Five months ago I was in Europe. Going from England to France on the train, we went through a long, long tunnel and I asked myself, "Was that it? Was that the famous Channel Tunnel? Are we in France now?"

For a long time I studied the landscape and could not tell. Roads, fields, trees, rocks all looked the same. There were no billboards to show me the language. (What a blessing!)

Finally I spotted a truck and saw that it was driving on the right side of the road. That was the only way I could tell that we had entered France. Gosh, all those centuries of war, and now a traveller can only tell them apart by the road rules.

Rapaire: brush up on the meaning of 'football' before you and Bobert announce your candidacy.