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Origins: Maalox and Nose Drops

01 Jun 06 - 01:55 AM (#1750983)
Subject: Origins: Maalox and Nose Drops
From: Haruo

A couple of friends of mine who put on concerts at retirement facilities and the like want to sing what I call "The Assisted Living Anthem", the spoof of "My Favorite Things" that starts "Maalox and nose drops and needles for knittin'", but they would like to know whose work they are using (and we don't mean Rodgers and Hammerstein!). But the authorship seems pretty close to anonymous. The earliest occurrence I've found is a Usenet newsgroup posting dated April 5, 2001, by one "limey", but it doesn't sound like s/he is claiming authorship there. Anybody know any more about it?

Haruo

01 Jun 06 - 12:41 PM (#1751084)
Subject: RE: Origins: Maalox and Nose Drops
From: Peace

Your quest may ever go unresolved, Haruo:

See here.

01 Jun 06 - 01:57 PM (#1751143)
Subject: RE: Origins: Maalox and Nose Drops
From: Joe Offer

Here are the lyrics, from snopes.com, which says the lyrics were not written or sung by Julie Andrews.
-Joe Offer-
(Allegedly) To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound Of Music." However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the entertainment of her "blue hair" audience. Here are the lyrics she recited:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things..

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

(Reportedly) Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.