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BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS
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Subject: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Aug 01 - 10:17 PM So who else were you expecting to start such a thread? Now I know it's pretty common around here to praise the livin' bejesus out of Max for all he has done. A lot of you never tell the lad the truth though........You know some things are best left unsaid..........Right? Of course that's right, unless you're Spaw.........in which case I figure I might as well make a clean breast of things (emphasis on breast) and let the cow chips fall where they may, although I know that cow chips fall throughout the year and not just in May. Surely you have something that would qualify for giving the boy a swift kick in the nuts?!?!? Let me start you out: ********************************************************** 1) He went to Penn State. Very little needs to be added to that as matriculating from the damn place is almost like a kick in the gonads to begin with. 2) He is young........dammit...........Well, there should be some kinda' law about having wisdom before you're 30. Now most of us around here can't even see 30 in the friggin' rear view mirror, so when this young whelp makes some really wise utterance, I just want to kick him in the ass so hard he'll have to take his hat off to shit. 3) MaryMac has been on the Radio Show for over a year and every week I'm in chat trying to get Max to do a u-trou check on her to be sure her underwear are clean. Has he done it? NOT EVEN ONCE!!! I beg, I plead, and what do I get? Nadig, zilch, zero, nothing..........And this is important too. At MM's advancing age she might end up in a hospital at any time (gawd knows I have) and I know that with her CRS (Can't Remember Shit) acting up the way it does, fouled drawers might be quite embarassing to her in the ER. Personally, I solved this problem by not wearing underwear. The first thing an ER does is strip your ass buck naked so what the hell? But I'd think that as a courtesy to MaryMac and myself, he could make this part of the weekly routine. 4) He has resolutely refused to blow up a possum's ass. This has been very upsetting to Cleigh O'Possum. As an "Icon of Mudcat" Cleigh is broken hearted that the site owner can't see his way clear to want to give him a little blow up the bum. Cleigh was at the point of hiring Cletus to blast the Max balls for such an affront, but he's such a nice little possum that he felt bad for even having such thoughts. Now whenever he hears Max's name he becomes quite melancholy. I hate to see the little guy in such a state so this makes another good reason for a kick to the 'nads. 5) Max has created a site here that is as close to a real community as it gets in the cyberworld and it has drawn some intelligent, talented, loving, knowledgeable, and caring folks to this little village (I'm not one of them, but screw that). These folks will tackle almost anything and bring their 3-D lives here too in many cases. For many it has become a place where they can find help for things from music to their 3-D lives and it is one of the best things about the 'Cat......And yet............The dumbass site owner refuses to use it and participate when it might be a good idea. Gawd knows we have some discussions around here where I would value the little whippersnapper's ideas and feelings and knowledge. Sometimes he might value mine.....Well, not mine, but somebody's. But where is he? I dunno'.......Probably out with Mrs. Palmer and her daughters................... ********************************************************** Hope this gets us off to a good start!!! I have given you FIVE GOLD PLATED REASONS to give Mr. Spiegel a kick in the crotch........Anybody else? WHO'S NEXT???? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:01 PM Pat, You is acting quite crotchety these days. There's no need to do that to Max. It could lead to a law suit or jail or worse. I think we ought to just stick him between the Folk Alliance and the NAACP and watch the shit hit the fan. (no pun intended) What a scrum that'll be. And Max in the middle. That's bound to wise up Mr. S. who don't even have a Spiegel Catalogue to take into the outhouse with him. So why is he lookin' so wiped out lately? Probaby 'cause everybody is acting teste and wants to kick him in the balls. 'Spaw, you should be ashamed ! Art Thieme |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: khandu Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:05 PM I Ain't touching it!!! khandu |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Mark Cohen Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:07 PM Yes, he should be, Art, but don't hold your breath. And what's wrong with Penn State, anyway, ya old buckey? I'll have you know it's where I went to medical school. Granted, we kept a couple of hundred miles between the med school in Chocolate Town and Happy Valley, but we got to root for the Lions, anyway. And coming from the Ivy League, that was something. Aloha, Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: CarolC Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:13 PM Hmmm.... um... Nope. Can't do it. I guess he must be doing a pretty fine job or something. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:17 PM Well, well, leave it to the boyz to think in those terms. Now, if you leave it up to the Mudcat wimmin, I am sure we can help with something special for Max's family jewels and it would leave them intact and pain free! Let's see, we'd start out with lots of cuddles and snogs, by candleight with his favourite CD of Taj on the player, the door is locked, no one here but Mr. S and his John Thomas and a Mudcat woman or two. Oh, yes, and we'd bring in MaryMac's masseuse, well his twin sister, to work on those tired and tense muscles. While he's lying there, we'll work up some exotic dance moves to entertain him and he can drift away or roll over and take what's coming to him!**BG** Love ya, Max!!! kat
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:18 PM I should be ashamed? Here we have the eminent medico agreeing with the equally eminent folk singer and what are THEY suggesting? Good Lord, They're about to put Max into the breach, into the maw......into the shitter! Max??? The Folk Alliance??? The NAACP??? Picket Lines???? YOU GUYS ARE WICKED!!! CRUELTY INCARNATE!!!
I was just thinkin' a little kick in the nuts........I'm impressed!Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:23 PM And now we have kat bringing in the Mudcat wimmen and they're going the OTHER direction!!! If I'd known I could get all the stuff that kat is suggesting here, I'd have started a thread called, "Best Reason to Kick SPAW in the Balls."
