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26 Apr 06 - 06:57 AM (#1727740) Subject: Trees - the funny side? From: Saro I'm working on a "songs and words" project about trees and woodland - up to my eyes in wonderful songs, great stories and folklore and loads of history of course (this is mainly UK based by the way). However, I've failed so far to find anything funny - trees seem to inspire admiration, awe and all sorts of things, but not humour. So, it could be a bit of a heavy programme... can anyone help me out? Do you know a funny song/story/anecdote/bit of folklore about trees/a specific tree/woodland etc? Here's hoping!!! Best wishes Sarah |
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26 Apr 06 - 07:41 AM (#1727757) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: Mick Pearce (MCP) Sarah You could have a look at The Pear Tree Mick |
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26 Apr 06 - 07:49 AM (#1727761) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: GUEST,The black belt caterpillar wrestler How about Graham Pratt's "Magig Pear Tree". The story comes from Italy and pre-dates Chaucer. The last line repeats in each verse with a sort of music hall feel to it. There was a young lady, a tender young thing, Did marry a crusty old man, But soon, to her shame, found her passions inflamed By his handsome young serving man, Dan. His handsome young serving man, Dan. In a note she confessed that she loved him the best But complained she was never alone. "So if you intend, sir, to make me surrender 'Tmust be when I'm with the old man." Now Daniel's desire his thoughts did inspire To think how this feat might be achieved. A sly cunning plan that would fool the old man But convince him he'd not been deceived. A plan was agreed, implemented with speed, The scene of the crime was the orchard, Where Daniel and Bess their true love could express, A love that had so long been tortured. The very next day through the orchard strolled they, Sweet Bessie and old Ebeneezer. Says Bess, "My dear man would you please ask young Dan To fetch me a pear from that tree sir." Well they called for young Dan ('twas all part of the plan) And he climbed the tree right to the top, But then he looked down and started to frown, And called out "Oh stop sir, pray stop." The old man was perplexed and a little bit vexed, And he called on young Dan to explain. Says Dan "What I see from the top of this tree, Well it grieves me and causes me pain." "It would seem that this tree is a magical tree For, from up here on high looking down, It did seem sir to me that the lady and thee Were a-tumbling around on the ground." Well up springs the old man and as fast as he can, And believe me sir that was quite slow, Though well past his prime, the tree for to climb To see if what Dan said was so. Meanwhile Dan and Bess, not needing excuse, Began for to sport on the ground, And when Ebeneezer was high in the tree, sir, He turned and began to look down. "Well 'tis magic indeed for I never did see A funnier thing in my life. From on top of this tree, though I know it can't be, It would seem you're on top of my wife. So come all you old men who would marry again, The moral is plain to be found. Don't give a flea for the pear in the tree, Just watch out for the pair on the ground. |
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26 Apr 06 - 08:21 AM (#1727780) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: rich-joy Well, John Gorka's "Branching Out" (When I grow up I wanna be a tree ...) is an up-tempo, joyous sort of Tree song! Cheers! R-J |
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26 Apr 06 - 08:28 AM (#1727786) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: GUEST,Jack Campin Monty Python's Lumberjack Song? |
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26 Apr 06 - 10:25 AM (#1727871) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: GUEST,TIA Anecdote eh? A dog poops in front of a tree. Walks a bit further, poops in front of another tree. Walks a bit, and does the same again. What does that add up to? Why, 10 of course. (tree and a turd + tree and a turd + tree and a turd) |
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26 Apr 06 - 10:44 AM (#1727887) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: Mo the caller Woodman spare that tree? |
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26 Apr 06 - 11:29 AM (#1727945) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: Bill D in the DT database is More Wood, which is a light-hearted song about cutting wood for winter. |
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26 Apr 06 - 12:16 PM (#1727983) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: melodeonboy "If you go down to the woods today......" |
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26 Apr 06 - 02:06 PM (#1728080) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: Bert Try Rattling Bog |
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26 Apr 06 - 05:26 PM (#1728258) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: Saro Thanks all of you - keep em coming! I've also been working on something on the lines of "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" (This will probably only make sense to Radio 4 listeners) Late arrivals at the Woodland Ball - Mr. Lar and his dad, Pop Lar, from Ireland the O'Tree family with their son Will, and the Verbirches, with their daughter Cilla ...oh dear...sorry, I'll stop now. But if you have any more, I'd be glad to hear them. I have a lot more, but don't like to cause unnecessary suffering to others... ! Sarah |
