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18 Jun 06 - 08:19 PM (#1763234) Subject: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace is this the cat who chewed your new shoes? |
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18 Jun 06 - 08:24 PM (#1763235) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: bobad When I saw the title of your post that line was the first thing that popped into my head....scary. |
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18 Jun 06 - 08:25 PM (#1763237) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace I'm startin' to worry about you. |
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18 Jun 06 - 08:26 PM (#1763239) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: bobad Yeah, me too. |
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18 Jun 06 - 08:28 PM (#1763240) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: frogprince 'n our Sunny School teacher taught us a new song, "Gladly the Cross-eyed Bear".... |
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18 Jun 06 - 10:04 PM (#1763285) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Oh! Oh! I know that one! It's Hawaiian! "Lard on my poi...." |
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18 Jun 06 - 10:41 PM (#1763305) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: SINSULL Rudolf, the Red, loves rain, Dear. |
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18 Jun 06 - 10:59 PM (#1763317) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: frogprince All non-Christians got a place in the fire; Some burn low and some burn higher... |
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18 Jun 06 - 10:59 PM (#1763318) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: number 6 No ... it was Bella the dog. sIx |
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19 Jun 06 - 01:15 AM (#1763370) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: JohnInKansas And nobody respects "Olive, the other reindeer." ('cept Shel?) John |
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19 Jun 06 - 01:29 AM (#1763375) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: GUEST,Art Thieme Uh, folks, that pun is on my recent CD called CHICAGO TOWN AND POINTS WEST. It was a story I told to link two cowboy songs. The concert tape we used was from a show I did just about twenty years ago. It was about Roy Rogers... But I was using that line as far back as 30 years. Day job vu all over again!! ;-) Love, Art Thieme (it's available from www.folklegacy.com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) |
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19 Jun 06 - 02:04 AM (#1763387) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: open mike I, also, finished the line before scrolling down! but i think Rudolph knows rain (as well as loving it) Abie See De goldfish? 'ell 'em 'en no goldfish. 'Es 'em are. |
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19 Jun 06 - 02:30 AM (#1763395) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Jeanie OS, OAR ! - jeanie |
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19 Jun 06 - 02:34 AM (#1763397) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Folkiedave I met a woman in a disco in California. She stole my heart. I left my heart in Sam Planks Disco. |
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19 Jun 06 - 03:27 AM (#1763409) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: GUEST,Elfcall or the final line to a very old Joke Rude Olf the Ted loathes train beer! Elfcall |
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19 Jun 06 - 03:59 AM (#1763422) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Declan Then there's the one about the man who finds out that his dog has died. Don't look so sad, I know its Rover |
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19 Jun 06 - 05:21 AM (#1763449) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Morticia We're Rolling a Gong on the Chest of a Slave was my favourite for years but then I transferred my affections to Nellie the Debutante tacked her Punt and said Goodbye to the Sir Gus. |
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19 Jun 06 - 05:33 AM (#1763457) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: catspaw49 Mudcatter khandu is Mississippi born and bred and he comes from the same county where the infamous Tallahatchie Bridge is located. He provided me with some details when WYSIWYG(Susan) was researching the song which was originally done many years ago by the famous Fisk University Jubilee Singers. We've had a number of threads discussing them around here. Quite a history! You may not be familiar with this part of their story, but the infamous '60's song by Bobbi Gentry, "Ode to Billie Joe," is directly linked to the Jubilee Singers. The story of Billie Joe is based in truth but of course "stylized" to some degree. It is an old story, dating back to the the late '40's when the only daughter of John Hatch, a Mississippi Klansman of some note, was in love with the first black attorney in the state of Mississippi. Jubilee Simmons was the grandson of slaves and his parents had named him Jubilee because they had both been members of the famous Fisk Jubilee Singers, where they had actually first met and fallen in love. He had gone to law school at the University of Chicago and returned to his family's home state of Mississippi, taking up residence in Carroll county in 1948. Klansman John Hatch's daughter was known to be a bit wild and young Kelli had already incurred her father's wrath on numerous occasions. Kelli was living with two other 22 year old women in the small town of Campton, Mississippi when she met and began dating Simmons. Her father learned of it a few weeks later and came into town drunk with some Klan buddies to hunt down and kill Simmons. Simmons law offices were across from the county courthouse and through an open window he could hear the drunken invectives hurled his way from across the square. He slipped out a back door and went to Kelli's house to take her away and save them both from the murderous rancor of her father and his equally violent "brethren." Not finding Jubilee in his office the Klansmen split up to search for him and John Hatch went to his daughter's, presumably to beat her or possibly (and probably) worse. He arrived before the pair had left and headed in the back porch door adjoining the kitchen. Seeing him coming, Simmons grabbed a kitchen knife and jumped atop the counter and then onto the top of the refrigerator that stood by the door. As John Hatch passed, he didn't notice Simmons who then jumped him safely from behind and in the ensuing struggle, Hatch was stabbed with the knife. The lovers bagged his body and threw it off the bridge on their way out of town. They were on their way to Chicago when they were arrested in Clarksville, Tennessee and returned for trial in Mississippi. Jubilee represented both and thanks to the testimony of one of the roommates and Mrs. Hatch, the wife of the deceased and Kelli's mother, who had suffered abuse for years at the hands of her husband, both were acquitted and moved to Chicago where he established a moderately successful practice on the south side. The original song told the story as it was, but owing to legal considerations, the Gentry version was done instead. The original was titled, "The Day that Jubilee the Barrister Jumped Off of Kelli Hatch's Fridge." Sorry........... Spaw |