Geez, this thing ain't workin' out at all.........Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:25 PM And for another thing, how come, I wanna know, is he always acting like Robert Johnson? How come he never imitates Richard Dyer Bennet, John McCormack, Clara Louise Lellogg, Bonnie Baker, or Judy Collins?? Or Tiny Tim??? All this Robert Johnson stuff!!! This is supposed to be a folk music site!!! :>) Spaw you are a Primary Bad Influence, a Delinquent Mover Unmoved, and probably the reincartnation of the Beast. LO!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: SINSULL Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:39 PM And yet............The dumbass site owner refuses to use it and participate when it might be a good idea. Gawd knows we have some discussions around here where I would value the little whippersnapper's ideas and feelings and knowledge. Spaw, my love. Has it not occurred to you that Max does in fact visit the Forum, maybe even daily AND post? Now leave the young man's "family jewels" alone and go about doing something constructive...or I will be forced to buy another noisy toy for Tristan. I am debating between "Dueling Banjo Bears" and the "Square Dancing Flowers". Max - pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. He means well. SINS |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:54 PM NO....NO WAY.....for the love of gawd Sins .....NO!!!!I can't take it anymore ..........."Dueling Banjo Bears?" .................... oy ................................................. Let's see, I've been called a reprobate, I ain't gettin' any of the good stuff from Mudcat wimmen, and now I'm threatened with another musical toy guaranteed to put me over the edge (well, it's not much of a fall).............What seems to be the problem here? I gotta' go back and see where I went wrong........ I'm beginning to get that Daffy as Robin Hood feeling..... Guard-Turn-Parry-Spin-Thrust---THWAPPP
Where did I go wrong here? Hmmmmm.....Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Sorcha Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:55 PM HA HA HA HA ....etc. LMAO here......spaw sweetie, as much as I love you I am NOT getting in line to do this. Not to The Emperor Max........ |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Aug 01 - 12:16 AM Well that's just great.............Not even Sorch the Scorch..................Okay then, I go to the net and get some help huh?...............Lessee, here.........Gonads and Strife.........bound to be something on that........................................................ Hmmmmm...........................Maybe I can get some help from this little guy!!! (Wait for it to load, it's completely bizarre)..........................Yeah, at least the squirrel has some guts!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 18 Aug 01 - 01:26 AM Good lawd wherever did you find that!? Max, darlin', c'mere sweeetie....don't look 'cause it ain't pretty, c'mon, we'll get the beeellllleeee dancer for you, again...that's right Bell EEEE, BelllEEE, Bell EEE, here she comes, ready to shake your tree and make ya feel all better.....luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Troll Date: 18 Aug 01 - 01:36 AM I'd say Max deserves a kick for providing 'Spaw with a forum whereby he ('Spaw) can inflict himself on the rest of us. Back to you chuckles. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: alison Date: 18 Aug 01 - 02:30 AM please tell me you don't actually search the net for those 'spaw!!!!...... bizarre was right...... I'm with kat.. I can think of much nicer things to do with, (or possibly to) Max.......... slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Noreen Date: 18 Aug 01 - 03:13 AM Thanks, Spaw, that squirrel made me smile -at 7.30 am, that is no mean feat! Kat, count me in on your team please.... Noreen |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Banjer Date: 18 Aug 01 - 03:13 AM Nah, I think it would probably backfire!! What with all Max has done in first creating this wonderful site, and spending innumerable hours in upkeep and improvements, the weekly radio spots, not to mention trying to keep a job going as well.....Hell that alone makes him some kind of a masochist....He'd probably enjoy a swift kick....'Get his rocks off' in a manner of speaking. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Morticia Date: 18 Aug 01 - 06:37 AM 'Course, Noreen, you might want to think twice about joining Kat's Free-Fall Weight Lifting, Banjo-Playing,Kami-Kaze Bellee Dancing Team when you see the uniform. Personally, I feel camouflage cami-knickers and two saucepan lids do not show a person off to her best advantage and the morris bells worn off the shoulder add a touch of , what is quite frankly, surreal and bizarre.She made me sign up under duress ( a little place just off the M11) when I was at a low ebb and I seem to have pulled a lot of KP since then, even when I had a note from my mum and everything saying I was excused potato peel because of a nasty rash. I haven't received notification of this latest assualt on the sensibilities of our great and glorious leader,but I'll give the saucepan lids an extra polish just in case. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: gnu Date: 18 Aug 01 - 07:22 AM That's about as squirrely as it gets... I hope. For five years I've been using the net to research engineering studies, construction technique, equipment and product advances, and Celtic music. What a waste. Almost a kick in the nuts. Thanks for the enlightenment, Spaw. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Naemanson Date: 18 Aug 01 - 07:46 AM Now, Spaw, I see no reason to be so hard on the kid. Perhaps a little punishment for dealing in addictive substances is in line though. What do you say to his own cell in the NYCTTS? He could share it with Bruce, the 300 pound male rapist. And if Kat's Free-Fall Weight Lifting, Banjo-Playing,Kami-Kaze Bellee Dancing Team wants a place to stay while on tour I have a nice large bedroom...., er, ah, lots of sleeping space, in Maine. Let's see, if I want to be threatened with the sexual ministrations of many women at once all I have to to is create a place like the Mudcat. Is that even possible? Can there be two Mudcats in this world? Even in this cyber world? |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Noreen Date: 18 Aug 01 - 09:35 AM Ah, Brett, but if you create a place like the Mudcat in order to be threatened with the sexual ministrations of many women at once , then it won't happen... that's karma. :0) |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Noreen Date: 18 Aug 01 - 09:40 AM <small voice> "Mummy, how do you get your pan lids so shiny?"</small voice> |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Banjer Date: 18 Aug 01 - 10:58 AM Q. "Mummy, how do you get your pan lids so shiny?" A. Put you right foot in, put your left foot out, Then take them things and shake 'em all about!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Aug 01 - 11:26 AM This thing doesn't seem to be working out at all..................musta' gone wrong somewhere.....................All these posts and the boy and gettin' a single THWUMP!!! 'Course Art and Mark did offer to throw him to the wolves, but I was just thinking a swift kick.........................Hmmmmm....................................Oh well. Maybe something different.........Yeah, that's it...................Lessee now.....................GOT IT! Max, I want to say I love you and I'd like to share a favorite recipe with you! Try it right away!!! I know you'll love it and really have "blast" with it! Just go to the store, pick up the groceries and put this together.....Goes great on Nachos!!! CLICK HERE FOR RECIPE
ENJOY!!!!