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26 Apr 06 - 08:05 PM (#1728372) Subject: Lyr Add: Woodland Waltz From: Susanne (skw) WOODLAND WALTZ (Jim King) Chorus: Can you imagine a world without trees Do you think you'd survive it for long Put yourself to the test, try it with ease Hold your breath for the rest of this song Hornbeam and willow, maple and elm Sycamore, chestnut and yew Hazel and redwood, rowan and birch Oak and holly, to name but a few The tropical rainforest burns day and night In Brazil they need land for the cow But the Amazon basin, the lungs of the world Has a cancer that must be cured now This scale of destruction eases production Of beef for the hamburger king Those meat mafioso, that's how it goes That's why I stand here and sing If you've no objection to making a buck And you don't think the future looks black When it comes to the end you could be out of luck If you had to inhale a Big Mac Final chorus: Can you imagine a world without trees How long do you think you'd survive Put yourself to the test, try it with ease Hold your breath for the rest of your life |
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26 Apr 06 - 08:24 PM (#1728389) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: MartinRyan Saro Avondale.... of course! Regards p.s. See you Monday - with the poets across the roads! |
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26 Apr 06 - 08:35 PM (#1728395) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: MartinRyan ...road.... p.s. How Green(e) can you get? |
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27 Apr 06 - 07:41 AM (#1728668) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? From: Mo the caller Wow. I've been dancing to "Rattling Bog", and trying to play it, for ages and never knew it was cumulative (I knew the version "On the ground there stood a tree") |
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27 Apr 06 - 02:55 PM (#1729006) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: GUEST,The black belt caterpillar wrestler My version of the rattling bog goes:- tree,limb, branch, twig, leaf, nest, egg, bird, wing, feather, bed from the feather, maid on the bed, man on the maid, seed from the man, tree from the seed, and this tree was the tree of life. |
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28 Apr 06 - 11:16 AM (#1729191) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: JennyO "I talk to the trees, That's why they put me away..." Spike Milligan |
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28 Apr 06 - 12:26 PM (#1729257) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: Susan of DT Apple Picker's Reel in the DT is upbeat |
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28 Apr 06 - 01:55 PM (#1729323) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: Stewart The Log Driver's Waltz. S. in Seattle |
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29 Apr 06 - 03:40 AM (#1729783) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: GUEST,Cluin Can't think of a better example than Wendell Ferguson's "Rocks and Trees" (and travelling along Highway 17 my whole life, I know whereof he sings). From this site: Rocks & Trees by Wendell Ferguson Rocks & trees, trees & rocks If you've driven 17 you've seen lots Though I dearly love this land I've stood all I can stand of Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Reams and reams of endless trees and tons of rocks The whole north is just proliferous With metamorphic and coniferous Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Motel signs, hydro lines and a flattened fox Oh construction site machinery Is a welcome change of scenery from Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Bert loves Pearl, John loves Jane Must each boy and every girl inscribe their names? It's so quaint the way he told her With spray paint upon a boulder Bert loves John? Trees & rocks, rocks & trees A guy can quickly get real sick of seein' these What's the deal with all the tourists? It's just shield here and some forests and Trees & rocks, rocks & trees Rocks & trees, trees & rocks A double line and I'm stuck behind a dozen trucks By the time you hit Kenora You don't want to see no more-a Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Here's a break, it's a little lake Cause I've seen all the you-know-whats that I can take As I gaze down to the bottom I can see it's filled with rotten Rotten trees and rotten rocks for Gods' sake Miles & miles & miles & miles & miles of trees Piles & piles & piles & piles & piles of rocks When God made this northern land He Must've ordered way too many Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Rocks & trees, trees & rocks Rocks & trees, trees & rocks |
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30 Apr 06 - 01:27 AM (#1730365) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: GUEST,Bruce Baillie "I wonder what you were like lad, when you were just a tree, all supple lithe and strong lad, wi' your branches blowing free. It must be a bit of a come down, stuck there wi' your feet in that hole, I wonder how you feel now you're a Tel-e-graph pole!" |
