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10 Jun 06 - 10:08 PM (#1757085) Subject: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: GUEST,Buster A computer geek located somewhere in the Boston area has hacked into the weather and media satellites over North America and is using them to broadcast high frequency signals that torture dachshunds all over North America and as far south as Guatemala. Because of this many dachshunds have reported symptoms such as shortness of breath, increased salivation, itchy hind end problems, tenderness in the testicles, skin twitches, dermatitis, short temper, increased sexual frustration, and ravenous hunger pangs that keep them in an endless state of extreme stress. The unknown hacker apparently is on some kind of sadistic vendetta against the common "weiner dog", a breed known for its cuteness and playfullness. Investigators hope to turn up evidence soon in order to end this scourge and are asking the public to assist by passing on information about anyone they know who has a grudge against dachshunds. As one who has suffered a number of these unpleasant symptoms lately, I am sounding the alert and I encourage anyone who can help indentify this malefactor to come forward at once. Spread the word. This fiend MUST be stopped!!! |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:12 PM (#1757088) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: gnu LH? |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:15 PM (#1757090) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk It sure sounds a lot like what is ailing our dogs. This bastard has definitely got to be stopped. |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:17 PM (#1757092) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee An antidote is here. |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:18 PM (#1757093) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace Word on the street says it's William Shatner doing it. I can't confirm that as of yet. |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:35 PM (#1757104) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Knowing dachshunds, I wonder how anyone can tell. |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:36 PM (#1757105) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk Either that...or they've all been affected! |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:44 PM (#1757113) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: number 6 Sounds like Chongo is up to his usual devious shenanigan. sIx |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:50 PM (#1757118) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee And there must be a geek somewhere beaming beams at Irish Setters, too. No dog could be that spacey naturally! |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:52 PM (#1757120) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: number 6 English Springers are almost as bad Rapaire. sIx |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:54 PM (#1757122) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: JohnInKansas Peace - Shatner should not be accused of being a geek. Although the term is patently and deliberately offensive, the popular association with "nerdness" renders inclusion of THE SHAT in the membership of that community, even by mere suggestive reference, rude, insulting, offensive, blasphemous, obsecene, and not at all nice - to the nerds of the world. Now if the classic definition: a side show performer who swallows rats and bites the heads off of chickens, bugs, and snakes is clearly indicated, it's probably okay. John |
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10 Jun 06 - 10:57 PM (#1757124) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace This poor guy used to be a bird dog before this satellite stuff. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:03 PM (#1757130) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk What the hell is THAT?????????????? |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:05 PM (#1757131) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Them sattylites are the reason that I never, ever, venture outside my house without a shotgun. Them sattylites come whizzin' over and I ups and shoots 'em down! Better'n skeet shootin'! Some of 'em are disguised though, like as police hellycopters and robins and starlings and even iggles. One of 'em came over when I was on the way ta work tother day and I whipped out the ol' 12-gauge and nailed that sucker! You ain't never see such a to-do, though! That sattylite was disguised as a traffic light and was beamin' red and green laser beams at all the folks who'd stopped. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:09 PM (#1757134) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace "What the hell is THAT?????????????? " It's one of these before all this satellite shit started . . . . |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:09 PM (#1757135) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: JohnInKansas LH - Y'all ain't never seen an albino 'possum? They ain't 'xacly rare, but that's the first one I've seen in a while all that clean 'n purty. John |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:10 PM (#1757138) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace Dang. I almost had him there, John. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:12 PM (#1757142) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk I thought it was a possum, but wasn't quite sure. It's a hell of a lot better looking than Cleigh. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:13 PM (#1757143) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee I think I saw one of them critters down on the banks of the Portneuf River tother day, Peace. Iffen I remember rightly it was wearing the old Rafter Rockin' B brand. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:27 PM (#1757149) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace Well, he looked like this just a few weeks ago. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:33 PM (#1757152) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace You should see him today! |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:34 PM (#1757155) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: John O'L ...many dachshunds have reported symptoms... Patient Dachshund: "Doctor doctor my balls are itchy!" Doctor Dachshund: "Hmmm. They don't smell itchy..." |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:37 PM (#1757156) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace She was struck by the beam . . . . I shit you not. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:37 PM (#1757157) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk They all get itchy in those areas. It's one of the curses of being born a dachshund. |
