |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:34 PM (#1602790) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk Three great posts in a row! Wow. Darned good thread. Bobert, ol' buddy, you is on the right track. Jesu is your own best self (and everybody's), that's the way I see it. "Generosity and humility"? Yes indeed. I wonder how many people are actually ready to meet their soulmate? (if there is one) I'm not at all sure that I am. I'm still working on better developing some of those inner virtues Jerry so eloquently alludes to. |
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11 Nov 05 - 09:40 PM (#1602794) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Azizi Thank you Jerry for your comments. I'm not sure if it is appropriate to do so, but I'm going to take the liberty to re-post a comment that you made on an earlier Mudcat thread since I consider those comment to be pertinent to this discussion: Subject: RE: BS: What Love Really Is From: Jerry Rasmussen - PM Date: 05 Aug 05 - 07:24 AM That's a beautiful story. If you want to know whether it's love or just infatuation or romance, fast forward a couple of years when the couple has struggled through the reality of living love on a daily basis, with all of it's disappointments and demands. Real love is a commitment to another person that requires giving when you feel like taking, forgiving when you feel like getting even, being patient when you are sick of waiting, trying to understand someone when they do something that makes no sense to you.... love requires humility, generosity, sacrifice and hard work. Romance comes easy. Most divorces began with what we call love. But, if you give yourself to it completely, the blessings are beyond anything you could imagine. Still learning... Jerry -snip- And so am I. |
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11 Nov 05 - 10:29 PM (#1602828) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: jimmyt yes. I married her November 15, 1969 and we were in love and best friends then. She is 5 feet away from me right now, we are still in love and still best friends. I know she could have done better but I am sure I could not have. |
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11 Nov 05 - 10:51 PM (#1602844) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Azizi jimmyt, Happy Annivesary to you and your wife! Perhaps you and everyone else who is with their love one knows how blessed they are. |
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12 Nov 05 - 08:05 AM (#1602976) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peter T. The remarks on Buddhism somewhat up above are absurd. Romance and being clear-eyed about the world and others are not incompatible, in fact (as has been said elsewhere in this thread) real love is wise and compassionate about the mutual imperfections we all carry about with us. yours, Peter T. |
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12 Nov 05 - 08:22 AM (#1602985) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: kendall I hunted for many years for the perfect guitar (for me). I found it about 13 years ago. At that point and for years after, I was sure there was no soul mate for me, but guess what...suddenly, there in my path of least resistance, was an English rose, and the rest is history. |
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12 Nov 05 - 08:22 AM (#1602986) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen The remark abour romance and Buddhism is from a book by the Dalai Lama, The Art Of Happiness. "Without hesitation, the Dalai Lama said, "I think that, leaving aside how the endless pursuit of romantic love may affect our deeper spiritual growth, even from the perspective of a conventional way of life, the iddealization of this romantic love can be seen as an extreme. Unlike those relationships based on caring and genuine affection, this is another matter. It's something that is based on fantasy, unattainable, and therefore may be a source of frustration. So, on that basis it cannot be seen as a positive thing." You can look it up, as Casey Stengel used to say. (Casey DID believe in romantic love, or he never would have managed the Mets.) Jerry |
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12 Nov 05 - 11:50 AM (#1603076) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Don(Wyziwyg)T If you can see past the small faults and blemishes that affect all of us as we pass through life, to the person within, you will inevitably become aware that nothing of import has changed. If you cannot imagine the possibility of life continuing in that person's absence. If you are driven to tell that person at least once every day how fortunate you are to know her/him. Then you have found your soulmate. I have, and all,s right with the world no matter the trials and struggles of daily life. Don T. |
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12 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM (#1603080) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST If you have found your soulmate, why do you spend so much time on this website? |
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12 Nov 05 - 12:21 PM (#1603096) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk It's fun, that's why. |
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12 Nov 05 - 12:30 PM (#1603101) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Soulmates are not all-consuming, Guest. They are still indiviual and separate. Jerry |
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12 Nov 05 - 12:39 PM (#1603107) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Cllr yes I have Champagne Carol love you Cllr |
