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08 Jan 07 - 08:05 PM (#1930873) Subject: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Ya want proof? We're smart, strong, and good lookin'. We're quadridextrous. We ain't monkeys. We did not cause global warming. We can act better than either Ronald Reagan or Johnny Weismuller could in their dreams. God loves us. |
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08 Jan 07 - 08:09 PM (#1930880) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin That's right, as for as you know... seeeeeeee? Where your Messiah, now? |
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08 Jan 07 - 08:12 PM (#1930884) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp I remember that cold-hearted bastard well. He did not go down easy, lemme tell ya, but he is on ice now. Anyways, one bad chimp don't disprove my point. |
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08 Jan 07 - 08:22 PM (#1930894) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin Or the smoke. |
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08 Jan 07 - 08:22 PM (#1930895) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin Or worse. |
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08 Jan 07 - 08:29 PM (#1930900) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST You forgot the words - Too Much Monkey Business (Chuck Berry) Runnin' to-and-fro, hard workin' in the mill. Never fail in the mail, yeah, come a rotten bill. Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, For me to be involved in! Salesman talkin' to me, tryin' to run me up a creek. Says you can buy it, go on try it, you can pay me next week, ahh. Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, For me to be involved in! Blond hair, good lookin', tryin' to get me hooked. Want me to marry, get a home, settle down, write a book. Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, For me to be involved in! Every day, same thing, gettin' up, goin' to school. No need for me complaining, my objection's overruled, ahh. Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, For me to be involved in! Telephone, something wrong, dime gone, will mail, Oughtta sue the operator, for telling me a tale, ahh. Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, For me to be involved in! I been to Yokohama, been fightin' in the war. Army bunk, army crew, army food, army corps, aah. Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, For me to be involved in! Workin' in the fillin' station, too many tasks. Wipe the windows, check the tyres, check the oil, a dollar gas. Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, Too much monkey business, For me to be involved in! Too much monkey business for me! |
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08 Jan 07 - 08:49 PM (#1930914) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,God You're right, Chongo. I did a much better job with you chimps than with humans. But, before you let it go to your head, it was the bonobos that I really got right. |
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08 Jan 07 - 09:31 PM (#1930940) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee Chongo, ya know I love ya. But chimp oh chimp, God still salted the chimps with as many jerks as he did humans. |
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08 Jan 07 - 09:51 PM (#1930959) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Well, ya might have a point there, Rapaire. |
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08 Jan 07 - 09:52 PM (#1930961) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: catspaw49 Chongo.......You're not a chimp! I would never call you a chimp. I've called your buddy the Hawk a broke-dick mamalucca, but I would never call you a chimp. You're a fockin' chump. Now that's true......not a chimp, but you are a chump. Spaw |
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08 Jan 07 - 10:16 PM (#1930988) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk That's like Jackie Gleason accusing someone else of being fat. |
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08 Jan 07 - 10:22 PM (#1930996) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin Bang! Zoom! |
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08 Jan 07 - 11:46 PM (#1931039) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: catspaw49 Oh yeah.....You're goin' to da' moon Hawkster.....You're goin' to da' moon! BANG.....ZOOM Spaw (thanks for the lead in Cluin) |
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08 Jan 07 - 11:49 PM (#1931044) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk I wonder if you can see Chongo at the office window, mooning you? Pity he's not one of those rainbow-butt mandrills, because they are the masters when it comes to doing that. |
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09 Jan 07 - 12:57 AM (#1931086) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin Baby, you're the greatest! |
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09 Jan 07 - 01:13 AM (#1931098) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Slag EEEEEE OOOOOOOOO EEEEE AAAAAAAA OOO AAAH E |
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09 Jan 07 - 09:08 AM (#1931307) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: JennyO Da Mooooooon! |
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09 Jan 07 - 09:20 AM (#1931328) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee I had a problem like that once after eating a bunch of habenero peppers. |
