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03 Feb 07 - 09:44 AM (#1956496) Subject: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: GUEST,cmt49 When I lived in Leeds in the 70's, a one-armed blacksmith at the Adelphi Folk Club used to recite monologues, with much waving of arm and empty sleeve, including one called the Building of the Pyramids. In this version of the story, the workers toiling on the pyramids were Irish. Moses, after several unsuccessful plagues, finally got it right when he put 'a blight on the Gyp Guiness,' and they had to let his people go. I remember only one piece of it: 'Now Moses was driving a dumper, At the site of Pharoah's new tomb. He said: They should have cremated the bugger - It wouldn't half have saved 'em some room!' Anyone remember the rest? |
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04 Feb 07 - 08:47 AM (#1957370) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: alanabit Refresh. This sounds like fun, so I am putting it to the top again, in the hope that it will jog someone's memory. |
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04 Feb 07 - 01:13 PM (#1957541) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: Little Robyn There's a dialect monologue in the Geordie Bible that I heard Danny Spooner do 30 years ago but it's a bit different. The lads were working on the pyramids...........and they ran out of Newcastle Broon. Robyn |
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05 Feb 07 - 10:43 PM (#1958583) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: Jim Dixon The best web site for monologues is Make 'Em Laugh, but I couldn't find one there that fits your description. There are several that mention the pyramids though, or Moses. |
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06 Feb 07 - 09:17 PM (#1959821) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyrami From: GUEST,. Too good to let this one die. |
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06 Feb 07 - 11:07 PM (#1959877) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: GUEST,cmt49 Thanks Jim Dixon for the link to Make 'Em Laugh. From Flanders and Swan to seaside postcards. What a treasure trove! |
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07 Feb 07 - 06:43 PM (#1960516) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: Dave Hunt Louis Killen had several bible stories in Geordie - the one about Moses included a bit about the Pyramids - and parting the Red Sea - and much more!...(e.g. An' aae the cuddy chariota an' aae the cuddy chariot drivers gannin' tappie-lappie doon the lonnin.....) |
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08 Feb 07 - 08:13 AM (#1961015) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: GUEST,HughM Can't remember the monologue, but the one-armed blacksmith was Walter Greaves of Craven Forge between Skipton and Kildwick, on the A650 and with the Leeds-Liverpool Canal behind it. At one time the council tried to throw him out of the premises because they were considered untidy. I remember there was a petition raised to allow him to stay. If I remember rightly, it succeeded. He was also well-known to cycling enthusiasts in the area and had continued cycling (even long distances) after losing his arm, in a car accident I believe. The arm was amputated just above the elbow and he could use the remaining stump to hold a workpiece on the anvil while hammering it with his other arm. |
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08 Feb 07 - 09:28 PM (#1961847) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: GUEST,cmt49 HughM - What a buzz to hear from someone who remembers him! I think he told me the arm was lost in a battle between motorbike and lampost. He gave me a lift home once (in a car, thannk God). It transpired that the stump could also be used for holding the steering wheel while he reached across underneath with his other arm to change gear. Lovely guy. |
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29 Sep 08 - 01:30 PM (#2453026) Subject: Lyr Add: THE PYRAMIDS (from Stan Hastings) From: GUEST,Jenny in Perth WA In Perth, in the 70s and 80s, there was a folk club called the Stables run by Stan Hastings who had a wonderful repertoire of humour. He used to do this monologue and this is it, to the best of my memory. Now he may have changed the odd word along the way, but I think this version is pretty complete! Enjoy it all! THE PYRAMIDS In Biblical days, so the good book says, the pyramids grew very big. The contractor's name was Pharaoh, and he was a right old pig. He had all sorts of gangsters armed to the teeth, and he paid them time and a half, With a bonus every Boxing Day, in the shape of a fatted calf. They roamed the country far and wide, kidnapping women and kids, And all sorts of Jewish brickies to work on the pyramids. If your father carried a hod, or your mother drove a mixer, You could bet the old ones' pension that Pharaoh's baddies would fix her. You weren't allowed to make a brew, and if they caught you having a sarni, The 'gyptians would likely do their nuts and Pharaoh would go barmy. McDonalds and KFC weren't going then, and there wasn't any union, Just