A few years ago, our Morris team was booked to do an interval spot at a festival ceilidh. When we got there, the audience seemed ominously small, but our musician remarked : "Don't worry, the party never starts till the Klingons arrive." Of course, Morris men aren't really like Klingons – well not much! – but sure enough, once we got there, more people started crowding in, and the evening became very enjoyable.

Eventually, a song grew from that seed crystal. At first I thought it would need a tune rather like the Admiral's song from HMS Pinafore (… "And now I am the ruler of the Queen's Navee!"), but our aforementioned musician sings it to a speeded up version of an old dance tune, "The Durham Rangers". This seems to work well, but feel free to experiment.

Wassail!

The Star Trek Party Song

There's a whisper in the alley, there's a murmur down the lane,
There's a rumour circulating that the lads are out again.
So the quiet and the cautious are all leaving on vacations
While the noisy and rambunctious are preparing celebrations
All the traders put their shutters up, and hide away in fear,
But the party never starts until the Klingons get here.
(Yes, the traders put their shutters up, and hide away in fear,
But the party never starts until the Klingons get here!)

Mr Spock has taped his ears (in case they're torn off in the fray)
Captain Kirk has let his hair down (or he's bought a new toupée).
While Uhura's getting mellow, and Bones is hanging loose,
Mr Scott has found the bar, and started knocking back the juice,
There's a bison on the barbecue, and ninety kegs of beer,
But the party never starts until the Klingons get here.
(There's a bison on the barbecue, and ninety kegs of beer,
But the party never starts until the Klingons get here!)

The Romulan Shakespeare Company have done their mummers' play,
And robots have been summoned, to wash the blood away,
The Cardassian Morris Dancers are all sharpening their sticks,
While their heavy-metal jug band roars at forty thousand klicks
There are twelve Bajoran strippers swinging from the chandelier,
But the party never starts until the Klingons get here!
(There are twelve Bajoran strippers swinging from the chandelier,
But the party never starts until the Klingons get here!)

Now the Enterprise is outward bound, they've beamed up all the crew,
Although most are still hung over, and the rest look rather blue.
The old Feringi barman has begun to count his cash,
But the Klingon lads are looking round for something else to smash.
And half the planet may be wrecked, but still the fun goes on,
Because the party isn't over till the Klingons have gone!
(Yes, half the planet may be wrecked, but still the fun goes on,
Because the party isn't over till the Klingons have gone!)

(c)Mike Sutton, 1999