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18 Sep 06 - 04:42 AM (#1837187) Subject: BS: Favourite insults From: Stu This is the gene police - get out of the pool! So many freaks, so few circuses |
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18 Sep 06 - 05:06 AM (#1837200) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Liz the Squeak Bought a whole heap of fridge magnets in the summer... all of them have an insult from Shakespeare on them. I think my favourite has to be 'thou smellst like a mountain goat' but it missed out this one which is fantastic... 'Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood'. (From King Lear). Limpit is doing Shakespeare for her school project this term... I think I'm going to regret this... LTS |
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18 Sep 06 - 05:11 AM (#1837204) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Paul Burke From Staveley, near Chesterfield, said to a blundering apprentice: "When tha were born, they threw t' wrong bit away". |
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18 Sep 06 - 05:13 AM (#1837207) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: The Shambles You rotter! |
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18 Sep 06 - 06:57 AM (#1837249) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: gnomad "You jackamanapes scourings of a lock-hospital pisspot!" Can't remember where I came across that one, and I have never used it, but I relish rolling it around in my mind when people I must not offend get to wind me up. One day, maybe. |
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18 Sep 06 - 07:43 AM (#1837266) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: GUEST,Dáithí ...also from WS "The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon!" |
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18 Sep 06 - 08:53 AM (#1837327) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Big Al Whittle one that sticks in my mind, from Nick Fenwick:- last time I saw a face like that, a zookeeper was feeding it buns... |
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18 Sep 06 - 09:18 AM (#1837352) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Dave Hanson Is that your own brain or are you breaking it in for an idiot ? Bessie Braddock to Winston Churchill, " Winston if you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee " Churchill to Bessie, " Madam if you were my wife I'd drink it " eric |
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18 Sep 06 - 09:21 AM (#1837354) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Dave Hanson George Bernard Shaw sent Winston Churchill two tickets for the first night of his new play saying " bring a friend, if you've got one " Churchill replied that he couldn't make the first night, but he would come to the second night, if there was one. eric |
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18 Sep 06 - 09:23 AM (#1837357) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: kendall Mine is way too gross to post here. |
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18 Sep 06 - 09:46 AM (#1837376) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Dave the Gnome The Monty Python team have come up with some good ones. From the Architect sketch - "That's the kind of blinkered, Philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage" And of course the French insulting the knights in 'Holy Grail' "I wave my private parts at your Aunty." "Your mother was a hampster and your father smells of elderberries" :-) But my favourite is not so much an insult as a curse - Apparantly translated from one of the Arabic languages. "May the hole in your arse heal up." Eeeeuccchhh. :D (tG) |
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18 Sep 06 - 10:37 AM (#1837407) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: dick greenhaus There's something soul-satisfying in informing a particularly offensive driver that he (or she) is a slack-jawed pig-fucker. |
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18 Sep 06 - 10:42 AM (#1837410) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Midchuck My favorite printable one: You bubble-mouthing, fog-blathering, chin-chuntering, chap-flapping, liturgical, turgidical, base old man! - Christopher Fry, The Lady's not for Burning |
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18 Sep 06 - 10:45 AM (#1837413) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Dave the Gnome Oh - and just remembered Jimmy Jewel to Hilda Baker "You knock-kneed knackered old nose-bag" They don't write comedy like that any more... :D (tG) |
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18 Sep 06 - 11:12 AM (#1837428) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: SINSULL You can be replaced by a void. |
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18 Sep 06 - 11:23 AM (#1837437) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: GUEST,Dazbo may you live in interesting times |
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18 Sep 06 - 11:55 AM (#1837457) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: GUEST From King Lear: "You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face" 'Nuff said! ~D |
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18 Sep 06 - 12:39 PM (#1837499) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: BuckMulligan Another Churchillian: (WSC) - Madame, you are ugly (or words ot that effect) (Madame) - And you are drunk! (WSC) - Indeed, but in the morning, I shall be sober. |
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18 Sep 06 - 12:56 PM (#1837511) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Donuel Mr. ________ has a face we will never forget, both of them. |
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18 Sep 06 - 01:09 PM (#1837519) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Mine is: You are the illegitimate product of a zombies wet dream.... |
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18 Sep 06 - 02:44 PM (#1837603) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Don(Wyziwyg)T "Please be sure to send me an invitation to your mother's wedding". Don T. |
