Hopefully this will come across as McNiecean ... otherwise it will read as a load of oul' bollocks ... whatever!

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle
The dish ran away with the spoon
My da done a bunk with the hoover
And me ma fell in love with the broom
Me granda's an avid musician
Forever he's fingerin' his flute
Me granny's freewheelin' down cobbles
She thinks it's a jolly oul' hoot
Me sister's been selling her favours
A job that she really enjoys
She's known to put smiles on the faces
Of all of the neighbourhood boys
My brother's been waving his magic wand
'Cadabra and alakazam
He's changed his Porsche Carrera
Into a new baby's pram
My uncle's a drunk ceili cowboy
At dances the lassies he'll lift
He'll stumble and fumble and mumble
"Are ye up for a bit of a shift?"
The priest shines his pillar of virtue
He polishes morning and night
The bishop is fond of his crozier
And won't let it out of his sight
The peeler is wielding his baton
His bite is much worse than his bark
It's many's the one that's been bitten
When wandering back home in the dark
But me I'm a saint and a scholar
Unblemished by spot or by stain
I'll earn my reward in the sweet-bye-and-bye
Up in the Elysian domain