Lyr ADD: The Ballad of Mini Cooper (Archie Fisher)

Subject: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: GUEST,Diane
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 01:19 PM

Does anyone know the words to the Ballad of Mini Cooper by the Beggarmen?

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BALLAD OF MINI COOPER (Archie Fisher)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 01:33 PM

The Ballad of Mini Cooper

Well, my name is Mini Cooper. I was once as white as snow,
Till I met a Rally Driver and a-rallying did go.
He promised me fine trophies and I've got them all, it's true,
But surely, girls, you'll pity me when you here what I've been through.

He took me down a shady lane so dark I couldn't see,
And surely, girls, there never was a man as fast as he.
He laid me on a mossy bank and gave me such a fright!
He examined my suspension with a spanner and a light.

When he found that I was stalling, he flew into such a rage!
But I knew he was trying to get me to a very special stage.
So he tickled my carburettors and gave my points a touch,
And how could I resist him, girls, when he slipped in the clutch?

But my back and sides are scratched now, and my bottom's red with rust.
My bonnet's badly dented and my Hydrolastic's bust.
I've got no brakes to speak of and I think my head is gone,
So don't go into the forest girls without your sump guard on.

Great song I haven't sung for years. Maybe I ought to revive it. Have fun.

---

According to notes below, it appears the songwriter was Archie Fisher.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: Ferret
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 02:07 PM

Can you tell me what the tune is called please.
many thanks
all the best
ferret

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: alanabit
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 02:12 PM

I recall Fred Wedlock singing this one, but I wonder if it is another example of Miles Wootton's mastery?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: bill\sables
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:08 PM

The tune is Hot Asphelt

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:16 PM

As far as I know, it was written by Archie Fisher. I first heard it in the mid/late 1960s, when I was still at school but had started going to the Herga Folk Club and we had the High Level Ranters as guests, including of course, Archie's brother-in-law, Colin Ross. It was Tom Gilfellon who sang it - I think he'd been Archie's navigator on some rallies.

We had a folk club session at school, a few months after that, and I sang The Ballad of Mini-Cooper. I don't think our music teacher appreciated it.

Kitty

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:21 PM

Gawd, I haven't rallyed in about 30 years. Had a tricked out '65 SAAB 96 Monte Carlo converted to 1.5 litre V4. It dynoed at 140 hp and used to take Porsches and Vettes on the straight. They never knew what hit them.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: GUEST,Ritchie
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 03:24 PM

I remember being in a mates mini cooper 's' and I swear that everytime we came up to a roundabout the rear wheels went round before the front ones. Gosh it was fast. Last year we went to Turin and saw where they made the 'Italian Job' ...not a lot of people know that!...well I can dream can't I.

nice song , thank you very much Diane and leadfingers.

regrds Ritchie

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: Willie-O
Date: 04 Jul 03 - 08:56 AM

That Archie's a closet gearhead. When he played our town a few years ago, I got to open for him. I was working at the time at the Canadian Tire (large hardware/automotive chain) across the road from where he was staying. He came into the store before he left town, looking for a special set of "spanners" he could take back to Scotland so could fix the brake lines on his vintage Saab! (unfortunately we didn't seem to have them in stock).

I'd have to say, though clever enough, that lyric's not one of his all time classics. Early years.

W-O
I want a Mini Cooper.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: open mike
Date: 05 Jul 03 - 04:06 AM

i saw quite a few of these in sweden lately-
http://www.mini.com/
and these too, which apparently can not be
acquired in the u.s.
www.smartcar.com

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: Bernard
Date: 05 Jul 03 - 05:29 PM

Pedant alert...!!

The Mini Cooper (well, some of them) had 'Hydrolastic' suspension - without the 'e'!

It was a weird suspension system where the 'springs' on the front and rear wheel on each side of the car were connected via an hydraulic system. They weren't really springs as such, but a kind of balloon arrangement filled with a special green coloured hydraulic fluid. It was supposed to be 'self levelling' - if the front wheel was pushed up, the rear wheel was pushed down by the same amount to compensate.

