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22 Dec 05 - 02:15 AM (#1632674) Subject: BS: Wanker's Register From: The Shambles I see we have a Lurker's Register so why not a Wanker's Register for self-confessed wankers? I think that may have 'bashed the Bishop' myself once when I was younger - but I did not inhale................. |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:56 AM (#1632691) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Big Al Whittle in fact why wait for confession, why not denouce publicly and hand out summary justice...... George Bush! |
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22 Dec 05 - 04:34 AM (#1632721) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Dave Hanson It's only having sex with your best friend. eric |
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22 Dec 05 - 04:44 AM (#1632724) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Unquotable Probably Roger's only friend. |
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22 Dec 05 - 05:13 AM (#1632735) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: George Papavgeris Now, now, unfair and probably even untrue, GUEST,Unquotable. Roger offers a confession (rare event in itself) and you put him down for it! Though the concept of inhaling during the act is giving me some nightmarish images... I, of course, was always pure in thought and deed, and never abused myself, never made love to the widow with the five sons (any Greek-speakers will appreciate that this is a pun), never fought the one-eyed monster....Not. |
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22 Dec 05 - 05:30 AM (#1632742) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Paco Rabanne It's best performed whilst wearing rabbit fur mittens. |
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22 Dec 05 - 05:38 AM (#1632747) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: George Papavgeris I remember that a schoolmate had a sock fetish. We didn't know until one day, I guess we would have been 14 or something like that, a bunch of us were talking idly and the subject of masturbation came up. Someone cracked the usual joke, "sex is good, but it doesn't beat wanking", and this friend pipes up "yes, with a nice sock to put on your hand!". You could have heard a pin drop. |
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22 Dec 05 - 11:09 AM (#1632925) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST "Rabbit fur mittens",don't palm me off with those.Does it make you go blinde,if so,can I do it till I need glasses? |
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22 Dec 05 - 11:23 AM (#1632937) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: TheBigPinkLad Names that don't appear on this register can be found on the liar's register next door. |
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22 Dec 05 - 11:45 AM (#1632964) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Mingulay at work Names that appear on neither register can be found in the obituary column. One should never lie about RSI, it can be fatal! |
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22 Dec 05 - 11:47 AM (#1632967) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Bill D "Sex is like playing cards...if you've got a good hand, you don't need a partner" ...but I can't see the need for registration.......oh, wait! Perhaps Shambles wants suggestions on technique! big>☻ (I'll bet if they ban it in pubs, he'll have a campaign going in favor...*grin*) |
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22 Dec 05 - 11:53 AM (#1632977) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Bee-dubya-ell This subject is a little too sticky for me. |
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22 Dec 05 - 11:54 AM (#1632981) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: mooman Now that "two in a bar" is banned that may be a possibility Bill. Peace moo |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:01 PM (#1632993) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Bill D yep.."solo in a bar" might just be the next big debate! ☺ |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:05 PM (#1632997) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: David C. Carter Just found I'd suddenly become a "Guest",I posted at 11:09 AM.Forgot me glasses. |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:16 PM (#1633008) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Big Al Whittle we have a confusion of terms here. the act of maturbation doesn't make a complete wanker....... |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:21 PM (#1633015) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: TheBigPinkLad Yah, you'll get confused if you overdo it, wld (so I'm told) |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:34 PM (#1633030) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: John MacKenzie All male respondants so far apparently. Of course I forgot, only men go to DIY stores. NOT Giok |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:38 PM (#1633034) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: TheBigPinkLad Giok, you need to check the 'migraine relief' register. ;o) |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:38 PM (#1633035) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Bill D " the act of maturbation "...is that different from juvenilebation we used to attempt as kids? ☺ |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:40 PM (#1633036) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Oaklet You'll never find me in a menage a un. Unless you look really hard. So there. Great thread, Roger. |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:44 PM (#1633040) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: TheBigPinkLad Speaking of which ... does this require an apostrophe? Rogers Hand |
