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28 Feb 99 - 08:50 AM (#60686) Subject: Bald, fat & ugly From: alison Hi, Just got back from a festival where we heard a band called The Borderers sing a wonderful song, by Steve Boyd who used to be in an Aussie group called the Preachers. Chorus went...... (audience yells bit in brackets)
Will you love me when I'm bald fat and ugly (No Way) anyone know the rest? Slainte alison |
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28 Feb 99 - 10:01 AM (#60691) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme that's not funny!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-) |
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28 Feb 99 - 04:38 PM (#60751) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) Oh come on Art. I want to know more about this too! Bald - I am Ugly - Some say Fat - No, not fat :-)
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28 Feb 99 - 05:27 PM (#60765) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Barbara Gosh, Art, are you bald, too? ;> |
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28 Feb 99 - 07:56 PM (#60785) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: alison Hi, Remembered the rest of the chorus....
Will you love me when I'm bald fat and ugly (No Way) Slainte Alison
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28 Feb 99 - 10:13 PM (#60810) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme how 'bout old, cancerous, lovelorn, immune system deficient, homeless, spotty, lactose intolerant, squeamish, Jewish, horizontally challenged, naked, Republican, silly, alcoholic, fascist, chocoholic, lacking a funny bone, lacking Viagra, ghost magnet, unwashed, and the home of a skin devouring micro-organism??? |
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01 Mar 99 - 12:02 AM (#60825) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Lonesome EJ Art...what the hell is a "ghost magnet"? |
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01 Mar 99 - 12:44 AM (#60830) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: bseed(charleskratz) And hey, Art--some of that stuff is hitting too close to home. --seed |
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01 Mar 99 - 06:14 AM (#60853) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Banjer I resemble that remark!! I'll have to admit to all three of those endearing qualities....although the fat part is slowly going away, too slowly! ;-) |
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01 Mar 99 - 09:24 AM (#60864) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Allan C. Beauty fades - ugly is forever! I should know! |
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01 Mar 99 - 05:02 PM (#60908) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Lonesome EJ Art: it could be worse! You could be female, fat, bald, and ugly AND MENOPAUSAL!!! I am not Lonesome E.J. just his wife who has discovered the joy of Mudcat. |
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01 Mar 99 - 10:33 PM (#60948) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme A ghost magnet is a person that ghosts gravitate to. It's sort of the way flies hang around bicycle seats. I alwyas wanted to write a novel with a noir detective named Perry (peri) Menopausal! EJ's wife, Hi. We'll have to stop meeting like this. Yes, I too have several of these maladies. (won't say which ones though) If one is female and has 'em, it might be said that a pretty girl is like a malady!! If you get ill from eating an oyster with a pearl in it, one might say "a gritty pearl is like a malady". A skin devouring micro organism might be the answer to the fat part. (I've already tried every other remedy for that problem.) I'ts very little comfort to me to realize that a redwood tree with my circumferance is 200 feet tall!! Art |
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01 Mar 99 - 11:53 PM (#60962) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Sandy Paton Art is definitely NOT bald! Check out the photo on his new CD booklet. You can get a copy, along with the CD, direct from him or from Waterbug. You'll like it! Maybe he'll sell enough of 'em to hire an exorcist. Sandy |
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02 Mar 99 - 11:49 AM (#61033) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme Sandy, No I'm not bald. But I am growing up through my hair. |
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02 Mar 99 - 01:03 PM (#61043) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Bill D heard Ola Bell Reed say once..(probably a standard line).. " me and my sister have an opinion about diets...and we agreed not to do it...we decided we didn't want to be old, fat, ugly, AND hungry.." |
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02 Mar 99 - 02:14 PM (#61052) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) I came across a cure for baldness in a packet at a chemists the other day. It shrinks your head to match the hair available. (:-) |
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02 Mar 99 - 03:39 PM (#61060) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: VAT (inactive) Bald. I thought those shiny things on the top of men's heads were solar panels for high preformance sex machines. |
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02 Mar 99 - 06:15 PM (#61073) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme That must be VAT 69 ! |
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02 Mar 99 - 06:32 PM (#61075) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: VAT (inactive) No just vat. |
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02 Mar 99 - 09:26 PM (#61098) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme I just got a very warm and concerned private message from a Mudcatter (who will remain nameless) saying they were concerned that my "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" response showed real, actual and very sad pain from me. Folks, please rest assured that I was making a joke!!!