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12 Nov 05 - 02:35 PM (#1603156) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: number 6 "Soulmates are not all-consuming, Guest. They are still indiviual and separate." Exactly Jerry .... my soulmate (of 33+ years) and I are completely different in many ways (background, religion, philosophy, music ... ) ... the one thing we have in common is our respect, appreciation, for our individuality and are secure and comfort in our differences. sIx |
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12 Nov 05 - 05:07 PM (#1603225) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peter T. The two statements you made were: "Budhhism pretty much discounts "romance" as a realistic ingredient in a soulful relationship" and that "people who are seeking "romance" are doomed to serial relationships for the rest of their lives". The Dalai Lama hardly says either of those things in the quote (if it is an accurate quote, since there is a misspelling in it). He is speaking about the "idealization" and "the endless pursuit" of an ideal romance fantasy to the exclusion of caring. yours, Peter T. |
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12 Nov 05 - 05:47 PM (#1603249) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen From page 11 of the same book: "It seems clear that as a source of happiness, romance leaves a lot to be desired. And perhaps the Dalai Lama was not far off the mark in rejecting the notion of romance as a basis for a relationship and in describing romance as merely "a fantasy, something unattainable," something not worthy of our efforts." A typo-free quote. I have the highest regard for buddhism, by the way. I read the book quoted because one of my sons has become seriously interested in Buddhism, and I wanted to share some of his search with him. Jerry |
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12 Nov 05 - 06:27 PM (#1603277) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: hesperis bobad said "Just because you're on a diet does'nt mean you can't look at the menu." Sometimes you're so full that just the thought of more food makes you nauseated, and you don't want to throw up what you just had because it was really good. Maybe marriage isn't the romantic/sexual equivalent of a diet. That said, my husband isn't my soul mate in the usual sense of the term. He is however, a damn fine complementary force in my life, and I hope he'll be around for all my life. |
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12 Nov 05 - 07:07 PM (#1603304) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: suzi Soulmate....As a believer.... needs no working at! just goes without saying... My soulmate and I were a couple for almost seven years.. him being in the life of my children from them being two years old until they were seven, and he is still my soulmate, even though we have both moved on, and now he has a wonderful new partner, who is as much as part of my and my childrens lives as he is. I am so happy that he has found her because they have something ...we just quite not didnt. I trully hope they make it.. as I am sure they deserve. After all Life is for living....and who the hell are we to say otherwise..... |
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13 Nov 05 - 06:11 AM (#1603633) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peter T. I hate to go on about this, but you don't say who the new quote is from, it too is not the Dalai Lama. The statement you earlier quoted speaks of the idealization of romantic love and the endless pursuit of romantic love, which are what is referred to as "it" in the last sentence. That is what the Dalai Lama seems to be opposed to, not romantic love per se. Buddhists are against obsessive fantasies of all kinds, from paranoia to sexual obsession to spiritual fantasies, they need to be seen as what they are, attempts to find a false stability outside oneself or in some vast inflation of the ego. Clear-eyed understanding of the other person who is cherished for themselves is not opposed to romantic love, in the Buddhist tradition (well, at least at the lay level, lay in the sense of layman (joke)). yours, Peter T. |
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13 Nov 05 - 07:01 AM (#1603643) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Let me put it another way. To the best of my understanding (not being greatly knowledgeable about Buddhism) the Dalai Lama teaches that the most lasting qualities of a loving relationship are affection, compassion and mutual respect. moreso than sexual attraction or romantic fantasies. I agree with that 100%. Jerry |
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13 Nov 05 - 07:34 AM (#1603657) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Right to the heart of it as always Jerry. Spot on. Don T. |