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22 Dec 05 - 12:49 PM (#1633043) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: John MacKenzie This should be next to the 'Hand made gifts' thread! G ☺☺ |
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22 Dec 05 - 01:34 PM (#1633081) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: George Papavgeris "Rogers hand" needs no apostrophy if it is meant as a verb... |
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22 Dec 05 - 01:35 PM (#1633083) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: George Papavgeris Should have been "apostrophe" - apostrophy means something totally different! |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:02 PM (#1633099) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: John MacKenzie Malakia G ☺ ☺ |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:03 PM (#1633102) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: TheBigPinkLad Is it what you're awarded for the pithiest reply to a thread, George? ;o) |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:29 PM (#1633132) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: George Papavgeris "Malaka" (wanker) is both a term of abuse (sic) and endearment, the latter especially among male friends. It depends on context and who is talking to whom. So I feel very comfortable in calling Giok another such term of double meaning, as he knows what I mean: I am honoured, pousti Giok! :-) |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:30 PM (#1633134) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu I spent a few nights with the Palm Sisters when I was a lad. Generally, men reach their sexual peak in their teens and women in their thirties. That's quite a fuckup if you ask me. |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:33 PM (#1633137) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Mrs. Robinson You can say that again gnu. |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:41 PM (#1633141) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST Roger will be the Wankers Register President no doubt. |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:48 PM (#1633145) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST There are only two kinds of liar; those who say they don't, and those who say they never did> |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:53 PM (#1633152) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: John MacKenzie Efkaristo poli,Giorgiou. G. |
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22 Dec 05 - 02:57 PM (#1633157) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Well, sometimes, ah, I, ah, use my left hand... feels like somebody else. |
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22 Dec 05 - 03:06 PM (#1633164) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. |
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22 Dec 05 - 03:08 PM (#1633169) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Hand. |
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22 Dec 05 - 03:11 PM (#1633170) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST The wit here is unending. |
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22 Dec 05 - 03:14 PM (#1633175) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Jaysus!!! At least I'm trying. Don't see you lending a hand at all. |
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22 Dec 05 - 03:17 PM (#1633178) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: John MacKenzie Love Oh Love Oh Calloused Love! G. ☻ |
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22 Dec 05 - 04:25 PM (#1633231) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: bobad Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen Annie Hall |
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22 Dec 05 - 06:48 PM (#1633342) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Shanghaiceltic Only did it until I had to wear glasses....! |
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22 Dec 05 - 06:53 PM (#1633345) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: mooman Lend a hand here! |
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22 Dec 05 - 06:54 PM (#1633346) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST Same crew all the time. |
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22 Dec 05 - 06:55 PM (#1633348) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST Yeah, that's what makes you feel so at home, isn't it? |
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22 Dec 05 - 06:57 PM (#1633349) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Alaska Mike Father: "Stop that son, you'll go blind." Son: "Dad, I'm over here. |
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22 Dec 05 - 07:35 PM (#1633378) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Lanfranc In my days in what is now referred to as the Financial Services Industry, it was generally considered that the collective noun for bankers was "a wunch of bankers". A collective noun for masturbators? A hand? A grip? A bishopric(k)? An old friend of mine always referred to multi-tracked recordings where most or all the instruments were played by one person as musical masturbation (his favourite example was Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells"). Pass me my old malaka cane, George, I'm sure he'll enjoy it! Alan |
