YOU'LL NEVER NEED A DOCTOR NO MORE
Words and music by Chris Smith
"Introduced by Bert Williams in his 1921 riot, Broadway Brevities."
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1920.

1. I s'pose you all heared of Doctor Fojo Bones,
A very bitter enemy to Deacon Jones.
Tuesday evenin' Deacon Jones took sick,
And it seems he had to send for Doctor Fojo quick.
On the deacon's face was a distrustful frown.
Indigestion had wore him down.
The doctor says: "Oh, it's you I have to cure!
Well, here's what I'll prescribe to fix you sho':

CHORUS 1: "Some green cucumbers, some stewed tripe rare,
Roast pork, cantaloupe, and Bevo beer.
Half a dozen crabs, two lobsters broiled,
Bananas and fish, but let the fish be spoiled;
Cold-storage chicken and hot cornbread.
Now I think that will be a scientific cure,
And if you eat everything, brother, that I'm tellin' you to eat,
You'll never need a doctor no more."

2. Matilda jenkins worked for Mister Deacon Jones.
Said she: "You's a fool to send for Doctor Bones.
Don't you know the doctor is really sore on you?
He loved that widow Brown and you's kind o' likin' her too.
You remember it was peculiar how her husband died—
Why, he suffered; all the neighbors just cried,
'Cause his chances for life was mighty slim,
And here's what Doctor Bones went and prescribed for him:

CHORUS 2: A watermelon and peach ice cream,
Sour milk, applesauce, and spinach greens,
Puddin', prunes, and rice, a half-cooked shad,
A dozen eggs, and had all o' them bad.
Some corned beef an' cabbage, some Lima beans.
Now wasn't that an awful cure? Mercy!
Brother Jones went and ate ever'thing that was told him to eat.
Now he'll never need a doctor no more!