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11 Nov 06 - 08:15 PM (#1883526) Subject: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: GUEST Have any of you ever dealt with a person who is negative about almost everything? Have they been your supervisor at work? A co-worker? How have you dealt with it? I am dealing with someone at work who is always at my side (part of the job) and who is also my supervisor. If this person was a friend, I'd ask her to stop or tell her I wasn't interested in hearing all the negative things she has to say about everyone else. Due to my position, I am unable to do this. Any suggestions? |
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11 Nov 06 - 08:26 PM (#1883536) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Lox "I am not being paid to listen to this bullshit!" |
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11 Nov 06 - 08:30 PM (#1883538) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Lox go see his boss and tell him |
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11 Nov 06 - 08:30 PM (#1883539) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Peace Do you own a gun? |
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11 Nov 06 - 08:39 PM (#1883546) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: pdq "Have any of you ever dealt with a person who is negative about almost everything?" Hang around Mudcat for a while. |
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11 Nov 06 - 08:57 PM (#1883552) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Janie Have you tried behavioral modification techniques? Like simply not reacting to negative comments, or even changing the subject, coupled with responding positively to neutral or positive statements or topics? In other words, consistently fail to engage in the negative components of your conversations with this person. Don't try to counteract the negativity, thus creating resistance. Simply don't engage it--deflect it. And then definitely engage in other topics or tones of conversation. Even if you agree with the negative statement, don't commiserate-don't engage in any fashion at all. Consistency in applying reinforcements is the name of the game with behavioral modification. If you can consistently do these things, it is very likely you will begin to notice a decrease in the number of negative remarks this individual makes to you within 4 to 6 weeks. Unless other people with whom this person works do the same, the behavior will probably never be completely extinquished, but you can definitely influence how much they engage in it when working with you. Janie |
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11 Nov 06 - 09:01 PM (#1883555) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: number 6 "Hang around Mudcat for a while." Good one pdq ! biLL |
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11 Nov 06 - 09:02 PM (#1883556) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: GUEST I have been ignoring it as much as I can. I have a habit of going to work early to have a minute of peace to myself and also to make sure I have everything I need for the day. Wouldn't you know that my supervisor has started coming in early and instead of getting my work ready for the day, I get an earful instead. I do not respond and will not respond. I am polite but do not engage, I refuse to be pulled into this. |
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11 Nov 06 - 09:05 PM (#1883557) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Janie What a drag. Has the person always been like this, or has it changed or gotten worse? Janie |
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11 Nov 06 - 09:18 PM (#1883565) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Amos Stick to neutral, positive points as much as you can -- good weather, and the like. Only respond to any inkling of positive in return, and drop the negativity on the floor between you. Done well this will make a change in his life as well as you r own. A |
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11 Nov 06 - 10:34 PM (#1883615) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: freda underhill Guest, the problem with working under a negative supervisor is that they are imbalanced, they are a pain, and they have power over you. I would quietly look around for another position in your workplace, or for another job if that's not possible. As this person will be your referee, your reasons for wishing to move sideways, if asked, are a desire to gain different workplace skills, and nothing to do with the reality. A negative person will always blame others. It's good to practise communication techniques so as not to go under, but you are also not responsible and may not be able to change this person, they can only change themselves. People don't leave jobs, they leave bosses. good luck! freda |
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11 Nov 06 - 10:45 PM (#1883624) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: JohnInKansas If your supervisor is talking about others under his supervision, he quite probably is violating at least company policy, and depending on where your company is located the supervisor may be violating various laws respecting confidentiality of employee performance evaluations. If your company is large enough to have a "Personnel" or "Human Resources" manager, it would be appropriate to request advice from that office regarding the behavio(u)r of the supervisor. In a large enough company, there quite likely is an "Ethics Advisor" who could be a resource. Your entry to an Ethics officer could be that you may be at risk by hearing/knowing your supervisors "evaluations" of other employees and need to know how you should handle the information. If your supervisor has changed his/her time of coming in to "visit" with you before normal working time, or has changed "what he/she