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09 Jan 07 - 09:25 AM (#1931338) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Captain Ginger Wow! That is an awesome rear, JennyO (the mandrill's I mean). I feel somehow humbled. |
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09 Jan 07 - 09:31 AM (#1931343) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Bill D Ischial colossity... |
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09 Jan 07 - 11:05 AM (#1931436) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Tweed God loves chimps?? HAW that's rich Chongo. How could God love the stinking little bastards, who when they ain't masturbating non-stop are busy flinging shit at passers by?? I am fully convinced that you and Larkie Harg are separated by less than a chromosome. Next you'll be telling us that Shatner loves chimps. HAW HAW HAR.........!! |
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10 Jan 07 - 03:04 AM (#1932054) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Slag If Shat-ner were as highly evolved as a chimp, HE would have been the Science Officer! |
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10 Jan 07 - 03:59 AM (#1932080) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rusty Dobro Enough with the chimpist comments. Just remember, two of the little guys fronted Oasis for years, and no-one noticed.......... |
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10 Jan 07 - 04:04 AM (#1932084) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Paul from Hull Hehe... |
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10 Jan 07 - 11:18 AM (#1932371) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh Ain't no bars can hold a Colobus Monkey. We got four little thumbs, man, AND a tail. |
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10 Jan 07 - 11:25 AM (#1932386) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk Boy, Tweed, I'd hate to be in your shoes after making those ill-considered remarks. My advice, man, is this: take a long trip to some very remote place, and leave no forwarding address. |
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10 Jan 07 - 04:46 PM (#1932664) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Tweed Yaz, I know, and I'm ashamed of myself for it. I can't leave with no forwarding address as pore Penelope would not be able to stay in touch and she is crazed enough already without adding fuel to that fire. I fear she is lost to me now though. I heard that she'd gone to Africa to study gorillas and ended up a silver-back's bitch. God help the children obv that union! |
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10 Jan 07 - 05:55 PM (#1932717) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Bill D " God help the children of that union!" It didn't hurt Ron Jeremy, did it? |
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11 Jan 07 - 01:57 PM (#1933486) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge I heard from an acquaintance that you were taking my name in vain again on this forum, Tweed. Tsk, tsk. Like a pesky mosquito or some other miniscule and unpleasant form of parasitic life you come back again and again to annoy your betters. Well, I suppose that is all that a parasite has to look forward to in its short and miserable life, isn't it? You fear that I am lost to you now? Ha! Ha! Oh my, that is amusing! As if we ever moved in the same circles... * PR |
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11 Jan 07 - 03:13 PM (#1933542) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Bee-dubya-ell Tsk, tsk yourself, Penny. You know you get a perverse thrill from the attentions of men of the "lower classes"! Admit it! Winston can't keep up with a hot-blooded vixen like you, can he? We know what happens after Winston passes out from too much gognac each night. We know about the surreptitious visits to low-life drinking establishments populated by unwashed men in dirty workshirts! It's there that you find true satisfaction, isn't it? The smell of sweat, beer and axle grease is really a turn-on for you, isn't it? You may ridicule men like Tweed, but we all know you have to go change your nickers afterwards! |
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11 Jan 07 - 03:21 PM (#1933547) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee I'd heard rumors that a Certain Marriage was In Trouble. |
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11 Jan 07 - 03:33 PM (#1933554) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge Gentlemen, if you think I am going to waste any more of my valuable time pandering to your prurient flights of fancy here you are entirely mistaken. Go ahead and spin your silly tales. It won't do you any good. * PR |
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11 Jan 07 - 03:43 PM (#1933558) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Captain Ginger Well hellooo... Ding dong! |
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11 Jan 07 - 04:00 PM (#1933572) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin Who's a clever boy, then? |
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31 Jan 07 - 05:35 AM (#1953301) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Wolfgang Male coercion and the costs of promiscuous mating for female chimpanzees (New article in Proceedings of the Royal Society B) The link may not be accessible to you, so here is a bit of the summary: sexual coercion is the probable primary function of male aggression against females. Specifically, we show that male aggression is targeted towards the most fecund females, is associated with high male mating success and is costly for the victims. Very humane behaviour. Beat her before making love. Wolfgang |
