I posted the following in April 2011, on This Thread. Dave the Gnome said that in future 'he' wanted to be known as 'Polly'. It was then suggested as a suitable subject for a Song Challenge, hence: THE GNOMES SEX CHANGE Nigel Parsons 14/4/11 (apologies to Ewan MacColl) I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way Renouncing that may seem quite churlish But now I want pleasures quite girlish. The day was just ending, as I was descending To Glasto, just South of the Tor And being quite dense, I jumped over a fence The wire ripped through the britches I wore. It also ripped right through my manhood (gnome-hood?) Leaving me terribly sore. And the doctor he said, without laughing! That I could be a dad-gnome no more! I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way Renouncing that may seem quite churlish But now I want pleasures quite girlish. The specialist said I'd lost more than my 'head' In truth, I'd lost most of my dick. And tho' skin's quite elastic; still with surgery plastic I'd more chance of a 'cave' than a 'pick' (sorry, dwarvish joke, I couldn't resist it despite the pain!) I made up my mind in a jiffy Though what I was losing was small. The internal workings are iffy The unkindest cut of them all! I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way Renouncing that may seem quite churlish But now I want pleasures quite girlish. Now I go where I will, over valley & hill And I don't care what other gnomes think I remember my fate, I use stile or gate! And my beard I've dyed a light pink So I can still go on a bender When to folk club, or folk fest I roam. For no-one there questions my gender. It matters to none but a gnome. I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way Renouncing that may seem quite churlish But now I want pleasures quite girlish.
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