....that oughta' fix the boy up.......hehehehehehe.....Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: SharonA Date: 18 Aug 01 - 01:59 PM I don't wanna kick Max in the balls, er nuthin', but he covets my Martin D35. I've been on Mudcat Radio twice so far, and after each show I've had to clean the Max-slobber off my guitar. Once he offered to carry it downstairs for me, and ran away with it! He did give it back, though, but who knows?... if Marymac hadn't seen him take it... ;^) |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 18 Aug 01 - 03:35 PM Sharon: Don't fret over it--Max's just trying to steal some part of your glittering persona 'cuz your songwriting makes him feel inadequate an' your voice is nicer nor his'n!! It's a guy thing -- "If you can't beat 'em, steal their instruments!" A |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 18 Aug 01 - 03:58 PM A VERY attention-getting thread title, Spaw. I note that there has been no mention of William Shatner yet on this thread. Now there has. So there! William Shatner, William Shatner, William Shatner! Hah! Mail in those contributions to the WSSBA, and remember kiddies...there is only one letter of difference between SPAW and SPAM. And that letter is really the same letter turned upsidedown! - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Helen Date: 18 Aug 01 - 09:09 PM 'Spaw, The reason you are not getting what you want is because you haven't been contributing to the 'Cat - where it counts ! - i.e. in my 100 word story challenge, which has died in the arse, to use a choice Oz expression. It is karma, and you would be a lot karma, karma as a cucumber in fact, if you just wrote the damn story and clicked Submit!! Helen |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Celtic Soul Date: 18 Aug 01 - 09:22 PM Spaw, hon. I'm new here and certainly don't want to begin a relationship with the site administrator by kicking him in the balls, nor do I know enough about him to find even one reason for someone else to do it. However, that being said, for the right monetary compensation, I'd kick the Queen Mother in the balls. ;D |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Aug 01 - 10:09 PM What IS the problem here anyway? First, Hawk, you can just shitcan that dork. I mean he has nice horses, but I think he's messing around with the mares when nobody is looking and second, he has no balls to kick. We're talking about Max here!!!!! Then Helen shows up and complains about ME...joining the club I guess, but she fails to notice that I have posted to her thread with 100 words and reserve the right to submit my real one for two years....like Amos did on her other thread. Then we have two newcomers, good new 'Catters too! SharonA won't say a thing even though the guy tried to pinch her guitar and Celtic Soul wants a bribe fer chrissakes! Now lookit here folks........I know y'all have it in you what with all the pissin' and moanin' you do, so let's get with the program here and boot some balls!!!!
...geeziz, this is like pullin' teeth........Maybe they all need a dose of that salsa recipe...........Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Max Date: 18 Aug 01 - 10:17 PM Max 27 - Spaw 3 (or is that gonna be the score of the game this year? Penn State 27 - Ohio State 3). Either way, you now see that I have legions of supporters and protectors. I for one would not want to mess with the Mudcat Women. They can whoop some ass. Not quite sure what to say about all this, but I am really sorry you are so jealous of me. We all know that I am wonderful and smart and devastatingly handsome as well as hundreds of other categories of greatness, but you can't hold them against me. I was born that way… in 1972. Quit trying to enlist help, and come on over here to PA and kick for yourself. I am the King and you are merely the Court Jester. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Troll Date: 18 Aug 01 - 10:39 PM And 'Spaw limps away, licking his wounds and muttering... Max, don't use Southern terms if you can't get 'em right. It'sWHUP, not WHOOP, as in " Don't make me open my last can of Whup-Ass". troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 18 Aug 01 - 10:49 PM Right. It's "whup", like when Captain Kirk whupped the lizard-Captain! The thing is, it's really hard to see out of a plastic lizard mask, so the poor sap who played the part didn't really have much of a chance, I figure. Still, this Max guy is pretty good for someone who almost never posts. I'm impressed! - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Troll Date: 18 Aug 01 - 11:28 PM You just had to slip in a mention of Shatner didn't you. I leave the country for a few months and the standards go straight to hell. And of course he's good! He only posts when he has something to say! troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Celtic Soul Date: 18 Aug 01 - 11:33 PM LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! Spaw, I cannot come up with a single reason *to* kick ol' Maxxie in the balls, but I got a reeeeal good one not to! This thread (and more specifically *you*) is (are) too much fun to watch! I haven't laughed this hard and loud in a room all by myself in I dunno how long! So, as far as I am concerned, I'm gonna sit here and do nada, nuthin' zip so long as you remain so entertaining! (and I'd still break even *this* vow for the right price) |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 19 Aug 01 - 12:16 AM Nice to see you back in country, troll! Uh, Spaw, you know we can get some hula girls over there for you...after Max is done getting dizzy watching them. BUT, you have to promise to lock up Cletus and them Reg boyz AND Pa! Noreen and Mortee, sorry about the outfits. I know those lids got a little chilly, dind't they? We'll have to work on that. Maybe somethingmore along these lines?
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: GUEST,Philibuster, sans cookie Date: 19 Aug 01 - 12:35 AM The reason you aren't getting many reasons, Spaw, is that your asking the wrong people.
I'm sure if you just ask Max personally he could give you plenty of reasons to foot him in the nuts. After all, he IS the only one that knows what he is really guilty of. We are all our own worst critics, after all. =P |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:12 AM I just had a knock on my door and when I opened it there was a guy with a Spiegel Catalogue (I didn't know those were still around for Christ's sake) trying to sell me some kind of sex toy and when I said "NO" he kicked ME in the balls---all the time mumbling something about dog's pas Dog masor cat's s'pray and smegma breath which he most assuredly had. What the hell's all that about ?????????????? Watch out, guys, this might be some kind o' revenge brigade he's generated with his little blue cyber thingie. He looked something like Shatner too. What's this world comin' too? Oh, the humanity???? Art Thieme |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:15 AM That should've been, "Oh, the humanity !!!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:17 AM Not, "Oh, the humanity ???" |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:21 AM MAX,
