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31 Dec 06 - 08:53 AM (#1923075) Subject: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: GUEST,Guest snivelling wreck Knew it had to happen , saw it coming, tried to be supportive and smooth the transition for both my lads,but had absolutely no idea how bereft it would leave me. Have given myself stern talkings -to, awarded myself treats , talked encouragingly to myself, found lots of distractions to take up the slack and tried so hard not to collapse into a snivelling wreck in front of them but I just cannot find anything to fill up that yawning chasm.I know that it's ridiculous, neither of them are dead for gawd's sake,they live only a few miles away,I can and do email occasionally and they do pop in from time to time,but d'you know that makes it worse because I know they're not going to stay. Miss their loud, idiotic, boisterous company .Even just telling you I can hardly see the keyboard and my sleeve is wet through. Pathetic, I agree.What else should I be doing ? Besides fetching a new hankie . Does it get better? |
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31 Dec 06 - 09:06 AM (#1923085) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Emma B No - you just get grandchildren :) And don't snivel - just think of the "private" bathroom :) Seriously good luck with your new found and, it is to be hoped, soon to be exploited independance. |
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31 Dec 06 - 09:07 AM (#1923086) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: GUEST Don't despair...Just as it is getting better, they come home with piles of stinky laundry and Play Station warhoops! |
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31 Dec 06 - 09:11 AM (#1923092) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: GUEST Been there last year when mine went to college. It was hard I admit, she's home for Christmas flew in Christmas Eve. Independence was the making of her, she is great, loving it and we are like a young couple again in the house on our own ! |
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31 Dec 06 - 09:15 AM (#1923095) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: kendall I don't mean to preach, but I've known a few parents who doted on their kids to the exclusion of almost everything else. That was their world, and when the kids left they were shattered. Something about putting all your eggs in one basket. Get a hobby or another interest to occupy that space. |
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31 Dec 06 - 10:05 AM (#1923121) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: KT Well, I didn't dote and had more than enough to keep me occupied, but still, I understand our sniveling guest. Don't worry, guest. It DOES get easier. In the meantime, be gentle with that loving heart of yours. |
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31 Dec 06 - 10:48 AM (#1923148) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Linda Goodman Zebooker It sounds like you have become dislocated from your tribe. I would advise getting on a committee for something you are interested in or feel strongly about. This will give you a new group of people to focus on and something that you will accomplish together. My only child is away at his first year of college, and is out of the country. Now that I'm not cooking or being on homework-and-getting-into-college support, I have more free time than I had thought I would, and I have taken up excersing in a systematic way - something I haven't done in more than 20 years. I'm also taking up the guitar and various forms of folk dancing again, and these activities are all reinforcing each other. As a result I find I have more positive energy and feel more confident and competent in other aspects of my life. Best of luck. It will get easier. Linda |
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31 Dec 06 - 11:19 AM (#1923179) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: SINSULL It is hard. But I promise you, when you least expect or want it one of them will show up at your door in need of a warm bed, a hot meal and a hug. Snivel away. It will do you good. Then, find a hobby or an interest to fill the void. |
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31 Dec 06 - 11:58 AM (#1923209) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Sorcha I have re done a small room all by myself, learned a couple new tunes, got new puppies to raise, started quilting again, had a couple fun 'fights' with the Mr....just lots of stuff to do! (A grand son doesn't hurt either!) |
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31 Dec 06 - 12:10 PM (#1923222) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: MBSLynne I wish you hadn't said that! My son has just turned 16 and is talking about what Universtiy he wants to go to and, though my daughter is only 11, I've seen the yawning gap on the horizon! I was just thinking recently that all the years you immerse yourself so completely in your children, you kind of get to feeling that that's life and when you suddenly realize, as I just did, that it's finite it's a bit of a shock. I sympathise wholeheartedly. I have a few years to go but am already dreading it and I just know I will be like you. I just feel so sorry for my Mother who lives in Australia where my sister also lives, but I live in England and my brother in America. Love Lynne |
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31 Dec 06 - 01:07 PM (#1923271) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Nancy King I figure you're not an empty-nester until they get their STUFF out of your house. That usually takes many years... |
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31 Dec 06 - 01:23 PM (#1923287) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Ebbie I remember a friend from long ago who had five children. As one by one they left home the remaining family spread out to take advantage of new found space. Then one by one and from time to time each 'child' returned for a period of time and the family had to regroup, the younger kids complaining of having lost their space. As my friend said, An empty next wouldn't be so bad... |