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19 Jun 06 - 06:11 AM (#1763477) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Liz the Squeak Spaw - you owe me new curtains..... fried egg sandwiches and that sort of story just do not go together!!! I must confess to thinking of the cat that chewed as well...... LTS |
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19 Jun 06 - 06:19 AM (#1763483) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: wysiwyg :~) ~S~ |
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19 Jun 06 - 07:42 AM (#1763537) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: catspaw49 During World War II, the prisoners of Stalag 15, many of them Allied spies, were attempting yet another daring prison break. On this particular night, Major O'Roarke and Lieutenant Flanagan were chosen to try to cut their way through the bars of the East gate. They were hard at work when the siren sounded, and the floodlights caught them in the act. As the German officer led them away, O'Roarke said, "We were so careful. How did you ever catch us?" The German replied,"It's very simple. Somehow, I can always tell when Irish spies are filing." Spaw -- I love Feghoots....... |
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19 Jun 06 - 07:54 AM (#1763548) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Azizi Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's a cultural thing... I "got" 'Rudolf, the Red, loves rain, Dear'; 'Gladly the Cross-eyed Bear' and 'I left my heart in Sam Planks Disco'. However, I'm not familiar with 'Pardon me Roy is this the cat who chewed your new shoes?'. I'd appreciate it if someone would explain that play on words. Thanks. |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:00 AM (#1763553) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Morticia Pardon me boss, is this the Chattanooga Choo-choo |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:15 AM (#1763560) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: BuckMulligan In a less politically-correct era, I believe the line was "Pardon me boy," - which rhymes better with the punch line. |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:32 AM (#1763570) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Splott Man The squaw on the hippopotamus.... |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:53 AM (#1763588) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee As I parked down on the streets of Laredo As I parked down in Laredo one day I met a fair maiden who was handing out tickets She gave me a ticket and then drove away. |
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19 Jun 06 - 10:12 AM (#1763681) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Azizi "Pardon me boy, is this the Chattanooga Choo-choo" Okey dokey. I get it now. Thanks. I appreciate your responses. |
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19 Jun 06 - 10:58 AM (#1763712) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Den Leprosy, there are pieces falling off of me I'm not half the man I used to be Since I've come down with leprosy. Done to the tune of Yesterday. |
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19 Jun 06 - 11:06 AM (#1763718) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Check the balls on that big collie, Tra la la la la la la la la. |
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19 Jun 06 - 11:14 AM (#1763725) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John Hardly Hold me closer Tony Danza Count the headlice on the highway. I am so glad that Jubille and his bride were set free. That story had everything -- intrigue, passion, a nail-biting chase scene, and bullshit. |
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19 Jun 06 - 11:15 AM (#1763728) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Becca72 Elton John has great songs for this... "Someone shaved my wife tonight" "Don't let your son go down on me" "Hold me closer, Tony Danza" |
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19 Jun 06 - 11:38 AM (#1763754) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: catspaw49 I think this is the favorite one on Mudcat, told by at least 5 or 6 'Catters multiple times each. One of them even claimed ownership which he didn't have! The guy swore it was an original....it wasn't. But it is the Mudcat Feghoot Favorite: Another thing you might consider is ordering this tonic or tea or whatever you call it from Mercy General Hospital in Melbourne, Australia. Does a great job of helping the heart to heal if you can stand the stuff. Not to gross you out too much, but this tea/tonic stuff is made from Koala Bears and some other herbs. It's completely disgusting but it works. And when I say disgusting......well, to be frank, there are some chunky little bits and hair and stuff in it. I wrote and asked them if they could at least get the hair and the chunkier bits out and they wrote back saying, "The Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained." Spaw |
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19 Jun 06 - 11:41 AM (#1763756) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Someone shafted Evelyn from South Pacific. I must go now as Desmond Dekker tells me Me ears are alight. It's true what the eskimo said, you can't have your kayak and heat it. There were twin brothers who when their father the chief died were at loggerheads over who should succeed him and become chief. One brother decided that if he stole and hid the throne he would prevent his brother becoming chief. However that night there was a terrible tropical storm, and his grass hut was demolished by the wind. The throne which he had hidden in the attic of this hut, fell on top of him and killed him outright. Which just goes to prove that.................................... People who live in grass houses, shouldn't stow thrones! Giok |
