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04 Dec 05 - 02:35 PM (#1619878) Subject: BS: Culinary Disasters From: wysiwyg Mmm, that risotto WAS really good-- and it turns out I DID get all of the staples out of the two servings I served! (From a staple gun, not a mere desk model) ~Susan |
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04 Dec 05 - 03:49 PM (#1619909) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Peace It's good for a person to be on a staple diet. Or so I've heard. |
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04 Dec 05 - 04:39 PM (#1619925) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: John MacKenzie Was it using your magnetic personality? G |
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04 Dec 05 - 04:44 PM (#1619928) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Georgiansilver I didn't have quite the same success trying to get the salt out of a hotpot when the top came off as I added it! That's life eh? |
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04 Dec 05 - 05:22 PM (#1619956) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: wysiwyg That's exactly it, Georgiansilver-- I'm after posts where one line sums it up and leaves room for the imagination to work. ~Susan |
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04 Dec 05 - 05:27 PM (#1619962) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Rapparee Drain the oil off the canned tuna before you cook with it. |
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04 Dec 05 - 05:34 PM (#1619967) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Peace I think Bob the Deckman should be posting to this thread. |
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04 Dec 05 - 06:18 PM (#1619978) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: jeffp Brown butter is really damn hot!!!!! |
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04 Dec 05 - 06:34 PM (#1619985) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Morticia If you put a peeled potato in, it will absorb some of the extra salt. |
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04 Dec 05 - 06:35 PM (#1619988) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: frogprince Late in 1964, Galley (mess hall) 409, Great Lakes Naval Training Center. The sign over the window where you dropped off your tray said, "Are You Throwing Away Food? Why?". Personally, I thought the pieces of light bulb in the augratin potatoes was a good enough reason... |
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04 Dec 05 - 06:35 PM (#1619989) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: gnomad Making toffee with salt in stead of sugar doesn't work (trust me on this one). Curried spam on the other hand.... |
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04 Dec 05 - 06:43 PM (#1619991) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Micca When heating a tin of beans on a camping stove it is a good idea to pierce the tin!!!! |
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04 Dec 05 - 06:53 PM (#1619996) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: gnomad Oh and shallow-frying fish on an open fire in a thunderstorm, with no lid. Result is only for the brave, and the seriously hungry. Not my own disaster (the others were) but rabbit pate by someone who doesn't know a bulb of garlic from a head, not for the faint-hearted. |
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04 Dec 05 - 06:56 PM (#1620001) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,Fullerton Old fashioned deep frying pans ( chip pans ) So dangerous they should be illegal. My elderly Dad bought one recently - I threw it out before he had a chance to use it. |
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04 Dec 05 - 07:16 PM (#1620013) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: bobad 1970, communal living, 4 or 5 stoners, 3:00 A.M. doing a bakery trip, pies to be specific, one of which (bannana cream if my memory serves me well) doesn't make it from oven to table and ends up on the floor, whereupon said stoners descend upon it with forks drawn. Ah! the good old days. |
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04 Dec 05 - 07:21 PM (#1620018) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Peace Yeah. And any cake made by Sara Lee. Even if it hit the rug. |
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04 Dec 05 - 08:01 PM (#1620052) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: SINSULL A lost bandaide in the Thanksgiving stuffing. Nasty. |
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04 Dec 05 - 08:07 PM (#1620054) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Little Hawk I also had an adventure with the salt shaker at the Chinese restaurant. The top came off and a whole shaker full of salt went straight into my egg drop mushroom soup...along with the shaker top, of course. They saw it happen, and hurriedly brought me another bowl of soup and another salt shaker, which I examined quite carefully this time before using. |
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04 Dec 05 - 08:17 PM (#1620058) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Rapparee The little pile of green frosting on the carrot round that comes with the sashimi is NOT frosting -- it's wasabi, and it's open your sinuses right up if you taste it all by itself. |
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04 Dec 05 - 08:35 PM (#1620067) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: wysiwyg Hahahahahahhhhh! ~S~ |
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04 Dec 05 - 08:38 PM (#1620069) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Peace "wasabi" Hey, isn't that what Tonto called the Lone Ranger? |
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04 Dec 05 - 08:46 PM (#1620077) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Amos "What you mean "we", Green Frosting?" |