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18 Sep 06 - 02:50 PM (#1837607) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: catspaw49 George S. Kaufman seated next to a blathering old bitty at a dinner party turned to her and asked, "Madam...Do you have any unexpressed thoughts?" She was obviously not a Mudcatter. Spaw |
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18 Sep 06 - 03:07 PM (#1837623) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Elmer Fudd I wish that for just one time You could stand inside my shoes And just for that one moment I could be you Yes, I wish that for just one time You could stand inside my shoes You'd know what a drag it is To see you. --Bob Dylan, "Positively Fourth Street" |
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18 Sep 06 - 04:08 PM (#1837662) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Geordie-Peorgie 1. Aah see you've found the antidote to Oil of Olay/Grecian 2000/ 2. Hey Pet! What's you and your sister been up to since Cinderella got married! 3. If wit was shit you'd be constipated 4. If brains was dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose 5. Why do I call you 'Babe'? You've seen the movie???? |
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18 Sep 06 - 04:20 PM (#1837672) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Liz the Squeak Ah.. if you were any more stupid, I'd have to water you once a week.. I'd happily engage in a battle of wits but I don't like to fight an unarmed opponent. LTS |
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18 Sep 06 - 04:27 PM (#1837678) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Clinton Hammond I think one of the most insulting thing one can say to someone is You're the epitome of 'nice' |
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18 Sep 06 - 04:54 PM (#1837695) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Georgiansilver Someone said to me last week that you haven't got the manners of a pig...but I stood up for you and insisted you had. |
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18 Sep 06 - 08:45 PM (#1837873) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: frogprince Just remembered something I haven't heard since grade school: "I saved your life yesterday; I killed a s**t eating dog" |
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18 Sep 06 - 09:38 PM (#1837901) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Bill Hahn//\\ Churchill---my hero---above comment about poison was, supposedly, to Lady Astor. Iloved the Shaw one. Good for the Bulldog. Another Churchillian one---you, sir, are a modest person with much to be modest about. Bill Hahn |
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18 Sep 06 - 09:40 PM (#1837905) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Bill Hahn//\\ Now let us try this one---not Churchillian. Would that the world had more people like you. Then it would be easier to see whom to avoid. Bill Hahn |
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18 Sep 06 - 10:28 PM (#1837930) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Joe_F "That isn't right. It isn't even wrong." -- Wolfgang Pauli Exchange of toasts at a convention: Here's to the American eagle, That wonderful bird of prey. It flies from Maine to Mexico And shits on Ioway. Then here's to the State of Iowa, Whose soil is already rich -- It needs no turd from a bald-headed bird Or a red-headed son of a bitch. He is as brilliant as a dead mackerel in the moonlight -- he shines and stinks. -- One 19th-century U.S. politician about another, I forget which. |
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18 Sep 06 - 11:24 PM (#1837954) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Seamus Kennedy May your pubic hair turn into drumsticks and beat the bollocks off you. (Said to a man, I believe) Seamus |
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18 Sep 06 - 11:36 PM (#1837959) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Bert You metamorhosing polywog. |
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19 Sep 06 - 01:03 AM (#1837998) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: GUEST,Mike Miller I always liked a comment from the neurotic pianist, Oscar Levant. He said, "I'd like to memorize your name and, then, throw my head away!" My favorite Kiddish curse (in loose translation), "You should lose every tooth in your mouth but one. That should be for a toothache!" And, my favorite R rated insult is, "May your wife's pubic hair turn to fishhooks!" |
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19 Sep 06 - 01:10 AM (#1837999) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Dave Hanson There are two things I dislike about you, your face. To a policeman, " I was going to join the force once, till they found out my mother and father were married. eric |
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19 Sep 06 - 03:36 AM (#1838040) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: The Walrus "The best bit of you ran down your mother's leg" You have/XYZ has "A face like a slapped arse" You look/XYZ looks "like a wasp licking piss off a nettle" (well it makes a change from "A bulldog chewing a wasp"). Once said of a self important politician:- "There, but for the grace of God, goes God" Or for someone who keeps getting into one's line of sight:- "You might be a pain - but you're not a window pane!" W |
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19 Sep 06 - 04:57 AM (#1838079) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: The Shambles Cad. |
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19 Sep 06 - 10:12 AM (#1838297) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Clinton Hammond If I wanna really hurt someone's feeling, I'll call them Shambles.... Or Little Hawk...... Even I don't find occasion to be THAT mean very often |
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19 Sep 06 - 10:53 AM (#1838319) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Ebbie Clinton, you are the epitome of nice. |
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19 Sep 06 - 10:56 AM (#1838321) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Clinton Hammond Are you not creative enough to get your own line? thought not.... |
