I believe this is the real original Andy Stewart in this YouTube video. I'll take responsibility for this transcription, although I picked up bits and pieces on the Internet. There could be a few errors.


THE RUMOUR
As recorded by Andy Stewart on "Andy Stewart's Scotland"

Now when it comes to spreading, there are many things to name:
There's butter, and there's fire, and then, of course, there's fame.

But the thing that spreads the quickest—it's the fastest, you'll agree—
Is the spoken word of rumour; just listen and you'll see.

Now the rumour I would speak of here was started by a man
In Inverness, who whispered it from in behind his hand.

"Did you hear what I heard, Willy? Mon, that's awful; yes, that's right.
Ye'd never have believed it, mon; it gave me such a fright!"

Now puir Willy was quite upset when he heard that this had been,
So he straightway phoned his brother George who lived in Aberdeen.

"Oh, dearie me!" says Geordie. "Man, that's half a fatal shock.
I'll hae te tell your cousin Rab when next I'm in Arbroath."

But instead he told his sister Jean, a bus conductress lass.
She told Stonehaven, Lawrencekirk, and ilka toun she'd pass.

"Well that's fit I heard, onyway; aye, just tha keep it to yersel'."
And they did keep it, just like her, and couldna wait to tell.

Until she reached old Forfar toun where, once more, nothing loath,
She told it to a fisherman who told it to Arbroath.

"By Geowah", was their reaction and perhaps just "dearie me",
And they couldna wait to tell the tale for they gaed and told Dundee.

"Well I never! I'll no' say a word! No, never in my life!"
But they crossed the water and, of course, the story spread to Fife.

It was told in every meeting place, and spread frae door to door.
Though they listened cautiously at first, they soon said, "Tell us more".

So more and more and mair and mair the rumour flew aroun',
Till they spelt it oot in capitals in Edinburgh town.

They shouted it in Leith, but, oh! the tone grew more discreet
As it passed up Leith Walk and along the length of Princes Street.

There somebody took it on a train to Glasgow and that's how
If you live there you'll probably have heard the rumour now.

Not that that's where it all finished, for it carried on and passed
By a steamer going westward to old Ireland and Belfast.

"Is that the truth?" the Irish said; they thought it was a shame.
No, they didn't like the rumour so they sent it home again.

To Stranraer it came, then northwards over Ayrshire and Kintyre
Where it spread, they say, quite freely, like the heather was on fire.

Oban, Mull and Tobermory, Mallaig, Kyle, and that is why,
Once again, by way of water the rumour came to Skye.

But they couldn't tell it further; and the reason is because,
By the time it reached the islands, they'd forgotten what it was!