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13 Nov 05 - 08:01 AM (#1603666) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: *daylia* If I'm recalling correctly, the psychiatrist who wrote "The Art of Happiness" with the Dalai Lama says that any close relationship goes through repeating cycles of "Hold me close; put me down; leave me alone". This parallels the first love relationship in everyone's life - the love of the infant for the parent. I can really relate to this, not with one particular relationship but with "romantic" relationships in general. I've done the "hold me close" thing a few times already. (Got the kids to prove it! ;-) But "hold me close" was always followed in disappointingly short order with a traumatic "put me DOWN!" period, no matter how hard I tried or how much I wished otherwise. And over the last several years I've structured my life around the "leave me alone" phase. Might not last forever, but if it does, that's fine too. Honestly, I'm happier and more self-determined than I've ever been in my life right now! And in so doing, I've discovered the most satisfying, wonderful, growth-promoting love relationship of all too - and this has nothing to do with another human being! THe Dalai Lama says that in the WEst, people think the "put me down" and "leave me alone" phases of relationship are the end of the world, often terminating the relationship at that point. If they understood these periods as the natural "developmental phases" that they are instead, it would not be so devastating or frightening. "Put me down" and "leave me alone" phases give each person in the relationship more breathing space - a chance for self-development and discovery, including discovering the all the "non-romantic" value and benefits of relationship. If these phases are patiently "endured" instead of turned into grounds for divorce, they offer the chance to cycle back into another "hold me close" phase much wiser, more mature, appreciative and self-aware. Only wish I'd understood this YEARS ago! daylia |
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13 Nov 05 - 08:19 AM (#1603675) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: *daylia* PS My parents just celebrated their Golden Anniversary (50, count'em 50 flippin years no less!!) a couple weeks ago. Both over 70 now, they inspire true AWE, for me anyway. All my life I've witnessed those periodic "hold me close" phases, and the difficult "put me DOWN" periods, even a couple very painful stretches of (quite literal and very physical) "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" BUt they hung in there, always remained faithful to one another even during those periods when they lived apart for a year or two. *sniff sniff sniff* they are truly a beacon for us all to follow, imo .... and I am so grateful for their enduring love and for their example. BUt I doubt either of them considers the other any kind of "soul-mate". IN fact, I can just hear 'em chortling at the words right now! daylia |
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13 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM (#1603809) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST |
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13 Nov 05 - 01:49 PM (#1603861) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Wise words from the Daylia Mommy. Blame it on Art Thieme. Jerry |
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13 Nov 05 - 02:00 PM (#1603869) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk Good stuff, Daylia. I also think the Dalai Lama is right on the mark. |
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13 Nov 05 - 02:23 PM (#1603887) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River I have flippin' found mine. Officer Jennifer Dana of the O.P.P. is my soulmate. This is fer life, folks. I have, like, found love and I ain't turnin' back. I never thought I would, like, fall for a cop, but Jennifer is no ordinary cop, eh? She, like, tooken a special interest in me from, like, day 1 and watched over me to, like, guide me on the strait and arrow path so's I wouldn't like end up like my bolthole of a brother and all the other idiots that useta be my friends cos all those flipheads know what to do is drink, steal, tell lies, and chase skirt. They are a flippin' case of a life that got wasted, eh? If it was not for Jennifer I would be just like them, but I have been saved, eh? I don't mean that reeligious stuff either. Jennifer ain't no bible thumper. But I am learnin' how to do things I didn't never think was possible...like...gettin' up before 10 AM fer example, and takin' out the trash. Stuff like that. I am down to only 2 beer a night! I knkow that is hard to belief, but it's true, eh? Why would I do this? Fipped if I know! It must be love, eh? It couldn't be nothin' else. Love is, like, powerful stuff, man! - Shane |
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13 Nov 05 - 02:44 PM (#1603904) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: hesperis Wow, Shane, that's great! Now all you need to do is learn English! |
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13 Nov 05 - 02:56 PM (#1603915) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River What the flip are you talkin' about? I SPEAK English! I am not no frog either. - Shane |
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13 Nov 05 - 04:20 PM (#1603982) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peter T. As Kahlil Gibran used to say, let there be spaces in your togetherness. It should be said that Buddhist monks were often taught to meditate on the disgusting aspects of the female form, including the pus and crap filled bag of innards, skull, bones, and other revoltingnesses. It is not recorded whether this ever worked (many of the monks I ever spent monastery time with were incredibly randy alcoholics, but there you go). yours, Peter T. |
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13 Nov 05 - 04:23 PM (#1603985) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Little Hawk That's a viewpoint I've heard, but never been much moved by, Peter. ;-) |