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04 Dec 05 - 09:13 PM (#1620091) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Peace The fried eggs didn't turn out so good. |
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04 Dec 05 - 10:21 PM (#1620133) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: jimmyt Check the barley for weavels (even though you just bought the barley today), before serving cock-a-leekie soup to guests...full of bugs. |
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04 Dec 05 - 10:29 PM (#1620138) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,bardford While pumpkin seeds (in the shell, no less) in the supermarket bulk bin may look kinda like blanched almonds , they do have a different taste and texture, and ought not to be substituted for same in baking... |
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04 Dec 05 - 11:04 PM (#1620157) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll I recall the time me and Eddie ate at the Japanese restaurant. Me Eddie 'ad not seen Japanese food before and 'e fought the green wasabi stuff was salad dressin', so 'e up and popped a spoonful of it into 'is mouth! Me Eddie loves salad dressin'. Well! You should've seen it. 'E gives a startled sorta of grunt and 'alf staggers up out of 'is chair! The chair creaks alarmin'ly as Eddie's 'ands fly up to 'is face, and 'e starts turnin' a deep shade of red right to 'is 'airline. 'Is gruntin' changes to a sort of inner groainin' and 'yperventilatin' and the tears is pourin' from 'is eyes, which is buggin' out most 'orrible. "My Gawd! Me 'usband's 'avin' an 'eart attack!" I yells out. Lit'tle Japanese people come runnin' from all sides, wavin' their lit'tle arms around and jabberin'. Me Eddie gasps desperately and staggers around, knockin' over tables and chairs. 'E siezes a full pitcher of ice water and tilts 'is 'ead back and pours it full in 'is face. Poor Eddie did not realize that water makes the wasabi 'orseradish 'otter than ever! As the water 'its the wasabi in 'is mouth, Eddie utters a screamin', 'owlin' sound that freezes the blood of all the people in the restaurant. The Japanese staff shrink back before the terrible spectacle just loik in them Godzilla movies. Eddie yells again like a madman and hurls the water jug across the bar where it crashes into a million bits amongst many bot'tles of Sake and other such 'ard liquor. Pandemonium reigns as Eddie stumbles and lurches about the restaurant in a frenzy, leavin' devastation in 'is wake. 'E 'eads for wot 'e finks is the loo, but instead it's the kitchen! At the entrance, Eddie collides wif a Japanese lad wot is bringin' out several trays of 'ot food, and the 'ole lot of it goes flyin'. It looks like a Peter Sellers scene from the Pink Panther. Eddie, now blinded by the effects of the killer wasabi reels to 'is left and crashes bodily frough the flimsy drywall into the washrooms, panickin' several people 'oo precipitately abandon their various private ablutions and run out to the street. In the washroom Eddie purges 'isself mightily in one of the basins. I've 'eard worse sounds, but I carn't say I remember when. Well, 'e sort of recovers 'imself after a bit, and eventually comes out of the washroom (frough the door this time) and looks around loik a man 'oo 'as emerged from a bombed-out ruin, all disheveled and 'aggard like. "Olive," 'e says, gaspin'. "Olive, we are goin' 'ome. Now." And so we did. Frankly, I fink they was glad to see us go. I 'aven't been back and I ain't 'eard from them either. No news is good news, I figure. I asked the neighbours to tell 'em we 'ad moved to Ireland suddenly and unexpectedly if they ever came round seekin' damages. |
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04 Dec 05 - 11:57 PM (#1620178) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Kaleea That's one of the funniest restaurant stories I've ever heard--er, read! |
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05 Dec 05 - 02:22 AM (#1620204) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: The Fooles Troupe You cannot hard boil eggs in a deep fryer. I'm not making this up, you know... |
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05 Dec 05 - 03:28 AM (#1620212) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Moses One of the few times a little prick comes in handy - when cooking eggs in the microwave |
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05 Dec 05 - 04:25 AM (#1620225) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Hrothgar I have eaten many things that others might regard as culinary disasters. Had to - I cooked 'em, and it was that or go hungry. |
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05 Dec 05 - 05:04 AM (#1620248) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Bunnahabhain Curry made to taste right when in the midst of a cold! I froze half of it, and had some a week later. I coulds taste again a week after that. Duck cassarole, made like chicken cassarole. Duck's rather fattier and stronger tasting. And about a quater of my chocolate creations, which end up far too rich to be eaten without help from 20 people.... |
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05 Dec 05 - 05:14 AM (#1620249) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: John MacKenzie Using icing sugar instead of flour to make a roux for a cheese sauce! Giok |
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05 Dec 05 - 06:16 AM (#1620276) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST Newlywed culinary thrombosis* wife (previous, NOT current) yells from from kitchen "How do I tell if my boiled egg is cooked" Self, using heavy Irony from Dining room, " Stck a fork in it like potatos" She did and the mess had to be seen to be believed!!!! * a Clot in the kitchen |
