A skit on "The Cobbler's Daughter" as sung by Kate Rusby. THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER I am a farmer's daughter and me arse is four-feet wide Much fame attaches to my name on account of my backside It's at the village pump They gossip 'bout my rump The most splendid rear that you have ever seen I am a farmer's daughter, I'm broad around the hips Some men aspire, and some admire, my praise is on their lips But jealous of my size Some women folk surmise That I'd be more attractive if more lean It's at the travelling circus, I met the German seer The seer said the future's read from fondling the rear He doesn't study palms Instead he studies hams From whose topography the future can be gleaned Bend over dear he says to me and let me have a feel For in the braille of your fair tail, the future is revealed As his digits he applied From shock he nearly died From information overload, it seems Here he found the future and there he found the past The now and ever shall be in the contours of my ass You are a unique case A walking database From now on my life's work your bum shall be You're the oracle of Delphi, with pleasure then, he squealed The more I mooned, he nearly swooned, as more knowledge I revealed Each dimple and each crease Each mole on my tailpiece Some light upon the future shed a beam Oh wed me said the seer and be my darling wife And I shall live in ecstasy as long as I have life Beside you in the bed No man better-read Nimble-fingered on your arse I'll be The farmer's daughter's husband knows all there is to know The answer to all questions is in my down-below My buttocks are a wonder Which nightly he does plunder No couple live more happily than we
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