I'm signing in as a GUEST for once, because in this case a certain level of anonymity seems a good idea.

I just want to run this situation past people, to check reactions.

My wife's father is in his mid 90s, and lives in a village a few miles away from us in the south of England. He lives alone since my mother-in law died twelve years ago. He's a bit less steady than he used to be, not surprisingly, and now has a stair-lift, but he manages pretty well. We see him regularly and pick him up to come over to visit nearly every Sunday; and for all those years (and more before) he's stayed with us over Christmas. We also look after him when he's ill.

That's fine - but my wife has been thinking that, just for a change, maybe for once she and I could get away for Christmas this year. There's one sibling, her brother, who lives and works in the north of England. So perhaps, we suggested, he could take over and make sure dad had a good Christmas.

What we had in mind (though we didn't suggest it) was that maybe he and his wife could come down and stay in the large house their daughter, who is going to be out of the country over the Christmas period, has bought a few miles from where we live.

Instead the brother comes back with a suggestion that we should persuade dad ("twist his arm") to go up to their end of the country for Christmas. They can't see their way to look after him in their own house - so the brother's found out about a care home nearby where dad could be booked in. He told us about it in an email:

"Have now had a chance to visit the home ... My heart sank when I walked in because there were poor old souls asleep or staring into space. But that's because the entrance is via the dementia unit." Well, that didn't sound too good an idea. Still, when we read that far we thought, at least he's making an effort of sorts.

But then came the bit that really rather took us aback: "It would cost dad £120 a night, which doesn't seem too bad to me to cover meals and nursing care." Moreover, he suggests that dad, aged 96, should be put on a plane at our local airport (having never flown in his life), and travel unaccompanied, to be picked up at the airport up there.

So, dad is invited for Christmas, but not to stay in the brother's house. And it's assumed that he should pay for his own accommodation and make his own way there. (NB the brother is pretty well-off.)

I can see we won't be getting away for Christmas, because there's no way Dad would be on for this arrangement, even if we were. But we think he'd be deeply hurt if he ever got to know about this response.

It's tricky even knowing how to reply to the brother's email. Any comments and suggestions?