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19 Jun 06 - 11:58 AM (#1763770) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Ernest Follow-up to the "leprosy"-variation of Yesterday: Syphilis, why does it hurt when I take a piss all I wanted was a simple kiss oh god, now I got syphilis as sung by John Morell... |
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19 Jun 06 - 02:09 PM (#1763857) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: gnu Oh, I've got a brand new pair of underwear, you wanna have a look and see? |
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19 Jun 06 - 02:58 PM (#1763908) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: fat B****rd "Soupacanofrigidlipsticksrambledeggsatrocious" |
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19 Jun 06 - 05:55 PM (#1764035) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D Once there was a marine biologist who loved dolphins. He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inventive genius, he came up with a serum that would make dolphins live forever! Of course he was ecstatic. But he soon realized that in order to mass produce this serum he would need large amounts of a certain compound that was only found in nature in the metabolism of a rare South American bird. Carried away by his love for dolphins, he resolved that he would go to the zoo and steal one of these birds. Unbeknownst to him, as he was arriving at the zoo an elderly lion was escaping from its cage. The zoo keepers were alarmed and immediately began combing the zoo for the escaped animal, unaware that it had simply lain down on the sidewalk and had gone to sleep. Meanwhile, the marine biologist arrived at the zoo and procured his bird. He was so excited by the prospect of helping his dolphins that he stepped absentmindedly over the sleeping lion on his way back to his car. Immediately, 15 policemen converged on him and arrested him for.... transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises. |
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19 Jun 06 - 06:02 PM (#1764041) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Ooh Bill !!!!!!!!!! |
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19 Jun 06 - 06:17 PM (#1764060) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: GUEST,khandu Yes, at the same zoo, the zookeepers were excited at the news that they were finally getting a gnu. They had hurriedly prepared a new cage for the gnu. All that remained in completing the cage was a few boxes of tiles that were to be laid. In fact, the boxes of tiles had been placed in a corner of the cage awaiting the tileman. Unfortunately, the tileman had been delayed and the tiles remained in their boxes in the cage when the new gnu arrived. The zookeepers decided to put the gnu into the new cage despite the unlaid tiles. Amazingly, the next morning, the tiles were all laid, and it was apparent the gnu had laid the tiles himself. The evening headlines read: "Typical gnu and tiler, too" |
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19 Jun 06 - 07:16 PM (#1764091) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D I had a gnu once, got him from an exotic animal farm that was going out of business...he was pretty smart, but he was getting on in years. I had thought he & I could share our time together better if I could get him to learn little tasks like bringing in the newspaper, chasing away intruders and maybe even some stunts like rolling over, playing dead and walking on his hind legs......but it wasn't to be. He was either too stubborn or he knew it was beyond his abilities since he was not young enough....I guess you can't teach an old Gnu dog tricks. |
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19 Jun 06 - 07:58 PM (#1764127) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: gnu >:-) |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:07 PM (#1764137) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: JohnInKansas We have friends who frequently burst out with: "She thinks I steal cars." It's apparently an insider reference to her misunderstanding, during courtship, of his rendition of: She thinks I still care." John |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:11 PM (#1764139) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John on the Sunset Coast The droppings of the Fu Bird can be deadly if you try to wipe them off your person. So if the Fu shits, wear it. |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:29 PM (#1764152) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: RobbieWilson no, that's a hickory dacquiri doc |
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19 Jun 06 - 08:30 PM (#1764154) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: RobbieWilson that's the feline say, can I give you a shine? |
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19 Jun 06 - 09:14 PM (#1764180) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: GUEST,Art Thieme A rather long tale I've posted elsewhere in this forum ends with the musical pun: Haifa lootin' Newton shootin' Son-of-a-num from Barcelona, Part time plowboy --- Joe !!! Art |
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19 Jun 06 - 09:49 PM (#1764200) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: SINSULL Oh why not??? This should be a 20 minute monologue but I'll make it short and sweet. The city of Rome was in chaos. An old woman came into the market from the countryside carrying a huge berry in a cart. People marvelled at its size and color. Its fragrance drove them mad. Soon a cult developed around this berry. People came from far and near to worship. Well, the Emperor was not happy. And he stuck the local magistratee with the job of ending the heresy. By now, loyal Romans are in arms, visiting peasants are ready to revolt and it is a no win situation. The magistrate picks his way to the front of the crowd. Romans hiss and boo. He holds his hand up and quietly says "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to seize her berry, not to praise it!" Flip Wilson circa 1968 |
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19 Jun 06 - 10:03 PM (#1764207) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: jeffp This has been a wonderful trip down memory lane. So many great punch lines to so many horrible jokes! Each of which I've told during my well-misspent life. To which I can only add: "He should have quit while he was still a head." |