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10 Jun 06 - 11:49 PM (#1757164) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Yeah -- and you know what they're like in the snow! |
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11 Jun 06 - 11:16 AM (#1757231) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: GUEST Something has been affecting my littlepuppydog too. |
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11 Jun 06 - 12:55 PM (#1757278) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk This just in: Thousands of dachshunds are planning a "March on Boston" to protest the clandestine attacks on their breed that are emanating from somewhere in the Boston area. As the news spreads, more dachshunds are expecting to join the marchers. It may not be unrealistic to project as many as 3 million dachshunds descending on Boston en masse by July 15th. "On the Ides of July," says Oscar Meyer Weiner, spokesman for the Mighty Association of Aggrieved Dachshunds (MAAD), "we will enter the environs of Boston en masse, and when we do we'll sniff out this computer geek and see that he is brought to justice. He can run, but he can't hide. We'll shut down the highways and major thoroughfares. We'll take over the parks and recreation areas. We'll pee on the fire hydrants and rob the garbage cans. We'll raise sheer bloody hell day and night without letup until this malefactor has been caught and incarcerated!" Already groups of MAAD dogs are gathering in communities all across the USA and Canada, and others have promised to fly in from Europe to lend their support to the protest, with more than 50,000 pledges in now from dachshunds in Germany alone! This promises to be an event which no one can ignore. |
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11 Jun 06 - 12:59 PM (#1757283) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Wanna bet that I can't ignore it? I think MAAD should have to post a bond for street, sidewalk, and lawn cleanup. Not to mention the squirrels they're gonna traumatize. |
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11 Jun 06 - 01:07 PM (#1757292) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk You'll have a hard time ignoring it, Rapaire, if a few thousand of them pass through your town on their way to Boston. There are very few spectacles that match the sight of a large number of dachshunds all together in one place at one time. Not too many that are noisier either...they tend to get a bit hysterical when they are gathered in large numbers. |
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11 Jun 06 - 02:48 PM (#1757339) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Dachsies don't live at this altitude. I mean, they can, but if the eagles don't get them the cougars will. Besides, all you have to do to distract them is to put out some food or toss a doggie treat. |
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11 Jun 06 - 03:01 PM (#1757344) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk Yes, they'll do anything for food. Bribery is the way to go. |
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11 Jun 06 - 03:03 PM (#1757346) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: GUEST,Disgusted Woofer HOW LOW CAN YOU GET |
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11 Jun 06 - 03:09 PM (#1757351) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk Not much lower than this, that's for sure. |
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11 Jun 06 - 03:51 PM (#1757376) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: number 6 Yeah, not much lower ... hell, dachshunds have very short legs. Rapaire ... now that you mention it ... about 5 years ago down in Maine an eagle actually did swoop down on someones yard and flew off with their pet dachshund. The eagle did eventually drop the beast. The dog did survive but was much traumatized and roughed up some. True story. sIx |
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11 Jun 06 - 04:32 PM (#1757390) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk Every dachshund spends its life fearing that just such an incident will occur! It's not easy being that short. They also fear things that go bump in the night and rustle about in the bushes. Ours refuse to venture into the woods at the back of the property. They figure there are predators in there, just waiting. |
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11 Jun 06 - 05:25 PM (#1757422) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Bee-dubya-ell Stupid eagle! Pomeranians taste better and are easier to fly off with. Leave the dachshunds for the alligators and coyotes. |
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11 Jun 06 - 05:40 PM (#1757436) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace " They figure there are predators in there, just waiting. " And, ? |
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11 Jun 06 - 06:25 PM (#1757466) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk And *GULP!* "Ah, that went down nicely. Yummy!" That's what. Dachshunds are keenly aware of their mortality at all times, and they suspect the worst. |
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12 Jun 06 - 08:35 AM (#1757922) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: GUEST,Mingulay at work As the inestimable Mr Les Barker wrote in one of his more serious moments "...dachsunds with erections can't climb stairs". When the doggie hordes arrive just make sure you're on a step ladder and stay there till they pass on their way. A few pictures of lady dachsunds may help. |
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12 Jun 06 - 08:39 AM (#1757926) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: The Fooles Troupe Put your fingers in your ears, and go Tingalingaloo! |
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12 Jun 06 - 10:04 AM (#1757975) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Becca72 Being a Mainer, I can attest to sIx's story, though I honestly don't remember the breed of dog (very well could have been a dachshund). I know my sister and her husband have pugs and there was an eagle circling their back yard right around the same time...they had to go out and corral the dogs in quickly. When I was a teenager I had a dog, Ginger, who was 1/2 dachshund and 1/2 german shepard, poor dear. Funniest looking dog you've ever seen. |
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12 Jun 06 - 12:55 PM (#1758100) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk Which end was the tall end? |