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05 Dec 05 - 07:24 AM (#1620301) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Georgiansilver First 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' take away in UK..Someone purchased a Kentucky fried mouse......bit into it and the tail flopped out.... I believe this is not Urban legend but true. |
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05 Dec 05 - 09:31 AM (#1620371) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Sorcha Leave the shortening out of pie dough.....twice in a row. Forget the yeast in bread dough. |
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05 Dec 05 - 09:43 AM (#1620382) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Sooz Salt instead of sugar in the custard spoiled a beautiful cherry pie. |
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05 Dec 05 - 12:08 PM (#1620455) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GLoux "They're not bugs, they're thyme leaves," says dad as he eats his soup. Son says, "Do thyme leaves have antennae?" 20 quarts of turkey soup went down the drain...bugs in the pasta box... -Greg |
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05 Dec 05 - 01:19 PM (#1620494) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Bill D discovered 45 years ago: When making turkey dressing, it is good to know the difference between a clove of garlic and a bud of garlic. If you don't, it is good to have volunteers and several pair of tweezers...... |
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05 Dec 05 - 01:31 PM (#1620503) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: MMario When the little black specks on the potato chips (crisps to East Ponders) move off the dish by themselves they really ARE ants - not bits of spices. |
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05 Dec 05 - 01:34 PM (#1620506) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Do not use raw garlic buds as suppositories. Never. Trust me on this. It'll get things moving, but not in a way you'll like. Crushed raw garlic buds are even worse, but if you're in a hurry....they WILL get you moving. You got a vampire to deal with? Fill a shotgun with buckshot and raw garlic buds and give him both barrels. He won't be back soon. I'm not sure if wasabi works for this, but it might. - Chongo |
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05 Dec 05 - 03:56 PM (#1620552) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Bill D It might indeed...I know *I* wouldn't bother you again soon, Chongo |
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05 Dec 05 - 04:06 PM (#1620566) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: gnu I was twelve years old. I was to have supper on the table when Mum and Dad got home. One night, I cooked Johhny Cake (cornbread) and sausages. It smelled delicious. My old man took the first bite. His face screwed up and he made for the garbage can, spat it out, turned to me and asked, "What the hell did you put in that?" Unfortuately, there is a difference between Baking Powder and Soda Powder.... I learned it that day. "Meat and potatoes" from then on. |
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05 Dec 05 - 04:21 PM (#1620584) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Janie Well, the bisquit and the chocolate chip cookie recipes were on the same page. |
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05 Dec 05 - 04:25 PM (#1620592) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Janie We couldn't figure out why my nephew kept crying and crying until Mom remembered she had been cleaning cayenne peppers just before she changed his diaper. Janie |
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05 Dec 05 - 04:33 PM (#1620607) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: gnu Oh my!!! Poor child!!!! |
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05 Dec 05 - 06:08 PM (#1620698) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: wysiwyg TWO winners, Janie! ~S~ |
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05 Dec 05 - 06:13 PM (#1620703) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Pistachio I can burn salad me! I advise I should stay in the kitchen and not multi- task when cooking under the grill. My daughter knows "tea 'was' ready" when she hears our smoke detector! Well said Moses. H. |
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05 Dec 05 - 06:16 PM (#1620705) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,Mesquite Never microwave hard-boiled eggs. It doesn't work right. And if you heat up Campbell's soup with one, don't do it in the can. |
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05 Dec 05 - 07:04 PM (#1620747) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: bfdk LOL Mrs. Olive, you really made my day ;-) Well, way back, when my cousin (now a strapping 35-year-old) was still a toddler, my uncle was in the recently refurbished kitchen making him a dish of mashed liver in the blender. This was in the day and age before blenders were fitted with safety devices making sure that the lid is always securely in place, before the thing is willing to turn on. So, when uncle forgot to put the lid on and just flipped the button, the blender started doing, what blenders are designed to do, and the contents of the container were splattered all over the kitchen - walls, cupboards and ceiling alike. Uncle spent the rest of the day cleaning the kitchen - with NO help from his furiuos "better half" ;-)) |
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05 Dec 05 - 08:31 PM (#1620803) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: JohnInKansas "There are no culinary disasters. This was a creative attempt to add variety and interest to our customary but somewhat monotonous routine of family meals, and you should appreciate the extra effort applied to providing you with this delicacy." "NOW SHUT UP AND EAT IT!" "The hammer's in it's usual place in the drawer if you need to break the bit of crust off...." John |