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31 Jan 07 - 08:15 AM (#1953416) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee Well, Ms. P., those "prurient tales" told over at "The Butcher's Arms" in Cheswick have certainly enhanced your reputation. Winnie can spin a tale, that's for certain! No one there would have thought you liked leather corsets and riding whips.... |
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31 Jan 07 - 08:55 AM (#1953459) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Georgiansilver I am not so keen on chimps since I saw the 'Trials of life' film in which a group of wild chimps trapped a monkey and ate it as they pulled it to pieces. I suppose humans can be and are as bad in many ways but we have to live with them. |
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31 Jan 07 - 02:19 PM (#1953751) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee And humans kill and eat chimps. |
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31 Jan 07 - 02:23 PM (#1953756) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Georgiansilver No but we allow dogs, whilst foxhunting, to tear a fox apart. Men kill each other for other peoples causes etc etc |
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31 Jan 07 - 02:28 PM (#1953761) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Bee It's no surprise chimps are our closest relatives - we shouldda evolved from the ape ancestor who spawned the bonobos, definitely. What was Gawd thinking?! |
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31 Jan 07 - 02:34 PM (#1953764) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Amos If Gawd loves Chimps, how come he made them so damn yewgly, is what I wanna know. If I were a doctor, I'd hire Chongo to stand outside my office making people feel sick. A |
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31 Jan 07 - 02:56 PM (#1953790) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee You could be a plastic surgeon and use him in the "Before" picture. |
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31 Jan 07 - 03:08 PM (#1953806) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk (snicker! snort!) Oh, there's gonna be hell to pay around here when "the hairy one" returns. |
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31 Jan 07 - 03:46 PM (#1953842) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee 'Sokay, LH. I got a .45 too. |
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31 Jan 07 - 04:08 PM (#1953855) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin You waiting for the full moon, Hawk? |
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31 Jan 07 - 04:10 PM (#1953858) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk Heh! Funny you should mention that... |
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31 Jan 07 - 04:12 PM (#1953861) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin 2 more days... |
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31 Jan 07 - 06:09 PM (#1953970) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Gurney There was a young girl from Dundee who was raped by a Chimpanzee. The result was quite horrid, all balls and no forehead, ate peanuts, and lived in a tree. No wonder we humans keep them in cages. Chongo seems fairly civilised though. Is he Scottish? |
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31 Jan 07 - 08:43 PM (#1954107) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Big Ape Louie Chongo Chimp. That little piece of...you know where the Boss found Chongo? Hanging in his bottom hair after he took a dump. And God might love chimps, but he sure didn't love Chongo, seeing the face He gave him. I dunno why Chongo ain't been around here much lately. Maybe the Boss finally flushed the can. |
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01 Feb 07 - 03:27 PM (#1954877) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Cluin He's shacked up with some little bonobo on the East Side. |
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01 Feb 07 - 03:49 PM (#1954903) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Amos I'll say this for him -- he knows how to get all the action he can handle. Bonobos, man -- now THERE's a primate made fer lovin'.... A |
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01 Feb 07 - 06:40 PM (#1955069) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp I know you, Louie. You're nothin' but a big noise. Like somethin' ya would hear if you put yer ear to a drainpipe that's connected to one of the public toilets at the stadium durin' the World Series. And you smell that way too. Matter of fact, you're worse than the worst human, and that's sayin' a mouthful. Go crawl back up yer tree and quit ruinin' the neighborhood with yer smelly presence, you lowlife bindlestiff chump. |
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01 Feb 07 - 07:51 PM (#1955129) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,My keepers Brother do Chimps love God? |
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01 Feb 07 - 07:56 PM (#1955130) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk They're like people about that. A variety of opinions. |