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13 Nov 05 - 04:54 PM (#1604006) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peace I was reading on the Pampered thread that some folks think their soulmate is an electronic device. Sad state. The notion that other cultures have found the secret (and in some sort of ipso facto we haven't) is a mistaken one, I think. I have encountered a few so-called soulmates in this life, both men and women. Interesting that so much of the talk addresses the opposite sex when what's being discussed is an intangible aspect of the human condition, one we posit is there yet we can't touch or see: the soul. The above paragraph is not meant to argue with anyone's POV; rather, it is to clarify a statement I made a few days back on this thread. I am a lateral/scattered thinker who interprets things literally yet personifies/metaphorizes in order to explain. SO, I guess it is just the terminology that gets me as opposed to the idea. |
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13 Nov 05 - 05:06 PM (#1604015) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Hey, Peace: In the context of this thread, and in common over-useage, the term "soulmate refers to a member of the opposite sex. There is indeed an equally difficult to describe connection that is made from one "soul" to another that is not male/female defined. I think of a couple of instances in recent years where I have experienced an immediate connection with another man that we both recognized. Too bad everyone has to always think in sexual terms. When I met Joe, the bass singer in my group, and eventual Best Man at our wedding, we both realized almost immediately that there was a special connection between us that defies description. The closest that I can come to it is imagining what happened when John the Baptist, still in his Mother's womb, was described as moving because he sensed the presence of Jesus in Mary's womb. Setting aside for a moment whether that is believable, it describes the immediate closeness and connection that two people can feel for each other upon meeting for the first time. Would I had words to adequately describe it. Jerry |
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13 Nov 05 - 05:15 PM (#1604021) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peace I knew you would understand, Jerry. You are one of the people I'm talking about. Hey, I just figured out that I was first in NYC in 1964. Were you still there then? Because--here we go again--I am positive we met. |
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13 Nov 05 - 05:29 PM (#1604032) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Azizi People may feel a positive kinship with another person-regardless of their gender-because they have similar interests and they are on the same wavelength or compatable wavelengths in their approach to the world. Then again, for those people who accept reincarnation [like I do] two people may quickly grow close to each other because [though they don't consciously recall it] their souls remember that they had close, positive relationships with each other in past lives. |
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13 Nov 05 - 07:29 PM (#1604123) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Hey, Peace: I left New York City and came to Connecticut in July of 1964. If you were in the Village before then, it is possible that we met. I also went down occasionally after that, as I only lived a 45 minute train ride away. If I had met you I woulda knowed, because you was on the cover of a record album and was famous. I was a non-entity in a city of 8 million. Perhaps you are mistaken. Maybe it was Claire Voyant you met. I was recounting a crazy experience I had one night in New York City, to my friends Joe and Frankie... maybe worth repeating, as it has everything to do with that indefineable "connection" that occurs every once in awhile. I was playing at a Hoot at the Gaslight Cafe one evening, and after I did a couple of songs and went to sit down, someone came over and introduced themselves as Luke Faust. He really liked my music and wanted to get together some time to play together. I gave him my phone muber and a few days later got a phone call from him. A friend of his had a studio and was going to be recording Brownie McGhee and Sonny Terry that night and invited Luke. Luke asked if it was alright if I came along. I was very excited about it, and found my way down to a warehouse district that night, and walked up a couple flights of stairs and knocked on the door. Luke was there, and the guy who owned the "studio," but Brownie and Sonny had run into a problem and couldn't make it. So, the guy said that as long as he had the recording equipment set up, he'd record me and Luke. I had never even heard Luke play, and he'd heard me do a couple of songs, but there was home-made beer to loosen us up, and we sat down in front of the mikes. I pretty much knew the Anthology Of American Folk Music by heart and as it turned out, so did Luke. So, I'd ask him if he knew Fatal Flower Garden, or Peg and Awl, one of us would run through a line or two and then we'd be off and running. I never heard the tapes and after a couple of beers the night went slightly out of focus, but we must have played for two or three hours, quickly moving on to songs that just one of us knew, but the other could intuitively jump in to. It was unlike any expeerience I've ever had. It was like a second line of my music was coming out of Luke's voice and instruments, and a counterpoint of Luke's was coming out of mine. Later, I met someone who had heard the tapes and thought they were very good. They couldn't believe that we had never played together before. It was more under-standable for Luke because he was a certified genius. I was more of a three chord Carter Family clunker and had never played music with another musician before. It was exhilarating, and very bizarre, at the same time. Whether it's being a "soulmate" who you love immediately without ever "falling," or a rare person where you know that there is no need for subterfuge, or apology the moment you meet them, there is a comfort and familiarity that doesn't exist in many people you've known for your whole life. Maybe it's the recognition that there is no need to spend a minute trying to impress someone, or make them like you. It just is. You are one of those people, Peace. It's a small handful in a lifetime, so each friendship is to be cherished. It comes ready-made. Jerry Voyant... Claire's brother |