Pharaoh's chargehands with their rawhide whips, and the treatment was something inhuman! Now Moses was driving his dumper one day, on the site of Pharaoh's new tomb. "You'd think they'd cremate the bugger," he said. "It wouldn't half save them some room!" "Oh, Moses save us," his people cried, "from this wicked captive fate." And Joshua, being a prophet, said, "We'll beat them, in uh … 1968!" "That's a right lot of help," said Moses, "but don't you take this amiss, 'Cause I've had the hard word from the heavy gang upstairs, and the position, roughly, is this: Two big angels took me up on the mountain, and they sat me down on a rock, And they shoved a choc-ice into me hand, it was all a bit of a shock; And playing their harps, they said 'Moses, don't you give up hope!' And they showed me a film called 'The Ten Commandments', in colour and Cinemascope! All our mob came out on the winning end, 'cause Pharaoh's shower got sunk, 'Cause we opened the lock gates on the Suez Canal the night that we done the bunk! Then the boss upstairs in a vision says, 'It's a piece of cake, Mose, you know. Just go on the bounce to Pharaoh and say, "Hey, let my people go!"'" So Moses went to Pharaoh and he caught him on the hop. He was making plans for a pyramid with a revolving caf on the top. "Now listen here, mush," says Moses. "You've hung onto us, you know, But if you saw what happened to Yul Brynner, you'd let my people go!" "Get outta here!" roared Pharaoh, "or I'll have youse all on nights, And don't come here with all that fanny about a load of civil rights!" "Oh, well, you've had it now," said Moses. "This is the bloody finish. I'm gonna get Gabriel and a couple of angels to mokker your draft Guinness!" And raising his eyes to the heavens, he called down the heavenly wrath. From this day forth, the Guinness is flat. On the top there'll be no froth! It'll never pull out of the barrels. It'll squirt from out of the pumps. It'll rot in all the pipelines and clog in dirty big lumps." "On your bike!" roared Pharaoh. "You wouldn't dare curse the ale!" "Oh, wouldn't we then!" sneered Moses, and all the Egyptians turned pale. "Hey boss," they said as one, "you'd better let his people go! For if the old draft Guinness goes on the blink, we'll hand in our whips, you know. Bugger you and your pyramids! If there's no Guinness, we'll all go slow. And if he's got friends in heaven, you'd better let his people go!" "You rats, you cowards!" said Pharaoh. "You shower of yellow gits! If you had to go and fight a war, I'd hate to be taking bets! All right, Moses, you've won," he said. "Take all your mob out of me sight. I'll lend you a couple of lorries. Be gone by tomorrow night." So they all packed into these vehicles and away the Israelites went, And Pharaoh, he done a dance of rage on top of his battlements. Now Aaron says to Moses, "Hey Mo, that was a bit strong. Would you really have knackered the 'gypt's Guinness? That would have been awful wrong." "No, lad, I was bluffing," said Moses. "I was bluffing from start to finish. I couldn't do a thing like that, especially to Guinness!" |
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29 Sep 08 - 06:00 PM (#2453257) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyrami From: Charley Noble Thanks for posting this, Jenny, from your corner of this very wide world! Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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30 Sep 08 - 03:27 AM (#2453521) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: Gurney I once heard another great Aussie monologue, about a joker who was introduced to the Bible for the first time. He told his mates about it, and the only bit I can remember is "And he slaughtered 40,000 Philipinos with the arsebone of a Jew...." I'll have to have another look at Paul's site. |
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20 Oct 08 - 05:09 AM (#2470539) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: GUEST,Shields Lad Picking up on Dave Hunt's mention (7 Feb 07) of Louis Killen's Geordie tale of the Pyramids and the flight of the Israelites from Egypt, I first heard this in the Marsden Inn, South Shields, in the late 1960s. I remember the parting of the Red Sea: "There were a waall o'watter on the one side, and a waall o'watter on the t'other...", and the fate of the Egyptians following them: "...aall the buggers was droonded." Can anyone point me at the whole story, please? I can't find a reference on Louis Killen's own site. |
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20 Oct 08 - 06:13 AM (#2470564) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: Dave Hunt From the above -'and the fate of the Egyptians following them: "...aall the buggers was droonded." And I remember the ending was -'all exceptin' one poor Edge-eyepshiun, who come a-strugglin' an' a-spluterrin' to the top - 'Help me he cried' and Moses was taaken with pity, and pointing Aarons shot rod at him said --'Droond yer bugger, droond' |
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20 Oct 08 - 02:44 PM (#2470988) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Monologue: The Building Of The Pyramids From: Little Robyn That's the way Danny Spooner did it too, back in 1973. Droon ya booga, droon! |