Minis using this system didn't handle as well as their 'dry' counterparts...

Citroën made a much better job of it!

Sorreee! I'll go away now...

A great song... used to do it myself, years ago!!

Okay, I'm going!

Subject: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: RWJ
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 06:26 AM

I am looking for a song i have not heard for a while ,the first line is ( my name is mini cooper i was once as white as snow ) Can any one help

    Ron

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 06:42 AM

I posted the lyrics years ago ! Put 'Ballad of Mini Cooper' in the search box and there it is !

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 06:50 AM

I believe it was originally written for Archie Fisher. It's proper title is "The Ballad of Mini Cooper" - the tune is "Hot asphalt". I can only remember fragments, but I heard it sung very recently. It's probably in a previous thread (it doesn't seem to be in the DT), but the search facility isn't working at the moment.

My name is Mini Cooper I was once as white as snow
Till I met a rally driver and a rallying did go

He took me down a shady lane and gave me such a fright
When he examined my suspension with a spanner and a light.

......
There never was a driver who was half as fast as he
He tuned my carburetter and gave my points a touch
So how could I resist him girls when he let in the clutch.

..... and my hydrolastic's bust
I've got no brakes to speak of and I think my head has gone
So don't go into the forest girls without your sumpguards on.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 07:53 AM

Fred Wedlock recorded this back in the seventies.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: Noreen
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 11:12 AM

Have tried searching for these lyrics but no success at present. In the meantime here are a few more additions as remembered by Stewart:

"The Ballad of Mini Cooper"

My name is Mini Cooper I'd a body white as snow
Til I met a rally driver and a-rallying I did go
He promised me fine trophies and I got them all for sure
…..


He took me down a shady lane so dark I couldn't see
And let me tell you girls, what there he did to me
He laid me on a mossy bank up against a wall so tight
And he examined my suspension with a spanner and a light.

......
There never was a driver who was half as fast as he
He tuned my carburettor and gave my points a touch
So how could I resist him girls when he let in the clutch.

..... and my hydrolastic's bust
I've got no brakes to speak of and I think my head has gone
So don't go into the forest girls without your Nickons* on.

*Nickons = suspension struts

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 11:26 AM

OK the thread search facility is now up an running again - you can find the thread here.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 01:07 PM

Thanks for the link Dave !

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: RWJ
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 07:23 PM

Thanks all found it

   Ron

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: GUEST,Gordon
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 04:05 PM

I have a vague memory of this song being called "The ballad of Mini Minor"in it's original form.I also recall "WPC Sadie Stick"being sung by somebody too,about the same era.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Mar 11 - 07:47 PM

Archie did write it.
He was a confirmed Saab man, in the days when you had to know the Owners' Cub members in an area in case you broke down, as there were no parts available this side of the North Sea.
He used to get quite poetic about them... "... red mane flying in the wind" etc - a red Saab he used to have.
But of many years now, he prefers four legs!
I think he is one of the best, if not THE best, accompaniest of a song that I've ever heard.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 14 Mar 11 - 09:32 AM

Gordon - WPC Sadie Stick was by either Mike Absolom or Stan Arnold.
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BALLAD OF MINI COOPER
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 03:36 PM

THE BALLAD OF MINI COOPER

Well, my name is Mini Cooper. I was once as white as snow,
Till I met a Rally Driver and a-rallying did go.
He promised me fine trophies and I've got them all, it's true,
But surely, girls, you'll pity me when you hear what I've been through.

He took me down a shady lane so dark I couldn't see,
And surely, girls, there never was a man as fast as he.
He laid me on a mossy bank and gave me such a fright!
He examined my suspension with a spanner and a light.

When he found that I was stalling, he flew into such a rage!
But I knew he was trying to get me to a very special stage.
So he tickled my carburettors and gave my points a touch,
And how could I resist him, girls, when he slipped in the clutch?