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31 Dec 06 - 01:29 PM (#1923292) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: dianavan Oh, don't worry, most kids will be in and out for years. Thats the worst part. First you adjust to them being gone and then you have to adjust to them being back home again. Eventually the tide turns and you find yourself wanting to live closer to them - not next door but at least in the same town. You might even be lucky enough to move into their in-law suite when the baby is born. In the meantime, get to know them as adults and pat yourself on the back for raising independent kids even when you realize that you are dependent on them for a great deal of your happiness. |
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31 Dec 06 - 02:51 PM (#1923385) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: kendall You know you are middle aged when your house is too big and your medicine cabinet is too small. All three of my girls are within 10 miles of me, and I love them dearly as adults, but I still miss my little girls. Ah, the stories I could tell. |
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31 Dec 06 - 03:28 PM (#1923422) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: GUEST,mg Maybe you could take in foster babies or children. There is a great need. mg |
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31 Dec 06 - 03:59 PM (#1923446) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Uncle_DaveO My Beautiful Wife and I had just a taste of it in the last three months, and in the worst possible setting. Our youngest son, Hans, is a Down's Syndrome person, 32 years old. He lives with us, and probably will until he dies or we do. On October 24 he was admitted to a local hospital with pneumonia, which promptly turned into sepsis. Sepsis is BIG TIME scary stuff, with a 45 to 50% fatality rate. He spent a month and three days in the ICU, which must have been some sort of record. BW and I and our two older "kids", 38 and 43, manned the battlements 24/7, in shifts, for most of that time. And when we were "off duty", at home, we had the worst of empty nest. Even after we no longer had to fear for his life. After that month plus, he spent most of a week in ordinary care at the hospital, followed by ten days in a nursing home. Hans has been at home for about four weeks now, gathering strength slowly. The doctor says he can go back to work (at his job in the laundry at the nursing home where he recuperated) on January 8. You want to hear about the haunting pain of "empty nest" and the fear thereof? Believe me, I can tell you. Dave Oesterreich |
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31 Dec 06 - 04:11 PM (#1923459) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: KT Part of the heartbreak, guest, is not just the emptiness, but the realization that your relationship will change. It has to and if we've done the job we set out to do in raising them, the best part of us wants it to. But when those roles first shift, it's hard. Also, when you consider that every decision you've made in the last 18-20-some years has been with that child's best interest in mind, and now he or she is not even consulting you when making major decisions, a part of you says, "Hey, wait a minute!" yep...changing roles.... But it WILL be okay, you'll see. And as Sinsull said up there, go ahead and snivel all you need to. It's part of the mending.... |
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31 Dec 06 - 04:57 PM (#1923507) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: dianavan Good point, KT. When your decisions are based on 'whats best for them', you are now faced with 'whats best for me'. It takes awhile to consider your own needs and make choices accordingly. It also takes awhile to learn how to shop and cook for yourself. I still bring home too much food and cook for a small army. |
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31 Dec 06 - 05:46 PM (#1923548) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Amos Hell, it's not as though that wasn't the whole idea all along! I agree the vacuum. A |
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31 Dec 06 - 06:09 PM (#1923558) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Stilly River Sage I have one foot in, one foot out, so to speak. My daughter is learning independence as she experiences her first year of college in a town far enough away to make moving into a dorm practical. I have a teenaged son at home, a freshman in high school. We're adjusting to having just the two of us here, and it is surprising to my daughter to sometimes meet a united front when she wants something to go back to the old way and it doesn't (she always rode in the front seat in the pickup, he in the back. No more. He's also taller, so has a stronger claim on the leg room). Life goes on. I have a million things to do once I have the time and room and am not running kids all over and doing extra laundry and cooking, etc. SRS |
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01 Jan 07 - 11:19 AM (#1923997) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Midchuck We rely on music and cats, mostly. Peter |
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01 Jan 07 - 06:20 PM (#1924307) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: GUEST,Snivelling wreck Thank you, all of you, for your kindly, funny and wise responses.Don't know any of you, you don't know me, but you answered me all the same, and I really appreciate it, thank you. So glad to hear that your story has a happy ending Uncle DaveO, that must have been quite a nightmare for all of your family. xxxxxx |
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01 Jan 07 - 09:03 PM (#1924417) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: GUEST Yes indeed. |