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30 Apr 06 - 12:25 PM (#1730569) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: Bert Well seeing as we've drifted to telegraph poles... In days of old when knights were bold and women weren't invented men drilled holes in telegraph poles and shagged away contented. |
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01 May 06 - 11:09 AM (#1731262) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: JohnR Hi Sarah, I was taken to see Michael Flanders & Donald Swann's 'At the Drop of a Hat' as a child and still turn to them for some humour, so while Honeysuckle and Bindweed may not quite be trees, how about 'Misalliance': Misalliance The fragrant Honeysuckle spirals clockwise to the sun and many other creepers do the same But some climb anticlockwise, the Bindweed does for one, or Convovulus, to give her proper name. Rooted on either side a door one of each species grew and raced towards the window ledge above Each corkscrewed to the lintel in the only way it knew where they stopped, touched tendrils, smiled and fell in love. Said the right-handed Honeysuckle to the left handed Bindweed "Oh let us get married if our parents don't mind We'd be loving and inseparable, inextricably entwined We'd live happily ever after" said the Honeysuckle to the Bindweed. To the Honeysuckle's parents it came as a shock, "The Bindweeds", they cried, "are inferior stock, They're uncultivated, of breeding bereft We twine to the right and they twine to the left". Said the anticlockwise Bindweed to the clockwise Honeysuckle; "We'd better start saving - Many a mickle mak's a muckle Then run away on a honeymoon and hope that out luck'll Take a turn for the better", said the Bindweed to the Honeysuckle. A bee who was passing remarked to them then; "I've said it before and I'll say it again Consider your offshoots, if offshoots there be, They'll never receive any blezzing from me". "Poor little sucker, how will it learn When it is climbing, which way to turn, Right, left, what a disgrace Or it may go straight up and fall flat on its face." Said the right-hand thread Honeysuckle to the left-hand thread Bindweed "It seems that against us all fate has combined Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Columbine Thou art lost and gone forever, we shall never intertwine". Together they found them, the very next day They had pulled up their roots and just shrivelled away Deprived of that freedom for which we must fight To veer to the left or to veer to the right. I'll send you a PM with some other tree stuff (not funny) Best wishes, John (South Brent) |
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01 May 06 - 11:59 AM (#1731287) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: davidkiddnet The Tree by Mike Heron of the Incredible String Band TUNING: Open G D G D G B D To play with record Capo II and play chords in parenthesis A(G) D(C) A(G) I had a Tree, in the dream hills where my childhood lay. And I'd go there in the wide, long days, D(C) A(G) And my Tree would listen to all that I'd say. E(D) A(G) And the sun was shining brightly, E(D) A(G) and the sky was smiling, E(D) A(G) and the sun was shining brightly, E(D) A(G) and the sky was smiling. http://www.angelfire.com/biz3/ISB/ISB4.html THANKS TO ALEX, SHANE POPE AND AUMONY FORSYTH FOR THE CHORDS! From my memory the rest of the words are something like: 2. Then one day when the world had got me in its tomb and my mind was just an empty room And I would stand there in my gloom and the light was fading dimly and the sky was crying 3. Then my tree bent its branches low down to the ground. and the green leaves shrouded up my mind and I felt I�d left somthing behind and I can�t remeber any more except it ends happily see mudcat forum shortly http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=8816#1151229 where I foresee you will find the rest of the words suppied by other fans |
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01 May 06 - 01:42 PM (#1731329) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: davidkiddnet The Tree by Mike Heron I had a Tree, in the dream hills where my childhood lay. and I'd go there in the wide, long days, and my Tree would listen to all that I'd say. and the sun was shining brightly, and the sky was smiling, and the sun was shining brightly, and the sky was smiling. Then one day when the world had put me in its tomb, and my life was just an empty room, I went to my tree and sat there in my gloom, and the light was fading dimly, and the sky was crying, and the light was fading dimly, and the sky was crying. Then my tree bent its branches low down to the ground, and its green leaves shrouded up my mind, and I left the world somewhere behind, and I did not know what I would find, but the sun was shining brightly, and the sky was smiling, Oh the sun was shining brightly, and the sky was smiling. |
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01 May 06 - 01:47 PM (#1731332) Subject: RE: Trees - the funny side? (songs about...) From: GUEST "Wooden tree" by Ivor Cutler. |