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07 Feb 07 - 04:27 PM (#1960339) Subject: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: jimlad9 Is Atheism a Non-prophet organisation?. If a Fly had no wings would it be a walk?. If Man evolved from Monkeys and Apes then why do we still have Monkeys and Apes?. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is this a hostage situation?. Who's cruel idea was it to spell lisp with a 's' in it?. |
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07 Feb 07 - 04:33 PM (#1960343) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Alec If nothing acts faster than Annadin,shouldn't we take nothing instead. |
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07 Feb 07 - 05:16 PM (#1960402) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Liz the Squeak How does my Anadin know which part of me hurts? Do elephants have belly buttons? And what cruel bastard thought up the word 'dyslexia'? LTS |
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07 Feb 07 - 06:23 PM (#1960482) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bill D Should rhetorical questions be allowed? |
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07 Feb 07 - 06:30 PM (#1960491) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bee-dubya-ell Does evewyone in Gweat Bwitain have twouble pwonouncing the letter "r", or just the ones who get hired as wadio weporters for the BBC? |
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07 Feb 07 - 06:35 PM (#1960500) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Georgiansilver What does an occasional table become when it isn't? When the guy inventing the drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to? Why is there only one monopolies commission? Why does someone always answer the phone when you get a wrong number? |
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07 Feb 07 - 06:44 PM (#1960518) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: John Hardly Doolin builds guitars? |
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07 Feb 07 - 06:59 PM (#1960534) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump "Does evewyone in Gweat Bwitain have twouble pwonouncing the letter "r", or just the ones who get hired as wadio weporters for the BBC? " Shouldn't that have read: Does evewyone in Gweat Bwitain have twouble pwonouncing the letter "w", or just the ones who get hiwed as wadio wepowtews fow the BBC? :D I'm sometimes surprised by the number of newsreaders and TV presenters with speech impediments. Maybe it's PC to employ them these days though. The days when being able to speak correctly to hold down an announcer's job seem to be past. |
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07 Feb 07 - 07:03 PM (#1960540) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Georgiansilver Shome shilly shod employsh dem |
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07 Feb 07 - 07:16 PM (#1960552) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bill D "The days when being able to speak correctly to hold down an announcer's job seem to be past." At least there is not much going on in Nick-ah-RAG-you-uh these days. |
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07 Feb 07 - 09:10 PM (#1960647) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,meself Today I found myself writing the phrase, "the British Empire was expanding to all corners of the globe." Now I know I'm not the first to use that expression, but am I the first to look at a globe? Or am I just the first to look and fail to find the corners? |
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07 Feb 07 - 09:31 PM (#1960661) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bee-dubya-ell There'a a town called Tillman's Corner near Mobile, Alabama. That's one corner, but I don't know where the others are. |
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07 Feb 07 - 09:40 PM (#1960665) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: John O'L When I was young there were a lot of corner stores, but lately there seem to be fewer and fewer. I guess the world is getting rounder as it gets smaller. Do you think this is significant? |
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07 Feb 07 - 10:04 PM (#1960672) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bill D Well, around here we have Tyson's Corners, which is big enough to be all the rest! And close to me we have the "Four Corners" area in MD....golly, we got enuf corners to make a dodecahedron! |
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07 Feb 07 - 10:13 PM (#1960676) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,meself Why don't you then? (Just a suggestion!) |
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07 Feb 07 - 10:30 PM (#1960692) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bill D "Why don't you then?" Why, the environmental impact studies, of course! |
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07 Feb 07 - 10:36 PM (#1960696) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,meself Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't dodecahedrons roam the earth in large, peaceful, environmentally-friendly herds for longer than mankind has existed, until the first global-warming crisis melted all the corners right off the globe (Tillman's, Tysons, Four, and certain stores excepted)? |
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07 Feb 07 - 10:58 PM (#1960704) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: katlaughing I don't know the lady in the picture, but out here WE have the greatest FOUR CORNERS of them all and I've been there. That's right, stood right there in Colorado, New Mexico, Arizon, and Utah all at once! Boy, did I feel like a square. |
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07 Feb 07 - 11:14 PM (#1960714) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bee-dubya-ell The demise of the neighborhood corner store is largely due to the rise of "big box" home center stores like Lowe's and Home Depot. It's a shame because they really don't have the broad selection of corners that the old corner stores did. I was looking for some corners in Lowe's the other day and all they had was three sizes in two colors. Pathetic! |
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07 Feb 07 - 11:46 PM (#1960732) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: John O'L When is a corner not a corner? Cameron's Corner is the junction of Queensland, South Australia and New South Wales Poeppel's Corner is the junction of Queensland, South Australia and the Northern Territory |
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08 Feb 07 - 02:59 AM (#1960789) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: autolycus If we are here to help others,what are the others here for? If you are a complete pessimist,,are you positively negative? Which is the more absurd,a champagne socialist, or a working-class conservative? Why do people with closed minds open their mouths? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "Up Over"? If all the world's a stage (c.w.Shakespeare),where does the audience sit? Ivor |