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02 Jan 07 - 12:02 AM (#1924508) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Amos I meant to write, "I agree the vacuum is an experience -- like childbirth itself -- that seems harder than you could have imagined. But there are scvores and hundreds of alternative communication channels, engagements and commitments for you to put your energies in to once the kids claim their own sovereignty. This is WHY you raised them, after all -- to live their own lives. A good role model will continue to show how the next wave should be taken by rising to the channel. My MIL, 84, is a widow and keeps a medium size house up. She has hundreds of friends and belongs to numerous groups from Opera to dog rescuers. She never runs out of interest in the world and the things going on it. Start building your next phase." A |
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02 Jan 07 - 12:25 PM (#1924906) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: kendall Guest, the cartoon came out so fuzzy I can't read the caption. |
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02 Jan 07 - 01:08 PM (#1924917) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: autolycus You love your children. That's wonderful and precious in itself. Personally,I'd never tell anyone whay they should do. I'd suggest you ask yourself what you want to do. More real. And life goes on. I learnt that after a break-up when I thought I'd all but walked off a cliff. Ivor |
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01 Oct 19 - 12:56 PM (#4011428) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy Aargh. Terrified. One kid out of house because he's unlivable-with. Just found out other kid and girlfriend who has lived with us for years have found a house and are moving out at the end of the week. I have *never* lived alone. And they think they are taking the cat! I'm a mess. They are renting a house! So great. I know. |
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01 Oct 19 - 12:57 PM (#4011429) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy I meant to ask Sniveling how it turned out? |
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01 Oct 19 - 01:56 PM (#4011441) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Jim Carroll I heard my sister and a friend discussing their mutual desire for more children (both were well past childbearing age) The friend joked "I know, we could have one between us" My sister said "Which half do you want; the half that pees or the half that cries" Jim carroll |
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02 Oct 19 - 01:11 AM (#4011520) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: leeneia Mrrzy, kids moving out and moving on is something we all have to live with, but no law says you have to let people take your cat. Time to unsheathe the sword of rebellion! |
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02 Oct 19 - 03:01 AM (#4011527) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: BobL I rather think the cat would have something to say on the matter, could it but speak. |
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02 Oct 19 - 10:30 AM (#4011540) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Stilly River Sage Having pets isn't the same as having grown children in the house, but they breathe life into a place and they're usually devoted to you. When my kids come home to visit they enjoy playing with the dogs. |
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02 Oct 19 - 12:23 PM (#4011563) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy How can I physically stop them? I have stated definitely that they aren't but I don't think they are going to Obey. I said it was cruel, to me *and* to the cat... Thrilled to bits, though. Trying to show that instead of despair. Don't want to go through the roommate-vetting I haven't done since college but now I have an available bedroom. Ah, interesting timed. |
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02 Oct 19 - 01:42 PM (#4011575) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Bill D Our nest has been empty since my son was married 2 years ago. Now they have just bought their first house... large enough for one.. or both.. of US to share someday if age and wellness make it hard to maintain the empty 'nest'. I can barely imagine the feeling of switching roles... but I'm rather glad of the option. |
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02 Oct 19 - 02:04 PM (#4011585) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: keberoxu Scary times, Mrrzy. There are opportunities within the crisis, but you need to feel calm in order to find them. Don't squash the emotions, though. |
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02 Oct 19 - 02:52 PM (#4011596) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy Times, not timed. Sorry. Hard to proofread what is hiding behind the Automatic Linebreaks/Submit line. I try to feel my feelings, after years of therapy about not feeling them, I do. |
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05 Oct 19 - 09:43 AM (#4012024) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Charmion Mrrzy, ask your departing kin if they would consider adopting a homeless cat and leave your cat with you! Cats love their homes even more than humans do, and some find it very difficult to adjust to change. |
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05 Oct 19 - 10:10 AM (#4012031) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Donuel I thought we had an empty nest with a house too big and medicine cabinate too small. We watched our youngest go off to Nashville with his girlfriend to become a man. Imagine my surprise when he came back a woman. |
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05 Oct 19 - 01:57 PM (#4012053) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy Charmion, I already have. And Donuel, how's your daughter? |
