Well by gar an' damm me to 'ell! Dis son of a nun 'Spaw, he's jes askin' to git hisself un pieds dans les testiques! Me? I don' know nuttin' about no possums, no Maxipads, no guys name' Cletorus or nuttin'. Dis 'ere Katlaffin' sure sounds like the kin' of woman dat big strong smelly French Canadian guys like me can go for 'tho. Hey dere Mademoiselle, you got any viande on your bones? 'Cause I got a 'ockey stick for you, Tabernack!

Looks to me like dis Little Hock is da mos' messed up guy around 'ere, cause he don' know frig-all about dose friggin' Reg freres. He may know dat Candy ass commie chanteur Fielding, but dat sure don' say much 'bout his choice of company! Dat fat frigger wouldn't know three chords if dey stuck dem up his ass. I picked geetar wit him one night and gave him my god damned best rendition of Whiter Shade of Pail, and dat frigger tol' me dere was MORE den three chords in dat sucker! next he's tryin' to tell me where I should put my THUMB! Well, by gar, I stuck HIS thumb so far up his ass he could pick his nose wid it!

But back to dose Reg boys (dat Fielding don' tell you all here 'bout how dey tol' him to 'squeal like un cochon!' eh?)

Lemme tell you about Reg. Reg. and Reg. Dey ARE Brudders, like dat guy on all de medication, Spaw says, but each one got different mothers and fathers. Merde, up here in da Canadian bush yer lucky if yer parents are both HUMAN! My bes' frien' Jean-Pierre Sourise's mudder is a muscrat who wandered too close to the family St. Bernard. Jean-Pierre stays away from family reunions 'cuz he don' like eatin' field mice for Christmas dinner.

Dem three Regs are de best damn trappers in de Northland and if sometime dey howl at la lune it's probably hereditary. Dey are REAL CANAJUN HOMMES! hear dat Katlaffin, Noreen and Mortisha? Dese guys got some Canajun bacon dat'l make you 'tink you've died an' gon to Stonhenge during Druid season!

So listen up Monsieurs Spaw and Hock, kick dat merde tete Fielding wid his fancy geetar all you want, but leave dem Reg boys alone. Dey don' even bother comin' to dis here Mudcat 'ting 'cause you'd laugh at dere Harmony geetars!

Jaques Le Rubberboot