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22 Dec 05 - 08:15 PM (#1633398) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: The Shambles I really don't know too much about this subject but I do wish you would all use bigger writing........... There are some interesting terms to describe the practice. My favourite is 'one-eyed piccolo playing'. Another one is GUEST. |
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22 Dec 05 - 09:08 PM (#1633427) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Joe_F Wanking is fine, but fucking you can actually meet people. --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: What's _done_ we partly may compute, But know not what's _resisted_. :|| |
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22 Dec 05 - 09:54 PM (#1633469) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST Go and make a donation to the fertility clinic and you get $50 from the Wank Bank |
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22 Dec 05 - 10:05 PM (#1633479) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Cookieless Skivee Per comments above. Sgt. Peppers Lonely Club |
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23 Dec 05 - 04:13 AM (#1633595) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Mingulay at work Actually, it can be classed as "self improvement". It is generally reckoned by those with an affinity to washing machines on the spin cycle that men cannot multi-task. With a lot of sffort and much practice I have managed to disprove this erronious assumption. Yes folks, I am now able to turn magazine pages with my LEFT hand. I think it's a triumph of mind over splatter! |
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23 Dec 05 - 06:15 AM (#1633663) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Celibate masturbation! |
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23 Dec 05 - 06:17 AM (#1633664) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Hmmm... why is it called MASSturbation... not mYssturbation? |
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23 Dec 05 - 02:16 PM (#1633985) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Hey... you're not gonna leave me out here hangin are ya? |
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23 Dec 05 - 03:08 PM (#1634023) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Nigel Parsons Let's try and remember that this is a music site... Wankers' register: From middle C upward for an octave and a half CHEERS Nigel |
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23 Dec 05 - 03:31 PM (#1634034) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Yes, of course. If was a pedantic website, you would be shot for "..try and remember...". |
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23 Dec 05 - 04:06 PM (#1634051) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Nigel Parsons Gnu: That was, of course, a fair rendition of a commonly used contraction of a longer phrase. If you insist on it being quoted in full, then: "Let us try to remember, and hopefully we will be successful in our attempt, and we will remember..." The above could also be read as a bullshit attempt to wriggle out. But these comments are in the BS section. CHEERS Nigel |
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23 Dec 05 - 07:01 PM (#1634181) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Cluin Mark Tain on the subject. If you want suggestions on technique, there's one I've heard of where you cut off the circulation in one arm until it goes numb... then you try and whack yer tacker with that hand. It's called "The Stranger". Me, I'm still busy learning to appreciate the European Grip. |
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23 Dec 05 - 08:52 PM (#1634277) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Joe_F There was once a young fellow named Rand, Who sat seeing the sights in the sand. "My problem", said he, "Is as hard as can be, But I think I can take it in hand." --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: Blessed are they who expect nothing, for surely they shall not be disappointed. :|| |
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23 Dec 05 - 10:47 PM (#1634326) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: wysiwyg So... we can register other people, right? ~S~ |
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24 Dec 05 - 04:35 AM (#1634386) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: The Shambles So... we can register other people, right? When you do to others - it is not quite the same thing - or so I have heard. Susan any post to this thread is automatically registering the poster as a wanker. Posting to it more than once or repeatedly posting to it is confirming a real problem....*Smiles* |
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24 Dec 05 - 09:19 AM (#1634483) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: wysiwyg Susan any post to this thread is automatically registering the poster as a wanker. Changing the rules as you go on, Shambles? No such rule in the first post. Perhaps you'd like a JoeClone to insert it? Additionally, I lack both the equipment and the necessity. ~Susan |
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24 Dec 05 - 09:49 AM (#1634495) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Micca Somewhere in the house I have a copy of the Baden Powell 1920s handbook for the Scouts called (I kid you not)" Scouting for Boys" complete with the chapter warning about the terrible effects of "Beastliness" (as it calls wanking)It causes Headaches and a general deterioriation in Health according to B-P and leads to degeneracy and dissipation.. well worth reading if you can find a copy and you can See here for more info |
