BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 26 Sep 04 - 10:29 AM

The pub doors were about to close. Magenta knew that home was just a few steps away, but she was twitchin' for some action. Simon would be up the road, she and Jennyo decided to take a peek at Newtown. They strolled through the park at the end of the street, and crossed the bridge over the train track, leading up to the old Post Office on the corner of Erko Road and King St.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amarillo Millie
Date: 24 Sep 04 - 12:04 AM

By the time I got to my room (ha! right.) tonight, I was exhausted. My bosses were not happy with my report and I had a bit of a bruise below my ear to show for it. Tomorrow I'd go again.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 11:34 PM

I got that funny feeling again, goin' back to the office. Somethin' was definitely not right. But what was it? Well, who knows...

I got back to the office. The pieces of the gorilla bank were still lyin' around. The bum hadn't cleaned up the place like I told him to. Gorillas. You can't tell 'em nothin' about nothin'. I got the whisk broom and dust pan and consigned his remains to the garbage. Whoever the Chinaman was who built the damned thing, he shoulda got a medal for his construction expertise. He oughta get a job at Fort Knox, with his talents.

I put the package from Australia on the desk. I'd sniffed it, and I didn't smell anything that smelled like explosives or nothin' like that. So far so good. It was fairly heavy and it didn't rattle. Hmmm. Well, I opened it up...real careful...this could be a "present" from Pago. Pago is an enforcer for the North Side Gorillas and he don't like me for some reason. The feeling is mutual...only I know exactly why I don't like him.

I got one side of the package open, and what do I see? A statue. A statue in some kind of hard, black material. It's a statue of a woman, wearing a long gown which is parted somewhat to show her legs. Nice gams. I notice she's wearin' a short cape, and she has full lips, slightly parted, as if in surprise. Her eyes look real surprised too, like she just seen a ghost. Most of all, I notice she has the likeness of a wooden stake driven right through her chest. That accounts for the surprised look. One more thing. She has the face of Magenta!

Well, my blood ran cold when I seen that, I can tell you. This was either a warning from "A. Phrend" or it was a threat...or a taunt. Someone was messin' with my mind. I still had feelings for Magenta, even if she wasn't exactly human, bein' what they call "undead", and some sick bozo who knew that was messin' with my mind! I had a feeling I knew which sick bozo it was. A tall, dark one that needed some dental work done to fix a bad overbite.

How did this connect with Vito Fresnelli at 17 Spartan Boulevard in Chicago? I didn't know if it even did, but I was gonna find out. I got out the card that cold-eyed bastard, "Morgue" had given me and dialed Fresnelli's number. It rang 27 times and I hung up. I would try again in the morning...or I'd go out there to Spartan Boulevard and take a look around. And when I did, the tommy gun was goin' with me.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 08:46 PM

Chongo had had that funny feeling for a moment...like the feeling you get in the jungle when you know something else is watching you. He looked around, but didn't see anything unusual, just the ragman making his way down the street and a capuchin hawking oranges to passersby.

"Hmmm." Chongo shrugged and headed in through the front door of Duffy's. The usual crowd was there...working class white men and their girlfriends, black jazz musicians and their girlfriends, bonobos, howlers, macaques...Duffy's was a joint that catered enthusiastically to all customers, both humans and primates, which made it a favorite haunt for Chongo. It was a regular league of nations at Duffy's.

"Hey, Chongo!" It was Ronson, the beat cop from the 12th precinct, off-duty at the moment. He was looking a little flushed, obviously enjoying himself after having a few. Chongo drifted over to his table and sat down. Ronson had two friends with him Chongo had not seen before. Probably cops as well.

Ronson was in an affable mood. "Lemme introduce my cousin, Frank, and Detective Morgan from Washington. We just call him 'Morgue' for short. Get it?" Ronson laughed heartily. Chongo extended his sizeable paw and shook hands with the cousin and the detective. The latter was a tall guy with thin lips that looked like they had last cracked a smile in 1929.

"I've heard of you," he said to Chongo. He said it like he didn't particularly give a damn.

"I ain't heard of you," said Chongo, "but you've got a good nickname. 'Morgue'. I like it. You oughta love this town."

