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25 Oct 06 - 10:38 AM (#1868264) Subject: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,The Shingles What are you doing with the great all-British leather telescope? |
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25 Oct 06 - 10:41 AM (#1868269) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Ah Mrs Bannister, didn't I see you on the stairs? |
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25 Oct 06 - 10:41 AM (#1868272) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,big dick hey shingles your days are numbered. |
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25 Oct 06 - 10:56 AM (#1868286) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Hugh Jampton might pop into this one! |
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25 Oct 06 - 10:56 AM (#1868287) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie I think he just did! |
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25 Oct 06 - 11:19 AM (#1868314) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Seamus Kennedy Oh, this one's promising! Going for an Eccles caake now. Seamus |
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25 Oct 06 - 05:13 PM (#1868600) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: gnu Hehehehe... that's just nasty enough to make me chuckle. Good one! |
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25 Oct 06 - 05:41 PM (#1868619) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: skipy "Letter to Loretta" The Case of Mrs. Bannister (1955) Skipy |
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25 Oct 06 - 05:45 PM (#1868624) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie He opened the door in his pyjamas, I thought 'That's a funny place to put a door' G. |
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25 Oct 06 - 06:10 PM (#1868647) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,wordy I would leave this thread but the wick in the engine's gone out! |
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25 Oct 06 - 10:16 PM (#1868785) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe He's fallen in the war-ter! |
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26 Oct 06 - 03:59 AM (#1868916) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Seamus Kennedy Neddy - I tell you I'm as sane as the next man! Eccles - little does he know, I'm the next man! |
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26 Oct 06 - 04:02 AM (#1868920) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Can you see ahead Eccles? Yup, a dirty great bald one! A doomp a doomp a doomp, a doomp a di ☺ |
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26 Oct 06 - 05:35 AM (#1868955) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: fat B****rd "Hold tight,MMMotoring Min. We're doing three miles an hour" "OOOOOOOOOOOh, we'll al be murdered in our beds" |
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26 Oct 06 - 06:04 AM (#1868961) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Nine miles I swam; the last three were hell. They were over land!! Finally I woke up in a heap on the ground. I've no idea who left it there! |
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26 Oct 06 - 06:30 AM (#1868965) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Anyone seen Neddy Seagoon? |
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26 Oct 06 - 06:35 AM (#1868968) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Leadfingers It was a man with a military bearing , which he threw into the air and caught. He emerged from the daekness and walked into the light. {CLANK} "OOOW!" |
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26 Oct 06 - 06:55 AM (#1868979) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie How do you spell artillery, one L or two? Two Ls. To hell with you too, you rude person |
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26 Oct 06 - 07:23 AM (#1868989) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST Prisoner in prisoner of war camp; "Eccles, how's your german" Reply from next cell; "He's fine, how's yours?" |
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26 Oct 06 - 08:07 AM (#1869009) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: fat B****rd Neddy "Eccles" Eccles "Yah" Neddy "When the guard comes in with our food, let him have it" Bluebottle "An' what are we gonna eat ?" This could go on for ever, and why not ?? |
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26 Oct 06 - 08:33 AM (#1869031) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Why are the Germans holding their fire Eccles? Perhaps they haven't got a fireplace! |
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26 Oct 06 - 09:02 AM (#1869051) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST "Bluebottle: What's the time Eccles? Eccles: Just a minute, I've got it written down on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote it down for me. If anyone asks me the time, I show it to them. Bluebottle: Let me see that paper. It is writted here that it is 8 o'clock. Here what happens if they ask you and it's not 8 o'clock. Eccles: Then I don't show them the piece of paper! Bluebottle: But how do you know if it's 8 o'clock? Eccles: I've got it written down on this piece of paper! Bluebottle: You should get one of those things my grandpa has. It tells the time, gets you up in the morning, makes you tea. Eccles: Oh yes, what do you call that? Bluebottle: My grandma! Eccles: Here! How does she know what time it is? Bluebottle: She's got it writted on a piece of paper!" |
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26 Oct 06 - 11:04 AM (#1869135) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,CrazyEddie Eccles, "Why are you wearing that Wellington boot on your head?" "Because it fits" Then, all of a sudden, NOTHING HAPPENED!. - But it happened suddenly! |
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26 Oct 06 - 11:09 AM (#1869140) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: JennyO Seagoon: Listen! Warning! Do not land at Croydon Airport because it's not there yet. Bluebottle: Right oh then! Seagoon: Now, what is your exact position? Bluebottle: I'm lying on my side, with my knees drawn up, under my chin. Seagoon: Why? Bluebottle: I'm at home, in bed. Seagoon: You fool, McChisle. You've got the wrong number! |
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27 Oct 06 - 04:53 AM (#1869763) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie [Neddy Seagoon] I was dressed as a leopard, so cunning was my disguise that even my own Granny wouldn't have recognised me. [Deep male voice] Hello Neddy! [Neddy Seagoon] Hello Granny! |