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19 Jun 06 - 10:23 PM (#1764226) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee On a very distant planet xenobiologists have found a human-like creature made of solid stone. More than gigantic, it was over 300 meters high and was, according to the instruments, very much alive. However, it only sat in a chair, its chin in its right hand, like Rodin's "The Thinker." The scientists tried everything they could think of to get some reaction from it, but to no avail. After months of trying, one of them burst out in frustation, "WHY would nature create such a marvelous, living, and obviously intelligent creature which only sits silently??" It was the first time a question had been asked in the creature's presence. Suddenly, it stood up, arising to it's full height and after a moment's pause replied in a deep, thunderous voice, "It wouldn't!" The scientist slapped himself on the forehead and exclaimed, "Of COURSE! It only stands to reason!" |
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19 Jun 06 - 10:40 PM (#1764239) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Cool Beans All I said was, "How far is the Old Log Inn?" |
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20 Jun 06 - 03:31 AM (#1764367) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Liz the Squeak Ah... the old favourites... Now Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervase, for the mild, green, hairy lipped squid. LTS |
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20 Jun 06 - 05:17 AM (#1764429) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie So this rare animal was donated to the local zoo, and they couldn't find out what it was, so it was referred to as the rare animal which in time transmogrified into Rarie. The beast grew at a tremendous rate and soon was too big to fit in any of the zoo enclosures, and was costing too much to feed. In desperation they decided that it had to go, so they loaded it on a huge transport plane, which flew out over the Pacific. Once they were up there a crewman opened the cargo doors intending to push the poor beast out, it demurred, looked out of the door, and sang. It's a long way to tip a rarie! Ithangyew. G. |
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20 Jun 06 - 07:59 AM (#1764508) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Liz the Squeak There was this guy who favoured himself as the next 'Le Petomaine'.. his stage act consisted of him passing wind through his lower sphincter in a tuneful manner. He could toot 'La Bamba', the Indian Love Call, 'Stars and Stripes', 'Col Bogey' and many other favourites. As a filler, he would impersonate various items, such as a dog barking, rifle fire, a kitten mewling, a pneumatic drill and, his piece de resistance, a Harley Davidson motorbike. He took this act all over the world, and they loved him. Many many times he was called upon to do his act in many many countries. He became very rich, women flocked to his side and no request was too much or too bizarre. Tragically though, in Tokyo, at the climax of his act, something went wrong... Instead of the rich resonant tones of a Harley Davidson, all he produced was a pathetic, whining splutter. He tried again. There was a cough, a squeal and eventually, nothing. In desperation he sought medical advice. He visited all the doctors and clinics he could find in the area, tried all manner of creams, lotions, treatments and medicines, but to no avail, the beautiful sound of a Harley Davidson was beyond him. All he could produce was a clunking, whining sound and then nothing. At his wits end, he tried alternative therapies. Finally, he appealed to an elderly accupuncturist. The accupuncturist asked him to run through the act, looking thoughtfully at the man when he reached the finale and the pathetic, honking, phut phut sounds that should have been a Harley Davidson. He bade the man lie down over the table and carefully and dilligently inspected his performing sphincter. The accupuncturist selected a long needle from his kit, swabbed the site and inserted the needle. There was a moment of stinging pain and then a feeling of blessed relief. He gave a gentle toot... with confidence he performed 'Old Smokey' and finally, a triumphant, rich, resounding Harley Davidson roar! "How can I ever thank you?" he exclaimed to the accupuncturist, "That was incredible!! Whatever was the matter? Why couldn't I make the Harley Davidson sound?" The accupuncturist sucked on his moustache thoughtfully. "Abcess" he declared. "Abcess makes the fart go Honda." I'll get me coat. LTS |
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20 Jun 06 - 09:06 AM (#1764557) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Oh Danny Boy The pints, the pints are calling From pub to pub, and in the mountain glen.... |
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20 Jun 06 - 09:19 AM (#1764584) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Two scientists were working on the Manhattan Project back during WW2. Now, everyone knows that many different approaches were tried because no one was certain what would eventually work. These two were working on a circular radio wave. After toiling for months in a tiny, hot, shack in New Mexico one finally jumped up and yelled "Eureka!" He ran to his partner and showed him -- the diagram of a circular radio wave! "You fool!" said the scientist. "This is not a circular radio wave! This is a naught, a nothing, a zero!" And with that he took the drawing of the circular radio wave, rolled it into a tube and ran it through the pencil sharpener, letting the shards fall to the floor. They were immediately surrounded by a crowd of carping janitors complaining about the litter. And then, suddenly, there was a blinding flash and the whole area vanished in white heat and a mushroom-shaped cloud! That's what you get when you have a critical mass at ground zero. |