"Yeah," said Morgan cooly. "I love it already. I might even move here if Washington gets hit by an H-bomb and the West Coast vanishes into the sea." (You could've used his eyes for ice cubes if you ran short of the real things.)

Chongo grinned. He wasn't about to get mad over putdowns of his fair city. Not tonight when he had a $20 gold piece in his pocket.

"So what brings you to the Windy City, Morgue?"

"If I thought that was your business I guess I'd tell you," replied Morgan, apparently determined to be unfriendly. Maybe the bastard didn't like chimps. Maybe he was just a bastard, period?

"Hey! Morgue. I told you this was my pal," interjected Ronson. "Relax...let's have a few drinks and enjoy ourselves. Morgan's here on a special assignment, Chongo. Hush, hush, you know..."

Chongo shrugged. "Sure. I understand. No sweat." He ordered a scotch and soda, and leaned back to enjoy a smoke. Ronson proceeded to tell Chongo the latest news off the street, which was per usual, unremarkable, the common tales of random acts of violence, contraband shipments, petty theft, grand theft auto, and all the other merry antisocial acts that keep a cop employed and off the bread lines.

("What would Ronson ever do if everybody suddenly decided to be a good citizen and obey the law," wondered Chongo silently. "Hell...what would I do? I'd be out of a freakin' job." It was an odd thing to contemplate.)

Fortunately though, given the general level of human and primate maturity in the general Chicago area there was no chance of that. Utterly no chance whatsoever.

Eventually the chitchat got around to Chongo's lack of paying work. By this time even Detective Morgan had warmed up a bit, possibly with the aid of the whisky he'd been drinking. "Y'know," he said, "I've got a job that only a fool or a romantic would want to take on. Maybe you'd be interested."

"Oh yeah?" said Chongo. "So who you got me pegged for, Morgan?"    A fool or a romantic? Never mind, it don't matter. What's the job?"

Morgan smirked in a humorless fashion. "Some guy named Fresnelli has a problem with a bloodsucker, so he says..."

The hair rose on the back of Chongo's neck. He listened closer.

"You mean a loan shark?" said Ronson's cousin, noisily. He had definitely had a few too many.

"Not exactly," said Morgan. "Try again."

"A dishonest lawyer," said Ronson, his face now quite red with drink.

"Not that either," said Morgan. He gazed at Chongo with cold ice-blue eyes. "I wanna hear your guess, shamus."

Chongo put down his drink carefully on the table and made a little tent with his paws. "A bloodsucker, you say?"

"Yeah."

"One that only goes out at night?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Call it a hunch. Does this bloodsucker's blood run colder than yours or mine...well mine, anway...and does he get refills at the local blood bank when there ain't enough of the live stuff handy in the form of good lookin' dames?"

"What....?" interjected Ronson, looking startled and befuddled.

Morgan's eyes burned into Chongo's. "That's if you believe Mr Fresnelli. That's if you're enough of a sap to believe a story like that. I ain't. I told him to go take a long hike off a short dock and not waste my time."

Morgan lit up another cigarette with a contemptuous gesture and drained what was left of his last drink. "Like I said, if you want the job, it's yours. I got real work to do."

"Matter of fact, I do want it," responded Chongo. "You got a number for Fresnelli?"

Morgan smiled his unpleasant smile, and got out a card. "I figured you'd go for it. You must really be desperate for cash...or else you ARE a romantic."

"Naw," said Chongo. "I'm a fool, remember? Besides, I told that bloodsucking bastard never to set foot in this city..." (Morgan eyed Chongo curiously, but Chongo was not about to elaborate on the matter. Morgan could just wonder all he wanted about it.) He took the card and studied it carefully.

Vito Fresnelli, 17 Spartan Boulevard, and a Chicago phone number. Good enough.

"Gentlemen," said Chongo, getting to his feet without haste, "it's been a pleasure." He grinned. "I ain't had so much fun since the pipes busted last January in that cold snap. Morgue, I hope Chicago gives you exactly what you are worth, cos you are the kind of man who deserves to get...exactly what he is worth." That drew a sharp look from Morgan. He was not stupid. Chongo just grinned at them, doffed his fedora and walked out.

