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28 Mar 06 - 09:29 AM (#1704599) Subject: Cleaning the Internet From: The Fooles Troupe Cleaning the Internet Saturday April 1, 2006 12:00 am - 1:00 am PLEASE PASS THIS NOTICE TO OTHER USERS WHO MAY NOT SEE IT! As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead e-mail and inactive ftp, www and gopher sites, allows for a better-working and faster Internet. This year, the cleaning process will take place from 12:01 a.m. GMT on April 1 until 12:01 a.m. GMT on April 2. During that 24-hour period, five very powerful Japanese built multi-lingual Internet-crawling robots (Toshiba ML-2274) situated around the world will search the Internet and delete any data that they find. In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do the following: 1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet connections. 2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet 3. Disconnect all disks and hard drives from any connections to the Internet 4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any way 5. Avoid placing operating microwave ovens or toaster/toaster ovens near your computer modem 6. Avoid wearing nylon (or other dielectric fiber) undergarments because of the possibility of electrical discharge. We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users, and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconvenience will be more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam. Sysops and others: Since the last Internet cleaning, the number of Internet users has grown dramatically. Please assist us in alerting the public of the upcoming Internet cleaning by posting this message where your users will be able to read it. Please pass this message on to other sysops and Internet users as well. |
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28 Mar 06 - 09:33 AM (#1704603) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: GUEST And a happy April Fool's Day to you. |
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28 Mar 06 - 09:35 AM (#1704606) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: The Fooles Troupe ,,, from one fool to another... |
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28 Mar 06 - 09:36 AM (#1704608) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Rapparee Yeah, I'll get started on it right away.... |
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28 Mar 06 - 09:38 AM (#1704609) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: GUEST,Scooby Happy April Fools day |
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28 Mar 06 - 09:45 AM (#1704615) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: gnomad To hear is to obey, Master. Will it be OK to go on using the electric food mixer and the leopard-skin thong? |
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28 Mar 06 - 10:38 AM (#1704649) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Sooz Yes, but not at the same time! |
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28 Mar 06 - 10:45 AM (#1704654) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Emma B Will they clean the house too? |
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28 Mar 06 - 11:44 AM (#1704713) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Ebbie Oh yes, Emma B. Separately negotiated, of course, but they are very thorough and well worth the price. Just nail down anything you don't want thrown out. |
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28 Mar 06 - 11:52 AM (#1704723) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Bill D but be sure to make a backup first! |
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28 Mar 06 - 11:53 AM (#1704724) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: MMario I just hope the don't use the internet laxitive again to flush the system. spoiled data all over the place last time. |
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28 Mar 06 - 12:03 PM (#1704732) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Bee-dubya-ell Seems like a lot of trouble to me when you could accomplish the same effect by just having the Internet sit on this. |
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28 Mar 06 - 01:43 PM (#1704838) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Kaleea Is this the famous "Internet Bidet" I've heard so much about? |
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28 Mar 06 - 01:46 PM (#1704841) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: beardedbruce Hey, if you just leave it unterminated, all the bits will come out. Just have a bitbucket handy, or put a cable to the drain... |
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28 Mar 06 - 01:53 PM (#1704850) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Ebbie Bill, I suspect that I don't have enough time left to download the backup, so I'll never know if it is a good idea. (By the way, I had to go offline in order to get out of it.) |
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28 Mar 06 - 02:08 PM (#1704860) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Bill D oh, Ebbie...I hope you didn't really do that! Please tell me you didn't//☺ |
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28 Mar 06 - 02:11 PM (#1704862) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Emma B Ooooops! - me too :) |
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28 Mar 06 - 03:01 PM (#1704901) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Bee-dubya-ell For those living in Northern Hemisphere areas where Daylight Saving time will go into effect this weekend, Internet cleaning has been rescheduled to take place between the hours of 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM on Sunday, April 2. From the standpoint of user inconvenience, this time period has been calculated to be optimal since it coincides with the change from Standard to Daylight time and will, therefore, be nonexistent. |
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28 Mar 06 - 03:14 PM (#1704906) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: bobad OK Bill, I did what you said, now what? |
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28 Mar 06 - 04:08 PM (#1704936) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: autolycus Let's hope no-one downloads the internet beforehand and refuses to give it back. Ivor |
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28 Mar 06 - 04:55 PM (#1704974) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: JohnInKansas I am sorry but I am forced to decline to participate in this cleaning. If I disconnected all the things recommended, I would be so "out of touch" people in my area would mistake me for a Southern Baptist, and I don't have time to attend all the revivals. John |
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28 Mar 06 - 05:02 PM (#1704984) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: Bill D bobad...just wait there until you get further instructions. When all is clear, and cleaning is finished, you will get a message on your model EOU-1029 portable recall machine....(you did bring it, didn't you?) |
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28 Mar 06 - 05:12 PM (#1704992) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: bobad Uh oh! |
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29 Mar 06 - 01:08 AM (#1705340) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: NH Dave My sister-in-law, who does appreciate the odd joke or two - Hey, she married my brother(!) added this bit: Probably be a good idea to also cover the hard drive with a plastic bag to prevent all the dust blowing out into the room from the back vents during the cleaning out process! Of course this reminded me of something we'd do to terribly stuffy Colonels we didn't much like. One technician would come into the officer's office and inform him that the telephone lines needed blowing out, as they were getting very noisy. He'd note that he was short handed that day, and ask if the Colonel would mind helping him out, or else the job couldn't be completed until the next week, and the quality of the line would continue to deteriorate. He told the Colonel - or any other disliked mark - to hold the phone handset in one hand, and blow down the mouthpiece, while he went out to the pole with a dust bag, to keep the dust and small animals from making a mess of the green grass, and all. He'd tell the Colonel that he'd know when he'd done a good job because he'd hear the repairman's voice coming back through the receiver/earpiece. So here we have the Colonel blowing mightily down the mouthpiece as if his life depended on it, and every now and then shouting down the line to see if he as getting anywhere. Of course no one in his office dared say anything to give the joke away for fear of being accused of being "in" on the joke. This was something that should only be tried when one is very close to leaving a basae for good, as many stuffy Colonels have very good memories for faces. Dave |
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29 Mar 06 - 04:27 PM (#1705965) Subject: RE: Cleaning the Internet From: GUEST Is the internet like Elizabeth I, said to have a bath once a year whether she needed it or not? |