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10 Feb 09 - 10:22 PM (#2563403) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST,Jenny in Perth WA Hi again (actually from Bundaberg Queensland now!) Recently my Mum died, and while clearing out her things, I happened on an old cassette tape with a recording of Stan Hastings reciting this monologue! So naturally I checked my memory and realise I did pretty well, but there are a few changes. Rather than re-post the whole thing, I'll just describe the change: Add in between verses 4 and 5 as above: They'd put 'em to work on the tarmac and they'd leave them on permanent nights You couldn't go home, and the digs were prefabs that were built on Pharoah's sites After vs 17 as above, where Moses threatens to mokker the Guiness, this is the correct sequence of couplets: "On your bike!" roared Pharoah, "you wouldn't dare curse the ale!" "Oh wouldn't we then!" sneered Moses, and all the Egyptians turned pale. Then Moses, with a godlike thunder said, "You've brought down the heavenly wrath From this day forth the Guiness is flat, on the top there'll be no froth! And any Egyptian that sups a pint, he'll have bad guts, that's no flannel And you'll all have to go on the Pat and Mick sick, for 6 weeks, with no panel. It'll rot its way out of the barrels, it'll squirt from out of the pumps It'll never pour into the glasses cause it will clog in dirty big lumps". That's it ... as correct as Stan Hastings had it back in the 1980s! Regards Jenny |
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04 Aug 13 - 03:54 PM (#3545543) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST I think the Pyramids story are various folk-process versions of a script I gave to Jim Irvine at the Marsden Inn about 1964- twin brothers ( and non-folkies) John & Terry Greenwell of South Shields had it from a regular at the Grey Hen, in Harton. Jim did a great job of it, and I think Louis got it from him- I'd hesitate to say it was any kind of 'original' version but the Marsden club was only months old at that time & I think it was how it got into the folk clubs. I still have the script somewhere.... Scott Dobson, a stage Geordie, issued a collection of Bible stories some years later |
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04 Aug 13 - 04:09 PM (#3545546) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST Went down well at the folk club |
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05 Aug 13 - 02:47 PM (#3545827) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: McGrath of Harlow "Walter Greaves the one-armed blacksmith" - sounds almost mythological... |
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20 Dec 15 - 11:02 AM (#3759885) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST,Graham I, too, remember the Pyramids story (I knew it as the 'Flight of the Israelites') at the Marsden Inn, South Shields in the late 60s, while I was a student at the Marine School. To 'Guest' of 04 Aug 2013: who are you? Did you ever find that script? Will you (or anyone) share it with us, please? |
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21 Dec 15 - 07:23 AM (#3760045) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST,Malcolm Storey Johnny Handle used to recite some of the Geordie Bible monologues. I only recall the lines Nae straw Why man how can we make bricks wi nae straw? Hopefully this will jog someone else's memory. |
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16 Dec 18 - 01:04 AM (#3966505) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST He went by the name Sinbad iirc...I remember the pharaoh and the Guinness as his piece de resistance! Didn’t know he was a blacksmith tho... Can't remember the monologue, but the one-armed blacksmith was Walter Greaves of Craven Forge between Skipton and Kildwick, on the A650 and with the Leeds-Liverpool Canal behind it. |
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16 Dec 18 - 09:03 AM (#3966564) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST,jim bainbridge Hello Graham- I was the 'guest' of 4 Aug 2013- have moved house three times since then & still haven't located it |
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07 Oct 19 - 12:38 PM (#4012377) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST,jim bainbridge Well, Graham, if you're still there, here's something like the version I got from John Greenwell in the Grey Hen pub in South Shields about 1964. It's emerged after 11 months in our new house & thought I'd post it before we move again...only joking I gave it to Jim Irvine, whose lively performance of it at the Marsden Inn club has never been bettereed IMHO of course. It's the folk process, so I've included what little gems Jim added over the years, as far as I remember. MOSES AND THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL BY A GEORDIE LAY PREACHER Noo aa've jest cum ower the neet from the Kingdom Haal i' Gatesheaf t' tell ye aal aboot Moses an' the Children of Israle. Noo ye aal knaa hoo Moses was fund i' the bullrushes by Phareh's dowter (lestways that wuz hor story). Weel, yors later Moses and 'ees lads wor workin' i' the clarts b' the Nile, myekkin' bricks f' Phareh. Noo one o' the gards cum up an sez 'Noo theor, Moses, Phareh wants t' see ye'. So up lowps Moses from the clarts an' gans wi' the gard. 