When he reached the street it occurred to him that he had still not opened the mysterious UPS package. What the hell...he would open it later, back at his office...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 06:17 PM

She draped herself in her indigo silk dress, and threw on her fine purple paisley shawl. Her raven black hair cascaded down past her hips, fine flowers of carmine threaded through the flowing locks. It was evening, dark enough, and Magenta walked out the gate and up the road to the Erko Hotel. Thursday night, she walked up the battered back steps of the pub, went to the bar and ordered a double Cointreau on ice. Through the crowd she saw daubs of red and black, and heard the throb throb throb of "Bella Caio".

Magenta went out the back, the black tables were shiny with years of petrol smog and greasy fingermarks. Here were her mates, tipsy as usual, arguing about the state of the world and bolting down VBs. They were fresh from a gig at the Korean Worker's Club - where they had exchanged hearty songs for a few cheers.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amarillo Millie
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 05:53 PM

Keeping to the shadows as much as I could, I tailed Chongo, a curiously large chimp, after he left the fawnng baboon. After the ruckus we had overheard coming from his room, complete with bangings and bullets, there was no way I was going to get close enough to him to be espied. Chongo had a nasty temper, no doubt about it, but this was the first time he had gone this far over the top. Who knew how much more he was capable of.

He shambled- there's no other word for it - down the street about a block ahead of me, apparently in as straight a line as his gait could manage. Given my orders, one last time, to discover where the chimp got to each day about this time, I made sure he didn't disappear from my line of sight.

Chicago the Dirty, was even more unkempt today than usual. The streets and sidewalks were mostly bare but every corner, every wall, every alley, was packed with blown debris. A wilted refrigerator carton huddled against a listing railing. Inside the box, as I passed, I saw a shoe attached to what appeared to be a human leg. My spine crawled. No way was I going to investigate whether the body was alive.

Ahead of me, Chongo, the Chimp, halted. He looked back. I shrank against the wall.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 10:48 AM

Queuing up outside the men's toilets, Vlad was twitching with fury. He had taken a bus trip, bought a ticket, and was sleeping in a poor excuse for a hotel, all for nothing.

After performing his ablutions, he decided to head back to the Erko Hotel. No more buses for him, he silently wandered to the back of the main tent, and while those uncouth bearded yobbos inside were knees-upping to some strange harmonica jig, he silently unfolded his cloak, lifted his chin, unfurled two huge bat wings, and flew off into the night.

JenniG shuddered. She was going for a moonlit stroll with Himself. Their warm hands fitting around about each other, his kind crinkling eyes beaming down at her. But from the corner of her eye she saw...


a huge bird, stately and dark, flapping its mighty wings as its shadow drifted past the waning moon...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 11:13 PM

yes, the chaos theory reigns, with bat wings on!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 11:05 PM

There's a certain chaotic nature to these vampire tales that eludes normal parameters, isn't there?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 10:32 PM

oops.. as she danglED her tasty feet in his face!!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 10:29 PM

Vladimir was impatient. Where was she? he has undergone 22 hours in a torturous airplane seat, right behind her, his nostrils flaring all through the night, as she dangling her tasty feet in his face. here he was in a smelly tent, surrounded by the unwashed masses, and she was nowhere in sight.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 07:43 PM

JennieG started. Her big brown eyes widened as she looked across the tent. That man in the corner. Gothic, pasty faced but with a certain spooky something. She shivered, it reminded her...










Are you all right love? said Himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 07:32 PM

Magenta's cat Morgana was dive bombing her from the top of the cupboard. With legs flayed, she crashed onto Magenta's head, fluffy tummy first. Magenta and Morgana growled in unison.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,amalia clawall
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 03:41 PM

Jennyo and JennieG were hanging out. There was Jacko Kevins, entrancing the crowd with "4 Little Johnny Cakes" on his singing concertina, while Bob McGuinness fiddled along on his violin. Bob, with his long long legs, his impish eyes and his kilt, was like an elongated elf, with greying beard, whose and hands and violin, spent so long together, had grown into each other, lithe twisting branches of old music made warm anew in the session tent.

Jennyo remembered Magenta talking about the days she had danced to Bob's fiddle in the old Yarralumla Woolshed, doing the Pride of Erin with the lads. Where were they all now? Bright of eye and red of nose, sipping guinnesses in the tent at Jamberoo.