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01 Feb 07 - 09:28 PM (#1955160) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Big Ape Louie Chongo the Chump. Listen up, Chump-boy. The Boss said to fold, spindle and mutilate you and we're gonna do just that. You stiffed him on that South Side deal and he don't like that at all, not at all. You better get it on and get it off really soon, because pretty soon you ain't gonna have the equipment to do anything more than pee -- and even that's gonna hurt. Just a word to the wise, Chump-boy Chongo. |
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15 May 07 - 04:14 AM (#2052111) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Wolfgang Female-led infanticide in wild chimpanzees Current Biology, Volume 17, Issue 10, 15 May 2007, Pages R355-R356 You may not be able to see the article, so here is the main finding: Infanticide by male chimps has been documented at all places where these animals are observed. Jane Goodall had once observed female infanticide but interpreted the incident as the attack by a pathological female. Now there is new evidence of coalitionary infanticide by females attacking females not belonging to the group (or new arrivals), taking away their newborns and killing these with a bite in the head. Wolfgang |
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15 May 07 - 05:56 AM (#2052162) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: JohnInKansas Chimps Kill and Eat Chimps O.K. - I couldn't resist the inflammatory title, but it's an MSNBC report on the article cited by Wolfgang immediately above. John |
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15 May 07 - 09:45 AM (#2052306) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee So...Chongo got lucky or had a very hard head. |
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15 May 07 - 10:04 AM (#2052332) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Big Ape Louis That's rich, Rapaire! The Boss'll like that one. Maybe Chongo's here because his head is solid bone and he tastes bad too, huh? Probably like a pile of week-old dog poop, 'cause that's what he looks like. |
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15 May 07 - 11:44 AM (#2052404) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Amos God does not love chimps. And he is not too fond of gorillas and he's kind of indifferent about the fate of monkeys. One by one, he has walked away from these species, turning his Gracious Attention onto his true favorite, homo sapiens. EVen though scientifically we are just a branch of the chimp world, WE know the difference. You just can't argue with God. You don't see no chimps going around naming all the birds, beasts and fishes, do ya? A |
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15 May 07 - 12:16 PM (#2052436) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Rapparee You also don't see them playing banjo. Kinda cancels things out, don't it? |
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15 May 07 - 12:23 PM (#2052443) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Yeah, I see you guys are all dead from the neck up, just like I thought. What a sorry bunch of bozos. The biggest load of bull I have ever heard just came from Amos. So you think you homo sapiens are God's Chosen, do ya? That's a laugh and a half! I figger that God has just about run out of patience with you humans by now and is probably workin' up a plan to wipe you all off the face of this planet, cos you've screwed up everything you touched on it so far. Yeah, that's my theory. This planet is gonna be inherited by chimps, baby. You guys will be history. - Chongo |
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15 May 07 - 01:49 PM (#2052504) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: KB in Iowa an inordinate fondness for beetles |
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15 May 07 - 01:55 PM (#2052512) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Amos Oh, Chongo, Chongo. Get your head clear, little buddy. You surely realize that if it weren't for homo sapiens there wouldn't even BE a God, don't you? I mean, it wouldn't have been possible to generate such a bizarre concatenation of externalized self-representative Infinitude without the ability of language to divorce the spirit from its own actual experience and create synthetic frameworks. Surely, you understand that, don't you? Well...maybe not. But take my word for it.... A |
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15 May 07 - 02:39 PM (#2052569) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: InOBU Will Chimp Life Get Human Rights? By Barbara Ehrenreich, AlterNet. Posted May 11, 2007. http://www.alternet.org/rights/51729/ Hiasl, a 26-year old Austrian-based chimpanzee, is petitioning the courts for human status, and let me be the first to extend him a warm welcome to our species. My animal rights activism has never gone beyond the cage-free eggs' stage; it's the human possibilities raised by Hiasl's case that caught my attention. If a chimpanzee can be declared a person, then there's nothing in the way of a person becoming an ape -- and I'm not just talking about a retroactive status applied to ex-husbands. In fact, I predict a surge in trans- specied people, who will eagerly go over to the side of the chimps. The transition need not involve costly, time-consuming, surgical arm extensions and whole-body Rogaine treatments, since we are practically chimpanzees already. We share 99 percent of our genome with them, making it possible for chimps to accept human blood transfusions and kidney