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20 Jun 06 - 09:54 AM (#1764611) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Tannywheeler My aunt died 1&ahaff wks ago. We had a memorial service, then, several days later, we had the graveside service at the family plot: my grandfather&grandmother, his father and youngest sister, his brother, and all 5 of his children(incl. my dad) are there together. I've been "down" for almost 2 weeks. Thank you all for this thread. One of the marks of kinship in this family is the love of laughter. I guess you're all cousins... I admit that my first response to seeing the thread title was to sing the line "Is THAT the Chattanooga choo-choo?" Azizi, it's a song(not as far back as WWI--since the depression, probably. Someone here probably can direct you to writer/date/history, etc.) about a guy happy to be going home after being gone a while. Because (beginning of another verse)"There's gonna be a certain party at the station--Ribbons & lace--I used to call funny-face..." to whom he will get married and NEVER leave home again, if he can help it. Gotta go catch my breath. Thanks again...Tw |
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20 Jun 06 - 10:03 AM (#1764621) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace I am sorry to hear about your Aunt, Tw. Speaking odf old jokes: . . . and he said, "Forty-seven." The room went completely quiet. |
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20 Jun 06 - 10:11 AM (#1764632) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie It's the way you tell them Bruce! G. |
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20 Jun 06 - 10:12 AM (#1764635) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace LOL |
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20 Jun 06 - 10:29 AM (#1764652) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: catspaw49 Sorry about your Aunt Tanny. Good idea about the lyrics though..... This song was done in several versions but the most famous two would be Glenn Miller's and Red Foley's with Miller winning that race going away! Miller had a million seller with this song, sung by his singing group, The Modernaires. There are several sites where you can here it. We have had a several threads on it as well. CHATTANOOGA CHOO-CHOO (Harry Warren & Mack Gordon), 1941 Pardon me boy Is that the Chattanooga Choo-Choo Track twenty-nine Boy, you can give me a shine I can afford To board the Chattanooga Choo-Choo I've got my fare And just a trifle to spare You leave the Pennsylvania station 'Bout a quarter to four Read a magazine And then you're in Baltimore Dinner in the diner Nothing could be finer Than to have your ham and eggs in Carolina When you hear the whistle blowin' Eight-to-the-bar Then you know that Tennessee Is not very far Shovel all the coal in Gotta keep it rollin' Woo, woo, Chattanooga There you are There's gonna be A certain party at the station Satin and lace I used to call funny face She's gonna cry Until I tell her that I'll never roam So Chattanooga Choo-Choo Won't you choo-choo me home? So Chattanooga Choo-Choo Won't you choo-choo me home Won't you choo-choo me home Spaw |
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20 Jun 06 - 11:40 AM (#1764707) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: SINSULL Someone better explain the Roy Rogers reference for Azizi. (this should be good - 15 versions of the same bad joke). |
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20 Jun 06 - 11:58 AM (#1764718) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D Now, I REALLY appreciate the "fart go Honda" story LtS provided us with! That was elegant, well set up, and perfectly phrased. It even had that 'it might almost be real' air to it. Some of the others require awkward, contrived twists of the language to get to a weak punch line. I know, I know....we use what we find..*grin*...one of the problems of the internet/WWW is that it is WAY too easy to propagate medicore jokes. Sometimes a search will reveal 23 exact replicas of one story...and maybe a couple that have been polished and tweaked to perfection. (my own up there, about the "immortal porpoises", was only 75% of what I remember years ago...I cheated and found one that came close. It is sometimes told using "young gulls" instead of "mynah", which I don't think is nearly as elegant and I have heard it set in a jungle, and stretched and massaged until the audience is hanging on every word...) anyway, Liz...thanks for a lovely one! |
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20 Jun 06 - 12:09 PM (#1764726) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: bobad For Azizi: Roy Rogers had just purchased a new set of boots. Going out one day to check on Trigger, Roy stepped in a pile of ... well suffice it to say that Dale told him to leave his boots outside on the porch until he could clean them up. Roy did so and went inside for dinner. In the meantime a cougar wandering around on the property spied the boots, grabbed them up in his mouth and headed for the wilderness. Roy, seeing his new boots heading for the hills, pulled on a pair of old boots, ran out and saddled up Trigger and headed for the hills to cut off the escape path of the cougar. Several hours later Roy returned, new boots in hand and the cougar stretched over the back of Trigger. Dale looking at the scene in front of her said "Pardon me Roy is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?" BTW peace, that comes from a page appropriately titled "Older Jokes For Older Folks" |
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20 Jun 06 - 12:34 PM (#1764752) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace "What paté? That was my stool sample." |
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20 Jun 06 - 12:35 PM (#1764753) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Do you think I should have said di Maggio? |
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20 Jun 06 - 01:21 PM (#1764791) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: clueless don I first heard the joke with "Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?" back in the early 1970's, and I've been telling it ever since. Perhaps this would be the time to dredge some punchlines from the "My Word" back catalogue: Our roses arose. Is a row Cicero's? I think they're for 1 AM. Wait 'til the nun signs, Shelly. Never undress to meet the Pa of a woman. Don |
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20 Jun 06 - 01:25 PM (#1764796) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Five dollars, just like downtown. |
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20 Jun 06 - 02:07 PM (#1764835) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Cool Beans I saw that the panties would never fit me, so I took the sports car. |
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20 Jun 06 - 02:27 PM (#1764845) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Nut screws washers and bolts. G.. |
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20 Jun 06 - 04:26 PM (#1764938) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D Thursday's your day in the barrel. |
