My feelings are not, nor should they, be used in any way as comparison for another person's feelings and experiences. Dorothy is quite entitled to have felt and acted the way she did in order to get away from the situation she was in, in my opinion. She has already stated she thought lots about her children at that time and I see no-one as fit to be able to judge her final actions whether they turned out right or wrong. She did what she felt she had to do and she alone has had to deal with those consequences with us now questioning her motives. Or have I got this wrong too?

With no offence intended whatsoever, I think the onus of responsibility should be on the actions of the persons who made her have to come to such decisions and I would far easier lay blame at his door than hers if Dorothy's description is correct. We have no reason to doubt her account as she has nothing to gain here from embelishment, so... I wonder how many times he has asked what affect he had on his children's lives considering how his abuse had reached out?

I am all for people looking at their own lives, mistakes, actions and solutions - in helping them move forward - but I am not an advocate of making people go back and look at outcomes that are now not possible to change. It seems to me that can only produce more guilt where guilt has already been felt enough. By all means learn lessons and change things for the future, but the past can become a prison of guilt for many if no escape has been achieved. I see this far too often in clients, of both genders, for it to be healthy for their futures.

For me Dorothy's replies - which she certainly did not need to offer - tell of success for her and her children. What can be achieved by (seemingly) making her go back and take on more gulit for her required actions back then? When some sleeping dogs lie, then let them be?

Just an opposite, but non-opposing, opinion

mp