Well, my name is Mini Cooper. I was once as white as snow,
Till I met a Rally Driver and a-rallying did go.
He promised me fine trophies and I've got them all, it's true,
But surely, girls, you'll pity me when you here what I've been through.

He took me down a shady lane so dark I couldn't see,
And surely, girls, there never was a man as fast as he
He laid me on a mossy bank and gave me such a fright!
He examined my suspension with a spanner and a light.

We went upon a rally and he took along a friend
And I'll tell you how I lost it on a very sticky bend
He tried to make me do a turn, of that there is no doubt
And when he finally coaxed me round me tail was hangin' out!

I new that I was slipping, I knew he'd lost control
By the way he yelled "Geronimo! I think we're gonna roll!"
What happened to me next dera girtls, I cannot tell to you
For he tipped me on my side and left me to the service crew.

When he found that I was stalling, he flew into such a rage!
But I knew he was trying to get me to a very special stage.
So he tickled my carburettors and gave my points a touch,
And how could I resist him, girls, when he slipped in the clutch?

But my back and sides are scratched now, and my bottom's red with rust.
My bonnet's badly dented and my Hydrolastic's bust.
I've got no brakes to speak of and I think my head is gone,
So don't go into the forest girls without your sump guard on.

I tell you girls now truly I would rather have this life
Than be locked up in a garage and polished every night
I would rather have a young man who would drive me hard and fast
Than be some old man's darling to be made to last and last

I would rather be driven hard and fast along a forest track
To feel me valves a-bouncing and me revs go off the clock
I would rather have my accelarator hard against the floor
Than be proded by an old man who's forgotten what it's for.