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14 Nov 05 - 04:07 AM (#1604356) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Paco Rabanne Yes. |
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14 Nov 05 - 08:30 AM (#1604522) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: kendall Right on Azizi |
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14 Nov 05 - 09:07 AM (#1604543) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: number 6 I definately agree with you on that Azizi !! sIx |
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14 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM (#1604558) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peter T. Absolutely, Jerry. It can be a real problem if you have a soulmate relationship with someone of the opposite sex and it has nothing (well, overtly) to do with sex. Sort of like the discovery of a brother or sister. Their other partners (if any) need to be very understanding! yours, Peter T. |
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14 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM (#1604559) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: MarkS Ohmygawdyes. Found her in 1967 Lost her in 1969 Found her again in 2002 Married her in 2005 Life is grand. |
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14 Nov 05 - 11:44 AM (#1604680) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: LilyFestre Hey Jerry, I really like what you and Brucie had to say about this. I am quite in agreement. My best girlfriend and I met in a stairwell on Halloween. She was dressed as a vampy vampire and I was in pigtails and dressed as a toddler with what looked like a large bottle (it was, of course, alcohol). I looked at her, held up my bottle and proudly announced that this was the best orgasm I've ever had (drink of course!!!!). We've been great friends ever since. We clicked IMMEDIATELY. We share the same sense of humor and often it doesn't even need any words. We don't share many of the same interests (she doesn't like fiddle music...can you believe THAT?!?!?!? LOL) nor do we share the same points of view on many things but we compliment each other in such a way that we simply love one another silly. She is a soulmate...not the love of my life, but a soulmate, best friend, whatever you want to call it. When I had to take her to the ER recently, they asked what our relationship was. She and I both said, "She's the sister I was supposed to have." :) Michelle |
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14 Nov 05 - 12:18 PM (#1604703) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Jerry Rasmussen Beautiful, Michelle: Brings to mind a verse in a song I wrote about my friend, Luke Fause when he was living in Hoboken and I'd come over from Manhattan: If we had money, we'd stop for a beer Or walk by the water and sit on the pier Sit and we'd talk, 'till there's no more to say But we never needed words, anyway To me, a soulmate: Helps you become the a.)person you were created to be b.)person you were meant to be or c.) Realize your potential Depending on your beliefs, you can pick any of the three statements (or all three.) I believe that every one of us has the seeds of greatness within us. Soul mates water the seeds. Which reminds me of a verse of another song I wrote many years ago: Share the water, plant the seed All who hunger to be freed And all who ask will be released Love is the beginning Jerry |
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14 Nov 05 - 12:24 PM (#1604708) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: GUEST,William Shatner 100! Thank you very much! Keep those fan letters rolling in. |
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14 Nov 05 - 12:32 PM (#1604711) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Peace Very good friend, since passed on: he and I were able to 'read' each other's minds. Same sense of humour (both warped), same sense of outrage concerning social justice issues, same likes and dislike regarding so, so much in life. I 'knew' it the instant he died. We'd been out of touch for a long while and hadn't spoken. I called a few hours later to enquire of some friends 'what was up?'. I didn't like the answer, but I 'knew' it already anyway. Even now, years after, there are times I smile over something from those days and I feel that wherever he is he had a thought for me at that moment. |
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15 Nov 05 - 12:42 PM (#1605626) Subject: RE: BS: has any1 REALLY found their soulmate yet From: Ebbie Just another raisin in the puddin': I think that two people who meet over and over again, and in different incarnations, are not necessarily soulmates but beings meant to help each other learn. People who don't 'believe' in reincarnation may prefer to limit the thought to beings who run into (literally and also perhaps spiritually or emotionally) each other are meant to learn how to resolve differences in one lifetime. |