What do you make of all this ??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:24 AM That should've been -- Wha'da'ya think ??? Not, Wha,da,ya think? Art |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:29 AM And that should've read "PUT it hear at Mudcat"-----not BUT it hear at Mudcat. Art |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:31 AM And that should've read "HERE at Mudcat" ----------- not "HEAR at Mudcat"....................Oh, whatever... (art) |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 19 Aug 01 - 02:57 AM New research has revealed that one of the first symptoms of second-stage CRS is a lack of prepositional subtle distinction. Art's recent posts are a prime example. Also, note that while Spaw keeps asserting he wants someone other than himself to kick Max in theballs, what he is really doing is expressing his own sublimated desire "to kick Max", over his balls (that is, over the fact that, being born as late as he was, Max' have just barely descended, while Spaws' have been sucked up so often as to be practically indifferentiable from his sagging chest muscles.... See, it's all in the prepositions. This novel paradigm is opening very intersting new directions in cognitive studies of age-advantages populations. Look for Spaw's Syndrome to be written up in Science or the AMA Journal any week now. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: hesperis Date: 19 Aug 01 - 04:09 AM Wheeeeeeeee! Don't you think that squirrel was about as good an actor as a certain guy without balls named William? Funny how things happen. Just three days ago, I saw a link to that squirrel at another forum. No, I don't want to kick Max in the gonads. Do you think the squirrel might want to, though? That squirrel seemed to have quite the thing for nuts... |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Banjer Date: 19 Aug 01 - 05:13 AM Beam me up, Scotiie, there's no intelligent life down here!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: gnu Date: 19 Aug 01 - 09:05 AM Geez Max, merely the Court Jester ? That's quite a kick in the nuts. I'll have to consider my position at further length... hope you didn't count my post in your total as it was clearly abstaining from the actual intention of the thread. Previously, I could find no reason to wish you any harm whatsoever... besides Spaw's, of course. Spaw... any details on the actual kick ? Would that be with frozen mocassins ? Would it be administered by one of the more petite Mudcatettes or by, say, the biggest Mick you've ever seen ? Even if it was delivered in a most robust manner, judging by some of the posts above, it might be worth Max considering to volunteer just for the sympathy. After all, there seems to be more offers for a lick in ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Noreen Date: 19 Aug 01 - 09:25 AM Ok, kat, the middle one here might do... whaddya think, Maxie? (Don't think the girl wearing it's done much bellee dancing, or banjo-strummin', come to that...) Noreen It does remind me of something that might have appealed to Captain Kirk! |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Aug 01 - 09:30 AM Lick? Gimmee a break............. Well, this has certainly gone absolutely nowhere. Finally, the man in question shows up and outside of a few pathetic attempts at plugging Penn State and his position as King, has only one comment which is, "I don't know what to make of all this....".....Oh, I dunno' Max, how about a Bread Pudding? Geeziz......................... Then Art, previously wishing to throw Max into the jaws of certain death, makes the only intelligent contribution here which fouls up the entire thread! Might as well repeat it I suppose, just to position myself with the intelligentsia...........Play the Paul Durst tape on Mudcat Radio sometime. It's the real meaning of "folk." The assorted Shatner comments are worthless, as is Shatner, since they are coming from a man who sees deep meaning in a song about psychotic astronaut kissing his ass goodbye................. Along comes Amos, the "Kalifornia King of Kosmic Karma," and makes suggestions about MY anatomy! And this from a man whose own genitalia are so dessicated from the salt air and California sun that it was once remarked they resembled a half burnt kitchen match flanked by two filberts. This whole thing is hopeless............Here you are with a chance to give it to Max straight, and what do you do? I give up..........why don't you all go help Max with the Bread Pudding? Throw in some of the Steaming Sphincter Salsa too. And be sure to not add Amos' nuts in by mistake......................
........Schumacher is typically running away with today's GP............This thread is in the shitter.........I'm going back to bed.Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Morticia Date: 19 Aug 01 - 09:48 AM Jeeziz, Noreen, I am a quietly brought up, decent and innocent little thing....I can't go around in a costume like that! ( Not to mention the fact that I have far more embonpoint than the model....talk about 'it was nice out so I left them out'! And Kat, I can't for the life of me see how your gal gets 'em to stay on...is it superglue or what? I keep my saucepan lids on a length of elastic like mittens...can come in dead handy, I can tell you.One over-excited punter and Kerpowee!! Lid imprints like moon craters. If it comes to a straight choice between glueing my tits to some saucepan lids or being done for indecent exposure, I reckon I'll go for indecent exposure....it wouldn't be the first time, after all. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 19 Aug 01 - 12:01 PM Contemplating Morticia's experiment above has provided clear evidence that 'Spaw doesn't know much about California...or filberts, either...or the fact that we import our kitchen matches from Texas, who also sell them to people in Ohio to use as rolling pins, cabers for Scots rituals, and replacements for giant redwoods. Like Spaw's own capabilities in this department, giant redwoods in Ohio are either a fantasy or a very old memory.... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 19 Aug 01 - 12:46 PM Noreen, the middle one looks great, but I think you're right...that gyrl's got no hips! How could she belleee dance?! Now, Mortee, I think you've got the right idea, darlin', but we're not talking real saucepan lids here. No, no, we in the trade have our little secrets and I hope I will not be struck dead by a whirling pastie tassel when I tell you, ours are made of a lightweight foil which has a small moldable cup in the back which one can fit around their..erm, uh...., oh hell, it fits just like a pastie without the need for glue...kinda like clingwrap, but it doesn't suffocate the skin the way it or glue would! Now, as far as the costumes go, perhaps Maxdarling himself will visit us, again, and let us know his preference. Remember Max, clothing leaves a lot to the imagination and that can be a good thing! katswaying |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Aug 01 - 02:16 PM Spaw - I see nothing in the song "Space Oddity" which suggests that Major Tom, the astronaut, was in any way psychotic. He was no doubt depressed at being hopelessly marooned in space, but in no way was he psychotic. He appears to have had a loving relationship with his wife, and a strong sense of duty to his job. I think your repeated attempts at damaging Major Tom's reputation are simply a stratagem aimed at deflecting people's attention from your own special brand of psychosis, as follows.... 1. At an early age you became aware that you were not very well endowed in the area of the genitalia. You were, in fact, tiny. 2. Your frantic attempts to conceal this fact led to various forms of increasingly disturbed behaviour as you approached puberty (about 50 or so years ago...). 3. You began inventing bizarre characters, such as Cletus and the Reg Boya...characters who were even more disturbed than yourself. This helped you feel more normal in comparison. 4. You invented more and more fanciful stories about the enormous size of your phallus, and simultaneously accused other males of falling short in that area. The "bridge" story comes to mind.... 5. You developed strange fetishes, such as blowing up a possum's ass, and implied that those who do NOT do such things are the ones who are sick! This was transference of the most blatant sort. 6. Your mind had now become seriously unhinged, leading to a Jeckyl & Hide type of fractured personality...capable of, on one occasion, deeply sensitive and thoughtful postings, and on the next, bizarre rantings and obscenity-laden, vomitous blather....consult your contributions to the MAV threads alone for numerous examples of this. It sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it? But don't despair. There actually are men out there in the world with even smaller genitals than yours who have achieved a happy and stable married life... Like, there's this guy in Singapore who married a hummingbird. They're doing great. It's no "fly by night" relationship, either. My suggestion is, just accept who you are, learn to love yourself, and abandon these profitless attempts to inflate your own reputation at the expense of others'. One other thing you can do to shore up any nagging doubts about your masculinity is rent as many videos as you can of the original Star Trek series with William Shatner...and WATCH HIS EVERY MOVE! The guy is the apotheosis of masculine splendour. If you study Shatner long enough and hard enough, you can overcome any mere physical limitations and become the stud you've always dreamed of being. Why d' ya think the guy breeds horses, anway??? 