does" before work, there is the possibility that he/she "enjoys your company" a bit too much and just doesn't have anything else to talk about. This could be construed, in the US at least, as "sexual harrassment" (even if you're both of the same sex) but certainly qualifies as "creating a hostile work environment" which is the core "complaint" of most regulated activity of this sort. Be very aware that the "social structure of management" at your company has a very strong bearing on whether you can survive making a complaint to those responsible for handling a situation of this kind. YOU are not the one who should have to deal with it, but in many companies/organizations the one in authority will have no difficulty making it look like any complaint is "all your fault." Many companies are so sensitive to legal actions resulting from any complaint that they "circle the wagons" to protect the manager(s) at the first overt hint of any complaint; and if this is the case the employee always loses. It may also depend a lot on how competent the individuals in the responsible positions (HR, Personnel, Ethics) are, and my own experience is that most likely "not very" is the common level of competence. If you choose to seek help through "official channels" you will be asked if you have directly informed the supervisor of the problem; and your complaint likely will be ignored if you have not done so. If you prefer not to "go official," which realistically may be your only choice, removing yourself as the target of the supervisor's whining is perhaps your best option. If possible, you might try to vary your morning routine by taking your "attitude time" elsewhere, such as in the company cafeteria if there is one, or at a nearby coffee shop. Unpredictably varying when you arrive at your workplace might make you less "available" for the supervisor's gripe sessions, and might help break the habit of coming to you. Finding an "errand" to run whenever the gossip starts, even if it's just "an emergency potty break" might be sufficient to give the message that you do not wish to participate in the gossip. Repeatedly interjecting "How does that affect my job?" and/or "What do you expect me to do about it?" and demanding an answer would be a more aggressive (and risky) approach. ("I want to know why you think I should know this.") You probably cannot change your supervisor's habits, but you may be able to remove yourself as the target. If you successfully "unlatch" yourself, you can of course be assured that this supervisor will find a new victim, to whom all your faults will be revealed ... And of course, this may be an "opportunity" for you to investigate a position with "better opportunities for advancement" - within your present company or elsewhere. John |
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11 Nov 06 - 10:52 PM (#1883626) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Janie Good observations and advice, Freda. Much better than my own. Power do make a difference, don't it. Janie |
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11 Nov 06 - 11:02 PM (#1883631) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: John O'L I'd love to help, but I'm just so useless I can't think of anything worthwhile to sqy. Cqn't even type. |
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11 Nov 06 - 11:25 PM (#1883643) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: number 6 I haev that porblem too. biLL |
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11 Nov 06 - 11:29 PM (#1883645) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: freda underhill meat oo! (thanks Janie!) :-) |
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11 Nov 06 - 11:57 PM (#1883655) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: dianavan When anyone attempts to engage me in a negative way about a person who is not present, I usually say, "Have you discussed this problem with them? Perhaps you should" or "You need to speak to them directly." Be very direct. That usually makes them think twice about approaching you with their bullshit and reminds them that you are a professional. |
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12 Nov 06 - 09:58 AM (#1883727) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Georgiansilver 1)Speed the broom when your lifes at a low ebb sweeping away all your troubles and strife. Speed the broom to get rid of the cobwebs sweep negativity, out of your life. Chorus Speed the broom, wherever you are, Running through life keep your head on your shoulders. Speed the broom, as life rushes by, Living your life to the full. 2) Hold your head high as you go to your business, Hold your head high as you're doing your chores. Don't let the daily grind make you feel troubled, Live through each moment believing it's yours. Chorus 3) Great optimism is one of lifes options, Believing that everything works for the good. Don't just sit by thinking can I or can't I, Or thinking I would do if only I could. Chorus 4)Don't be impetuous, instant decisions, Never helped anyone stand in good stead. Take all the time you need thinking things over, Making good use of that brain in your head. Chorus x 2 Mike Hill (21.11.04) |