But my back and sides are scratched now, and my bottom's red with rust.
My bonnet's badly dented and my Hydrolastic's bust.
I've got no brakes to speak of and I think my head is gone,
So don't go into the forest girls without your sump guard on.

I tell you girls now truly I would rather have this life
Than be locked up in a garage and polished every night
I would rather have a young man who would drive me hard and fast
Than be some old man's darling to be made to last and last

I would rather be driven hard and fast along a forest track
To feel me valves a-bouncing and me revs go off the clock
I would rather have my accelarator hard against the floor
Than be proded by an old man who's forgotten what it's for.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of mini Cooper
From: Leadfingers
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 05:00 AM

GUEST - Who added the last bit of Lyric ??

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of Mini Cooper (Archie Fisher)
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Oct 11 - 02:05 AM

I remember hearing another few verses that went something like this:

We went upon a rally and he took along a friend
And I'll tell you how I lost it on a very sticky bend
He tried to make me do a turn, of that there is no doubt
And when he finally coaxed me round me tail was hangin' out!

I new that I was slipping, I knew he'd lost control
By the way he yelled "Geronimo! I think we're gonna roll!"
What happened to me next dera girtls, I cannot tell to you
For he tipped me on my side and left me to the service crew.

This was on a live recording which my brother had on cassette abut 20 years ago.   No idea who the artiste was, but he also sang about the Bantam Cock, the flasher of Wimbledon Common, and the old one about "While the train is in the stattion......."

Tony Thomson
Cape Town, South Africa

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of Mini Cooper (Archie Fisher)
From: GUEST,John Bowen [MASSAC 1966-69]
Date: 11 Nov 13 - 06:45 PM

Re: Mini Cooper suspension - Hydrolastic versus dry.
The reason BMC [as it was then] reverted to 'dry' from Hydrolastic was cost - 'dry' was a lot cheaper. All the Works drivers reckoned the Hydrolastic system had much better feel, particularly on slippery surfaces where Mini excelled.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My name is Mini Cooper
From: GUEST,Folking Bob
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 02:22 PM

Well, my name is Mini Cooper. I was once as white as snow,
Till I met a Rally Driver and a-rallying did go.
He promised me fine trophies and I've got them all, it's true,
But surely, girls, you'll pity me when you here what I've been through.

He took me down a shady lane so dark I couldn't see,
And surely, girls, there never was a man as fast as he
He laid me on a mossy bank and gave me such a fright!
He examined my suspension with a spanner and a light.

We went upon a rally and he took along a friend
And I'll tell you how I lost it on a very sticky bend
He tried to make me do a turn, of that there is no doubt
And when he finally coaxed me round me tail was hangin' out!

I new that I was slipping, I knew he'd lost control
By the way he yelled "Geronimo! I think we're gonna roll!"
What happened to me next dera girtls, I cannot tell to you
For he tipped me on my side and left me to the service crew.

When he found that I was stalling, he flew into such a rage!
But I knew he was trying to get me to a very special stage.
So he tickled my carburettors and gave my points a touch,
And how could I resist him, girls, when he slipped in the clutch?

But my back and sides are scratched now, and my bottom's red with rust.
My bonnet's badly dented and my Hydrolastic's bust.
I've got no brakes to speak of and I think my head is gone,
So don't go into the forest girls without your sump guard on.

I tell you girls now truly I would rather have this life
Than be locked up in a garage and polished every night
I would rather have a young man who would drive me hard and fast
Than be some old man's darling to be made to last and last

I would rather be driven hard and fast along a forest track
To feel me valves a-bouncing and me revs go off the clock
I would rather have my accelarator hard against the floor
Than be proded by an old man who's forgotten what it's for.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Ballad of Mini Cooper (Archie Fisher)
From: GUEST,Bob
Date: 04 Nov 21 - 02:55 PM

1980's radio jingle:

It's cheap to run, it's fun to drive, It doesn't use much gas.
It fits in tiny parking spots and saves me lots of cash.
I love my Min, I love my car, I drive it everywhere,
I have more fun than anyone just driving here and there.