But where was Magenta? Jennyo wondered, Magenta had been acting a little strange recently. Rhymin Simon was complaining, she was becoming a handful.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 12:06 AM

Meanwhile, Chongo Chimp was sitting morosely at his desk in the 3rd floor walk-up on State Street in downtown Chicago. He was in the kind of mood that only a private dick can fully appreciate at the end of a month with far too few clients. In front of him lay an almost empty whisky bottle, an ashtray full of butts, and a small pile of unpaid bills.

"My life is like an old, cast-off banana peel," thought Chongo. "I could just as well be layin' drunk in some gutter. I wish I was in some swanky joint with good music and a dame with legs from here to Everest..."

That got him thinking about Magenta, and his recent trip to London, England. That had been a caper to remember. "You don't meet a dame like that every day," he sighed. "Most dames around here have their noses so far up in the air that it's a danger to low flyin' aircraft."

Chongo picked up the gorilla bank on the desk and shook it. The sound of a few coins jingled. The bank had been made by some unknown Chinaman in a sweat shop somewhere and was a good likeness of a jungle gorilla except for the lips, which were garish, like they'd been done up with red lipstick. Very unrealistic.

"Sounds to me like there's at least five bucks in here," said Chongo. "Hey! Gorilla! Cough it up!" He shook the bank furiously, turning it upsidedown. No coins came forth. He shook it harder. Still no coins. Muttering irritably Chongo got out a paper clip and fished in the coin slot with it for a bit. Still no coins. "Dammit!" he yelled. He glowered at the gorilla and the gorilla glowered back.

"You think you're gonna win, but you ain't," growled Chongo. He resumed shaking the bank and fishing around with the paper clip. Still no coins.

"Okay then, sucker..." Chongo pitched the bank hard against the wall...hard. It bounced back off the wall, ricocheted off Chongo's head, and rolled under the desk.

"OUCH! SHIT!!!" yelled Chongo. "Come back here, you foreflusher!" He dove under the desk and fumbled around, getting some dust bunnies up his sensitive nostrils. "Kong DAMN it!" he spluttered. "Where are you?" Finally he located the bank, but bumped his head painfully on the underside of the oak desk. He emerged, clutching the gorilla tightly and grinding his teeth.

"You are gonna fork over the mazuma NOW or you are gonna be sorry...real sorry." Chongo put the gorilla bank down on the desk, went to the utility room and got a hammer. A large hammer. He proceeded to attack the gorilla bank savagely, but despite a series of blows it refused to break.

"What in the freakin' Kong are you made out of anyway? I know you ain't made of steel. Must be freakin' ebony!" Chongo steadied the gorilla bank with one large paw and aimed a killing blow at its pointy little head. The hammer carombed sideways off the gorilla's shiny skull and descended into Chongo's left thumb with agonizing force.

"EEEEEEEEEEE-YYYYYYAAAAAAUUUGHHH!" shrieked Chongo. "Kreegah! AARGHHH!" He capered around the room frantically, uttering incoherent howls of pain and clutching his throbbing thumb. The Gorilla Bank regarded him contemptuously from its position on the desk.

That was it. With a cry of "Bundolo!" Chongo whipped out his .44 special and emptied its chambers into the gorilla's sneering face. The first shot nailed the gorilla between the eyes and knocked it backwards. The next shot made a little hole in the desk. The third shot took a chunk out of the gorilla's belly. The fourth shot drove the gorilla across the room and the fifth made a hole in a framed photo of Primo Carnera, signed "To my best pal, Chongo...live fast, hit hard, and die young while you still make a good lookin' corpse!" The sixth shot nailed the gorilla dead center and blew its face to smithereens.

"There, you bastard!" panted Chongo. "That'll learn ya to hold out on the boss ape." He put down the .44 and picked out what remained of the gorilla bank. Five coins fell out. There was a Buffalo nickel, 2 pennies, a half dollar...and a twenty dollar gold piece!

"Glory be..." breathed Chongo. "At least ya didn't die in vain, you ugly mango picker." He scooped up the coins, looking gratefully at the silver dollar.

"I believe it's time for a drink," said Chongo, "and I am goin' out to have one right now. Too bad you can't come."