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12 Nov 06 - 10:47 AM (#1883761) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: GUEST I had a boss who was very good and kind but was constantly explaining how mistreated we were by 2 levels up, which was informative at first but then very depressing and frustrating and de-motivating since I couldn't leave the job. During one long session, I told him a true story, how I had worked in a place where I was made miserable by someone who had one foot out the door who pointed out all the bad things constantly, where beforehand I had been enjoying the job. Eventually that person left for a better job, but I was stuck in my job feeling very bad about it. I told him I have had to learn to isolate myself from people like that, for my own sanity. At some point, a person has to either leave a bad situation or learn to be reasonably positive about it, or at least stop poisoning the environment for everybody else. I didn't think much about it, I just kept some distance and stopped starting casual conversations with the guy which I knew would degenerate into gripe sessions. Months later, I realized he had started a get-it-together program. He started getting healthier, moonlighting at a new career, polishing up the resume, etc. Coupla years later, he landed the dream job and left for it. I don't know how much my conversation had to do with it, but I expect it did lead to him asking himself some tough questions. I'm sure before I said anything it never occurred to him he was an 'environment poisoner'. Anyway. As all psych people will tell you, you can't debate the guy into stopping this kind of behavior. But you can telegraph that negativity gets YOU down and bothers YOU, and if he gives a damn, he MAY make an effort to slack up on it. If he's a total jackass he may decide you're a weakling who has to go, but if he's a good person it may make a change. Be sure you know which it is, if you need the job. |
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12 Nov 06 - 12:28 PM (#1883851) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: autolycus Good advice, people. I'd just go further with one point. IMHO, you cannot change anyone else. Only we can do that for ourselves when we're ready to and prepared to. And we'll find that as we change, others can change too, and often do. The accounts of meeting negativity reminds me of the line, "If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got." Ivor |
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12 Nov 06 - 03:12 PM (#1884001) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: IWTATBM Have you ever thought how your boss has to cope with you being positive all the time GUEST? It can be very uncomfortable indeed and I think you owe them an apology at the very least. |
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12 Nov 06 - 05:51 PM (#1884172) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: McGrath of Harlow I suppose you could try and outdo her by setting out outdo her by being even more negative about everything than she is. "Good morning" "No, it's a horrible morning" - and go on from there. I'm not saying it'd work, but it might put a different spin on things. Introduce an element of competition into things. Maybe you might even trap her into saying something positive like "I wouldn't go that far". Of course the problem here is, it's not a colleague on the same level doing it, it's your immediate boss. She might react badly when she realises you're taking the piss out of her. But getting on her nerves might be a way of getting a good reference from her, as a way of getting rid of you. |
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12 Nov 06 - 06:25 PM (#1884199) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Big Al Whittle Very perceptive Freda. I thought you just did pictures and things. That's brilliant advice - wish I'd had it about thirty five years ago. I might have been well adjusted by now. al |
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12 Nov 06 - 06:30 PM (#1884205) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Bobert People don't change, they just get more so... Turn the radio up, GUEST, or in the words of Mr. Clifford, the ol' farmer down the road, when I ask him about pests here on our farm: "Give 'um the gun..." But seriously, you can't win this one... Confrontation, either direct or indirect, will make things worse for you but I have had some success with folks who constantly complain about the stuff that happens to them that at least gets them to think by sayin', "Man, it must really suck to be you..." Good luck... Bobert |
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12 Nov 06 - 06:41 PM (#1884213) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: dick greenhaus I have dealt with my strong negativity at least twice, by simply retiring and starting a new career and once, by simply voting. Works for me. |
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12 Nov 06 - 06:52 PM (#1884221) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: McGrath of Harlow "simply voting" I imagine there's a lot less negativity about America this week, all over the world. |
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13 Nov 06 - 11:00 AM (#1884698) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Shaneo This works , just tell him ''I only want to hear good news today'' |
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13 Nov 06 - 01:30 PM (#1884832) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: Amos In my experience while people may not change fundamentally, they DO change their behvior depending on the feedback they get; some are more sensible about this than others. Some need a boot in the tail to understand the point. Negativity thrives where it finds a place to be heard. A |
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13 Nov 06 - 01:44 PM (#1884840) Subject: RE: BS: Dealing With Negativity From: SINSULL I worked with one of those who finally left. But in his exit interview he named me and several others as totally dissatisfied and interviewing for other jobs. Each of us was called in to discuss the problem. This idiot even gave my name to companies who were looking to fill positions. For a year I had to explain to my company and others that I was completely happy where I was. Very strange business. I stayed happily with that company for thirteen years until it was sold off and dismantled. My mistake was listening to him. Change the subject. Be prepared to talk about TV programs, new babies, anything other than the bitching session. |