'Nuff said. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: gnu Date: 19 Aug 01 - 02:32 PM Well, Spaw, if you're gonna let this you back in the bunk for the rest of the day and deprive us of your, however twisted, humourous comments and insight, that's reason enough for a good swift one for you. Max deserves a swift one for being so damn innocent that Mudcatettes are discussing what to wear while they swoon over him... I kinda like the saucepan idea. You can cook for him after you cook for him. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Gloredhel Date: 19 Aug 01 - 05:12 PM Note to self: must stop hanging out with musicians (3-D or online). You guys will ruin my innocence. Would participate with other "Mudcatettes" but am still underage. Can you put it off for a year and a half, or can't you wait that long? |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 19 Aug 01 - 05:26 PM Gloredhel: Some of us don't have aproblem waiting that long; the question, of course, is whether you are, yourself, comfortable waiting that long. Let us hope so. I ti sno part of hte Mudcat's policy as far as i understand it (!) to go around ruining anyone's innocence. Although I must admit it often happens indirectly in these parts!! I dunno though -- waiting that long to kick Max in the nuts is an awful hard proposition, if you take my meaning.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Aug 01 - 05:31 PM Well, I could gladly wait that long, but Spaw keeps mindlessly attacking Major Tom, calling him a "psychotic astronaut". I had to respond. :-) Be that as it may, I appreciate your problem, Gloredhel. I doubt that your innocence is in any real danger of being ruined by our humorous nonsense, but perhaps I am mistaken. What is the significance of "a year and a half" in all of this? What happens in a year and a half? You do realize that asking most North Americans to wait more than 15 seconds for anything is usually a fruitless endeavour? Observe their behaviour in traffic. Drivers will risk their lives (and yours) to arrive at the next red light 3 seconds sooner! I blame it on the effects of TV and other video devices, including computers, sad to say. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Gloredhel Date: 19 Aug 01 - 05:37 PM My reference to "a year and a half" means that I will no longer be underage after that amount of time has passed: i.e., I'll be 18 yrs. old. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Bill D Date: 19 Aug 01 - 05:49 PM .....cripes...you go away for 4 little days to collect some wood, and total insanity breaks out! (but, with 'spaw & Art to set the 'tone', what should I expect!)
....*walks off muttering about having 67 other threads to read and wondering what I can do to get the Mudcattets interested in my welfare re:jewels* |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Justa Picker Date: 19 Aug 01 - 05:50 PM Bill, I believe that image is very close to Chet Atkins first guitar! |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Bill D Date: 19 Aug 01 - 06:14 PM *grin*...I'm sure it must be!...Boy, isn't creating envy better than kicking someone in delicate places?...when I get a slide scanned, I will post a picture of the maker of that fine instrument actually playing it!...An actual quote from the maker as he strummed it with a big plastic pick torn from a gallon milk bottle..."...well, it ain't the best, but it ain't too bad when a man want to play the blues." Max, eat your heart out! |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Aug 01 - 07:39 PM Bill - Truly impressive. Too bad we don't have a Star Trek replicating machine here, so we could knock off about 10,000 of 'em and start a whole new trend in music... Gloredhel - Yeah, that's what I figured you meant. Hang in there. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 19 Aug 01 - 09:02 PM Gloredhel, don't worry, you can be a Mudcatette in waiting and when your 18th rolls around, you can be a full-fledged member and you don't have to do anything you don't want to! Well, except keep those lids polished up, straighten out the tassels, take the costumes to the dry cleaners...oops, sorry, no Cinderellas here! You just hang in there and we'll have a big b-day party for you,'k?Welcome to the Mudcat!! kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Aug 01 - 09:11 PM FuckabunchaWilliamShatners!!!!!!!! The clown is completely lame and the fact that he's being presented by the second greatest psychobabble practitioner on Mudcat makes him an extremely dubious mortarforker at best Said psychobabble artiste also has offended Cleteus and Paw and doesn't even know the Reg Boys came here from Rick Fielding who is in fact their half brother!!! Hawk, you're lucky they didn't show up in that 2-bit (Canadian) half-asses town you live in!!! Hell man, I think you owe ME for keeping the whole mob in check......and when you pay up, make it US dollars. AND NOW BACK TO THE BALL BLASTING !!!!! FINALLY....Someone (besides the somewhat sadistic Art and Mark) does a Ball Bootin' Boogie on Max! CONGRATS TO GNU!!! Okay, so his reasoning ain't much but what the hell............At least he's not babbling on about a simpleass astronaut or texas matchsticks............. Bill and JP, why not quit jawboning over that thing and go give Max a whack in the nads with it? Geeziz....... AND MUDCATTETTES.........Where's the love for the Spaw???? Y'all making these exotic costume, tin pan, foil and veil thingys for that runt in West Chester, what about the Court Jester here??? I don't care about all that fancy shinola and boob guards and all.......Hellfire, I don't need no garnishments......I'll be happy to take you as is, no wrapping needed!!!! So maybe Spaw gets some dancin' or somethin'?.....Emphasis on the "or somethin'.......Whaddaya' think?............... WELCOME GLOREDHEL-------Happy to have you and let me assure you we ain't nothin' but friendly and peace loving types here at the 'Cat and you're as safe as safe can be............. ........Now c'mon over and sit on Ol' Spaw's lap.......Ol' Spaw show you a TRICK!!! .... Just hop right on up.................Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 19 Aug 01 - 10:14 PM Spaw: So tell me ... when did you first decide to kill your father and sleep with your mother? Vot age vuzz you then? Tell me the first thought that comes into your mind when I say ..."Cashews!". Velly goot. Now again: "Filberts!!" Ahhh,,, zooo! Vunce more, now: "Brazil nuts!"... hmmm. Vell, yunk Spaw you are presenting as a verrrry interestink case. Verry interstink, ya, und I vill need your permission to include a study in my nexht book, "Tardive Dyskinesia as a Byproduct of Mental and Physical Auto-Abuse in Central Ohio", ja!! Zo, I giff you a discount. Vot? Crazy?? Acccch nein, nein, I ould never say such a tink!! No, certainly not!! It iss chust a syndrome, only in your case vun dot iss extraordinarily deep und complex, ya!! Not crazy!!! But den, ya know, I am nicht ein lawyer, ya? Zo, as soon as you pay your arrears ve vill resume!! Exciting, ya!! Dr Liebenscheiss |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Aug 01 - 10:48 PM Astute analysis, Herr Liebenshcheiss! In "layman's" terms, of course, he's completely nuts, but professionals do not use such terms except when referring to the aforementioned cashews, filberts, etc... One thing though...the old boy is correct as to the origin of the Reg Boys. They did indeed spring from the twisted mind of Rick Fielding, who is, I am embarrassed to say, a fellow Canadian. He's a hell of a musician, but weird, weird, weird. I think it happened when he was down in Ohio. They've got some weird, inbred people down there. No Canadian should ever go near Ohio if he values his sanity. So I slipped up on the Reg Boys. Big deal. The general "thrust" of my diagnosis was impeccable. Right, Spaw? Y'all git out now and rent them videos! Y' hear? And stay away from the X-rated stuff! It only leads to attacks of the vapours and melancholia. And what's this about "2nd greatest psychobabble practitioner on Mudcat"??? Whaddya mean second greatest? Who are you suggesting is number 1? Well? Well??? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 19 Aug 01 - 10:53 PM Don't even TRY, LH. Katlaughing has you wrapped six ways from Sunday!! LOL!!! KKK |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Aug 01 - 11:10 PM Ahh...well, I just wondered who it was, that's all. I thought maybe it was you, Amos. So it's Kat. I will have to watch her postings more closely. I aspire to even greater levels of psychobabble. By the way, Liebenscheiss means "dear shit" does it not? LOL! Great name! Even more hilarious than Krauthammer! Did you hear about the good doctor's ancestral manor back in Bavaria? It's called Schloss Bumpsenhausen or something like that, I don't quite remember... I just had a look at the "Gonads & Strife Squirrel". Very strange. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 19 Aug 01 - 11:42 PM Why, Amosdarlin...I am flattered, 'course it still won't get you a peak past the tin lids! (That's a tall order for this time of night, but I'll try to do my best.:-) Now as for the analyzation going on, I note, first of all, that it is being presented strictly by those of the male species, in the proscribed patriarchal manner which, to put it simply, focuses on one thing and one thing only, i.e. little boys' obsessions with whose member is largest. This can be traced back to the early days of their boyhood when they felt inadequate in expressions of love and affection, knowing that any cucumber, even most carrots, were larger and could fill the whole realm of what was within their grasp. This lack then led to the inward seclusion under covers of bed and night when each met up with the correct dimensional Mrs. Palm and her lovely daughters who, in a lonely, yet gratifying imitation of their dreams, at least was able to satisfy their urgent needs for expelling. However, Obsessive Comparison Syndrome remained, exacerbating inadequacies and, as such boys grew to a supposed manhood, they found bigger and better substitutes to make up for their lack of large personal equipment; thus we trace the Age of Patriarchal Obsessive Comparison Syndrome through the ages into all realms of commerce, education, and conquest. Indeed whole societies followed this misplaced hormonal drive in an almost worshipful frenzy of phallic like weaponry, architecture, and even toys, thus completing the circle of obsession passing it on to their sons, yes, even unto the seventh son of the seventh son, in some cases. It is this unbalance in humankind which has also contributed to the repression of women's natural abilities, except in certain Obsessive Comparison Syndrome Free Zones, which, spurred on by the rise of matriarchy, have contributed to some male members breaking free and learning to accept themselves and value themselves no matter the size of their hands and dangly bits. (See the study, Parts is parts: accepting your John Thomas! by Masters and Johnson.) Indeed, with proper treatment, there is hope for most, but it could take years of living in a controlled environment; an environment free of all phallic symbols, filled with yonis, which are open and accepting. In such a matriarchal setting balance can be restored within, dare we say it, our whole of society and we may find ourselves free of all Obsessive Comparison Syndromes, even those which have been foisted upon women through the machinations of the soon to be dead Patriarchal Age. So, join me Brothers and Sisters in a New Age of Wonder. Be Free of your compulsions and, Brothers, in the immortal words of that character which Robin Williams played so well, "let your little MAN free!"
Lucretia De Mont, Ph.D, Order of Matriarchs Operators are standing by; call for an appointment: 1-ALL-DICKS-ARE-EQUAL |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 19 Aug 01 - 11:47 PM Das iss right, mein freund -- der only Doktor who vould be villing to take on der strange case of the "man who calls himself Catspaw" is descended from a long line of respectable Leibenscheisses. I haff reason to shuszpect that this Shpaw may be a remote cousin, a short of black sheet branch of the family, ya? Dey vas banished to the New Vurlt for insisting on practicing constipation, vich vas against der family rules. After all ve had a name to upholdt, ya?? Zo!! How lonk haff you vorried about your shtatus as a pshycobabelist, hmmm? A1 |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: GUEST,jaques Le Rubberboot Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:38 AM Well by gar an' damm me to 'ell! Dis son of a nun 'Spaw, he's jes askin' to git hisself un pieds dans les testiques! Me? I don' know nuttin' about no possums, no Maxipads, no guys name' Cletorus or nuttin'. Dis 'ere Katlaffin' sure sounds like the kin' of woman dat big strong smelly French Canadian guys like me can go for 'tho. Hey dere Mademoiselle, you got any viande on your bones? 'Cause I got a 'ockey stick for you, Tabernack! Looks to me like dis Little Hock is da mos' messed up guy around 'ere, cause he don' know frig-all about dose friggin' Reg freres. He may know dat Candy ass commie chanteur Fielding, but dat sure don' say much 'bout his choice of company! Dat fat frigger wouldn't know three chords if dey stuck dem up his ass. I picked geetar wit him one night and gave him my god damned best rendition of Whiter Shade of Pail, and dat frigger tol' me dere was MORE den three chords in dat sucker! next he's tryin' to tell me where I should put my THUMB! Well, by gar, I stuck HIS thumb so far up his ass he could pick his nose wid it! But back to dose Reg boys (dat Fielding don' tell you all here 'bout how dey tol' him to 'squeal like un cochon!' eh?) Lemme tell you about Reg. Reg. and Reg. Dey ARE Brudders, like dat guy on all de medication, Spaw says, but each one got different mothers and fathers. Merde, up here in da Canadian bush yer lucky if yer parents are both HUMAN! My bes' frien' Jean-Pierre Sourise's mudder is a muscrat who wandered too close to the family St. Bernard. Jean-Pierre stays away from family reunions 'cuz he don' like eatin' field mice for Christmas dinner. Dem three Regs are de best damn trappers in de Northland and if sometime dey howl at la lune it's probably hereditary. Dey are REAL CANAJUN HOMMES! hear dat Katlaffin, Noreen and Mortisha? Dese guys got some Canajun bacon dat'l make you 'tink you've died an' gon to Stonhenge during Druid season! So listen up Monsieurs Spaw and Hock, kick dat merde tete Fielding wid his fancy geetar all you want, but leave dem Reg boys alone. Dey don' even bother comin' to dis here Mudcat 'ting 'cause you'd laugh at dere Harmony geetars! Jaques Le Rubberboot |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:52 AM KAT, Just tonight I was wondering which member is largest. (Funny you should mention that.) Sooooo-------who is the largest member of Mudcat? Does Max keep that information? Is it transmitted to him via our cookie ????????? Why does that info even matter to him?? Could be that we all ought to surround him and take turns kicking him in the balls. There are MANY unanswered questions inherant here within a seemingly inoccuous thread. Me, at 250 pounds, just might be the one. (The largest member, that is.) Arthur Thieme |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Mark Cohen Date: 20 Aug 01 - 02:00 AM Noreen, what the hell are you doing with a picture of my favorite hula girl? Huh? Give it back!!! Aloha, Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 20 Aug 01 - 02:22 AM ART, forgive me, mon ami, I cannot resist...."if the condom fits...."