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08 Feb 07 - 03:02 AM (#1960793) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump Talking about the four corners of the globe, are there really seven seas? They mostly seem to be joined together, as far as I can see. |
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08 Feb 07 - 03:24 AM (#1960813) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Alec How,exactly do you tune a fish? |
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08 Feb 07 - 03:26 AM (#1960814) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: jimlad9 Is there another word for synonym?. Where do Forest Rangers go to get away from it all?. Do children enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?. Why do they call them hemmorrhoids and not asteroids?. |
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08 Feb 07 - 04:35 AM (#1960853) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump - How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? - How young can you die of old age? - A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. - I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. - I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time. - I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. (And there's more where that lot came from!) |
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08 Feb 07 - 05:38 AM (#1960896) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Georgiansilver Lady Macbeth when she kicked her dog out of the house "Out damned spot" |
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08 Feb 07 - 06:09 AM (#1960918) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: redsnapper I never saw any bulls in Birmingham.. RS |
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08 Feb 07 - 06:16 AM (#1960920) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST A humming bird eats its own weight in food every day - but how does it weigh the food? |
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08 Feb 07 - 06:18 AM (#1960923) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST, Grimmy Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? Why is 'phonetic' not spelt as it sounds? |
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08 Feb 07 - 06:20 AM (#1960924) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Alec I'd wish you all a "Good Morning" but "Good Morning" is an oxymoron. |
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08 Feb 07 - 06:21 AM (#1960927) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST, Grimmy ...and what's another word for 'thesaurus'? |
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08 Feb 07 - 08:05 AM (#1961008) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump A humming bird eats its own weight in food every day - but how does it weigh the food? Good point. It probably weighs itself empty, and then keeps eating and weighing itself until it reaches double the 'empty' weight. But how does it know when it's empty? |
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08 Feb 07 - 08:40 AM (#1961050) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,meself And if it's eating so much, when does it get time to hum? Wouldn't it have been more accurate to call it "the eating bird"? |
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08 Feb 07 - 08:44 AM (#1961055) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,meself And speaking of Superman - as the other fellow once pointed out, if they think it's a bird or a plane up in the sky, what are they so damned excited about? |
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08 Feb 07 - 08:51 AM (#1961064) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: autolycus A synonym for 'thesaurus' is 'wordlist'. Harumph. Ivor |
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08 Feb 07 - 10:01 AM (#1961140) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump Here's some more (I warned you!) - The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - OK, so what's the speed of dark? - Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. - I intend to live forever - so far, so good. - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? - If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. - Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. |
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08 Feb 07 - 10:32 AM (#1961169) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST, Grimmy Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Thus: There's no time like the present for putting things off. and Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can put off 'til a week next Thursday. |
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08 Feb 07 - 10:39 AM (#1961173) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump He who laughs last dies happy. |
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08 Feb 07 - 01:33 PM (#1961359) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Big Al Whittle Doctor Finlay, Doctor Finlay......Doctor Snoddy and I have been taking a look at Mrs MacTavish's Roger......! |
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08 Feb 07 - 02:01 PM (#1961401) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Georgiansilver If cabbage is so good for you...why do cabbage white butterflies live only for one day? |
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08 Feb 07 - 02:07 PM (#1961416) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Liz the Squeak Why do psychics keep putting their flyers through my letter box. If they're as good as they say, they'll know I don't want to see them. LTS |
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08 Feb 07 - 02:58 PM (#1961489) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Ebbie Assuming that the believers are correct and will have mansions in the afterlife, who is going to live in them? Each person/being will be alone? (Somebody didn't think it through, imo.) |
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11 Feb 07 - 05:50 AM (#1963814) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: autolycus Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? What is a free gift given that all gifts are free? Why are 'a wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?(Discuss) If you jogged backwards would you gain weight? If love is blind,why is lingerie so popular? More where that came from. Shan't get me coat. ivor |
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11 Feb 07 - 07:27 AM (#1963864) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: The Fooles Troupe Jesus Saves. The Devil Invests. |
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11 Feb 07 - 08:32 AM (#1963901) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,meself "Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?" Um - I hate to be a stick-in-the-mud - okay, I actually like to be a stick-in-the-mud - but DID they wear helmets? |