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06 Dec 05 - 06:15 AM (#1621015) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: David C. Carter We'er in my mates kitchen,his mother has cooked us lamb chops,spuds and green cabbage.My friend is having a little trouble cutting his green cabbage.Meantime,his mother is walking up and down mumbling,"What the hell have I done with the scouring pad?". |
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06 Dec 05 - 06:30 AM (#1621020) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo There was a time I misread "cups" for "tbsp" when doing a lemon meringue pie recipe. My mother wondered why I had to go to the store for more corn starch. Taste was OK, but the texture.... ;-) Having learned my lesson, I was the wiser. Not so my brother. Determined to bake a pumpkin pie one year, but having no canned pumpkin, we resolved to use fresh pumpkin instead. But the filling was so liquid (uncooked) that he thought it might use some thickener, and added corn starch. I kept telling him that just a little went a long distance, but he insisted on putting in enough to make a syrup ... uncooked! Needless to say, when it came out of the over, nice fresh pumpkin aroma, but it might have served better as a hockey puck or a frisbee. Cheers, |
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06 Dec 05 - 06:34 AM (#1621024) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Ella who is Sooze Recently I had a disaster with pasta (oh it rhymes!)... I was cooking what was going to be a gorg meal when... I stirred the pasta, got hot water on my hand, pulled it back quickly and managed to scoop up a big scoop of boiling water and flick it all over my stomach... Result was....I left everything bubbling away, including the sauce, which I hadn't finished seasoning or adding too - to tend to my huge burn. Meal was a disaster with pasta, pasta overdone and sauce... yuk!... Have only just got rid of the blister, and not particularly fond of pasta anymore. E.W.I.S |
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06 Dec 05 - 06:39 AM (#1621030) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,A Slob |
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06 Dec 05 - 06:47 AM (#1621035) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,A Slob Cooked up a really great looking fluffy omelette with all the green vegie things to impress the new girlfriend. Problem was that beforehand I had used some industrial strength degreaser that they used to sell in the UK (called Gunk if my memory serves me well). Problem was that I didn't actually taste it before serving up and I must have had a bit of a head cold also cos it smelled and tasted like that stuff you put in chemical porta potties. Impressed she was not. |
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06 Dec 05 - 06:53 AM (#1621036) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: John MacKenzie I'm past the pasta, I'm a pasta faster I say holy moly to a plate of ravioli Won't wear my bikini for cunning linguini For the scar on my belly I thank tagliatelli I may be considered by my friends to be petty But I'm not going to fight with no more spaghetti You may say "To eat pasta you ought'er" But last time I did, I got in hot water. So thank you brothers, thank you sisters But I don't want any more pasta blisters. Pass the taters! G. |
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06 Dec 05 - 08:34 AM (#1621079) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,GUEST, Bob L A disaster not exactly culinary, the only time I ever poured good whisky down the sink was after adding tonic water instead of soda once... . |
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06 Dec 05 - 10:09 AM (#1621152) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: John MacKenzie Been there, done that, drunk it!! G. |
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06 Dec 05 - 12:34 PM (#1621278) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Peace If God wanted whisky to be mixed with other things, He would have put it in at the factory. |
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06 Dec 05 - 01:23 PM (#1621306) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: ranger1 A little bit of unpopped popcorn in a hot air popper goes a very long way... |
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07 Dec 05 - 09:38 AM (#1621930) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Sorcha I once dropped a rubber spatula in a blender of whirling pesto.... My dad once wanted to take some of the acid out of a pot of tomato based chile.....tossed in a handful of baking soda..... |
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07 Dec 05 - 09:07 PM (#1622357) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Bard Judith As a fairly young and adventuresome cook, I added gelatine powder to hot milk - thinking it would result in that creamy fluffy stuff you get in these layered desserts... (winces just remembering this) |
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07 Dec 05 - 09:17 PM (#1622365) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: Elmer Fudd Allow a layer cake to cool before frosting it. Otherwise one layer slides off the other. I did. It did. |
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07 Dec 05 - 09:20 PM (#1622367) Subject: RE: BS: Culinary Disasters From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll Tom Allbright...you are a simple-minded pillock! You look like the proggeny of a daft Irishman wot mated wif a bowlegged donkey! I know your kind...worthless gutter trash wot tries to act way above their station in life, puttin' on airs and bloody well messin' up every bleedin' fing they touches. I w9uldn't trust you to unscrew a light bulb nor would I trust you wif any female crature under the age of majority. YOu are a public disgrace, and I 'ope your momma takes you over 'er knee and wallops you a good one, you creetinous layabout! |
