|
02 Feb 06 - 08:16 AM (#1660003) Subject: Lyr Add: THE PARACHUTIST From: Keith A of Hertford THE PARACHUTIST (Keith A o' Hertford) Tune Villikins and Dinah You're at action stations all ready to go, You feel like a hero and you want it to show, So you turn round and give a brave grin to your pals, Then the red light comes on and you empty your bowels. To your pals, to your pals, Then the red light comes on and you empty your bowels. But out through the door so boldly you goes, You counts all the rivets down the side with your nose, It's then that you notice there's something astray, 'Cause you can't check your canopy with yer boots in the way. Gorn astray, Gorn astray, No you can't check your canopy... Some other bloke's canopy looms into sight, Your bladder is squeezed like a lemon with fright, "Steer away, I've got twists and I'm right over you." "Well it's not your day mate, cause I've got twists too." Over you... Now the ground's coming up you get under control, Pull down on your lift webs just like you've been told, With your legs tight together you're ready complete, To whistle in with an air steal from two hundred feet. You're complete... The M.O. strolls up with his medical bags, He first takes your pulse, then your wallet and fags, You open one eye and his face flushes red, Says I'm sorry I thought you were already dead. Flushes red... Oh doctor Oh doctor I'm in such great pain, Will I ever jump with my comrades again? I can take the truth doctor, with my airborne pluck, "In non technical terms son, you're totally ffff finished." Airborne pluck.... You legs are both shattered, your spine's snapped in two, Your internal organs are like airborne stew. Of your sexual functions there is some good news, Contraceptive precautions you won't need to use. Some good news.... The Q rushes up and your get a surprise, Cos that cold hearted bastard has tears in his eyes, As he places a stretcher beside where you lay, Puts what's left of your kit on and carts it away. Where you lay... Oh sergeant major what shall I now do, With a mortgage, a wife, and a family too, Don't worry about money, to the OC I'll speak, We'll book you in for that drill night that you missed last week. I'll speak... Dear Mrs Atkins, bad news for us both, Recruiting is bad and your husband just croaked, No words can express our heartfelt remorse, And enclosed is the bill for the kit what he lorst. Notes. The final verse was added after the Falklands war, when the families of fallen Paras really were sent bills for kit supposedly lost by their dead loved ones. The penultimate verse is an in joke for reservists. Twist were a common occurance and only dangerous in that you could not steer. The drill was to kick out of them while shouting, "Steer away I'm in twists" An air steal was something the PX chutes were prone to. American T10s did not seem to get it. If you passed close above another canopy, your canopy would collapse and you would fall maybe 200 feet. While I was doing my basic para course, the brigadier of 44 Bgde was killed in this way. Q is the quartermaster, responsible for stores. |