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19 Sep 06 - 11:25 AM (#1838336) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Ebbie Lighten up, Clinton. I meant it to be funny. |
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19 Sep 06 - 11:41 AM (#1838348) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Clinton Hammond Really? Keep your day job then.... :-) See... that's what emoticons are for... they serve to help convey 'tone' in this text-only medium.... |
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19 Sep 06 - 12:52 PM (#1838406) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Ebbie You see, she explained patiently, you had just got done saying that you considered that line the ultimate of any insult and then went on to blast someone else which gave *her* the chance to use your line. :) |
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19 Sep 06 - 03:05 PM (#1838508) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: The Shambles Pone ubi sol non lucet! |
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19 Sep 06 - 04:38 PM (#1838607) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Ebbie I think it's clear enough, Shambles. |
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19 Sep 06 - 05:57 PM (#1838650) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Geordie-Peorgie Aah once upset a bunch of women in a bar when aah asked them if they were there for the auditions for 'MacBeth' A face like .......... A slate-hanger's nail pouch! A bag of chisels! The south-end of a north-bound cow! |
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20 Sep 06 - 04:27 AM (#1838906) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: GUEST,Dáithí Not sure if it counts as an insult, but it's certainly a great put down...courtesy of Samuel Johnson who, when asked by its author what he thought of a book replied: "It is both good, and original. Unfortunately, that which is good is not original, and that which is original is not good". One of my favourites... D |
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20 Sep 06 - 09:42 AM (#1839116) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Flash Company Forget where I saw it, but translated from the Arabic, 'May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.' FC |
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20 Sep 06 - 11:05 AM (#1839175) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: GUEST,Mike Miller I love those "translated from the Arabic" curses. My favorite is "All the tanks in the British Army could not separate the hairs of your moustache from the hairs of my ass." |
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20 Sep 06 - 03:37 PM (#1839403) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Liz the Squeak May your next shit be a hedgehog.... LTS |
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20 Sep 06 - 05:31 PM (#1839504) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Michael in Swansea "know what I like about you?" "No" "F**k all" |
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20 Sep 06 - 07:47 PM (#1839601) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Donuel My all time favourite has just become Hugo Chavez' stand up comedy stylings while at the UN General Assembly podium TODAY. "24 hours ago the devil was in this room. 24 hours ago the devil was at this very podium. I can still smell the sulfer of the devil . The devil I refer to is the President of the United States George Bush. It still stinks..." it gets impossibly funnier, like something Amos or catspaw could write. |
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21 Sep 06 - 03:07 PM (#1840224) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Dead Horse Madam. If The Good Lord, in His infinite wisdom, had meant for women to drive, He would not have invented kitchens! |
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21 Sep 06 - 03:27 PM (#1840234) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Liz the Squeak From Blackadder (to Lord Percy Percy): You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. LTS |
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21 Sep 06 - 03:48 PM (#1840247) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Bill Hahn//\\ Blackadder is one of the funniest shows, in my opinion. Now being shown again in NY on WLIW---must be about 30 yrs old now. I never thought Atkinson's Mr. Bean came close to his Blackadder. Loved his Christmas Carol from Blackadder. Bill Hahn |
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21 Sep 06 - 04:14 PM (#1840263) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Inukshuk Look at you then. Living proof that anal intercourse can produce offspring. |
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21 Sep 06 - 11:40 PM (#1840508) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Joe_F Lyndon B. Johnson had some (I think it was) journalists in the White House for a luncheon, and as one of them happened to be an ordained minister, he was asked to open with a prayer. No sooner had he begun when Johnson interrupted "Speak up, ----, we can't hear you." He replied, "I wasn't talking to you, Mr President." |
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22 Sep 06 - 12:29 AM (#1840523) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Old Guy Yo Mamma wears combat boots. |
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22 Sep 06 - 08:20 AM (#1840728) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Mr Red You are mistaking me for someone who gives a shit............. |
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22 Sep 06 - 09:16 PM (#1841221) Subject: RE: BS: Favourite insults From: Joe_F "The meanest man in the United States, unearthed the other day in Chicago,..." -- Beginning of a column by H. L. Mencken (1908) "'Young Mr. Buckley is getting into low company,' I wrote several years ago apropos the career up to then of William F. Buckley, Jr., Yale '50, and expressed a fatherly hope -- from the vantage point of Yale '28 -- that he would straighten out when he grew up. He hasn't done either...." -- Beginning of a book review by Dwight Macdonald (1954) |