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27 Oct 06 - 07:57 AM (#1869846) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe The blinds are drawn - they are not real! |
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27 Oct 06 - 02:42 PM (#1870189) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Paul from Hull Splat! |
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27 Oct 06 - 02:46 PM (#1870192) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie How do I open the door? Turn the knob on your side. But I haven't got a knob on my side! |
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28 Oct 06 - 12:09 AM (#1870540) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Dave Hanson Min, put the cat out, why ? it's on fire. |
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28 Oct 06 - 09:42 AM (#1870718) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Dead Horse Here Bluebottle, have a big fat red cigar with a wick on the end! |
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28 Oct 06 - 10:01 AM (#1870734) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Take this evidence to the west of minster forensic laboratory, and get it forensicked! G. |
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28 Oct 06 - 12:35 PM (#1870808) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: JennyO Now... have a gorilla. No thanks – I only smoke baboons. |
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28 Oct 06 - 12:45 PM (#1870818) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: open mike who's min? |
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28 Oct 06 - 01:26 PM (#1870851) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: bobad Opposite of max. |
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29 Oct 06 - 03:05 AM (#1871164) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Dave Hanson Mrs Crun, wife of Henry ? eric |
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29 Oct 06 - 05:21 AM (#1871203) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: autolycus Seagoon: I arrived on Brighton beach. Suddenly,I saw someone sitting on a deckchair. "Eccles,what are you doing here? Eccles: I'm on holiday. Seagoon: Well,what's all this snow doing on the beach? Eccles: That's on holiday as well. Ivor |
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29 Oct 06 - 07:02 AM (#1871241) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Minnie is Minnie Bannister and she is friend and possibly consort to, Henry Crun. G |
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29 Oct 06 - 07:27 AM (#1871252) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie Avalanche! No thanks, I've just had breakfast. |
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29 Oct 06 - 11:46 AM (#1871424) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Paul from Hull Consort? We'll have no such lewd allegations here! 'Companion of Honour' is the good lady's status sir! |
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29 Oct 06 - 12:19 PM (#1871449) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Dead Horse It is all in the esteemed Radio Times, produced by the Beeb Beeb Ceeb. and at only thruppence, dear listeners! Why, I would rather curl up with the Radio Times and have a good read by the fireside than listen to the wireless, indeed I would. |
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29 Oct 06 - 02:16 PM (#1871525) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: autolycus Bluebottle. Eccles,why aren't you wearing any clothes. Eccles. I've just been to answer the 'phone. Bluebottle. You don't have to take your clothes off to do that. Eccles. Well, you learn something new every day. Ivor |
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30 Oct 06 - 09:10 AM (#1872145) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,CrazyEddie You want us to steal Napolean's piano? That'll be a sticky job! Why? It's just been varnished! |
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30 Oct 06 - 11:18 PM (#1872712) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe Pull up a bollard! No thanks, I've just put one out! |
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31 Oct 06 - 12:36 AM (#1872738) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Gurney Where are you? I'm hidin', in the piano! Don't be silly. Haydn's been dead for years! |
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31 Oct 06 - 02:38 AM (#1872761) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Dave Hanson Here, sit on this photograph of a chair. eric |
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31 Oct 06 - 01:19 PM (#1873165) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Michael "The floor was so cunningly laid that no matter where you stood it was beneath your feet" 'The curtains were drawn but the furniture was real" |
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31 Oct 06 - 04:33 PM (#1873301) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: autolycus Seagoon: That's anice tie,Eccles. E: Yah,I got it in Cambridge. S: You were at Cambridge. E: Yer. S: What were you doing there. E: Buying a tie. Ivor |
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31 Oct 06 - 09:33 PM (#1873515) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,Allen in OZ Neddy: "Dear mother; she was like one of the family" AD 1943 |
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31 Oct 06 - 11:20 PM (#1873573) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Sandra in Sydney Peter - Tell me, tell me, tell me Mister Man, tell me Mister Man can a woman with a wooden leg change a pound note? Ken - Can a woman with a wooden leg change a pound note? Of course she can. Peter - No she can't, you see she's only got 'Half a Nicker' ha ha! |
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01 Nov 06 - 04:23 AM (#1873654) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie I went to Eton you know What were you doing there? I was delivering the groceries Why were you a greengrocer? No, more a sort of dirty yellow colour |
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01 Nov 06 - 12:49 PM (#1873942) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Michael From, I think, the same source as autolycus's ; Seagoon: Why do you keep that thermometer in a hot water bottle,Eccles? Eccles: Because If I take it out it will drop below zero and we'll all freeze to death. |