Now, I'm gonna go hunt me up some a thet canajun bacon; the kind on two feet, ya know...Ole Jacque, though, he don't know this here gyrl has got herself a real Canajun right here at home, so Msrrs. Rubberboot et al had better be ready for a womon what kind handle her own, eh?! luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: JohnInKansas Date: 20 Aug 01 - 03:19 AM In the THEME of Mudcat A FOLK TALE: Three hoboes standing on a bridge doing what comes necessarily. First Hobo: "Man that water's cold." Second Hobo: "Yeah, but it's not very deep." I'm told the first hobo was maybe MAX. And perhaps the second hobo was maybe SPAW But it's not what you're thinking. 'Cause the third hobo was Shatner, who fell off the bridge. Made a big splash. But the water wasn't deep enough to splash clear up to SPAW(s)? John |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Morticia Date: 20 Aug 01 - 08:52 AM Dear Monsewer Le Jacques, Many murphy's buckets for the phrase " You'll think you've died and gone to Stonehenge in Druid season". I will, of course, now use it on each and every possible occasion.Vous ete a total star. votre mate Morticia ( exits, still wetting self) |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 20 Aug 01 - 09:22 AM Dear Mrs. Laughing: President Bush and myself would like to invite you to dinner. It's time we had a serious talk. I just KNEW when I read you dissertation on boys' difficulties that you were JUST the one we needed to talk to. George W., which by the way stands for Weewee, says he is willing to formulate a dialogue on the topic, which I think means he'll talk if we lean on him. This has got to be resolved and I an sure you are the EXACT right person for the job. Please report to the East Entrance between 7 and 7:05 PM this Thursday evening. We don't eat until 8:00, but the decon process takes time. Warmest regards, What's Her Name Bush First Lady |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: GUEST,Celtic Soul Date: 20 Aug 01 - 09:51 AM Awww...Spaw!?!?! Don't you know we love ya???? I might not dance for you, or any "somethin'" else (kinda hard in 2D, and my honey is a brown belt besides), but you are an unending source of amusement. Maybe we could start a new thread..."Get SPAW laid" and see if some of the available Catettes would be goers. There's always computer dating, or taking up a collection for a "professional" woman. Love ya! :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 20 Aug 01 - 10:28 AM Oh, Celtic! I think there might be a more direct solution to the problem you have identified, named Karen... dunno how she'd take a campaign such as that. Well, she could use it to fund some new Victoria Secrets stuff, I guess... Or we could say it was a Get Spaw Laid campaign, but then channel the money to Max to keep the 'Cat running. This sort of reallocation is in the finest gummint tradition. And noone understands the complex art of organizational funding better nor the gummint, right? A
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: CarolC Date: 20 Aug 01 - 10:50 AM Speaking of Spaw and bridges |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:17 PM Monsieur Jacques de le Visage de Merde - Bite me. I sneer in contempt. I spit in your general direction. If you want to settle this mano a mano, meet me in back of the CN Tower on August 14 at precisely 12:00 noon. And if I'm not there in 5 minutes, start without me... Geez...the people you meet online...it never ceases to amaze me. John - Shatner ALWAYS makes a big splash. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:30 PM Ach, Leeetle Hok!! Du muscht learn to _sublimate_ all diss reschentment!! Unt take it out on der correkt target!! Vy don't you call yer mudder und tell her vot you are feelink chust now, hmmm?? Leibenscheiss |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Max Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:31 PM Well, thank you Spaw, you may have helped me in proving to everyone not to mess with me. You simply got the girls excited (by talking about my private parts and all), and put yourself up for psychological evaluation (by talking). By messing with me, you make yourself vulnerable. I'll get the women on my side right away, on account of my adorableness that I have so finely crafted over the years. Then, once the women are on my side, you get the fear factor to sway some of the more malleable (whipped) men in our gang. You can't beat me, nor kick me in the balls. Though, I am wearing a cup now… not cause I'm afraid you, but because I kind of like it. Anyhow, I gotta get back to work so that the members here have a functioning forum in which to solicit violence towards my gonads. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:45 PM Kat, I take it that 2 feet o' bacon you mentioned was unsliced. Well, different strokes... if ya know what I mean. If, indeed, the pig has two feet it means you and Roger already've eaten the first two legs. I do understand. "With a good pig like that, ya don't wanna eat her/him all at once." Actually, sheep are s'posed to be better. (Can't pull the wool over my...) Love, Art |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Art Thieme Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:47 PM NOW, back to Max.. Art |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Kim C Date: 20 Aug 01 - 01:26 PM 1972? 1972???!!!!!!!??!!! Is that some kind of a joke? Well, dammit Max, you have just blown my lifelong theory that men under 30 are not to be trusted. Oh well... |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: gnu Date: 20 Aug 01 - 01:52 PM Max gets the women swooning, Spaw gets laid on the side, the "whipped" fall in line. I'm always sucking the hind teet... but not to fret... I just received three of Kendall's tapes and I'm going to enjoy them on my way to the dentist, where I'll probably have more fun. Spaw... better get yer mukluks in the freezer. And bring a towel in case Max's cup runneth over. Wouldn't want to get any blood on yer shiny Saskatchewan sealskins. As for you LAYdies... oh shite... the time... gotta go smile. |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 20 Aug 01 - 02:20 PM All dish is verrrry interstink, ja? Sealskins int der Westinghouse -- you zee? A sublimation of profound frustration. Der sheel skin represents protection und shafety in a dangerous world, ya? Unt der freezer is aa projekschun off der maternal frigidity as a barrier against guilt, ja? Der guilt from der Oedipus complksh? It mussst be zo!! Now, Herr Ganoo, vos is der earliest memory you haff uvv feelink der vorld vuz unshafe unt Mama vuz frigitt? Chust relaksh... Brunhilde, dollink, call Mishter Shpiegel, vould you? His defense contract is runnink into offertime, I tink, ya??? Gott in himmel vut dezhe verdamnt Amerikannsters von't do to purtekt dere vee-vees. It ish incredible, no? Ja!! Dis is definitely material fur der "Oscar Myer complex" paper I am givink at der APA next mundt! (Exit stage left, humming "Lili Marlene") |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Aug 01 - 02:31 PM Liebenscheiss - My mother! Don't get me started on my mother. The mere word "resentment" doesn't even begin to express...well, never mind. And then there's my father...