Chongo put on his fedora and trenchcoat, carefully reloaded the .44 and opened the door. He paused in the threshold. There was a little crowd of human residents of the building and a uniformed baboon from UPS gathered in the hallway, hanging back at a respectful distance. Their faces showed a mixture of fear and keen curiosity.

"Oh, fer Kong's sake..." said Chongo irritably, "there ain't nothin' to look at here, so move on. Disperse. Dangle. Drift. Make like a horn player and blow."

"I expect this place to be cleaned up when I get back," he said sarcastically over his shoulder to the shattered gorilla bank. Then he shut the door, locked it, and walked out without a backward glance, leaving his neighbours chattering among themselves like a bunch of birds on a clothesline.

The baboon pursued him down to the street. "Are you Chongo Chimp?" he asked.

"What if I was?"

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Huh? Well...yeah, sure, kid. You got something to write on?"

The baboon produced a pad and pen.

"What's yer name?"

"Benny," said the baboon. "Botswana Benny, that's what they call me."

Chongo autographed the pad, making sure to spell 'Botswana Benny' correctly, and the baboon took it gratefully. "You took on the North Side Gorillas once, didn't you?" he asked.

"Twice." said Chongo. "I seem to have a talent for gettin' in disagreements with gorillas."

"I heard you personally gunned down five gorilla goons on the steps of the North Sider's clubhouse and put the finger on Fat Freddy from Florida."

"You hear a lotta things," said Chongo. "Fat Freddy had his good points and his bad points, but he was one hell of a boxer. Look, kid, I got a date with a tall, cool customer that I can't keep waitin' much longer, so..."

"Sure, Mr Chongo," said the baboon. "Hey, but I got a parcel for you..."

"Huh?" Chongo took the parcel. It was about the size of a Chicago phonebook, but not as heavy. "Do I gotta sign for it? Yeah...okay. Hmmm. Who's it from. 'A. Phrend', Melbourne, Australia.' Who the hell is 'A. Phrend'? Well, we'll see. Thanks, kid."

"Thank you, Mr Chongo," replied the baboon enthusiastically, and he scampered off happily with his autograph.

Chongo headed across the street to Duffy's Bar. He would open the package there and find out just who "A. Phrend" might be. But first...that drink.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:30 AM

....aching from that damned airline seat. She had practised yoga many eons ago, but it wasnt enough to help her make it through the trip. She had ended up winding herself around simon, with her legs over the seat behind them. all through the night, she had fancied that someone in the next seat was watching her. what a stupid thing to think, she was tired and just needed to get home.

Was it a dream, when she was embarking at Sydney airport, when she saw a tall, stately man in a black cloak, calling a cab?

Simon's landrover had clocked up a huge parking ticket while they were away. Luckily his car was registered under the name, John Howard, former Prime Minister of Australia. No wonder the ticket was so huge, John Howard could no longer show his face in the country, since the Human Rights Tribunal.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,natasha smasher
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:21 AM

..and thinking of that man, man miles away, with the dark eyes, the swept back black hair, and the harmonica in his pocket.

The walls of her bedroom were painted a bruising purple, her ceiling and doors a bold watermelon pink, and through the filmy violet netting that laced down from her window, she could see the leaves of trees, and bits of blue sky. She quickly pulled the pink velvet curtains across, cutting off all sight of the sky.

She was alone, alone and aching.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:16 AM

She had been listening to the Loved Ones, playing all afternoon, again and again, obsessively, on her creaky tape recorder. The best damn rock band in all Australiasia, and no CD.

She had shocking insomnia, brought on by her recent trip to the UK. Jetlag. That Leadfingers was so nifty, she could have put him in her suitcase and brought hoim back. But no such luck, Simon had dragged her from one airport to another, while he checked out each lounge room for hippies.

And now she lay, back in the Sunburnt Country, having developed some strange allergy to sunlight. And, after years as a vegetarian, she found herself craving...... red meat, raw, and juicy.

Subject: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 02:55 AM

it was a bright and lonely day. everyone was at the Jamberoo Folk festival, except for Magenta.

She brooded in her darkened room, waiting for that killer sun and those blue skies to be swept to the other side of reality. She waited for the night.