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20 Jun 06 - 04:58 PM (#1764954) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Azizi For bobad: ...Several hours later Roy returned, new boots in hand and the cougar stretched over the back of Trigger. Dale looking at the scene in front of her said.. "That's cat's real cool". |
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20 Jun 06 - 05:19 PM (#1764968) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Azizi Preview is your friend... Actually what Dale said is "Roy, that cat's real cool". |
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20 Jun 06 - 05:20 PM (#1764971) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie That's it lads, tea break's over back on your heads! G |
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20 Jun 06 - 05:33 PM (#1764978) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee "Haha! Gotcha again!" |
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20 Jun 06 - 05:57 PM (#1764987) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Micca There is a very funny book called " The shy Photographer" by Jock Carroll in which the running theme is they only tell the punchlines of jokes, he often uses them or short oneliners as chapter headings also. One of my faves of the latter type was, bearing in mind the "hero" is a photographer " What did you you give the starving old woman on the park bench?" "1/100th of a second at f11" |
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20 Jun 06 - 08:00 PM (#1765112) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee That was no lady, that was my wife! |
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20 Jun 06 - 10:49 PM (#1765200) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: NH Dave During the early days of the Viet Nam War, aircraaft control, and threat warnigs were broadcast from highly tarted out EC-121's, Lockheed Super Constellations. Filled with millions and millions of dollars of radar and electronic gear allowing them to see most of the North Vietnamese fighter aircraft flying down in the dirt, to escape detection, and then zooming up to the altitude of the inbound fighter bombers from bases in South Viet Nam, Thailand, and carriers out in the South China Sea. These piston engined and propeller driven relics of WWII and Korea flew in great circles out over the South China Sea, day in and day out, managing fighter forces and warning them of threats from SAMs and Migs attacking them from behind and below. Needless to say, this duty never endeared itself to the men actually doing these body numbing flights, day in and day out, which may have been one reason they sang this song to a familiar tune. Expicalifragilistic Super Constellation, If you fly it long enough it'll give you constipation. McNamara thought it up in a fit of inspiration. Expicalifragilistic Super Constellation. Dave |
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21 Jun 06 - 09:27 AM (#1765482) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Cool Beans So I bit him! |
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21 Jun 06 - 09:32 AM (#1765490) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Good trade. |
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21 Jun 06 - 09:36 AM (#1765494) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee I can see your house from up here! |
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21 Jun 06 - 09:56 AM (#1765504) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace I was talking to the dog. |
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21 Jun 06 - 11:34 AM (#1765581) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: clueless don I didn't say she was crazy ... |
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21 Jun 06 - 11:38 AM (#1765589) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee No, but her aim is improving. |
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21 Jun 06 - 12:50 PM (#1765648) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Because one of it's legs is both the same! G. |
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21 Jun 06 - 01:21 PM (#1765678) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace . . . because he was stapled to the chicken. |
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21 Jun 06 - 02:08 PM (#1765717) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: BuckMulligan and the butler stuck his dick in the mashed potatoes. If anyone knows the joke that goes with that punchline, I'd be grateful to learn it. I read it, punchline only, in a humor collection by H. Allen Smith, over 40 years ago. |
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21 Jun 06 - 07:38 PM (#1766006) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace It's a good thing no one stepped in it. |
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22 Jun 06 - 03:51 AM (#1766256) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Liz the Squeak Ah no... but I could have done! LTS |
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22 Jun 06 - 08:47 AM (#1766444) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee I like neither the gleam in your eye nor the tilt of your kilt. |
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22 Jun 06 - 09:07 AM (#1766453) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Put your hand up again, it's grew some more! G |
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22 Jun 06 - 09:48 AM (#1766506) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace "and the butler stuck his dick in the mashed potatoes. If anyone knows the joke that goes with that punchline, I'd be grateful to learn it. I read it, punchline only, in a humor collection by H. Allen Smith, over 40 years ago." Buck, I'm stuck on this one. |
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22 Jun 06 - 09:52 AM (#1766510) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace 2. mashed potatoes Mashed potatoes at a party. Part of a larger expression of derision. "Shit... if I knew it was going to be THAT kind of party, I would have stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes!" |
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22 Jun 06 - 03:58 PM (#1766859) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Well, doc, if you think it'll help I'll dye it. |
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22 Jun 06 - 04:12 PM (#1766876) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: frogprince Why, what color is it now? |