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24 Dec 05 - 11:50 AM (#1634547) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: David C. Carter Baden Powel in "Scouting for Boys"also says that, the best way to start the day,is to have a good"Rear",it gets worse. |
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24 Dec 05 - 12:22 PM (#1634577) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Bob the Postman I gave up wanking this morning. |
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24 Dec 05 - 02:40 PM (#1634658) Subject: Add: I Gave Up Wanking From: wysiwyg I Gave Up Wanking Artist - Kevin Bloody Wilson Submitted by: Russell Edwards (russell@ease.com.au) [D]I give wanking this morning [G]I never thought that I [D]could [G]I'm feelin' better [D]already And this time I'm [A]off it for [D]good [D]When I first wanked, I's though I's so clever And [G]all of me mates, they were [D]mugs [G]Thought I was the first [D]Bloke here on Earth [E]Who'd ever played with his [A]slug [D]It was me own little secret And [G]I never told any[D]one And the [G]feelin' I got The [D]first time I shot Was like chooks flyin' [A]out o' me [D]bum I'm [D]givin' up wanking...tomorrow [G]I never thought that I [D]could [G]Then I won't get these bad [D]headaches And then I'll be [A]off it for [D]good I've [D]wanked in some unlikely places The [G]shower, the beach and the [D]pool A [G]dunny, a tram and the [D]pictures And [E]biology classes at [A]school And [D]once me grandmother caught me [G]Wankin' meself in me [D]room But [G]to her surprise I [D]just shut me eyes And imagined her [A]standin' there [D]nude I'm [D]givin' up wanking...Tuesday [G]I never thought that I [D]could And [G]then I won't skwint like I [D]do now And then I'll be [A]off it for [D]good Me [D]Dad says it's gonna take willpower There [G]really is no easy [D]trick I [G]honestly thought I'd need [D]surgery To [E]help get me hand off me [A]dick Me [D]Dad's been a great inspiration He [G]really has been a great [D]help He [G]knows what I go through And [D]just what to do 'Cause he give it up [A]yesterd' him[D]self So [D]I'm givin' up wanking next Frid' [G]I never thought that I [D]could And [G]I'll throw away me thick [D]glasses And then I'll be [A]off it for [D]good So if you [D]say you don't wank, you're a liar And a [G]fool if you say that you [D]do So [G]next time you see, Prince [D]Charles on TV Remember he [A]wanks himself [D]too So [D]I'm givin' up wanking come Christmas [G]I never thought that I [D]could And [G]I'll sell me dog and me [D]white cane And then I'll be [A]off it for [D]good And [G]I'll throw away me dark [D]glasses And then I'll be [A]off it for [D]good [D] [G] [A] [D] |
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24 Dec 05 - 03:01 PM (#1634670) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Susan... equipment is not a necessity. A nicety, perhaps. |
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24 Dec 05 - 03:04 PM (#1634672) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: The Shambles Posting to it more than once or repeatedly posting to it is confirming a real problem....*Smiles* And will you please stop posting with this tiny writing........... |
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24 Dec 05 - 03:19 PM (#1634683) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: The Shambles WordWeb gives Wanking: Get sexual gratification through self-stimulation The activity does not seem to be limited to those with 'meat and two veg'. |
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24 Dec 05 - 05:40 PM (#1634768) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: wysiwyg ...Get sexual gratification through self-stimulation... Mm hmmm..... yes, women may also do this..... still, I never met one who referred to it as "wanking" .... nor one who considered herself a "wanker" .... nor one who was referred to by that name. I would submit: "wanking" is a word for men, not women. ~S~ |
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24 Dec 05 - 05:47 PM (#1634772) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: The Shambles Wanker Term of abuse for a masturbator. Quite a lot of men also would not like to consider themselves as a wanker. |
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24 Dec 05 - 05:53 PM (#1634778) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: gnu Goodness gracious... semantics... sementics? Wank? Diddle? Walk the pup? Row the boat.......... Why does every discussion in this forum, no matter how juvenile, turn into a pedantic wrestling match? This is not an intelligent conversation. It's a laugh at the human condition. I just checked in to see what condition my condition was in. Okay, I must be off. |
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24 Dec 05 - 06:01 PM (#1634781) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Shanghaiceltic 'Wot a bunch of oil tankers!' Seagull rhyming slang. |
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24 Dec 05 - 06:25 PM (#1634790) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Art One in the hand is worth two of George Bush !!! |
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24 Dec 05 - 06:31 PM (#1634793) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: Peace Gawd, would that Bush's dad had been a wanker. |
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24 Dec 05 - 06:37 PM (#1634798) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: GUEST,Art Thieme A friend of mine had a transplant, but his hand rjected it! |
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28 Dec 05 - 06:09 AM (#1635888) Subject: RE: BS: Wanker's Register From: The Shambles I'll drink to that - make mine a Hand-Shandy. |