donations. Despite their vocal limitations, they communicate easily with each other and can learn human languages. They use tools and live in groups that display behavioral variations attributable to what anthropologists recognize as culture. And we may be a lot closer biologically than Darwin ever imagined. Last May, paleontologists reported evidence of inter- breeding between early humans and chimps as recently as 5 million years ago, and proposed that modern humans are the result of this ancient predilection for bestiality. Hiazl's motivation is economic: The animal sanctuary where he resides has run out of funds, and, in Austria, only a person can receive personal donations. Many humans in this country may be similarly motivated to seek chimp status. There are individuals who commit crimes in order to gain access to the free food and medical care available in a prison. How much easier and more pleasant to have oneself declared a chimp and win entry to the soft life of a zoo animal! Not only are the guards friendly, but one's enclosure has been designed with far more psychological forethought than the average office or cubicle. True, not all chimps have it as easy as Hiazl, who spends most of his time watching TV. There's the danger of being sold to a pharmaceutical company for research, for example, but this should decline as chimps achieve human status. We can't expect much progress on chimpanzee rights in Bush's America, according to Elizabeth Hess, author of the forthcoming book Nim Chimpsky: The Chimp Who Would Be Human. But in addition to the Austrian debate, the Spanish parliament is considering a bill to extend "fundamental moral and legal protections" to apes. Once apes achieve these protections, American humans are going to want them too. I'm thinking food, shelter, and medical/veterinary care. Another reason to make the human-to-ape transition is the sex, at least if you're smart enough to declare yourself a bonobo or pygmy chimpanzee. Bonobos, who are genetically as close to humans as larger chimpanzees, use sex much as we use handshakes - as a form of greeting between individuals in any gender combination. See an old friend, and you start rubbing genitals together, with mutual orgasm serving as a hearty "How ya doin', pal?" Plus, bonobo bands are female- dominated, which should be a special enticement to women investigating their chimpanzee transition options. There are is another, less selfish reason, to seek chimpanzee status. Like me, you may be a wee bit disappointed in our own species. Here we are - the tool-wielding, word-spouting brainiacs of the earth -- and what have we done with our powers? We've poisoned the world, encrusted it with our unsightly infrastructure, and exterminated most of our fellow earth-dwellers, from elephants and tigers to fish. Of course, what makes humans especially obnoxious is our tendency to believe in our absolute superiority over all creatures. We alone, of all species, have come up with religions and philosophies that declare us uniquely deserving of global hegemony. Yet one by one, our "unique" human traits have turned out to be shared: Chimpanzees have culture; dolphins make art (in the form of bubble patterns); female vampire bats share food with their friends; male baboons will die to defend their troop; rats have recently demonstrated a capability for reflection that resembles consciousness. We are animals, and they are us. But just because you want, for whatever reason, to attain the status of a chimp, don't assume that you'll make the cut. Just as we don't know how the Austrian court will rule in Hiasl's case, we have no reason to believe that the chimps will have us. |
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15 May 07 - 05:15 PM (#2052780) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Bill D that's the way it is |
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15 May 07 - 05:20 PM (#2052789) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Amos LOL!! Larry, thank you. You have taught me a great lesson in humility. I forsake my swollen pride-in-species and will henceforth think twice about any naming rights, dominion, eating rights, extermination and hunting priveleges over any other species. This will take a great effort on my part, being deeply canalized from youth into the notion of our special nature as Man, but I will make the effort. A |
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07 Jul 09 - 08:02 AM (#2673752) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Mr Happy Last weekend, 30 chimps escaped from Chester Zoo & broke into the food stores, helping themselves - such ingenuity! http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/8135603.stm |
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07 Jul 09 - 10:54 AM (#2673908) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk A chimp never misses an opportunity like that. |
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07 Jul 09 - 06:10 PM (#2674212) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Gurney To quote Gerald Durrell's mother, when her home was invaded by escaped zoo Chimps, "They were better behaved than many guests that I've had!" She served them tea and biscuits. But, they were Chimps that had received the benefit of human contact. Perhaps Chongo should become a missionary? |
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08 Jul 09 - 02:12 AM (#2674406) Subject: RE: BS: But God loves chimps! From: Little Hawk Not a bad idea. I bet it pays better than his present job. |