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11 Feb 07 - 09:10 AM (#1963919) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Alec As far as Kamikaze pilots go some did, some didn't. Now why do envelopes state "Photographs do not bend" when photographs bend very easily? |
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11 Feb 07 - 11:31 AM (#1964000) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Georgiansilver I well remember our dear 'Willie Rushton' on Blankety-blank, when he was asked..."Willie, what does Kami-Kaze mean"? and in his usual inimitable way he replied "Ah yes I know what that means..it means there's a nasty nip in the air" |
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11 Feb 07 - 01:54 PM (#1964125) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: katlaughing *groan*:-) Why is there allergy-causing dye in antihystamines(benadryl)? (True! Just found dye-free benadryl and quit itching!) |
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11 Feb 07 - 05:57 PM (#1964337) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: The Fooles Troupe "Why is there allergy-causing dye in antihystamines" You MUST be in the USA. That's called 'the free market' - no Govt regulation. |
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11 Feb 07 - 09:35 PM (#1964487) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Joe_F "There's a hint of fall in the air." "Don't talk with your mouth full." |
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11 Feb 07 - 09:37 PM (#1964489) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: katlaughing Oops, spelled it wrong..antihistamines and yer right, fools, it is the USA! |
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12 Feb 07 - 04:31 AM (#1964636) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: jimlad9 The Irish Kamikazi pilot who got killed on his 20th mission. We met some Irish people on holiday and I asked who do the Irish tell jokes about. The lad replied the Kerrymen, and went on to tell me that the Irish government had a scheme to build Mental Hospitals in Ireland. They built one near Dublin,one near Galway but then found it was cheaper to put a roof over Kerry. |
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12 Feb 07 - 09:49 AM (#1964778) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump There's more, there's more: - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. - I got stopped for speeding. I said: "Officer, I know I was going faster than 60 Miles Per Hour, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour". - I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. - I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. - I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. - A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said: "You didn't borrow this." I said: "I will." - When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. - Sponges grow in the ocean. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen? - If a word in the dictionary were mis-spelled, how would we know? |
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12 Feb 07 - 02:35 PM (#1965083) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: autolycus More than a hint of Steven Wright. Ivor |
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12 Feb 07 - 02:41 PM (#1965096) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Alec If men,as is claimed,think about sex every 12 seconds how long do we think about it for? |
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13 Feb 07 - 06:43 AM (#1965815) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump Well spotted, Ivor. I was waiting to see if anyone identified him as the source. |
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13 Feb 07 - 06:53 AM (#1965827) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: The Fooles Troupe I thought I passed the source... |
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13 Feb 07 - 08:05 AM (#1965877) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Scrump Why thank you - much appreciated. |
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13 Feb 07 - 01:05 PM (#1966240) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: jimlad9 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms,are they afraid someone will sneak in and clan them?. If a Turtle has no shell is it homeless or naked?. If the Police arrest a mime artiste does he have the right to remain silent?. What was the best thing before sliced bread?. |
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13 Feb 07 - 06:45 PM (#1966650) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: The Fooles Troupe "What was the best thing before sliced bread?. " 'A loaf, a jug, and thou' |
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14 Feb 07 - 02:53 PM (#1967680) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: autolycus Silence when you speak to me. Bloodnok in Goon Show. Ivor |
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14 Feb 07 - 03:48 PM (#1967733) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Bainbo One in five people in the world is Chinese. And there's five people in our family. So it's either me, or my mum, or my dad, or my brother Colin, or my other brother Sun-Ji Tsang. But I think it's Colin. |
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14 Feb 07 - 07:41 PM (#1967974) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Donuel Rochester NY has a TWELVE CORNERS. If you actively support an illegal, bloody, amoral yet profitable WAR for a select few corporations, does that make you guilty of aiding and abetting murder? |
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14 Feb 07 - 09:49 PM (#1968096) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: Joe_F Every third person is subclinically neurotic.... Fortunately, there are only two of us. -- Michael Flanders |
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17 Feb 07 - 11:35 AM (#1970691) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,Billy the Bunnie If you set out to fail, and succeed in doing so...... |
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17 Feb 07 - 11:37 AM (#1970695) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: GUEST,Billy the Bunnie And, "Don't look at me in that tone of voice". |
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17 Feb 07 - 09:15 PM (#1971199) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: The Fooles Troupe Military Intelligence. |
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18 Feb 07 - 06:34 AM (#1971418) Subject: RE: BS: Ambiguity and Silliness From: autolycus I come from a family of 14 children and it was all because my mother was hard of hearing. I'll be glad to explain. long as I'm not busy. See,every night when it was time to retire,my father would say to my mother, "Do you want to go to sleep or what?" And she'd say,"What?" But my mother was a clever woman,'cos she found out that every 15th child born in America was an Indian. She figured the Indians didn't have Jewish children,so why should she have anIndian child. c within a circle Jackie Mason, c.(not in a circle) 1962. Ivor |