'E gets t' Phareh's tent & clashes twice on the door, feart that Phareh had a bit o'goods inside, like. Cum in, sez Phareh, so in gans Moses. 'Mornin' Moses sez Phareh and 'Mornin' Phareh' sez Moses. 'Noo leuk heor' sez Phareh, gettin' strite t' the point, 'Youse lads is not mekkin' eneugh bricks for me Pyramids. They wuz ganna be geet big cubes but noo there's norreeugh bricks, so they'll aal hev pointy tops noo. Ye'll need t' myek twice as many bricks an' divvent ask for mair straa 'cos aa've got nen'.'. Moses says, 'Ar haway man Phareh, wuv gorrran aaful lorra work on & anyway aa knaa the lads'll nivvor agree t' that. So Moses gans oot, clashin' the tent door ahint 'im, and gathers aal 'ees men tigither t' talk aboot strike action. 'Noo lads, aa've jest been t' see Phareh and he wants we t'myek twice as many bricks an' wi' nee straa' NEE STRAA' shoots the lads 'that's nee good, ye canna myek bricks wi' nee straa!! then up lowps Joshua- he's the one wi' the wellies on- an' sez 'Ar haway Moses, let wu dee off'. 'Reet' sez Moses' ye tyeuk the words reet oot o' me mooth. We'll aal dee away an' find the Promised Land. So hadaway yem, get yer wives & bairns & bogies tigither & we'll diidle away oot o' the toon'. So, cum twelve o'clock, one o' the gards is jest dumpin' 'ees tab end ower the battlement waal when 'e sees Moses & aal the children of Israle gannin' tappy lappy oot o' the toon in in a clood o' dust. The gard gans fleein' doonstairs t' tell Phareh. 'Gerron yer gallowas & hadaway efter them' 'e roars. Meanwhile, oot in the desert, the lads wuz gettin' fair clemmed wi' thorst. Then Joshua- 'e's the one wi' the wellies on- sez 'ye knaa Moses, in aal the horry, wu' forgot the barrel o' Broon'. 'Nee bother' sez Moses, 'aa can dee summick aboot that'. So 'e reaches inside 'ees cloak & takes oot a wee bit stick- 'e brays a geet big rock, clittor clattor. an' then, behold, pittor pattor, oot came a stream o' broon ale. The lads wuzelighted, slaked thor thorst an' then gorron thor bogies & d away t'wards the Red Sea. Noo jest as they wor gettin' near the watter, Joshua- 'e's the one wi' the wellies on- sez 'aa can hear Phahre and ees army wi' thor gallowas cummin' ower the hill.' 'Quick' sez Moses ' gallowas is faster than bogies' 'What can we dee' sez Joshua- 'e's the one wi' the wellies on- 'Divvent fash yersel' sez Moses and 'e lifts 'ees stick ower 'ees heid & waves it aboot. then a geet big fiery baal cum oot o' the sky an' a geet clood o' fire & smoke hides the Phareh & aal 'ees men. 'That's fooled them for a bit' laffs Moses. 'E then waved 'ees stick ower the Red Sea an' ye knaa the watters jest parted asunder.... or wuz it a Munda'? So aal the children of Israle gans plodgin' ower t' the other side- Joshua had nee bother- 'e had 'ees wellies on. Jest as they got t' the ither side, Phareh's men cum t' the watter's edge & started plodgin ower an' aal. But Moses put a stop t' that-'e waved 'ees stick again & aal the watter cum pourin' doon & drunded aal o' Phareh's men & thor gallowas. Aal except one, whe was clingin' to a floatin' plank, when a greet big loud voice came doon from the sky.... 'DRUND YE BUGGER, DRUND' AND DRUND HE DID so endeth the forst lesson nb I had some trouble with the spell checker here |
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08 Oct 19 - 04:06 PM (#4012586) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: Gurney While we're on the subject of daft monologues.... There's the one about a punter who built the great wall of China to keep egg thieves out of his hen-house. I think it's called 'Balbus.' |
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12 Oct 19 - 05:19 AM (#4013189) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST,bobby Daft monologues- DAFT MONOLOGUES??? Geordies, arise against this scurrilous attack on our traditional culture |
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13 Oct 19 - 06:07 PM (#4013464) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: Gurney Traditional? Geordie Traditional? With KFC and McDonalds in it? Surely Northunberland has been around longer than that? |
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03 Jul 20 - 11:49 AM (#4062620) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST Que misteriosa- me no gusta las KFC y el hijo de Donald- me gusto solamente Greegs y los pasteles de stotty |
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11 Apr 21 - 07:16 AM (#4101831) Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) From: GUEST,Sue Lane. Just browsing thro the replies. Wonderful stuff. Did anyone mention the author of the monologue was the late lamented Brian Jacques. It is in his booklet "The Gospel according to Brian Jacques" which is out of print? I have a copy of "Lost in the Wilderness" & the non biblical "Why the Romans landed at Chester" from live recordings of Brian with the Liverpool Fishermen performing in the Bull & Stirrup Folk Club, Chester as run by the group Yardarm. |