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12 Jun 06 - 01:41 PM (#1758155) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Friend of mine back in the 'hood had a doggie that was part daschund and part greyhound. He'd enter it in dog races and win a lot of money, 'cause the back end was the high end and the dog was therefore always running downhill. He got into a race one time though where the track was on the side of a hill and the other guy's dog had short legs on the right, giving the dog an advantage on the counter-clockwise track. My friend's dog (who was name Bugles) did his best, but he came to the first turn and skidded off the downhill side. Poor old Bugles got to runnin' faster and faster and faster and by the time he reached the bottom he'd plumb wore hisself down to a chihuahua and he ran off and hid to hide his shame. My friend lost five hunnerd bucks on the race, too. Poor chap had to take an honest job digging out blocked sewers for over a month, and he never was the same after that. |
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12 Jun 06 - 03:02 PM (#1758229) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Stilly River Sage Duh. That is not a possum. It's an albino racoon. This is a possum. SRS* *What's in YOUR back yard? |
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12 Jun 06 - 03:08 PM (#1758235) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk Thank you, Stilly, you are quite right about that. |
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12 Jun 06 - 04:16 PM (#1758283) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: gnu I have a pic of 650 pound albino black bear and a thousand pound albino moose squaring of in a bog in early spring before the snow melt. No sense in posting a link, on accounta it looks like this here... * That's the moose on the right, kitty corner from behind. |
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12 Jun 06 - 04:46 PM (#1758311) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: number 6 Rapaire ... question here ... your friend had a part greyhound and part dachshund ... how in the hell could the 2 breeds mate? Letting my imagine flow here I can't but help laff at the possible ways. sIx |
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12 Jun 06 - 05:01 PM (#1758317) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace "how in the hell could the 2 breeds mate?" On a very steep hill, sIx. Very steep. |
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12 Jun 06 - 05:02 PM (#1758320) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Well, sIx, they did it the same way it's always done, I guess. He said something about the greyhound standing in a hole, but I never asked for (and didn't want) any details. |
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12 Jun 06 - 05:32 PM (#1758343) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace "how in the hell could the 2 breeds mate?" He brought flowers. |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:15 PM (#1758383) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Come to think of it, maybe he said the dachshund was in the hole. One or the other, anyway, was standing in a hole. |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:22 PM (#1758391) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace Or both, but one was in half a hole and obviously the other was all the way in the--never mind . . . . |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:24 PM (#1758396) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Bill D "1/2 dachshund and 1/2 german shepard" I didn't know a German Shepard would stoop so low.... |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:26 PM (#1758398) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee How do you know that the dachshund didn't have high aspirations? |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:28 PM (#1758403) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace Obvious, my dear Watson. Exvitro fertilization. |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:45 PM (#1758423) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk Artificial insemination. Either that or it was one of those kinky places where dogs go and pay to screw someone they don't know through a hole in the wall. It's sick what some dogs will do for thrills. |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:56 PM (#1758431) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: John O'L Clearly, the dachshund didn't use a stepladder. |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:57 PM (#1758433) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Or an escalator. |
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12 Jun 06 - 06:58 PM (#1758436) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: The Fooles Troupe Please don't swear in public Peace! |
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12 Jun 06 - 07:01 PM (#1758439) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace Sorry. |
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12 Jun 06 - 07:02 PM (#1758443) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: number 6 Great posts guys LOL !! sIx |
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12 Jun 06 - 07:54 PM (#1758471) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Little Hawk That kind of place isn't called a "hole in the wall" for nothing. |
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12 Jun 06 - 08:04 PM (#1758476) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Peace Sure you used enough dynamite there, Butch? |
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12 Jun 06 - 08:27 PM (#1758491) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: The Fooles Troupe I do so apologise Peace. I mistook "Exvitro fertilization" for a sexually oriented mode of travel.. |
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12 Jun 06 - 09:21 PM (#1758520) Subject: RE: BS: Geek in Boston tortures dachshunds From: Rapparee Didja hear about the guy who went to the drugstore to get some condoms? The druggist asked, "What size?" and guy said he didn't know. "Well," said the druggist, "there's a wooden fence full of knotholes out back. Each knothole has a number over it. Go out there, stick your member through the holes and let me know the number of the one that fits." So the guy goes out back. The druggist's lovely, nubile, daughter sees him and knows what he's going to do, so she runs down and arranges herself on the other side of the fence, moving from knothole to knothole as the guy moves. Finally the guy staggers back into the drugstore. "Okay," says the druggist, "what size condoms do you want?" "Condoms, hell!" whispers the man. "I want about a hundred yards of that fence!" |