Actually it's a parody of an old lightbulb joke: Answer: "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!" The joke went back close to 20 years. Sorry if I mislead anybody about me frame o' mind. Love you all, Art |
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03 Mar 99 - 05:18 AM (#61140) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Roger the zimmer When I saw the title of this thread I thought someone was trying to contact me! As she who must be obeyed says "No you're not bald dear, now put a hat on, to protect that pink bit on the top of your head." |
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03 Mar 99 - 05:30 AM (#61143) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Alan of Australia G'day, Then there are those who are not bald, but they have enough forehead for four heads.
Cheers, |
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03 Mar 99 - 08:22 AM (#61147) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ritchie I like the term that the kids of today use to describe some one who is follicly challenged....and that is slaphead..it's got a nice ring to it ,although you've got to laugh when some one covers it up with a 'syrup' Old cockney ryhming slang there.. The only thing missing from the list is Deaf. Why is it that everyone mumbles now ? Why is it ,to both the annoyance and delight of my wife, that I am forever having to ask her what people have said? Am I'm turning into my Dad...Doh!!! or Victor Meldew ? love and happiness Ritchie the Slaphead. p.s, Art, it's no good trying to put a brave face on it ,if you didn't think it was funny then it's not..no matter what you say to the contrary..You can fool some of the people some of the time etc.etc. |
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03 Mar 99 - 06:07 PM (#61179) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Banjer I don't know if my condition can be called "bald", but I have reached the age where I go to the barber and ask him to take a little off the sides......and put it on the top! |
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04 Mar 99 - 09:06 AM (#61248) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: hank Accually I wish I would be even more bald. I've never combed my hair when I could get out the door without. Well, I do make an exception, if I remember (once a leap year except the last escaped my notice) I always comb my hair before church. Many of you are goning to hate me though when I say that I eat twice as much per meal, and twice as many meals as my brother, yet he weighs 100 lbs more then me. No comment on the last one, you have to draw your own opinions. |
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06 Mar 99 - 08:49 AM (#61553) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) So I said to my barber "Why has the cost of your haircuts gone up over the years when the amount of hair on my head has significantly reduced?" He didn't reply but smiled in the knowing kind of way that suggested I had touched on a universal truth that barbers have been ripping off us bald blokes since the first barber opened for business. If you are follicly challenged ask your barber for a quote per square inch, and why it is the bloke in the chair next door with hair like a St Bernard gets charged the same price. See if you get a sensible answer. Just make sure he has finished with the razor on the back of your neck before you ask the question. (:-)) Ian
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06 Mar 99 - 09:33 AM (#61557) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ritchie I don't think that this story will travel but in case there are a few Geordies out there here goes... A man went into a hairdressers in Ashington,Northumberland and asked the Barber if he could give him a perm? "Whey Aye" said the barber "sit ya'sell doon".... "Mary haad a little laarm.." Ritchie |
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06 Mar 99 - 12:22 PM (#61577) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Barry Finn Does anyone else here blow dry their hair with a flashlight? Barry |
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06 Mar 99 - 03:34 PM (#61601) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: harpgirl Hey guys At least you baldies can wash your face and comb your hair in one sweep! Besides we know why that hair falls out...testosterone poisoning!!! **grin**harpgirl |
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13 Mar 99 - 09:56 AM (#62801) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) Ritchie. Good one. The joke travels well at least to this part of South East London. I've told it a number of other slapheads who found it as amusing as I did though I'll have to improve my attempts at the Geordie accent to do it full justice. Long live regional accents - don't ever, ever lose them. Ian |
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13 Mar 99 - 12:44 PM (#62825) Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: MAG (inactive) Actually, I've heard the "How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" joke as: "ONE!!!" Being one myself, I'll admit we can laugh at ourselves. Mary Ann |