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01 Nov 06 - 03:53 PM (#1874112) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: fat B****rd Ned of Wales "Eccles, what are you doing here" Eccles "Everybody's got to be somewhere" |
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01 Nov 06 - 06:49 PM (#1874251) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe Before you shoot me, just let me see the Old Country again! What Old Country? ANY Old Country!!! |
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02 Nov 06 - 11:25 AM (#1874760) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Mr Fox "Spriggs, give that crocodile a tow!" "What for, Jim? He's had three of mine already!" |
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02 Nov 06 - 02:20 PM (#1874891) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Michael "Does this bus go past Brixham Jail?" "Why do yo want to go past Brixham jail?" "Well I certainly don't want to go in." |
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02 Nov 06 - 06:08 PM (#1875036) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,Allen in OZ Major Bloodknock to Colonel Chinstrap ( after a night of heavy drinking) " I suppose by now Colonel, you're wondering why you called me in here " Cheers " Here's to the Old Country" "What old country"? " Any old country" AD1943 |
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03 Nov 06 - 03:27 AM (#1875200) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Paul Burke Please! Brixham is a rather pleasant little seaside resort in Devon. The jail is in Brixton, Sarf London, which isn't quite so pleasant for holidays. |
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03 Nov 06 - 04:21 AM (#1875215) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST Did the Constable swear the hoath? Yessir! Did the prisoner swear? I never 'eard such language! |
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03 Nov 06 - 04:48 AM (#1875228) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Michael Paul, very sorry I know that and should have done it right. Don't know what came over me Min. Mike |
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03 Nov 06 - 09:29 PM (#1875772) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST,Allen in OZ Private Parts : " Sir: good news ! The relief column has arrived." Colonel : " Thank God ! Send her in!" Out here in the Colonies ( viz. Australia, New Zealand, South Africa etc) in the 1950s, the Goon Show was edited. The BBC removed all the risque comedy to protect our sensiblities. Thank God Sir I hear you cry ! AD 1943 |
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04 Nov 06 - 04:15 AM (#1875882) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Dave Hanson Australian ! sensibilities ! surely an oxymoron. eric |
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04 Nov 06 - 05:02 AM (#1875895) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: John MacKenzie I'll match your oxymoron, and raise you 2 phtaaaaangs! |
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04 Nov 06 - 07:02 AM (#1875961) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe "Out here in the Colonies ( viz. Australia, New Zealand, South Africa etc) in the 1950s, the Goon Show was edited. The BBC removed all the risque comedy to protect our sensiblities" Fortunately, having led a very sheltered life - i.e. not having been in the ranks of the military - the posh upper (officer) class BBC censors let slip thru a lot of lines that they did recognise as being the punch lines of certain 'risque' jokes (very popular among the ranks - read "real people") - thus lines such as "It's your turn in the the barrel" made it thru... :-) |
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04 Nov 06 - 07:05 AM (#1875963) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST As did Hugh Jampton |
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04 Nov 06 - 07:18 AM (#1875975) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe "Hugh Jampton" Hampton Wick - rhyming slang for ... |
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04 Nov 06 - 07:26 AM (#1875977) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST Shambles? |
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04 Nov 06 - 07:33 AM (#1875981) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe Big D... |
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04 Nov 06 - 11:15 PM (#1876461) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Gurney Bloodnock, after the usual rumbustious intro: "Batman, take this suit back to the hire shop!" Batman: "Yes sir. There is a deposit on it." Bloodnock: "Don't worry, it will brush off." I wonder if there are any puzzled Americans out there. |
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04 Nov 06 - 11:21 PM (#1876464) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe Bloodnok: I vowed they would never take me alive, but in the end I made them come to me on my hands and knees! Seagoon: How did you do that? Bloodnok: I hid in a drain! |
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05 Nov 06 - 09:19 AM (#1876655) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: Mr Happy http://www.whirligig-tv.co.uk/radio/index.htm |
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05 Nov 06 - 02:38 PM (#1876866) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: fat B****rd The prisoner of war camp was full of English officers who had sworn to die rather than be captured. |
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05 Nov 06 - 06:44 PM (#1877045) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe Seagoon: Bloodnok, what are you doing in this goal cell? Bloodnok: I've got an OBE and a packet of squid! |
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05 Nov 06 - 06:50 PM (#1877047) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: GUEST, Allen in OZ To Eric the Red "Australian sensibilities" may perhaps rank with "British morals" for oxymoronicness ! Nurse! The screens ! Last of the small "i" intellectuals. There is a saying out here in the colonies that nobody ever went broke underestimating the level of Australian intelligence Best wishes to Modern Min fans AD 1943 |
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05 Nov 06 - 08:24 PM (#1877105) Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min From: The Fooles Troupe "There is a saying out here in the colonies that nobody ever went broke underestimating the level of Australian intelligence" I thought that was American... |