(sound of teeth grinding) Liebenscheiss, you've got a case here that could go down in the psychobabble history books, lemme tell ya. And the thing is, Spaw is even worse than that, specially now that the WSSBA has declared him persona non grata for labelling William Shatner "completely lame". That's right. Spaw's been banned for life from ever darkening the door of the WSSBA. I think he may even be banned from ever entering Orillia, the way it's going. He has said several nasty things about Orillia, and the lazy bugger's never even been here. The nerve! Well, what can you expect? He's from Ohio. Kat - Stupendous psychobabble! I kneel before you in gobsmacked awe. You are the Mother of all psychobabblers! - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Lin in Kansas Date: 20 Aug 01 - 03:20 PM Okay, what the hell, I'll bite...Hawk, please translate WSSBA?????? Kat, sounds to me like you got these weirdos figured out--can I join the Mudcatettes? I think the lids off the 10" cast iron skillets might work...of course, it will be hell trying to keep them from bruising my knees when they're attached, but we must suffer some for beauty, right? Dr. Leibensheiss, sir, are you taking any new patients? I have a couple of gentlemen in my household I'd love to send your way. Lin |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: wildlone Date: 20 Aug 01 - 03:36 PM Click here dave |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: katlaughing Date: 20 Aug 01 - 04:10 PM LMAO, falling all over...now I'll never get that song outta my head!!! Thanks a lot, dave!!! Oh m'gawds and gawdesses!! LH, that was just me warming up, not one of my best, IMO, but thanks regardless. Lin, if ya didn't use the cast iron yer knees might be safe, if not, we've other lids to cover them! Come on in!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Aug 01 - 04:41 PM Lin - The WSSBA is....(drum roll, please...) the William Shatner School of Bad Acting, recently launched in Orillia, Ontario, Canada. It is the intention, and the sacred mission of this school to spread the William Shatner screen and stage techniques of bad acting far and wide. Imagine how you will feel when you have mastered the dramatic pause, for example...or the raised eyebrow...or the 3 (count 'em, three!) hand gestures made legendary by William Shatner in the role of Captain James T. Kirk. We are accepting donations. Kat - "Thnaks", you say? You're weclome! - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Lin in Kansas Date: 20 Aug 01 - 06:14 PM Aw, crimeny Hawk, I should have known it was something to do with Bill. Kat, I didn't mean the LIDS were cast-iron, too--were that the case, I'd be bruising my TOES when the lids were attached, fer cryin' out loud. But maybe I can fasten straps to the knobs on the uh...lids, and tie them (the straps) around the back of my neck, and hold them (take your pick of nouns) up that way??? (Yeah, that would work... I think Honey's got some leather straps left from the last time we....maybe the mink ones would be more comfortable??? Hmmm...mink straps...Max....Fellow Mudcatettes, another thought just crossed what's left of my mind...)
LMAO |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Aug 01 - 06:17 PM Sort of like...X marks the Spawt, eh? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: CarolC Date: 20 Aug 01 - 06:34 PM LH, I heard they're using the Tim Horton's next to the Beer Store for that Shatner school. Any truth to that rumor? |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Aug 01 - 06:48 PM Isn't it fascinating that a thread purportedly launched to persuade people to kick Max in the balls should become a thread investigating the ongoing progress of the William Shatner School of Bad Acting? The WSSBA is indeed proud of the recognition it has received here. The Mudcat works in strange ways, but who would question its workings? We can but surrender to its divine will, and respond in grateful devotion. Now, the Tim Horton's... Actually, no. The staff of the WSSBA sometimes do covene at that Tim Horton's for a break, but no. However, you're close. If I'm not mistaken, this has reached 99 posts...
99 postings of drek on the board - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Amos Date: 20 Aug 01 - 07:20 PM Laddeeeze!! Laddeeze!! Ve muscht nicht prezoom dot it isch all der dysfunctionality von der men folken onlish!! For egzhample, vhy is dere disch common obsession amongst der vimmin von dis schite to cover uppen der mammaries mit der kitchen utenshils? Hmmmmm? All dis ROUNDness? Vot's up mit dot, hmmm? Und usink very HARD shtuff -- casht iron?? Hmmmm? Perhapsch ve should vonder vot your Vaters vould haff to schay about ushing metal opbjects in disch fashion, ya??? Iff you know for chertain dat you are NOT shecretly little princhesses who are vaiting for a white horse mit Prinz to gekarry you avay from your vile foster home, I vould shay it isch time to examine vot you vuld like to shay to Poppa, nein? Ja!! All dish clangen unt bangen mit der shoft partzen is nicht balanched! Hmmmmm?????
Leibenscheiss |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Little Hawk Date: 20 Aug 01 - 07:31 PM Bing! 101 postings. Who will bear the ignominy of launching a second edition of this thread? Not I. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: BEST REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS From: Noreen Date: 20 Aug 01 - 09:42 PM Little Hawk, I'm not proud.... Follow the mink straps and pan lids to BS: 2nd best REASON TO KICK MAX IN THE BALLS |