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22 Jun 06 - 04:13 PM (#1766878) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Don't have to worry. Fall off in two week. |
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22 Jun 06 - 04:58 PM (#1766909) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D "Nothing queer about Carruthers!" "But, sir...the men use her to ride to town!" |
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22 Jun 06 - 05:00 PM (#1766910) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Does that calf have a mother? |
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22 Jun 06 - 05:25 PM (#1766930) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee No, I mean just now. |
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23 Jun 06 - 05:57 AM (#1767309) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Paco Rabanne 99. |
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23 Jun 06 - 06:02 AM (#1767310) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Well well |
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23 Jun 06 - 09:35 AM (#1767457) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace There. there, there. |
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23 Jun 06 - 11:08 AM (#1767553) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Splott Man It's all right, I've got my bike outside. |
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23 Jun 06 - 11:12 AM (#1767559) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Turn her over! Turn her over! |
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23 Jun 06 - 11:29 AM (#1767592) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Shoot the dog! |
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23 Jun 06 - 12:23 PM (#1767642) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: GUEST The hole was smaller and it smelled better. |
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23 Jun 06 - 04:56 PM (#1767647) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee No, no! I swear it's just ice cream! |
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23 Jun 06 - 06:45 PM (#1767728) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D The whole SHOVELFULL?,Miss Kitty? |
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24 Jun 06 - 11:33 AM (#1768067) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee "Well, I might be stupid but I ain't lost." |
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24 Jun 06 - 12:37 PM (#1768101) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Standing up in a hammock! G |
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24 Jun 06 - 01:08 PM (#1768127) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Cool Beans Well, YOU try wiping your behind with three quarters, two dimes and a nickel. |
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24 Jun 06 - 01:30 PM (#1768140) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie They all gave me a penny. |
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24 Jun 06 - 06:38 PM (#1768309) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill Hahn//\\ One more---a little fellow asks his (Jewish mother--tht is important here)---"what is fornication"? Go see your dad--she says. Same question to dad---see your grandma Same question---Grandma takes the little fellow into a closet and shows him a beatitful gown---and she says to him, "...boychik---dis is fornaoccasion". Baboom---and get the dialect right. Bill Hahn |
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24 Jun 06 - 06:40 PM (#1768310) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill Hahn//\\ I still loved that cat who ate my shoes----totally forgot that gem. Along with Ben they cremated him and placed him in an urn the crowd all said a Benny burned is a Benny urned. Bill Hahn---ba boom once again |
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24 Jun 06 - 06:46 PM (#1768313) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie I suppose I ashed for that! |
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24 Jun 06 - 08:41 PM (#1768391) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee "Now WORK, you bastard!" |
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24 Jun 06 - 09:04 PM (#1768406) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Alice Hey, FOLKS, go back and read Art Thieme's message in this thread. It seems like most of you missed it! Good one, Art. I bet you it gave you a jolt to see your line come up on a thread title! Kudos to you. Alice |
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24 Jun 06 - 10:24 PM (#1768449) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D "well, it worked out fine for awhile.. then huntin' season started, and I ain't seen her since." |
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25 Jun 06 - 11:10 AM (#1768683) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: JennyO "Did you see the size of the dick on that moth?" |
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25 Jun 06 - 02:13 PM (#1768793) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Ebbie Re the dick and mashed potato one, might that derive from 'spotted dick'? |
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25 Jun 06 - 02:13 PM (#1768796) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Oh! I just remembered where I left my umbrella! |
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25 Jun 06 - 03:08 PM (#1768841) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Some arsehole's got my pen! G |
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25 Jun 06 - 05:03 PM (#1768915) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: frogprince Oh, gawd, they stole my girlfriend, too... |
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25 Jun 06 - 06:06 PM (#1768950) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Liz the Squeak What, you don't have a vase? LTS |
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25 Jun 06 - 06:11 PM (#1768955) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Many times, but never with a daisy. |
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25 Jun 06 - 10:03 PM (#1769067) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: GUEST,Art Thieme Alice, Thanks for noticing my post above. Very nice of you. It does seem everyone here skipped over it. I do believe that was one o' my old puns. Art Thieme |
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25 Jun 06 - 11:04 PM (#1769093) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee I caught it, Art. I groaned. |