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05 Oct 19 - 02:17 PM (#4012058) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Donuel He wears a pink fisherman's hat, traning bra and awful pink tights |
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05 Oct 19 - 03:25 PM (#4012065) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy She, no? |
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06 Oct 19 - 12:03 AM (#4012102) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Donuel I learned at the airport that pronoun changes are not required. His hair looks much better though. |
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06 Oct 19 - 07:34 AM (#4012154) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy Interesting! |
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08 Oct 19 - 10:38 AM (#4012525) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Charmion I have a trans cousin. I learned that "Hmm, okay" was the correct response when this truth was revealed to me, and that I was wise to not react to her more extreme reactions (posted on social media) to her experiences of her new life. I kept off her Facebook page because I did not know what to say and therefore posted nothing. It later occurred to me that it's a good thing Facebook did not exist when I was thrashing through my early years as a young soldier in the early 1970s, so my parents and older relations did not have to suffer through my more extreme reactions to those experiences. My young cousin has calmed down a fair bit, now that life on the other side of the gender line is less new to her. |
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08 Oct 19 - 01:41 PM (#4012558) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Donuel Seeing things from many perspectives takes off the sharp edges. If what he thinks feels right is being done for the wrong reasons it may be a mistake. If he thinks less will be expected from him as a female, I would consider that wrong. I only see the same personae and behavior with a different dress code. |
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08 Oct 19 - 08:06 PM (#4012617) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Tattie Bogle As for those kids that go away and keep coming back, I heard it described tonight as "boomerang kids"! Both of mine were: daughter did a 4-year degree away from home, but then a 2-year postgrad course in our home city, so, guess what, she lived back with us again. Son was more like a yo-yo: one year away, couple of years back, another year away, back home for final uni year when flat got too expensive.....! Now they both live in their own respective homes, but in same city as us, which is very nice! |
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09 Oct 19 - 10:32 AM (#4012699) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy I am seeing a lot about empty nests, but not so much about syndrome or issues with mental health surrounding being an empty nester... You guys really have lives. I am jealous. And I'm going to start learniing Italian. Gotta help, going back to school, right? Regression is a wonderful thing, and not just for statisticians. |
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09 Oct 19 - 10:58 AM (#4012700) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Donuel I am jealous about learning Italien. What do you mean about regression? |
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09 Oct 19 - 12:58 PM (#4012725) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Donuel I enjoy the boomerang experience. I would enjoy it more if he pursued education. |
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09 Oct 19 - 04:52 PM (#4012772) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Dorothy Parshall I would not think of more schooling as "regression" but as Progression! Moving on and learning is adventurous! |
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09 Oct 19 - 05:43 PM (#4012780) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy Multiple regression is one way of doing statiatics if both variables are continuous. But it also means going backwards in growth... |
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12 Oct 19 - 02:44 PM (#4013262) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: keberoxu is the universe telling you to relocate where you can find work ?? |
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12 Oct 19 - 07:59 PM (#4013300) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy I can't hear it I can't hear it lalalalalalala |
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13 Oct 19 - 06:21 AM (#4013341) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Donuel The Protestant work ethic is not meant for artists if survivql can be achieved without it. |
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05 Nov 19 - 06:05 PM (#4017370) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy Sigh. Things are not better. How aree all of y'all? |
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05 Nov 19 - 06:42 PM (#4017376) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: keberoxu Doing well enough, and as for yourself, we're all gasping to know: what happened with your CAT !? |
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05 Nov 19 - 08:59 PM (#4017399) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy Oh they stole it. Did not take it when they moved then a few days later came by while I was out, and took it. Behind my back. No goodbye. It's not the cat. It's the betrayal. |
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06 Nov 19 - 11:05 AM (#4017488) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: keberoxu Poachers ... what a catty thing to do ... (did they leave a note? how are you certain it was them?) |
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06 Nov 19 - 11:30 AM (#4017496) Subject: RE: BS: Empty Nest Syndrome From: Mrrzy They have keys. |