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26 Jun 06 - 03:33 AM (#1769137) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: SharonA I would have, but they were all at the funeral. I don't know who he is, but his face rings a bell. Sequel: I don't know who he is, but he's a dead ringer for his brother. Now? You want Moo Shu Pork now??? |
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26 Jun 06 - 05:18 AM (#1769172) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Liz the Squeak Rap - good one, but it was a daffodil when I saw it! LTS |
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26 Jun 06 - 08:51 AM (#1769262) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Of course I will, but you won't mind if I pass it through my kidneys first? |
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26 Jun 06 - 11:18 AM (#1769365) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: clueless don Electric Bass solo! |
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26 Jun 06 - 11:45 AM (#1769378) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee When you get the banjo in the dumpster on the first try. |
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07 Jul 06 - 10:28 AM (#1778238) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Splott Man Green side up! |
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07 Jul 06 - 10:30 AM (#1778241) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Splott Man Bugger it - 1/8, 1/8, 1/8! * * (That's 1 and 8 as in old UK shillings and pence) |
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08 Jul 06 - 12:13 AM (#1778714) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace . . . would you please take the dog for a walk? |
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08 Jul 06 - 12:18 AM (#1778715) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: freightdawg An elderly oriental lumber salesman was having some difficulty maintaining his stock of expensive hardwood. No matter how much he ordered it seemed to vanish into thin air. The finest detectives in the country were called in to help solve the crime. After weeks of disappearing lumber and intense sleuthing about the only clues they could find were some small footprints, apparently made by a very young boy. This confused the detectives tremendously as the wood was very heavy and could not have been purloined by such a small criminal. Finally, in desperation the owner vowed to stay up one night in hopes that he could catch the thief red handed. All was quiet until about 3:30 in the morning when the old owner heard the rustle of wood planks being carried off into the countryside. He shined the brightest spotlight he could find onto the culprit, exposing a huge grizzly standing upright and wearing the tiniest little sandles he had ever seen, each bearing the imprint of a small foot. The proprietor surveyed the situation for a moment and then confronted the thief: "Greetings to thee, little man, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan." Freightdawg |
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08 Jul 06 - 12:32 AM (#1778718) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: freightdawg Well, its funnier if you get the punchline right - sigh. "Blessings on thee little man, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan." (going back to gradeschool) Freightdawg. |
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08 Jul 06 - 05:57 AM (#1778817) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: JohnInKansas Re: Noticing Art Thieme We noticed, but we thought if we kept quiet, maybe he'd come back with some more. (Art's always got a 'nother one, don't he?) (bait) = "lock moss nesters." Now SHHHHHHHHH - real quiet. John |
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08 Jul 06 - 06:06 AM (#1778825) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie I will now put the bed, back in the cupboard! G |
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08 Jul 06 - 10:19 AM (#1778899) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Cool Beans Now, where's that lady with the bad tooth? |
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08 Jul 06 - 01:58 PM (#1778975) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Tannywheeler ...Eats shoots and leaves. (Eats, shoots, and leaves.) Pandas--look it up. Was it Letterman who coined the phrase: "More fun than Human Beings should be allowed to have"? I think of that line many times in this establishment. Got stuff to do. Gonna try to leav. Tw |
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08 Jul 06 - 02:49 PM (#1778997) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D "go ahead, it's your cow" ----------------------------------------- "you don't think I wanted a twelve-inch pianist, do you?" ----------------------------------------- and the farmer says..."Well, damn... If that ain't the third gay rooster I've bought this month!" -------------------------------------------------- "...whadda you mean, kinky? You wanta open the beer, don't you?" |
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08 Jul 06 - 03:32 PM (#1779006) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie I'll keep my eye open for you! G. |
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08 Jul 06 - 04:03 PM (#1779024) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Peace Sssssssshhh, they're gettin' closer. |
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10 Jul 06 - 08:34 AM (#1780251) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Splott Man wooden eye? |
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10 Jul 06 - 09:02 AM (#1780267) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie When he stood up, his arse fell off. G |
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10 Jul 06 - 09:09 AM (#1780273) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Rapparee Okay, where' that Eskimo gal I've gotta wrassle? Right nut go KAPOW! |
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10 Jul 06 - 10:35 AM (#1780334) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: JohnInKansas ... Wait till he tly leploduce! |
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10 Jul 06 - 11:35 AM (#1780366) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: John MacKenzie Always make sure to keep your thumbs out of the way! G |
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10 Jul 06 - 12:12 PM (#1780384) Subject: RE: BS: Pardon me Roy, From: Bill D "Ok, thanks, Yank...*snnnniiiiffffff*" (very old and TOTALLY unPC) |